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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/23/2009 6:28:51 PM   
army101


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		A collar is much more work to earn and should be respected a lot more than a marriage. The person that worked and trained so much to earn it knows how much it truly means!

A marriage consists of what training? Oh yes putting a ring on and saying I Do?! Dont forget folks that a lot of rings come off in the shower.

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/23/2009 6:53:37 PM   
Radulfr


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/23/2009
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Unfortunately people tend to have an inflated ego, and find themselves worthy of things that they do not possess.  I have seen people come up to my girl expecting to be able to play with her, or be able to fuck her because we are polyamorous in our own way.

The boundaries for both marriage and collaring are set by those involved.  It is foolish to try to set a standard for all marriages and collars, because we are each rather unique in our morals and desires. 

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 6:15:56 AM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I dont agree with that at all.  Some people collar their play partner, with not commitment; some people use the collar like "going steady" in  high school.  For me, a collar or a wedding ring are both huge commitments.

(in reply to army101)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 6:38:53 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not.  Why would that be??  



IN western society marriage was designed as an institute( thousands of years ago) to legalize owning property and assuring paternity( a slave contract  if  you will)

BEING collared( BDSM) is a  form of lifeStyle or relationship which is similar( and acts as bonded slave service) but is related  more to an intimate bonding based on surrender and service
To many of us the collared relationship is deeper and  MORE intimate than a marriage..
 
TO MANY IT IS NOT
 
There are always those who dont care if you are seeing someone..married..collared...have a ring..or any kind of commitment...ti means nothing to them.

Within the BDSM ( and vanilla) world  there can be misconceptions of a free for all..and as others said an assumption..most dibiltating that WE are of lesser morals and more open to lies..deception and just randomly fucking everyone....
THIS IS HUMAN IGNORANCE..


* education is the KEY


GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/24/2009 6:48:09 AM >

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 6:40:10 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: army101

A collar is much more work to earn and should be respected a lot more than a marriage. The person that worked and trained so much to earn it knows how much it truly means!

A marriage consists of what training? Oh yes putting a ring on and saying I Do?! Dont forget folks that a lot of rings come off in the shower.


It's never a good idea to generalize on meanings for everyone. There are very few hard and fast rules that every single person in any group will agree upon and that is the nature of being human. I do believe every human if asked will agree that they need air and water to continue being alive. Any other topic is up for grabs as to how any particular person views it.

The implication that the meaning in a ring or a collar is present because one was trained is nonsense. There are generally many more reasons that either symbol is given and accepted. A lot of collars come off in the shower too.

(in reply to army101)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 7:09:31 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Getting back to the original question, I'm wondering the circumstances you are talking about.  For instance, if I walk into a munch wearing a collar it is an automatic sign that I am taken.  If I walk in wearing a wedding ring it is a different story.  There are those who are accepting of married people who are looking for some BDSM play outside of their vanilla situation, but in public meetings like that a collar is almost always respected.

You can't legislate morality.  What is "cheating" to one is not necessarily to another.  It is up to the person being approached how to respond.  I have known collared subs who are open to exploring other relationships while others would be shocked at even the thought of it. 

If the situation is CMails - you are going to hear from all kinds of people no matter what your relationship status is.  (Add to that the fact that many really don't care whether you are top or bottom, what your sexual orientation is, or anything else.  They are desperate to get their own needs met and are hoping that you will do that for them.)  Just delete and block anyone that bothers you.


_____________________________



(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 8:07:17 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Getting back to the original question, I'm wondering the circumstances you are talking about.  For instance, if I walk into a munch wearing a collar it is an automatic sign that I am taken.  If I walk in wearing a wedding ring it is a different story.  There are those who are accepting of married people who are looking for some BDSM play outside of their vanilla situation, but in public meetings like that a collar is almost always respected.



Irrespective where it is, if I spot a girl in a collar I take a good look at both the collar and the girl concerned to try and ascertain if the collar is a Mistress Collar or a slave/sub collar. I do like the collars with an ID tag showing that the person is indeed collared and to whom. Of course I an also ask who owns the collar too in a polite way. I also know some lasses wear a collar in the hope of warding off unwanted attention. In any case I consider the lady taken until I find otherwise and obviously if I am interested. I must confess that such things really don;t worry me these days since I avoid public gatherings and clubs etc. better to join the non public mob than have to deal with the political garbage which seems to abound the public scene.

Likewise, when I see an attractive and desirable woman, the first thing I check is the ring finger of her left hand for either an engagement or wedding ring. Again I fully realise that some ladies wear rings there to ward off unwanted attention and I also know that many unmarried ladies are infact in a committed relationship. But then I'm just a curious chap as far as people do, they often amuse me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

You can't legislate morality.  What is "cheating" to one is not necessarily to another.  It is up to the person being approached how to respond.  I have known collared subs who are open to exploring other relationships while others would be shocked at even the thought of it. 



Thank the panthion of deities that morality isn't legislated. I would net agree to reside in any country when morality is in fact legislated. 10 to 1 the moraloty code would be one I can not agree with or accept, such as Christianity or Islam.. Nothing against those religions just not my faith, that's all..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 8:22:11 AM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		I can't generalize because neither married nor collared tells me poly or not. Married doesn't tell me open marriage or not. But it doesn't make much sense to go where you aren't wanted so if someone says they aren't looking, it will probably cut down on emails. If they say no married or no poly, that probably cuts down on emails. But is receiving unwanted emails on a social website that big a deal. They do provide delete buttons, blocking features, etc. If you get five a day, that's still less than two minutes of your life gone. I just view it as part of the "price" of a free website. Except those emails from beautiful Nigerian models who have recently won the national lottery and just need to pay the taxes so they can move here and give me the check and be my slave for life. I can't get enough of those.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 2:43:38 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

If you are breathing most likely you will get cmails. My profile states clearly Not looking for a Dom, i am submissive, but i still get cmails from submissive males promising the world, or Doms just wanting to be 'friends'. i find if i keep my profile hidden it slows it down.


Right.  Same here, i say i'm owned & not looking for a Dominant, but that i am looking for friends, but i still get the occasional Dom or submissive male W/hose profiles make it very clear T/hey are looking for more and W/hose letters don't say otherwise.  What really bugs me though is that, when i gently remind T/hem that i am an owned submissive, T/hey keep pushing on for a D/s relationship anyway.  i don't want to hide my profile, though, as i do still want to find friends.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 4:27:03 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VAcontroldom

I can't generalize because neither married nor collared tells me poly or not. Married doesn't tell me open marriage or not. But it doesn't make much sense to go where you aren't wanted so if someone says they aren't looking, it will probably cut down on emails. If they say no married or no poly, that probably cuts down on emails. But is receiving unwanted emails on a social website that big a deal. They do provide delete buttons, blocking features, etc. If you get five a day, that's still less than two minutes of your life gone. I just view it as part of the "price" of a free website. Except those emails from beautiful Nigerian models who have recently won the national lottery and just need to pay the taxes so they can move here and give me the check and be my slave for life. I can't get enough of those.


Five a day?  You're kidding, right?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VAcontroldom)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 5:10:33 PM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: army101

A collar is much more work to earn and should be respected a lot more than a marriage.


Horse Shit

quote:

ORIGINAL: army101
Dont forget folks that a lot of rings come off in the shower.


Mine doesn't

Pirate

(in reply to army101)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 5:30:37 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VAcontroldom
If you get five a day, that's still less than two minutes of your life gone.


x 7 days a week x 52 weeks a year x 40 years = 29,120 minutes or 485 hours. Minimum wage is about, what 7 bucks in the states now, so rounding, that's about $3400 bux.

Tell ya what, send me $3000 and I'll respond to every single email I get from now till I die. That's quite a discount but I might not make it another 40 years so the cost/risk ratio seems pretty fair to me. We have a deal?





_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to VAcontroldom)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/24/2009 10:46:47 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
Oops, i guess my last reply wasn't directly to the OP.  i think the availability of S/someone W/who is married or collared depends on the agreement the P/people involved have.  For me, my being collared means i am off-limits to any A/anyone for anything other than 100% platonic friendship unless my Sir wants otherwise, and, for me, being married would mean the P/person is off-limits.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 4:19:35 AM   
TEMPERANCE


Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		As far as im concerned being married is just as off limits as someone being collared.  Unless of course they can prove their partner is happy for them to engage in activities outside of the marriage....

I think within this lifesyle people see that being collared is basically being the property of another and as such hands off... though there are those out there that care not for any such thing and will try it on regardless.  Many people have vanilla marriages and their partners are happy for them to get their fix every once in a while and so this isnt necessarily seen as an obsticle ... though in all honesty its a bit messy so i wouldnt go there, Ive seen more than one marriage split up where they have tried to introduce a poly dynamic and its failed big time.  

_____________________________

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http://www.cruelhuntress.proboards.com

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 4:27:08 AM   
TEMPERANCE


Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: army101

A collar is much more work to earn and should be respected a lot more than a marriage.


Horse Shit



Have to say I agree with jonnieBoy 110%.... How the hell can collars be seen as being more hard work to earn than a being married when we see it here everyday people being collared within 3 days of knowing each other.  7 days later they have split up... another 8 days later and they are under consideration again.

People enter things for many different reasons.... a marriage should never be dismissed and if anything i think they should be on a par with each other.... consideration = enagagement and collaring = marriage.   And in actual fact i know many more marriages that last the course than i have seen collarings... which to me would say marriages are actually worthy of alot more respect...... 

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thecruelhuntress

http://www.cruelhuntress.proboards.com

(in reply to JonnieBoy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 5:00:36 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Quote: And right.  Someone who lies to the spouse is a liar.  He or she will lie.  Period.  

Of course none of us honourable bdsm folk lie. Ever. Coughs.

I get the impression reading the thread of... "collared is sacred.... unless its a hands off divert attention collar". To Me that means "Oh wait maybe its not a real collar ...therefore its NOT sacred..." the same theme seems to apply to married. As someone above said (I paraphrase) different strokes for different strokes. I'm married. I play outside the marriage. She knows, but she chooses not to look too closely. I do the same. It works for us. Some here will approve, others will not. For Me, if someone says, for example, no males, or owned, or not looking, thats fine. I dont look further. If someone says married, I'll ask unless one of the above applies.

(in reply to TEMPERANCE)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 4:27:54 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		Who says what's off-limits and what's not? I've always felt someone's relationship status was their issue- it's between them and the other person/people, and really not something I overly concern myself with.

To clarify- that doesn't mean I wantonly hit on married/collared/engaged/whatever people. It just means I find it to be their job to say "Not interested, married/committed/etcetera" rather than my job to ask.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 4:34:04 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

(
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

First, I am not looking for a rule book,  I know who I am and what I believe.  However, it seems to me that there are SO many here that say "married vanilla"; dont they think that is cheating?  And if one is "married vanilla", and is seeking a sub, what kind of master or dominant is that, he (or she) evidently doenst have his (or her) life under control.  

And right.  Someone who lies to the spouse is a liar.  He or she will lie.  Period.  


Period huh?

You are looking for a rulebook that has only your version of the rules. There is simply no way that you can be privy to every type of relationship out there.

Some people truly are okay with their married partner seeking out play people. Or seeking out something more serious.

Just as some are not okay with any of that.

It is, as always.. up to those involved. Not up to those looking in from the outside.




_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/25/2009 5:21:12 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

(
quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

First, I am not looking for a rule book,  I know who I am and what I believe.  However, it seems to me that there are SO many here that say "married vanilla"; dont they think that is cheating?  And if one is "married vanilla", and is seeking a sub, what kind of master or dominant is that, he (or she) evidently doenst have his (or her) life under control.  

And right.  Someone who lies to the spouse is a liar.  He or she will lie.  Period.  


Period huh?

You are looking for a rulebook that has only your version of the rules. There is simply no way that you can be privy to every type of relationship out there.

Some people truly are okay with their married partner seeking out play people. Or seeking out something more serious.

Just as some are not okay with any of that.

It is, as always.. up to those involved. Not up to those looking in from the outside.





if im asking, im no longer looking from the outside. thats part of the problem, getting drawn into a situation that i thought was consensual on all sides... or there only being two parties, to later find there are three... and number three is me!

ill say it again... if you cant be old enough to be honest about what you do with ALL parties concerned... you arent old enough to be Dominant, submissive, Master, slave, Top, bottom or any other kind of lable. you claim to be an adult (not you specifically camille) then act like one. if you lie to someone you vowed to be honest with, i know damn well you will eventually lie to me.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/26/2009 7:30:19 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		In the final analysis, each of us can only take responsibility for our own actions. We can disagree with the views and actions of others but we don't have the right, unless that other person is attached by collar or marriage to us and then we can take some form of action if we choose to. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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