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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 8:28:05 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		In the US, we ARE our work...  most of us spend more time with our colleagues and co workers than with our families.  Asking about work as a part of conversation is just another getting to know you question.    I know there is an idea that some professions make more money than others, but I can assure you that there are poorly paid folk in every profession.

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 8:35:53 PM   
Venatrix


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Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, I'm sure that's true for lots of people, but I'm not, and never have been "my work."  It's an infinitesimal part of who I am, and anyone thinking he or she is getting to know me by asking about my work will come away with a very skewed impression.  Many people, if you take their job away, are nothing.  Take my job away and I'm still this incredibly fabulous, interesting person.

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 8:37:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Me too, thank goodness!!  Still, I would like to know what a person does with their time, eventually.   I've gotten some mind blowing answers.    My point was that asking what you do for work is not offensive here, any more than asking if you have cats.

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 8:39:59 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
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Status: offline 		You leave my pussy out of this, okay?

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 8:51:55 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
Btw, ladies (and gents, for that matter), the question "what do you do?" is for men, the equivalent of, "how much do you weigh?" or "how old are you?" for women.

I meant this more in the context of being introduced to someone, and then saying -- right off the bat -- "Nice to meet you!  And what do you do...?"  I just think that's kind of a tacky thing to say right away when meeting someone (esp. a man), and just plays into the traditional stereotypes that value men mostly for their breadwinner status, the same way that questions about age or weight play into traditional stereotypes that over value youth & beauty in women.  I know when it's asked of me -- right away -- I feel the questioner has been somewhat rude and at the very least doesn't have much imagination
If it makes any difference, I hate the question myself (even more than how much do you weigh), and the only reason I answer, when asked by someone I want to show some respect for, is so I don't say "it's none of your business" or "why, does it matter to you?"  

I generally don't ask anyone what he does, as when in a conversation that flows well.   I figure, I'll eventually find out.   I do however take notice, if I'm speaking to someone and  the subject of work comes up, and he shuts down on the sharing.   In that case, I would ask about what he does in general, and maybe lead into work, or what he does for a living in terms of having a place to live, vs living with parents after 30.    M

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 5/31/2009 9:18:12 PM   
pollux


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux



Don't I get to make at least ONE nonsensical post?

I meant this more in the context of being introduced to someone, and then saying -- right off the bat -- "Nice to meet you!  And what do you do...?"  I just think that's kind of a tacky thing to say right away when meeting someone (esp. a man), and just plays into the traditional stereotypes that value men mostly for their breadwinner status, the same way that questions about age or weight play into traditional stereotypes that over value youth & beauty in women.  I know when it's asked of me -- right away -- I feel the questioner has been somewhat rude and at the very least doesn't have much imagination.


Oh come on. Seriously? 


Yeah, seriously.

quote:

If the question was, "How much money do you earn?" then yeah.  "What do you do for a living?" is a safe question that is the same as "What do you spend the bulk of your LIFE doing day by day" since work occupies a huge chunk of our time. It's also a networking question in many cases, and it is an opportunity to open the avenue for possible mutually beneficial work ventures. 


Oh, sure it's a safe question -- eventually.  I just don't like when it's the first thing someone asks about me.  Venatrix groks the whole thing pretty well.  For me, it's not so much that I get all bent out of shape that someone's trying to figure out how much I earn, it's just this whole tendency -- admittedly very American, I think -- of some to try and define you first & foremost by what you do for a living.

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 12:59:55 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
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Status: offline 		im with You and Lady Hibiscus on this one. Definitely. im not definitely not defined by my work. i dont get validity from my work. why should i ? hell i dont have work. does it bother me? no , life's too short.  and anyway who in their right mind would want themselves to be defined by someone else who might not even care about them. no way would i ever be defined by my employment or  lack of.  what do i do with my time? shoot the breeze and thank god that i will never be hungry
kevin

(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 4:41:50 AM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux


Btw, ladies (and gents, for that matter), the question "what do you do?" is for men, the equivalent of, "how much do you weigh?" or "how old are you?" for women.



That makes NO sense whatsoever.  Honestly. 


Don't I get to make at least ONE nonsensical post?

I meant this more in the context of being introduced to someone, and then saying -- right off the bat -- "Nice to meet you!  And what do you do...?"  I just think that's kind of a tacky thing to say right away when meeting someone (esp. a man), and just plays into the traditional stereotypes that value men mostly for their breadwinner status, the same way that questions about age or weight play into traditional stereotypes that over value youth & beauty in women.  I know when it's asked of me -- right away -- I feel the questioner has been somewhat rude and at the very least doesn't have much imagination.


I seriously don't think asking somebody what they do is trying to figure out how much they earn, it's more a way of making conversation, I wouldn't ask it right off the bat, but often when somebody in a discussion argues a point, it might be interesting what that person does for a living, as it often influences the way he or she sees something. Somebody in the medical profession for example might have a completely different take on health policy than somebody who works in construction, sales, etc.

Unless your work is being a drug dealer, burglar, pick pocket, pimp, etc., there is no reason to be ashamed of it or hiding what you do for a living. Work is such a huge part of our lives, it is not everything that defines us but spending 8+ hours a day doing something is certainly something worth talking about. I would assume that no matter what a person does, if they have done it for a while, they will know quite a bit about it and will have something interesting to say about it. Personally I'm just not money focused enough to actually know how much people in certain professions earn, also how much they earn has little to do with how much money they have, they could fritter it all away or support plenty of ex-wives and uhms.



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(in reply to pollux)
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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 7:16:48 AM   
Venatrix


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Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, I've never assumed that people who didn't want to talk much about their jobs were ashamed of them.  I've noted that people who talk about their jobs all the time don't have much else to talk about and consequently don't have much interesting to say.  Most of the "high-fliers" I've associated with talk very little about their jobs and a lot more about dining, wine, art, travel, music, theatre, literature, current events, physical fitness, finance, fashion, and God knows what else.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 8:16:11 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I wasn't aware that asking somebody what they do for a living requires talking about nothing else but the work, that memo must have gotten lost in the mail.

Maybe we move in distinctively different circles, but I never encountered that anybody perceived it as rude at a dinner or a cocktail party to be asked what they do, nor was I ever insulted by the question. It's something that simply comes up in conversation, if you are talking about events, places you have been, etc., it is a fairly normal question that people want to know why you attended a certain event. Especially when talking about different countries, somebody who happens to be familiar with certain other countries pretty often travels there regularly due to work or has lived in the country, due to work reasons, therefore a perfectly legitimate question. Also quite enlightening if the person observed certain things while being on vacation or if they actually lived there.

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(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 9:50:37 AM   
Venatrix


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Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think you've lost sight of the original point that pollux was trying to make, and with which I agree:  it's when it's an immediate question from someone you've just met that it's rude.  I, however, rarely ask people what they do for a living.  I assume that when they want me to know they will tell me, as I was raised to believe that asking personal questions of strangers is to be badly mannered.  As you say, we probably move in different circles.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 2:44:32 PM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Actually, I've never assumed that people who didn't want to talk much about their jobs were ashamed of them.  I've noted that people who talk about their jobs all the time don't have much else to talk about and consequently don't have much interesting to say.  Most of the "high-fliers" I've associated with talk very little about their jobs and a lot more about dining, wine, art, travel, music, theatre, literature, current events, physical fitness, finance, fashion, and God knows what else.


quote:

I think you've lost sight of the original point that pollux was trying to make, and with which I agree: it's when it's an immediate question from someone you've just met that it's rude. I, however, rarely ask people what they do for a living. I assume that when they want me to know they will tell me, as I was raised to believe that asking personal questions of strangers is to be badly mannered. As you say, we probably move in different circles.


I answered your point, sorry if that made me "lose sight of the original point"

I'm pretty sure we move in very different circles, an occupation is not considered a personal question among my social circle, while it would be considered absolutely rude to ask somebody what they do and then assume one can ask free advise, if that happens it is usually the last time the person who is so presumptuous is invited. It comes up frequently in social settings and often cards are exchanged, with the polite request if it is OK to make contact regarding a certain project. I have often contacted somebody with a job offer after such an encounter and I have often been contacted and asked if I would be interested in a position or a freelance assignment, I have however never asked the MD to take my temperature, give me a diagnosis, or the lawyer to go through a business contract with me, but on occasion I was quite impressed with their knowledge and the passion they spoke about their occupation, so that I felt it is a person I would like to handle my affairs.

Maybe it is a generation gap as well, as work is easily over half of our waking time, it's hardly a very "personal" affair, unless of course one does have good reasons to keep what one does to earn money very private, but then again, I don't really move in circles where people do feel the need to be secretive about their occupation.



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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
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(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 2:53:08 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Back from a tedious afternoon.

After Thinking, it occurred to me that there are all sorts of folks who have NO idea what I do, and I don't know what they do, either.  Other folks, it comes up in conversation.  I avoid discussing my job.  My work, well, I am a tax accountant, so once folks find that out I do get questions to field.  Otherwise, it's just another getting-to-know-you thing. 

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 2:55:51 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, for heaven's sake, give it a rest. 

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:00:57 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think that perhaps it is a location difference. Where I live, it is a question most people ask when they meet you. No hidden agenda, just a point of conversation.

Most Europeans I've known, could care less and rarely ask. Their life is less work focused than many here in the US.


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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:10:23 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		LadyConstanze, from your perspective, I understand that it's normal conversation, and usually not considered rude.   Having lived in a couple of major cities, I find that people do often use the work question as a way to get to know each other, better understand their passions, and possibly network.   

However, even though I love what I do, and cannot complain about my salary, I get a little rashy, anytime I feel someone is trying to size me up financially.   The work question is usually how we estimate someone's "worth."   It isn't mine, by the way.    What I do is a very small indicator of who I am.   One large city I lived in, had a very standard opening line in conversation which I found rude/irritating...  "What do you do and what do you drive"  asked  pretty close to the end of the introduction line "it's nice to meet you..."   A great many people do ask the question, to size someone up financially, which I would imagine you agree, is abnoxious, coming from someone with whom you haven't shared very personal information.    M


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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:13:21 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		LOL M!  I didn't want to touch the "what do you drive" question!  That's a loaded gun.  And, a bit skewed here in the Detroit area, where leases are so popular. 



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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:29:51 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


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Status: offline 		Oh poor Detroit, and the bad financial decision that is leasing, yikes.
I'm at least glad GM is getting an organized bankruptcy, but that's for another thread.    Living in large cities is such a joke on the extents to which people will go to portray an image, and be "tha man or woman."  
I didn't always think that presentation without strong base is meaningless though; I guess judging a book by it's cover has a time and place in one's life...  At the time that I was asked what I did/drove, I had a kool profession and a Lexus, so I answered as I didn't and don't have anything to hide.   I asked him the same, only to find out, that when trying to size someone up financially, it's best to have something of one's own going on, or one's bound to look like a real asshole leech.   M

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:40:52 PM   
rob425


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

The younger men I have had contact with..were all strivers..making thier way...saving money..and had good goals.

GQ

That applies to me. I live on student loans and spend the majority of my time studying my legal books. Hopefully in 2 years I will complete law school and pass the bar

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RE: Male subs' occupation - 6/1/2009 3:57:04 PM   
LadyConstanze


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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Oh, for heaven's sake, give it a rest. 


Oh my, sorry if I touched a nerve...

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Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 100
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