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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/26/2009 5:00:21 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		sadly, its that kind of attitude, the one where others believe... im not in the relationship, so, im not guilty of anything... that causes the most pain.

this "lie" is possibly one of the most devastating.  a relationship speaks of some level of trust.  once trust is broken, there is no relationship.  a lie from the beginning.... there never was any trust... there never was a relationship.. just someone using someone else who believed their lies.

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/26/2009 5:19:31 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's all a case of consenting adults... married or collared... CONSENT is the key word.

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/26/2009 7:07:54 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		You got one thing right.  I believe in honorable behavior. 

(in reply to camille65)
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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/27/2009 11:40:31 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i really like what you said about honorable behavior seems to be lacking these days

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/27/2009 11:54:55 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with lizi. Collared means they belong to someone. Two subs I play with on an occasional basis are both married. One is separated; the other is married to someone who is totally out of the picture(They sleep in separate bedrooms). I would never mess with any dom's sub, but married women are the GREATEST!   

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/27/2009 8:50:02 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		"I would never mess with any dom's sub, but married women are the GREATEST!  "

Excuse me but isnt that hypocritical?  why are married women fair game but a dom's sub is not?  And, may I ask, have you spoken to the husbands?  do they know you play with their wives?? 

(in reply to roland23)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 1:54:39 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		I do not know why that would be...to me it seems the collared or the married person will state their limits (or the limits put upon them) themselves...some have an open marriage some are in a poly household or other structures... on the otherhand some married or collared persons belong to one only...Dom or sub for that matter because a lot of Doms eventhough they do not wear a collar are still verymuch off limit as far as their collared (or not) sub is concerned at least...

I think usually if a person is looking for no-strings fun generally a married or collared person or taken Dom will be the safer option as they are much less likely to want to become a permanent partner...Why should anybody be off limits? The hunter should politely establish the limits of the prey imo
It is always a compliment to be desired no?

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 3:11:56 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		It has been an urban legend here that for one night stands, married women are top of the list because:
  • They are least likely to want to make it a permanent arrangement (if you did the deed well and satisfied them).
  • Unlikely to fall pregnant because of the complications it would cause in their marriage.
  • Usually easier to bed than single females with a string of blokes chasing them.
Collared lasses don't have the same issues on a long term basis as married ones do unless you find one who is in the process of getting out of a marriage and just waiting for the divorce to become final. Women who are in that divorce pending state are I believe possibly fair game but, I would have her checked out to verify that her marriage is in the process of being ended and is just waiting out the time (a year here) before the final decree is made, just in case the little minx was telling me porkies..


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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 7:20:45 AM   
roland23


Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		No, it is not hypocritical. There is a major difference between a woman who is the sub of a dom(99.9% of the time who is totally engaged)  and a woman who is married to a guy who doesn't know she exists.  

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 2:56:05 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Women who are in that divorce pending state are I believe possibly fair game but, I would have her checked out to verify that her marriage is in the process of being ended and is just waiting out the time (a year here) before the final decree is made, just in case the little minx was telling me porkies..


Forgive if this seems overly rude, but how exactly do you confirm someone is actually in the process of getting a divorce? Beyond looking at court records or hiring a PI, at least, which would seem rather excessive for a one night stand...

I also have to say I find it amusing that there seems to be a consensus it's the person who's not married/collared/etcetera's job to protect the sanctity of someone else's relationship. I still don't quite understand how their relationship status is my problem... short of the husband/whatever trying to beat my ass, at least...


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 4:46:31 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		To some degree it depends on if she is local or not. If local there are any number of people who would be in the know other wise it is just a matter of picking up the phone and having something confirmed or not. Mind you she would need to be really special for me to spend that much effort.. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:06:01 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		FR

I might be hopelessly old fashioned, but anybody in a committed relationship is simply off limits, I don't react kindly if somebody does try to break into a relationship I have, so it is simple respect to behave accordingly if somebody else is in a relationship, apart from the fact that if a person doesn't honour an existing relationship, how the hell could I trust him or her to honour a relationship that is built upon breaking a promise that is made to another person?
Relationships can go wrong, but finish one first before you start with another, just human decency....

Btw SmokingGun, I'm a huge Dylan fan and Up To Me is one of his best songs

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:22:29 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Btw SmokingGun, I'm a huge Dylan fan and Up To Me is one of his best songs


Agreed... I was quite upset he didn't play it the one time I caught a live show.

I think there's a distinct difference between someone for one night, someone for short term, and a potential long-term relationship. In the first two, the person's marital status means nothing to me- that's between her and whoever she's with. I can't say I've ever particularly sought out married/attached women, but I can't say I've never been with one and known it either. If she says "Not interested, married" then I will politely back off. But if she says "Married, still interested" then I'm fine.

But for a long-term relationship... I agree with the logic that someone who cheats on one person will cheat on you. It doesn't mean it's an automatic deal breaker- but it's pretty close. It might sound odd, but I'm a strongly faithful person- I've never cheated, and don't plan to in the future. So for a potential partner, I want someone who can abide by whatever restraints their relationship has... monogamous, poly, or whatever else.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:29:03 PM   
sassisubgirl


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		If you believe in Safe Sane and Consensual, then it is only fair to consider that the spouse has NOT consented. Therefore, your fucking their wife or husband  is not safe and can cause great harm to both the spouse and any children in the home.  Who in the hell do you think you are that you can just destroy somebody, through your own willing actions, and then say "not my problem"? Shame, shame  shame

< Message edited by sassisubgirl -- 5/28/2009 5:30:48 PM >

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:34:09 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I think I'm someone who trusts adults to make their own decisions. If they're ok with the risks they're taking with their relationship, their potential children, whatever, then that's fine with me. 

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to sassisubgirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:40:12 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Btw SmokingGun, I'm a huge Dylan fan and Up To Me is one of his best songs


Agreed... I was quite upset he didn't play it the one time I caught a live show.

I think there's a distinct difference between someone for one night, someone for short term, and a potential long-term relationship. In the first two, the person's marital status means nothing to me- that's between her and whoever she's with. I can't say I've ever particularly sought out married/attached women, but I can't say I've never been with one and known it either. If she says "Not interested, married" then I will politely back off. But if she says "Married, still interested" then I'm fine.

But for a long-term relationship... I agree with the logic that someone who cheats on one person will cheat on you. It doesn't mean it's an automatic deal breaker- but it's pretty close. It might sound odd, but I'm a strongly faithful person- I've never cheated, and don't plan to in the future. So for a potential partner, I want someone who can abide by whatever restraints their relationship has... monogamous, poly, or whatever else.



I have seen him a few times in concert and I think he played it once, true His Bobness fashion "My songs, I do whatever I like to do with them" so it took me a while to recognize the song, same concert where I wondered if he's desperate for a toilet only to figure out he was trying to dance (he might be the world's greatest songwriter but he is not a great dancer)

I was never very interested in one night stands, so it doesn't apply to me, but I would just be leary if they swap alliances and commitments so easily and simply not trust them to not do the same thing with me, simple self-preservation.



_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 5:40:27 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		~bookmarks your response for future reference

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 6:17:03 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I think I'm someone who trusts adults to make their own decisions. If they're ok with the risks they're taking with their relationship, their potential children, whatever, then that's fine with me. 


To a degree I agree, but if you are part of their decision you share part of the responsibility. In the extreme case, your spouse would say "involved but interested" how would it make you feel? I bet you would be angry and disappointed, I know I would be, since I wouldn't like that feeling, I wouldn't really want to be involved in anything that makes somebody else feel that way. Yes there could and most likely would be somebody else in your place, but rather them than me, they will have to face the bathroom mirror in the morning on their own and so will I - and personally I rather like the person I see in there, cuz I'm the one who'll give that person a shower and brush her teeth, rather do it to somebody I can respect because she has a bit of integrity...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 6:54:17 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		This might end up being an "agree to disagree" situation...

My partner giving an "involved but interested" would probably not bother me, since the last few relationships I've been in have been open. If it wasn't, sure, I'd be displeased, and it'd be the end of the relationship... but I don't lay blame on the other guy. It'd be her decision to cheat, and he'd just be taking my own position of "not my vows/agreement." I can say that comfortably because I've been cheated on a couple times and that's been my feeling.

I wonder now if my first question to anyone I talk to at the bar should be "Are you married?" Because I'd be willing to bet at some point I've slept with a married woman without knowing she was married, because I didn't ask... and she never felt the need to say she was.

But at the end of the day, I can look myself in the mirror, like myself, respect myself, and all that. While I'm sure I've done myself no favors in this thread, I stand by my opinions.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 7:12:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

I wonder now if my first question to anyone I talk to at the bar should be "Are you married?


When I was dating and getting to know men..yup..my very first question before any other...are you married/dating/involved/seeing someone else/in a long term relationship? Yes to any one of those and I walked away..even if for a one night stand.

My morals and values would eat away at me till there was nothing left if I even had an inkling of a thought that they might be. Had nothing to do with their relationship. It had to do with my relationship with my soul.

It's sad to know there are many who will take a collar seriously but yet won't take marriage as a sacred vow.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 5/28/2009 7:13:21 PM >

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 80
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