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When does one stop being a sub/slave and start being a "doormat"?


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When does one stop being a sub/slave and start being a ... - 5/27/2009 1:10:23 PM   
EmelineRose


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/12/2009
Status: offline 		I've always heard quite a bit of discussion in this culture about "doormats" and in particular submissives or slaves saying they refuse to be one, and Dominants articulating that they don't want one, but seeing all these comments on profiles just lately has set me thinking about it again....so....

In YOUR opinion when does someone cross from being a "legitimate" (in your eyes) submissive or slave into being "a doormat".

I'm sure this could get kind of interesting!  Thanks in advance.

< Message edited by EmelineRose -- 5/27/2009 1:17:21 PM >
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RE: When does one stop being a submissive or slave and ... - 5/27/2009 1:14:23 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think the answer to that will be entirely up to the eyes of the person making the judgement.

It's not a label I prefer to use for people.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: When does one stop being a submissive or slave and ... - 5/27/2009 1:16:30 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		**gets bowl of popcorn and waits**

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 1:27:37 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Being a doormat fucking rocks.  Sexy as hell and pretty awesome taboot.
Try using the search function as well, you'll find some previously cool discussions.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 1:31:08 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		I'm a pretty doormat and am proud of it. I feel i keep good company with others who claim to be. Doormat is not though equivelent with being stupid, dumb or brain dead.

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: When does one stop being a submissive or slave and ... - 5/27/2009 1:33:47 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I think the answer to that will be entirely up to the eyes of the person making the judgement.

It's not a label I prefer to use for people.


agree to this one 'cause...I've always believed doormats were mindless robots..even though some above seem to interpret it differently...


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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 1:34:10 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Traditionally a doormat is considered to be someone without any healthy boundaries who will submit to anyone and allow themselves to be harmed.

However on another site there used to be a poster who said she aimed for doormat and made it to submissive. An interesting viewpoint that.

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 1:39:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmelineRose
In YOUR opinion when does someone cross from being a "legitimate" (in your eyes) submissive or slave

All women who want to be considered as potential subs and slaves need to report to me first for legitimacy testing.

I will be very strict, but eventually everyone who tries hard enough will pass.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 1:52:10 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		It's also situational, is it not?
In a 24/7 TPE relationship, it is likely there are days you will resemble a doormat, and days he will instead require you be the Kali to his Shiva.
This is how I have seen it, YMMV.
j

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:04:10 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

It's also situational, is it not?
In a 24/7 TPE relationship, it is likely there are days you will resemble a doormat, and days he will instead require you be the Kali to his Shiva.
This is how I have seen it, YMMV.
j


So true janiebelle

I find it so interesting when people don't understand something, they need to describe the act or person doing it in insulting words. The doormat that i am is one who embraces the Archetypical Goddess, in my case Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes in Hawaii. .Personally i am a hearth witch/kitchen. Most of what i do would appear to be a doormat, since i do follow my Goddess. So when i hear the word i just chuckle. Sir knows i also pray to the Goddess Pele and knows a lot of what i do on a daily bases can be consider a doormat, and is fascinated with that aspect. I know who i am, and i do have healthy boundaries. I am a doormat for something higher then me, who told me to submit to Sir. I process a lot of information while i present to him what he needs. I am grateful Goddess didnt seek me to submit to someone who has no honor or respect for all that is living.

So yes, i am a doormat, if you wish you use that terms, and i obey my Goddess.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to janiebelle)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:19:42 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		From my definition one moves into the territory of "doormat" when one is no longer getting any satisfaction from the yielding that one is doing in a relationship or situation. It is irrelevant what one calls oneself -- if the process of yielding has stopped feeling worthwhile and started feeling like an intrusion that is stripping away the essence of the person that one wants to be, then the relationship is no longer healthy, and if one continues to yield to the circumstances, despite -knowing- that one is unfulfilled and that the hope of -being- fulfilled is clearly beyond the scope of the existing relationship, then one has moved into the territory of the 'doormat'.

To me, "doormat" coincides with 'victim'... someone who doesn't take responsibility for the -choice- of yielding, but simply allows hirself to be pummeled through life, even when xhe knows that xhe is not developing in any worthwhile manner from the experience.

Dame Calla

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to oceanwinds)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:33:54 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

So true janiebelle

I find it so interesting when people don't understand something, they need to describe the act or person doing it in insulting words. The doormat that i am is one who embraces the Archetypical Goddess, in my case Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes in Hawaii. .Personally i am a hearth witch/kitchen. Most of what i do would appear to be a doormat, since i do follow my Goddess. So when i hear the word i just chuckle. Sir knows i also pray to the Goddess Pele and knows a lot of what i do on a daily bases can be consider a doormat, and is fascinated with that aspect. I know who i am, and i do have healthy boundaries. I am a doormat for something higher then me, who told me to submit to Sir. I process a lot of information while i present to him what he needs. I am grateful Goddess didnt seek me to submit to someone who has no honor or respect for all that is living.

So yes, i am a doormat, if you wish you use that terms, and i obey my Goddess.


To me, this isn't a 'doormat'... this is a supplicant... a novitiate... a priest. when one chooses a path and follows that path, and chooses someone or something to emulate, that is -not- being a doormat. Being pressed hard, forced into uncomfortable, untenable, and undenyably difficult situations does not necessarily mean that someone is being treated as a doormat. Yielding to another, and having the satisfaction of knowing that one's yielding brings peace, self-awareness, satisfaction of a job well done, and/or knowledge also removes an individual, no matter how menial hir work, from that realm of "doormat".

There is a reason that 'doormat' is used derogatorily, IMO... a "doormat" implies something on the OUTSIDE of life, that is worth nothing more than to be used to clean the dirt off one's feet... to keep filth from the "worthwhile" portions of life/hearth/home. If I were ever to deign to use it in reference to a -person-, it would be a person who is not a real part of the relationship xhe exists within... someone who is there, but who is no longer a real -member- of the dynamic, and yet, despite being shut away from all of the value of the relationship, who still allows hirself to be the receptacle for all the 'dirt' of that relationship -- and who, despite no longer growing from hir experience, still hangs on, just outside the "door", as if unable to pick hirself up, shake hirself off, and move on with a more productive life.

Dame Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to oceanwinds)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:35:18 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

when does someone cross from being a "legitimate" (in your eyes) submissive


I mostly ignore profiles that make loud noises about "doormat" and "having a brain" and the like. I don't normally talk to people who don't have a brain, so if I talk to you, you're good.

I tend to think (IOW, I don't have a real answer) that anybody who feels they must introduce themselves by stating loudly what they are and are not, is terribly insecure, and does not respect my ability to form my own opinion.

I suppose I could express that a little less civilly, and say that if you let me treat you as a doormat, without wanting to, you're f*ing stupid. And making a policy statement in your profile confirms that to me. Those who read, don't need it, those who don't, won't get it.

(in reply to EmelineRose)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:42:07 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I think one crosses the line into doormat territory when one gives up all of ones standards and what one says is important to them.  For instance if one says they have certain limits or values but then puts up with things they didnt agree to becuase they are afraid to be alone that to me is what a doormat is. For example, say one said they are monogomous but then there dom without any imput starts bringing in others  without there imput, no discussion ahead of time took place and they are unhappy but they stay anyway. Or they are doing things they dont want to do because its the only way they can stil have the relationship and they are so unhappy, that to me is a doormat.

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 2:57:51 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmelineRose

I've always heard quite a bit of discussion in this culture about "doormats" and in particular submissives or slaves saying they refuse to be one, and Dominants articulating that they don't want one, but seeing all these comments on profiles just lately has set me thinking about it again....so....

In YOUR opinion when does someone cross from being a "legitimate" (in your eyes) submissive or slave into being "a doormat".

I'm sure this could get kind of interesting!  Thanks in advance.


I separate the two depending upon how they identity themselves. People who identity as doormats give because they just can't say no. People who identity as submissives give because they want to give. Doormats feel used where the submissive feels happy in being used.


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m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 3:01:05 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Thank you CallaFirestorm
I know i am not a doormat in the essence many prefer to call people. It is not for me to play victim either. Victims in my book love attention and will stay a victim to receive it. I have hard core boundaries around me of things i cannot permit in my life. No one living in a human form can bend those. I am no one's victim.

I honor my path.

oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 3:07:16 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly,

I separate the two depending upon how they identity themselves. People who identity as doormats give because they just can't say no. People who identity as submissives give because they want to give. Doormats feel used where the submissive feels happy in being used.


i personally liked what you said here, clear and to the point.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 3:12:04 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Traditionally a doormat is considered to be someone without any healthy boundaries who will submit to anyone and allow themselves to be harmed.


Traditionally?  Which one?  Old guard, new guard, leather, kink gorean...?  Seriously traditionally?
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 3:16:02 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly,

I separate the two depending upon how they identity themselves. People who identity as doormats give because they just can't say no. People who identity as submissives give because they want to give. Doormats feel used where the submissive feels happy in being used.


i personally liked what you said here, clear and to the point.



I pretty much agree also.  Although I would still add the caveat that there are certainly some doormats that are happy being used also.  But that shouldn't be confused with enjoyment.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: When does one stop being a sub/slave and start bein... - 5/27/2009 3:21:21 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		DOORMAT  poem to Queen from sub david..1998
 
let me come home
let me come home..
 
sew fringes on my feet..
carve welcome on my back..
 
I will lay down at your door
if
 
only
 
you will let me come  home
 
 
 
and ya.. I DID! ..damn he was a good chef...GQ

(in reply to RCdc)
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