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RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/24/2009 11:40:42 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The Man's an engineer by education. He isn't good at writing.


That doesn't automatically follow - I am too, and I am a published author and journalist as well, both in technological and non-technological subjects.

Anyway. I think part of what happens here is that there are two generations. There is a generation that did not grow up with computing devices - mostly, they will treat email as writing. And then there is a generation that did grow up with computers, and many of those treat any computer communications as conversation. This is a bit analogous to SMS/text messaging, where kids and teens developed, spontaneously, an entirely new English based language, with symbols and stuff, something I think we generally abandoned in 548.

I see the same development in any kind of messaging, be it IM, email, or Facebook-style stuff. I take this into account when I mail with somebody, because it can lead to huge misunderstandings. I have a friend in her twenties who, because she grew up in the Eastern Bloc, treats messaging as writing, she had never used a computer until the wall came down. Another friend adopted the conversational style, because she did grow up with computers, even though she was born in 1975 - her parents, like me, were developers, and had computers and internet at home and in the office by 1979, as did I.

So you gotta play it by ear - umm, eye, I guess..

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/28/2009 2:03:48 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDaddyFingers

Hello all, I just have a quick question here. i am fairly new to all forms of online interaction and was curious... What do you other Masters do when you talk to a submissive online and she seems very interested, but never says more than a sentence or two?

No matter how open I am, how many questions I ask, or how much detail I give, nor how interesting or interested in her I am, it never changes. She classifies herself as a slave, and she is younger than me, but seems bright, judging by what little she does say.

Any advice from Dommes/Doms or submissives/slaves would be much appreciated.

I did do a search, but found nothing useful.


Writing down thoughts can be a good idea as some people prefer to learn and comunicate through writing as opposed to talking. Your post doesn't mean she prefers writing however.

Truth be told you don't know enough of her to make a judgement call and where you don't: we certainly don't.

So you have two logical options:

1) Ask her outright.

2) Watch her in action and listen - what beliefs and values are driving her behaviour.

She may be self-aware - where she's not then there's no point asking because she won't know the answer herself.

My preference would be to listen to what she says and look for patterns. For example does she appear to be creative and imaginative or she is contained in her thoughts and writing - where the latter then you probably have someone who is more inclined to reflect than share which may answer your question.

I suppose the key to success is to understand and compromise.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to MrDaddyFingers)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/28/2009 2:06:29 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The Man's an engineer by education. He isn't good at writing.



I suppose it depends on exactly what his preference is. Where he's in a field of engineering that demands ideas theory and concept then I would say that the norm is to prefer to communicate and learn through discussing and talking as opposed to writing.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/28/2009 3:44:22 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		i always find it difficult to know what to say and if the Dom does not ask alot of questions i admit i can run a bit dry at times.  However... ask me a lot of questions and i can talk for England... it will just flow for me quite easy.  She may not be the same as me, i know that... but could be worth a go.

(in reply to MrDaddyFingers)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/28/2009 10:32:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'm much better at Q&A than the "tell me about yourself" thing.   How do I know what you wanna know about me if you dont ask?  

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/31/2009 6:05:08 PM   
penitentialarts


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline 		Meet in person.

If the two of you are interested after exchanging some emails, move to a real live meeting at a neutral place.  No matter how verbose someone is in email, you will never really know if you are interested in each other until you meet face-to-face.

- Jesse

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 5/31/2009 9:38:32 PM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		There are more then a few ways that can leave me silent..

One is not having enough time so I only get a one line responce off..
The other one is having too much time, So I remove every unneeded word, and what you end up with is an example of wonderful writing.. short, and as complete as possible.

But, the most common thing to shut me up is to make me fell stupid. Once that happens, you'll have trouble getting even yes and know answers out of me.


(in reply to penitentialarts)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/1/2009 12:39:09 AM   
eclipticsubwitch


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		This may sound silly but she may not know what to say or how to say it....Many subs view Doms like: Moses coming down the mountain with the 10 commandments. And think it a disrespect to ask anything...but on a lighter note if you tell her to pee she might ask what color 

(in reply to MrDaddyFingers)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/1/2009 12:46:45 AM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:



Many subs view Doms like: Moses coming down the mountain with the 10 commandments. And think it a disrespect to ask anything...


Ick.  Don't put me in that category of "many subs."

(Is that true?)




< Message edited by Delphinus -- 6/1/2009 12:48:33 AM >

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(in reply to eclipticsubwitch)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/1/2009 7:24:16 AM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady  As everyone says, there are dozens upon dozens of reasons why someone might not be very communicative with the written word, the trick is finding out why and moving on from there. 
Not  necessarily.  Quite honestly, I totally accept your point that there are a multitude of reasons why someone may not come across that well in a text medium.  But, personally, I'm only interested in subs that are good with the written word, so the reasons aren't really that relevant to me.  Which is no slur on their character, merely an issue of compatibility.

I totally agree with you on "tell me about yourself" however.  It's an absolutely hopeless approach.


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/1/2009 7:37:33 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ok I have read the posts and have decided to add my bit anyways. I can be really wordy and I can be really not so much, it is not a reflection on my interest but often the types of things the dominants say to me, I have see suggestions from people saying 'ask them to write a letter' or 'ask them to write a resume' or whatever if someone did that to me, i wouldnt do it. See a conversation to me goes a bit like this

Person A: Hi, how are you, ive been doing x,y,z and it made me think a,b,c and then I was h,j,k etcetc
Person B: Hi oh that sounds interesting, I did x once, it went a bit like this ..... but generally I have been ....

But that so often isnt what happens

Uberdomlydomdom type: Tell me what you like
me: lots of stuff
Uberdomlydomdom type: like what
me: chocolate

etc etc

I find that often dominants on here would like to say nothing and get novella like responses. You get what you give imo

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/1/2009 7:41:15 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		well said, my colourfulone *smooch*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/14/2009 1:20:40 PM   
QuixoticOtaku


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		She replied, "I'm fine"?  Sounds like a bot

(in reply to MrDaddyFingers)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Uncommunicative submissives - 6/14/2009 1:25:54 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Uberdomlydomdom type: Tell me what you like
me: lots of stuff
Uberdomlydomdom type: like what
me: chocolate



I am SO going to remember this approach!  I love it!  I hate the "What do you like?" question.  I sit there thinking, "In regards to WHAT?" 



_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 74
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