Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together?

Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (Full Version)

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cryinks -> Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 6:55:54 AM)
I've got a question I need an honest answer to. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now. We used to have sessions very frequently in the beginning...several times per week. Our sessions are typically 4 to 6 hours long and usually very, very intense involving a lot of pain on her part and thus pleasure on my part! Here of late her career has gotten in the way of our sex lives and things have slowed considerably to one session per week, sometimes going two or three weeks between sessions. My question: How often do typical submissives engage in these fun 4-6 hour sessions in one week after being together for two years. Is it normal for things to wane? Am I normal to long for the good old days of more frequent sex? Am I being unreasonable with my submissive when I ask her to have sex multiple times per week, month, etc.? How often is normal with you guys? Should I seek sex outside of my regular relationship? Cryinks.

DarkSteven -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:00:40 AM)
She has legitimate reasons for not having more time. Why would it be relevant what anyone else's experience would be regarding whether they have more time for play than you do? Could you have shorter sessions that could be fit into a tight schedule more easily? You're asking us if it's okay for you to look for something on the side? I have no objections to it whatsoever if your sub goes along with it.

cuffncollar -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:04:26 AM)
I feel that the decline is very normal.....life happens! But you have already answered your last question in your profile.

califsue -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:04:27 AM)
I think if you had 4 to 6 hour sessions you were blessed. Most of us have lives and families, kids, and work do get in the way of intense sessions. I would think you would be happy for her if her career is taking off. As for should you seek sex outside of your relationship, don't you think that is something you need to speak with your sub about. Have you spoken to her about things and will things ease up anytime soon for her. Does she miss the sessions as much as you do?

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:05:33 AM)
several times a week for 4-6 hours at a time?? Geeeee I couldn't squeeze that much time in unless it'd be in da evenings n as if I'd always be up to it in the evenings.[8\|] Life usually interferes with play. Quick fuck sure..but for 4-6 friggin hours?? In your dreams. I'm monogamous so your ass would be out the door if you couldn't deal with it. However, if your sub doesn't care then why not. If she isn't okay with it and it's a dealbreaker for you not to have those 4-6 hours several times a week then you need to have a serious discussion about whether you two are compatible and/or if you can make the relationship work otherwise I'd call it an end.

oceanwinds -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:08:38 AM)
We been together for 3 years, and due to legitimate reasons our sessions have lessen. Should he had sought another submissive, because my mom was very ill and needed my attention? That was up to him, but he didn't. Sir now has encountered legitimate reasons regarding work, starting a secon job etc. so should i just look for another Dom? To me that shows a lack of caring for a person, especially when he waited for me. Things happen in the outside world that affects relationships all the time. In my opinion a relationship grows or dismantles during times of crises. Am happy the person that i trust deeply chooses to grow through the hard times and not just the easy times, and i honor the same for him.

hopelessfool -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:14:05 AM)
Did you try talking to your girl as to how to make more time for each other? Did you try thinking about it in reverse. If you were working more or had to strive harder to further your work life. and your sub started to beg and plead for more sessions when you were just plum tuckered out? How would you feel?

Missokyst -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:16:59 AM)
Until I pulled the plug 5 yrs into it we used to have those 4-6 hr sessions twice a week or more. But more importantly was the constant spontaneous play, touching, pinching, mental and physical brief teasing that would go on daily, if we were together and nightly online if we were not. The two years we were on hold we still kept the dream alive with talking about this, sharing images and websites with each other, and flirting all the time. For those two years sex was on and off, but the idea of sex was always on. For many of us it is the tease that keeps attention. As I see it I think the reason people lose connection is that they forget just because your mate is sharing your bed you still don't have to romance them with the things you know keep their mind engaged. Kyst

wandersalone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:21:05 AM)
You mentioned she has a career. If she works full time I imagine she gets home after 5.30pm. then one or both of you prepare and eat dinner. this would take it up to at least 7.30 - 8pm. Even a 4 hour session would mean she is not going to sleep until after midnight (add in brushing teeth etc) and then has to be up bright and refreshed the next morning for work. Personally I feel that what you are wanting may be unrealistic. as to bringing someone else in..... by all means as long as both of you want this.

chamberqueen -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:29:49 AM)
It sounds like you need to sit down and have a good conversation with her. You know she's more busy, but you need to find out whether it is more than that. Maybe a two-hour session every week with one longer one a month would work better into her schedule. Perhaps she hesitates on getting anything started because she is afraid it will last so long and she will be exhausted. I can see that you want your needs to be met. If she is unwilling or unable to do so then it would be appropriate for you to tell her that you are thinking of adding another partner if your relationship has not be open to that in the past. This may hurt her very badly, or she may have fears of STDs or jealousy issues. You should be careful to be open minded and assuring with her if you truly care about her. If you have an agreement in place that neither of you would search for another partner then communicating about your changed feelings is a must. You didn't just call her your submissive but your girlfriend, so you wanting someone else besides her could end up being a very big issue.

cryinks -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:34:44 AM)
My submissive is okay with me looking for another woman one day, and then not okay with it on another. One day she says she wants to play with me with other women/couples...on another day she says she just wants me to find another woman to help share 'the burden'...on another day she says she doesn't want to share me at all! I'm confused.

hopelessfool -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:39:43 AM)
I think she might just feel overwhelmed, and adding a "third" seems like its the easiest way out of the extra stress... Sit down and TALK to her. Ask her to explain her feelings on why they change. Ask how you and her can make more time to play. Ask How to work in a way for both of you to be happy. Ask how long she thinks work will be this way. And KNOW she might not be right on that guess, it might be longer or shorter. For my job April-June, Is a NIGHTMARE due to it being the end of the fiscal year. I know im not a happy camper during that time frame. Ask about the job, how you as her owner can HELP her out maybe so theres more play time for both of you.....

cryinks -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:40:46 AM)
My sub says she misses the days before her career started when she had a clock in clock out job and would leave work and go home to chat with me on line or on the phone and then we'd get together for some play... I am happy for her on her career, but I feel I am having to sacrifice in order for it to be able to happen...can't we have a little of both worlds? Is that too much to ask?

DarkSteven -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:42:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks My submissive is okay with me looking for another woman one day, and then not okay with it on another. One day she says she wants to play with me with other women/couples...on another day she says she just wants me to find another woman to help share 'the burden'...on another day she says she doesn't want to share me at all! I'm confused. If her feelings are changing that quickly, it's a sign that she's going through a lot. She feels like she is giving you all she can. Sometimes she feels guilty that you want more, and says that you can play around. Other times, she wants you all to herself. I get the feeling that you think this is all fun and games and kink and sex, while she may have other needs. Sit her down and have a talk with her.

cryinks -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:46:34 AM)
I've never thought about asking her if i could help...that may be an idea worth checking into. She is a school teacher and her down time is during the summer months. Right now is a very stressful time due to end of the year plans and report cards and check lists, etc. Maybe I'm being too demanding on her right now when she may need me the most...

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 7:48:29 AM)
YOU speak of sessions and sex..sessions and sex lives..then "Seeking sex outside the relationship" ARE they one in the same?,,is it the sex you want more of? ,,,or session leading to it?,,as part of it..? do you need 4 hrs pain fun for your sex to be fun? what do you need most...the BDSM sessions or the sex? or the length of time? Is there a way to have a longer session..but also have regular love making... Is there as way to have multiple times for sex a week...in a shorter time period and modify the "sessions"? Different times over 20 years with my 2 men..POLY home..we had to modify due to career..work..family etc. and usually found a way after discussion eg) at one point I told d to yang it*...that is to say just go for it for an orgasmn for him because he was tired at work but really needed closeness and release... to be happy and we did not have time for a long session* eg)When I was first diagnosed with diabetes I was not always in D mode as much and for how long as before and they had to cope with shorter sessions and lots of cuddling *I was a teacher also and we made use of weekends after tests were corrected etc so I was fully focused( D MODE).. and also we planned ahead for holidays and a good long kink holiday for ..summer I also liked to wake the boys in the night after I had slept about 4 hours... and as a D( DO YOU LIVE TOGETHER?) you can also make her life easier in order to free up time for BOTH of you and support the career and BDSM LIFE.. BRING HOME SUPPER /COOK IT TWICE A WEEK = 2 HRS+ TELL HER TO LAY DOwn IN HER ROOM FOR 30 MINUTES AS SOON AS SHE GETS HOME..AS A TEACHER I DID THIS TO UNWIND AND RENERGIZE..SO AS TO GET INTO partner /D mode from school marm.. IF you do not live together then** after the school stuff she feels tired..too tried to go out..can the location be changed to her place?..that you go there...go to her? or that you are there all set up ..make dinner...she does her school stuff then there is some ritual to take her to the BDSM mode??..to define the 2 spaces or to get her to her sub place... IF she saYS she misses it then here is YOUR CHANCE to modify and at least get half of how it was..or more!!! IT TAKES 2.. best of luck... GQ GQ

cryinks -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 8:02:38 AM)
For me, "the session" is the sex. Vanilla sex is not even pleasurable for me. And I am making sacrifices over here...I moved her into my house of which I pay the bills and support her. She has a daughter who disrespects me. She is messy and my house is usually a mess. She rarely goes to the movies or out to eat with me since starting her career... The sex is all that's left between us that keeps us together...and now that is waning as well...

cuffncollar -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 8:11:45 AM)
As a teacher i can say that we come home exhausted and our job still isn't finished. Whether we are correcting papers, doing report cards or other required paperwork we are still thinking what could we have done better, what could we have changed to make one more child "get it" etc. As for the bringing in someone else, I too went back and forth with the guilt. I couldn't give 100% to the relationship during the school year. I told my Dom that he could see others one day, changed my mind the next. He began to see others and our relationship fell apart at the seams. Just my experience, yours may be different.

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 8:25:46 AM)
sacrifices...mess..disrespecful child...relationship change... You have a lot to deal with..[:o] Weigh out investments in the relationship and return..with the variables above.. GQ

hopelessfool -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 8:30:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks For me, "the session" is the sex. Vanilla sex is not even pleasurable for me. And I am making sacrifices over here...I moved her into my house of which I pay the bills and support her. She has a daughter who disrespects me. She is messy and my house is usually a mess. She rarely goes to the movies or out to eat with me since starting her career... The sex is all that's left between us that keeps us together...and now that is waning as well... What about you... If shes working as a teacher, what do you do? Where does all of her money go. All I'm hearing from you is.. what SHE does or DOESNT do... and how SHES at fault and how its all HER... What about YOUR part in it. it is never has never and will never be all on one person... So think long and hard about what it is YOUR doing.... and how you can fix YOUR part, and again... talk to HER......

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