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the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 6:50:14 AM   
bearly2001


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i have noticed many references in postings, replies and journals the concept of the voice as a tool in bdsm. i posted part of the following in response to a question regarding how the voice may be used in the mental aspect of bdsm.

i am an online-only dom who utilizes the media of text, voice and cam to relate to the submissives in my life. the utilization of my voice, actual and "virtual", plays a critical role in all phases of the ongoing d/s relationships i seek.

i consider my dom "voice" to be many things other than my actual speaking voice. it is the essential maleness and dom nature that inhabits my being and my words. it is the essence of my psyche and personality, portrayed through my words, my bearing and my actions. in the early stages of a nascent relationship, i use my voice to seduce and inform and to gain access to the submissives wave-length. my voice, in my initial contact with a sub, is heard within the text of my introductory email or in my first chats... i hope to use my voice to achieve a "resonance" with the sub, so she may know my authenticity and sincerity. i use my voice to elicit information and to overcome any barriers that our unfamiliarity has raised. i am conscious of the tone and tenor of my words, especially those considered and well crafted entrees into the mind of the submissive i am courting. i must quickly differentiate myself from the masses and the droning din of others' voices, as i begin the mating dance of our minds.

i became aware of the power of the voice early on. my father had the voice of authority and of a marine, yet it was his quiet voice that i feared and respected. i learned the power of oration during my stint as a public speaker and the beauty and majesty possible in the voice through song. i learned to appreciate and hear the voice contained within the written word, as i gained my degree in literature and saw how poetry and voice are one.

during my working life as an advocate for the disabled and chronically ill, i learned further uses of my actual speaking voice. working primarily over the telephone, i developed an ability to put people at ease and to cut through the drama and the often intense emotion they carried to the conversation, or to surmount the barriers of depression and defensiveness. to be effective, i had to quickly establish a dominant role in order to act as an effective advocate and to reach a state of understanding and common purpose. i found that the natural rich tones of my baritone could be modulated to calm and reassure them of my competence, confidence and strength.

through my early exposure to eastern philosophy,meditation, zen, bio-feedback and the technique of self hypnosis, i recognized that establishing the pace and rhythm of a conversation, taking subtle control of the course and substance, modulating their breathing to mine and centering our mutual focus.. i could then lead my clients where i needed them to go. no doubt there was some actual brain wave correlation between my contolled and measured voice and their acceptance of my role. in any event i learned that the voice can be mighty and conquering or soothing and welcoming. the voice as a tool became readily apparent to me. this realization proved effective when i became an online dom and sought to gain the mental access and intimate bond with the submissive mind i crave.

when i encounter her, the feminine yin to my yang, i seek to earn her control first through my honesty and integrity and later through her hearing the siren's song of my dom heart. my voice is key in overcoming a sub's natural wariness. though she seeks, she must somehow discern the true nature of any dom she encounters, and resist advances until his soul is revealed as true... yet, she encounters so many wannabes, poseurs, impostors and deceivers... that barriers are erected and she must defend against the aggression and assault of so many. she must wend her way carefully through the convoluted minefields separating her from the ultimate goal of her search, the dom whose voice reaches and touches her innermost core. her "inner" ear will hopefully hear my "voice" and she will thrill with the recognition and the caress of my words, the kindred vibration of the true spirit within us both. any latent blossoming of submissive awareness may be accomplished by the fertilizing quality of an encounter with what her soul has sought for in vain... and the depth and meaning of my proffered words (ok, i recognize that there may be some humorous correlation between words, fertilizer and manure!).

she must somehow hear that i am offering her an oasis, a portal to the submissive gardens she seeks to serve in.. a path to pleasure and symbiotic mutual enlightenment..

and yes, my voice leads as all dominants must. i may be leading her through the rigors of personal growth, or to realizing her potential in the real world.. or i may be leading her to intense orgasms and fulfillment in cyberspace. my softest urging.. a mere whisper.. may have the power of a command if my voice is amplified by my stature as a true dom to my submissive/slave. my voice can contain the same sting or solace that touch offers.. and in cyberspace my voice serves as my virtual arms and hands, encircling and embracing the love and respect i seek.

use your voice wisely and you will clearly perceive the heart warming echoes of the satisfaction you bring to others, use it unwisely and you will drown out the voices seeking you and add to the cacophony of the daily chaos the modern world offers so deafeningly.

finally, i have spent all this time emphasizing the voice and what it means to me as a dom. but always remember, it is useless without its partner and complement. the ability so often missing in the male, nearly universally lamented by the women we seek as an inherited flaw in our genetic makeup... the rarely exhibited patience and wisdom... TO LISTEN!

the thoughts and musings, from rick the bear, on this quiet morning of reflection.. when we lower our voices, bow our heads and pay homage to the men and women who have served our great country.


Happy Memorial Day, all!
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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 7:41:51 AM   
dove967


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You express your position with much skill and passion , Sir.  I can tell you put great effort into finding just the right words or phrases  to express your heart's intentions with almost scientific skill.  Being a lover of all things linguistic myself, I admire that in you.  I am the kind of submissive who is acutely sensitive to the abundance of information within the human voice, even if the words spoken are very few.  When I first met my Daddy online, I could tell he was very well spoken and intelligent simply by the fact that his correspondence was perfect with regards to spelling, grammer, and punctuation!  Not to mention a vocabulary that made his wit leathal.  Then he told me in an IM that he could make me cum over the phone from the sound of his voice!  It's hard to change your panties and the bed sheets when you're that exhausted....LOL.  After 7yrs together,  he still controls the ebb and flow of my mental and emotional state just with the sound of his voice.  For me, it's almost like an addiction of some sort.  So, yes.....I heartily agree with your post.  The voice is a very powerful tool.  Does the Bible  not say God chose the medium of the spoken word to begin creating-"Let there be light"?

dove

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 7:52:52 AM   
chamberqueen


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Another thing to keep in mind is that our voice is not always audible but sometimes shows in our writing.  It is important to be clear. A misplaced or missing comma can change the entire meaning of a sentence.  Gruffness may be implied when none was meant.  You say you are online-only which most likely means that you spend a fair amount of your time writing.  By your post you look like an excellent writer, but what may be crystal clear in an essay can break down when it is a chat situation and only one line is being sent at a time. 

I used to do a lot of online play.  During a session, especially, it is important to dot the i's and cross the t's.  If you tell someone to put on nipple clips you have to remember to tell them to take them off - you can't leave them wondering.  If someone starts to chat while you are on your way to the bathroom and you just write back "hi" some may feel instantly offended that you didn't seem happier to hear from them.

To me, words are magic.  They are a way of conveying the thoughts of one person to another.  We can read things written hundreds or thousands of years ago and still understand the emotions and concepts.  I feel sad for those who take words for granted and are not careful in their use of them.  You can guide, praise, discipline, and show any variety of emotions.  You can raise a person up or tear them down.  You post is a very good reminder at just how important proper use of voice is.


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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 8:09:04 AM   
bearly2001


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thanks dove967 and chamberqueen for both your compliments and your perceptiveness. yes, communication of all sorts is fraught with possible misunderstanding, face to face or through text. nuances, inflections, oversights, unintentional tone, etc. ,all can lead to short circuits in our connections. we all benefit when care and consideration are given to our expressions of ourselves to others. my voice speaks for me.. and in actuality, is me.

@chamberqueen... i actually find that i can use the pace and phrasing possible with text as an advantage not a hindrance. i can establish rhythms by posting partial sentences, phrases, pauses, etc. to gain the emphasis or effect i seek. of course good typng skills, correct grammar, a rich vocabulary supplemented by a fertile imagination are helpful. i find that i am able to lead a submissive in a sexual scene just as effectively through text as i can through my speaking voice or physical presence. the safety and anonymity of cyberspace allows a less inhibited forum and an unfettered freedom to explore areas that might be difficult or intimidating face to face.


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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 8:16:29 AM   
chamberqueen


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For me, the written word allows me a freedom of expression that I typically don't feel when in a face to face situation.  I have time to compile my thoughts, put them in an orderly fashion, and proofread before I hit "send".  Others are much better at the verbal/aural connection.  Scientists have shown that in part this is gender based though it is not a firm rule.  While I adore a good conversation between Master/slave I find that when I am opening up a new insight to myself it is easier for me to do it in writing.

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 8:35:07 AM   
bearly2001


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@chamberqueen... i was unaware of any scientific basis you mention, but it doesn't surprise me.

your preference for writing is understandable.. it allows for more careful discourse. but i have to admit, i also enjoy the spontaneity and the stream-of-consciousness aspect of rapid fire chatting.. the interplay and the pace can lead to unexpected honesty and discovery, not to mention unexpected avenues of sexual interest heretofore hiding in our primitive ids.

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 8:36:47 AM   
TaoWoman


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I find that when I am opening up a new insight to myself it is easier for me to do it in writing.


I relate to this point and actually save all emails and chats to my journals for this very reason. Going back three years with this formula, I am amazed at my own evolution ~


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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 10:20:34 AM   
leadership527


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Wow, that was fascinating to me if only because of the vast focus you seem to place on this. For me, it is really a lot simpler. My control over my wife is predicated on the fact that I'm being a good leader for her. That's pretty much the end of the story. You mentioned it when you said "start with honesty and integriy". Still though, it was fascinating to read the just plain enjoyment that you have in the word. Speech must be a rich landscape to you.

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 10:23:34 AM   
Lockit


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I have a domly voice that I use very well in person or text and it has nothing to do with being a male... but yeah... I get it... and it is wonderful! 

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 10:30:00 AM   
bearly2001


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@lockit i didn't mean to imply that our "voices" are gender specific, it was just that i started my treatise with my experience as a reference. but your point is well taken.

we speak through everything we do and say. our actions bespeak who we are and where we have been, our voices speak of where we want to go from here!

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 10:34:14 AM   
DavanKael


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Just as certain words and phrases have significance to some, so too does tone of voice.  Hearing a particular tone in the voice of someone about whom I care is something that is important to me and I find particular enjoyment in partners' voices having particular tones when speaking with me...it is an association based on context. 
  Davan

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 10:37:22 AM   
Lockit


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LOL Not a big deal... I just smiled.  I typically don't even go there... but felt a femdomly voice needed to say 'hey... here we are... we've got one too!' hehe

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 11:05:38 AM   
oceanwinds


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That was very interesting reading. Though i am a submissive, i too have had to use my voice in many different situations, especially with clients. The voice paced well can calm a person experiencing anxiety or panic attack. Also as a past life therapist, i been trained to use my voice in leading a person calmly into regression. My voice is low, soft and responds well, since listening is something i also am trained in. The nice thing about voice compared to writing is i do not need to check my spelling, which is horrible.

As a submissive a Dom's voice has to catch my attention. I wear 'ear plugs' to ranting, since my childhood consist of anger and screaming. I notice i do this also in reading people's remarks, though i do not  hear them literally.

Voice is a special thing, and when used probably it can quiet a baby, an injured animal, a panic person and so much more. The voice though needs to belong to the body movement and the way the energy runs as well.

Thank you for your post.
oceanwinds

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 11:17:19 AM   
angelikaJ


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His voice is softer than Angels' hair...
*smiles*

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/25/2009 11:55:56 AM   
kallisto


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"Voice" ... the tones and inflections of words certainly does something for me.   I also think that "tones and inflections" can be carried to the written word.   chamberqueen said it very well ... leave out a comma in your written word and those very words can take on a whole new meaning.   Tones, inflections, "loudness" of your voice can set the mood to which a conversation is carried.   It can also determine how your words are accepted.  


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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/26/2009 12:43:47 AM   
LyraLaLaurie


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Voice and words are so very very important, hence why I chose my domme name in the first place. I'd go into a huge story about this but I think you've already said quite a bit. Love this post!

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/26/2009 1:29:54 AM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I have a domly voice that I use very well in person or text and it has nothing to do with being a male... but yeah... I get it... and it is wonderful! 


I echo that. Women, throughout the ages, know that their voice, it's intonation, it's strength and pitch , along with the words used...... guide their offspring. We are not strangers to the power it.

agirl

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/26/2009 1:33:45 AM   
Vendaval


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Fast Reply -
 
Yeah, you know you are in real trouble if you parental unit shouts out your first and middle names together!

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/26/2009 1:39:24 AM   
pixidustpet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Fast Reply -
 
Yeah, you know you are in real trouble if you parental unit shouts out your first and middle names together!


in my family, first and middle names are normally used.  if the LAST name gets hauled out, we hauled ass! 

voice, pitch, inclination, all of that....that drop in pitch to the "radio voice", all soft and flowing like honey over the nerves, can get me going every time.  there's something about it, like that simpson's episode with barry white charming the snakes....ohh yeah baby.

kitten, amused at her own self.

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RE: the dom "voice" and its use - 5/26/2009 6:30:53 AM   
ExSteelAgain


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Beary2001, I’m curious as to your limitation to online and phone only. That limitation means you HAVE to put much into written and spoken words and you certainly appear to do exactly that. You say you have submissives, but you have no desire to meet any of them? Could it be you are able to represent yourself with your voice beyond your actual self view of inherent power and authority?

You gave the example of being an advocate for the disabled with problems and using your power of persuasion on the phone because essentially you had no legal authority I assume not being an attorney. Essentially, you learned you could use your voice and demeanor on the phone in that noble cause to represent the illusion of authority beyond what you actually possessed. You learned well.

Hey, you might get some curious women calling you in any case.

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