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RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:28:25 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

My profile is in two parts. The first is about me, who and what I am. The second part deals with what I want and who is acceptable. It states clearly where you need to be to be considered, about my home in that I am married to a Domme and that we have dogs in our home who share our lives. I also state what the primary deal breakers are. Those interested in my Lifestyle are asked to request that I give them the URL to my website. I use this and the identical one in FetLife as a means of telling people who may have some interest about me ratrher than in hope of locating someone on line (Not likely to happen but if you don't try you'll never find out)..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BinarySlavery)

Post #: 21

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:28:45 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

My profile when it is unhidden is very clear to those who understand it. It states what i believe in my life with someone and who i am looking for. However, it doesn't say it so the average joe who is giving it a cursory glance -- and its like that for a reason -- i am not looking for the average joe when i am seeking. There are people who believe its simply a collection of quotes that are nice and some are pretty and some are insightful.

So maybe the reason people choose to have a profile like it is -- is for a reason. I agree sometimes no profile language will have me disregarding someone, and 3 lines of I want a sub/slave a true sub/slave has me disregarding them lol. Venting or whining profiles get hidden even journals that have bitch sessions about fakes or how so and so did this. Its silly to me a Man who calls himself a Dom would NEED to put something like that on his profile. I need someone who is capable of being interesting and who is capable of grabbing my interest. Those incapable get passed by.

What's funny is even with my profile hidden, i get many people contacting me from my posts on the message board -- which is fine but it shows that the profile isn't all that necessary.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 22

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:29:18 PM

Venalismihi

Posts: 63
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

You start out simple so as not to confuse the male mind too much, this does not work.
You increase the information, being more specific as to your requirements regarding the male [physical attributes and your "will not tolerate" such as smoking etc], this does not work.
You realise that if you increase the information any further, you have not provided a profile you have written a bloody tomb, which will not work as you have learned from the first draft that the beggars can’t read.
So you end up putting the harsh mind-set in motion and you scare the lot of them away. Any answers, anyone?????

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 23

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:35:17 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

I didn't know I needed to state on my profile that DarkSteven is the only one I'll ever want I thought it was just obvious.

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 24

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:35:31 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Well it may not or it may deteer those kinds. I can't speak for them, but for me if I saw something in a profile that said no this this or this and I fit the this this or this I'd pass them by.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

YHMA, I haven't had to deal with *that* so far, but I don't think specifying it in my profile would discourage those people who are that way. If they have bad breath and very obvious, nasty plaque, I'll notice it the first time I meet them! Skid-marks aren't quite as obvious, but body odour is.

I like guys who are intelligent, honourable, caring, and all that, but again, I don't think that just saying so in my profile is effective at screening for character - actually talking with people (by e-mail,phone or in person), spending time with them in a variety of situations, etc. is a lot more effective than bringing it up as an abstract generality.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 25

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:37:19 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

I didn't know I needed to state on my profile that DarkSteven is the only one I'll ever want I thought it was just obvious.

As I am not older at present then I am...I am generous...you can have him

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 26

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:41:43 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I don't want to focus on the negatives, I'd rather focus on what I *do* want/need, and try to screen from there. I can't imagine anyone with that poor of hygiene being acceptable to anyone, so if they are delusional enough to think that anyone would want them, specifically saying that I'm not interested probably won't make much of a difference.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 27

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:43:31 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Thank ya darling!

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 28

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:46:17 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I will admit for me to write a profile for this site has been very
difficult. I don't want it to get to long and specific as the profiles
that I look at that have everything in it about what they want/don't
want for me is a bit of a turn off. As well, I am not sure at times what
I am looking for. At times, I want more of a play partner on a consistent
basis and at other times I think I would love to find a partner for an
ongoing 24/7 dynamic. I feel I am old and have lots of baggage and I
don't want to saddle someone else with all of my baggage. AND..really..
isn't part of the getting to know you process..do you smoke/drink/what
type of activities outside of the bedroom do you like otherwise what will
one talk about.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:49:57 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Dear RedMagic,

Please do not tell people that works for you, even though it obviously does. I'm a firm believer of the 'you're not the exception to the rule' theory. In other words, if a profile says no men, it means no men. If it says no one under 25, don't take a shot if you're 21. Most people with preferences in their profile really do mean it. I think that allowing folks to believe otherwise is probably a mistake.

Just thoughts from the desk of Lady Pact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BinarySlavery)

Post #: 30

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 1:57:29 PM

YoungBlondeSlave

Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Never assume anything is a given , because chances are it's not. Like you'd assume any one who was an adult would brush their teeth take a bath and know how to wipe their ass with out leaving skidmarks, but some people don't, and if you just assume every one did and never made sure which type they were you may end up with someone who never brushes their teeth hardly bathes and can't wipe their butt well enough to not leave streaks in their pants. and don't think it won't happen. I ended up with someone just like that who In ever knew was so slovenly till we lived together.

Ahh, you've met my ex, have you?

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 31

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:11:55 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Dear RedMagic,

Please do not tell people that works for you, even though it obviously does. I'm a firm believer of the 'you're not the exception to the rule' theory. In other words, if a profile says no men, it means no men. If it says no one under 25, don't take a shot if you're 21. Most people with preferences in their profile really do mean it. I think that allowing folks to believe otherwise is probably a mistake.

Just thoughts from the desk of Lady Pact

LadyPact,
I get what he is saying though. My profile seems harsh and exacting because those trolls that are stuck in the fantasy of it all would overrun my mailbox if it wasn't.
Most of the time when I get an intelligent, humorous and thoughtful email from someone, it makes no difference to me whether they fit within the parameters I have set forth . By virtue of the fact they took the time to try and make friends with me instead of giving me their kinky wishlist, they have already set themselves far above the rest of the pack.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

If a person intrigues me, I write. I ignore age limits, geographic limits, etc., on the profile. I say why I'm interested, include a line about me, and tell a joke. (More or less, it's not a formula.) I get a lot of responses, and the response often includes a comment like, "Oh I just put that limit in my profile because I was sick of the trolls."

I honestly believe profile text is almost irrelevant, and people make exceptions if you are exceptional. And, let's face it, if you write a woman sincerely and humorously on this site, and pay attention to her brain, you're exceptional.

I agree 100%!

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 5/24/2009 2:21:21 PM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 32

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:13:12 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

I didn't know I needed to state on my profile that DarkSteven is the only one I'll ever want I thought it was just obvious.

As I am not older at present then I am...I am generous...you can have him

That sorta cheapens it if I don't have to fight over her...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 33

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:17:53 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Dear RedMagic,

Please do not tell people that works for you, even though it obviously does. I'm a firm believer of the 'you're not the exception to the rule' theory. In other words, if a profile says no men, it means no men. If it says no one under 25, don't take a shot if you're 21. Most people with preferences in their profile really do mean it. I think that allowing folks to believe otherwise is probably a mistake.

I don't remember how we started emailing each other, but I probably wrote first. I just checked your profile, and I'm not what you're "looking" for... or vice/versa for that matter, since I'm not poly. And yet, I'm not on your block list... yet.

I think the difference between the kind of email I am talking about, and the kind you are talking about, is that when I write a woman, I'm not looking to do her, or asking her to do me. How could I know something like that from a profile alone?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:36:45 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venalismihi

You start out simple so as not to confuse the male mind too much, this does not work.
You increase the information, being more specific as to your requirements regarding the male [physical attributes and your "will not tolerate" such as smoking etc], this does not work.
You realise that if you increase the information any further, you have not provided a profile you have written a bloody tomb, which will not work as you have learned from the first draft that the beggars can’t read.
So you end up putting the harsh mind-set in motion and you scare the lot of them away. Any answers, anyone?????

gee...male bash much?

_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Venalismihi)

Post #: 35

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:40:38 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I think it's a really interesting point that a lot of people don't place in their profile what they want in another. As you noted, DS, a lot of people just list the acts they want. In bdsm as in anything else, I think that a lot of people are so focused on their desires that it doesn't occur to them to form an idea of what they want in a partner or what they have to offer as a partner (Not all people are lookng for partners, but that is my primary perspective, so from whence I speak). I think that people who just get involved because of mutual kink wind up going the way that relationships founded on mutual chemistry so often do: they fall down and go boom.
I initially had a very thorough profile, then I had a very short one (While I was partnered but still participating on-boards), now I have a long one again. I'm pretty clear on what I want (And on how very flexible that is within certain boundaries). When I showed my profile to my best friend, she laughed and asked if I was trying to scare everyone away. I answered, "Just most people." In truth, I wrote the profile in a stream-of-consciousness sort of way. I covered things that are of import to me and if some of those things make people shreik and run into the distance, groovy: they weren't meant for me. Someone who can't handle my profile surely can't handle me, lol!
Of course, I still get mails from people who haven't read a word of my profile (And one person the other day, when I suggested he read my profile before cmailing me again replied that he didn't like reading profiles and mine is too long anyway. I made a suggestion regarding an activity I thought he ought partake in and hit 'block') and I also get mails from people who have just read one detail that I enjoy and want to hurl themselves at my feet in servitude. < smile > < sigh > I soooo prefer when people do that after they know who I am: it somehow means more! < big grin >
Anyway, I personally, when I'm preving profiles enjoy more information than less.
Best wishes,
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 36

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:42:11 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

So many of them don't specify who they want.

The men describe various kinky acts they want. But they don't say anything about the PERSON they want.

The women describe the relationship they want, the feelings they want to have. But they don't say anything about the PERSON they want.

It beats me why they don't specify... I want someone who doesn't smoke, has no drinking.drug issues, reads, is within a specified age range, has a sense of humor, likes nights in, likes to go out...

/end rant/

It's often been claimed that anyone who specifies who they want in any amount of detail is "too picky". It's much safer, socially, to not specify - and then quietly reject anyone who doesn't meet your criteria. That way, they can assume whatever they want. Of course, the ones that keep prying will need to be humiliated/torn into, but then, that's the price they pay for being unacceptable and not knowing it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 37

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:43:28 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venalismihi

You start out simple so as not to confuse the male mind too much, this does not work.
You increase the information, being more specific as to your requirements regarding the male [physical attributes and your "will not tolerate" such as smoking etc], this does not work.
You realise that if you increase the information any further, you have not provided a profile you have written a bloody tomb, which will not work as you have learned from the first draft that the beggars can’t read.
So you end up putting the harsh mind-set in motion and you scare the lot of them away. Any answers, anyone?????

None that honor the concept of consent, no.

(in reply to Venalismihi)

Post #: 38

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 2:47:34 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Dear RedMagic,

Please do not tell people that works for you, even though it obviously does. I'm a firm believer of the 'you're not the exception to the rule' theory. In other words, if a profile says no men, it means no men. If it says no one under 25, don't take a shot if you're 21. Most people with preferences in their profile really do mean it. I think that allowing folks to believe otherwise is probably a mistake.

Just thoughts from the desk of Lady Pact

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 39

RE: A rant about profiles... - 5/24/2009 3:15:33 PM

janiebelle

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venalismihi

You start out simple so as not to confuse the male mind too much, this does not work.
You increase the information, being more specific as to your requirements regarding the male [physical attributes and your "will not tolerate" such as smoking etc], this does not work.
You realise that if you increase the information any further, you have not provided a profile you have written a bloody tomb, which will not work as you have learned from the first draft that the beggars can’t read.
So you end up putting the harsh mind-set in motion and you scare the lot of them away. Any answers, anyone?????

From my not-so-harsh POV, it seems maybe you don't really like men?
Not as in sexual preference, but as people. Food for thought.
j

(in reply to Venalismihi)

Post #: 40

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