RE: why is collared "off limits" but married is not?

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 7:31:57 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

This might end up being an "agree to disagree" situation...

My partner giving an "involved but interested" would probably not bother me, since the last few relationships I've been in have been open. If it wasn't, sure, I'd be displeased, and it'd be the end of the relationship... but I don't lay blame on the other guy. It'd be her decision to cheat, and he'd just be taking my own position of "not my vows/agreement." I can say that comfortably because I've been cheated on a couple times and that's been my feeling.

I wonder now if my first question to anyone I talk to at the bar should be "Are you married?" Because I'd be willing to bet at some point I've slept with a married woman without knowing she was married, because I didn't ask... and she never felt the need to say she was.

But at the end of the day, I can look myself in the mirror, like myself, respect myself, and all that. While I'm sure I've done myself no favors in this thread, I stand by my opinions.

I agree to disagree....

I had somebody pursuing a partner of mine, the way it happened I was more angry with her than with him, she simply thought because I wasn't around he was game, long story with her playing the damsel in distress, he wasn't blame free and believe me, I was not too kind with him.

As I said, I am not interested in one night stands, I simply prefer to know somebody because I'm rather picky, but that's just me, if somebody feels differently, that's fine. But still, even if I was into one night stands, somebody letting me know they are taken would just be the end of it, if you don't know and they don't tell, no, I wouldn't blame you, if a guy was flirting with me and trying something on, I would assume he's free, if I knew he was taken, I would just think that I'm betraying his spouse, if he doesn't say he is and he gives the impression he is free, then he's deceiving his spouse and me. In my teenage days a guy tried that, we girls found out and boy did he live to regret it.... Hell has no fury as a woman betrayed, now take that times 2....

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 7:36:03 PM

SmokingGun82

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
It's sad to know there are many who will take a collar seriously but yet won't take marriage as a sacred vow.

To be fair, I have the same amount of respect for both... which is to say, as much as the woman does.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/28/2009 7:52:44 PM

Firebirdseeking

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"It's sad to know there are many who will take a collar seriously but yet won't take marriage as a sacred vow."

These exact words were the reason I posted the question for this thread in the first place. The double standard. Ick.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 2:27:19 PM

seekerof

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Maybe the world would be a better place if people tried to activly do what was right instead of what makes them happy.

As to trust in other adults- that is like saying I trust that other adults will lock their cars. But, if they fail, does that mean I have the right to open the door and loot the interior? And I don't know about you guys, but I think the sanctity of marriage has a lot more value than my car radio.

I agree with Sassi- Shame Shame Shame...

< Message edited by seekerof -- 5/29/2009 2:28:37 PM >

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 2:34:23 PM

TickledToDeath

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

"It's sad to know there are many who will take a collar seriously but yet won't take marriage as a sacred vow."

These exact words were the reason I posted the question for this thread in the first place. The double standard. Ick.

Indeed it is sad yet sadly true. I totally agree. Not sure where the line is drawn though. If a marriage is over yet the divorce is not finalized, is that person still off limits as far as the marriage goes? Perhaps this should be another thread but it still sort if fits here. If one "plays" with a married person, just playing say for instance, meeting, switching tying each other up and tickling or spanking etc one another and nothing else as in no "sex" as opposed to playing with a "collared" person.....does that fall into the crossing the off limits line as it would with a collared person?
Confusing, isn't it? Gray area? Or is it all black and white?

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 2:42:25 PM

SimplyMichael

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In general, I have dated women other men desire. I have found that there are always a few who just don't care although I think it is more that they are socially retarded. That said, in retrospect some were pursued by people in the community who should have known better and others handled it more deftly and it never seemed to be an issue. Some of that could be due to my own growth into who I am and they simply stayed away or perhaps my choice in women improved and of course, could simply be a bit of both.

The bottom line is no ring, no collar, no promise can keep someone from leaving you, only by being someone whom they have no desire to stray from and picking women who actually want to be in a relationship can you gain some freedom from this.

Even then, fate is not always a kind mistress, sometimes people grow apart and sometimes some Greek tradgedy tears them asunder.

So don't look to some talisman to protect you instead simply strive to be true to who you are and find security in that.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 4:54:13 PM

Gooberish69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Married, taken, dating, collared....if you're involved with someone else..at least for me...you're off limits. I won't go near you with a ten foot pole, not even to befriend you. Yeah..I've had women come after me just because I befriended their husband/boyfriend so these days I just don't even talk to married/dating/collared men. Just makes my life a helluva lot easier.

I've noticed some of these folks still have "looking for" in their profiles. That makes it rather confusing when they have "looking for" and show up in searches, but then put themselves off the market with a random comment about their status. (And worse yet, when they have conflicting messages in their profile.)

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 6:25:20 PM

ZenDragoness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

"It's sad to know there are many who will take a collar seriously but yet won't take marriage as a sacred vow."

These exact words were the reason I posted the question for this thread in the first place. The double standard. Ick.

I have a really big problem with the word sacred. It implies religion.
I do not know about the United States of America, but here in Europe we have a seperation between the law marriage and the church marriage. Only the church marriage is sacred.

The legal marriage is a contract.

As long as the USA without my knowledge has become a Gottesstaat, a religously land, like the Iran, you have the same seperation.

As somebody who do not subscribe to christian belief systems, i can not tolerate to have my marriage thrown in the sacred pool.

Our love is sacred to us, but our marriage is not. We made that contract to have in difficult times, better rights of acesss like in hospital and things like that.

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RE: why is collared "off limits" but married ... - 5/29/2009 6:33:27 PM

ZenDragoness

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quote:

The bottom line is no ring, no collar, no promise can keep someone from leaving you, only by being someone whom they have no desire to stray from and picking women who actually want to be in a relationship can you gain some freedom from this.

You are so very right Simply Michael, that is the only way we have, if you change in my case the word women with men. It is only by the way we tend to the other and work on our relationship, that we have the possibility to stay together. If you erect fences around your loved one, it will not help.

As somebody who lived till 9 years ago poly, i always said: In my harem the men are running free, meaning i would not dream of being poly myself and tell a man to stay monogamous. In the end my concept worked, because if you do not pressure somebody, some of them stay monogamous because they have no desire for somebody else and other are not, because that is, what they desire.

Living monogamous since nearly 9 years is an interesting experience, which will maybe change in the future or not.

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