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Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 3:34:13 PM   
Demetrius1029384


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2009
From: Otown
Status: offline 		ok im the sub female in our relationship...im very new to this lifestyle...i need some advice abt how to be a good submissive...i love my master and want to please him and make him happy...please give me some advice...any advice you can give would help emensely...doms - subs - dommes anyone who can help
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 3:51:47 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		...Talk to Him/Her and ask them whats pleasing... what i like is totally different from what anyone else might like.

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" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 4:04:49 PM   
velvetvixen


Posts: 378
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline
The way to please your Master is to do what is pleasing to Him. Is He new to this as well in that He hasn't told you what pleases Him or does not?

Good luck with all this.

vv

(in reply to hopelessfool)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 4:31:34 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ny advice you can give would help


Is it fair to assume something is not working in your life? Perhaps you could share why you are asking the question - the generic answer to your question you can simply Google.

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 4:31:52 PM   
Demetrius1029384


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2009
From: Otown
Status: offline 		he is kinda new to it as well but has had much more experience than i hav...he hasnt told me wat pleases him...he told me its trial and error after i get punished enuf ill know wat he wants...but half the time im not sure wat it is im being punished for

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 4:34:25 PM   
Demetrius1029384


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2009
From: Otown
Status: offline 		im askin this question because he doesnt tell me wat he wants, likes, dislikes etc...i jus want to know wat is normal behavior to be expected from a sub...i know every dom differs some but there are some things that are universal right?

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 4:48:52 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Lemme get this straight - he punishes you without telling you what it's for?

And he tells you that after enough punishment, you'll figure it all out?

Either he's mute or else he's got issues.  Big ones.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:02:27 PM   
redneckhippies


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Lemme get this straight - he punishes you without telling you what it's for?

And he tells you that after enough punishment, you'll figure it all out?

Either he's mute or else he's got issues.  Big ones.


I agree completely....there is no way for you to figure out what he wants through trial and error, you aren't a mind reader and neither is he. Generally pleasing a Dom involves doing what he says immeadiately and without fight. Other than that he would have to tell you what is wanted out of you. For example.....I've been punished if i don't use the proper term of respect, or if i neglect to be waiting nude and in my collar and cuffs when he gets home, generally for not doing the things i'm told are expected of me. He needs to tell you what he expects from a sub in order for you to manage, otherwise you may not enjoy your role if you're frustrated all the time.
Now in a game sense you can make a sub "figure out" what is wanted from them and it can be fun for both involved, but that is a short term play, not a regular occurence. plus usually you are given hints and only punished lightly for not doing it right.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:08:37 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

im askin this question because he doesnt tell me wat he wants, likes, dislikes etc...i jus want to know wat is normal behavior to be expected from a sub...i know every dom differs some but there are some things that are universal right?



No there is no truism to follow. There is a necessity for common sense. If a Dom cannot explain things to a sub, then their cannot be a build up of communication. I know you want to please him, and all that, but please think about this lack of communication. Read the search function here it will offer you a lot of material to ponder. No one's relationships are the same. In my world if i met someone who didnt respect me enough to build trust and respect with me, i wouldnt be able to serve. I would see it as their desire to see me fail. Some might like that, but i do not.

Best of luck
oceanwinds

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:19:20 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Trial and error and then being punished and you don't know why?

To me that would be like shown a door that has multiple locks and being given the information that only some of the locks are locked and some of them engage backwards....then being handed a big box of keys.

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(in reply to oceanwinds)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:19:48 PM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		No, there aren't really any universals. Obvious things like punctuality, not arguing, doing things when told to do them. But this seems deeper than the obvious. I really can't see the point of punishing someone without them knowing what it's for. Does he think you're a mind reader? How can you learn if you don't know what it is you're supposed to be learning? Punishment is for wrong doings. For example, I don't want my subs to cross dress and if he did it anyway, he would be punished. However, my subs already know my wishes because I told them. If chastity is a requirement, and a sub doesn't stay chaste, then he/she is punished, but they would already know that they would be punished, because they would have been told that chastity was a requirement.

Either he is a sadist, who doesn't need a reason to punish, and he's getting off on hurting you OR he hasn't got a clue what he's doing. Either way, HE needs to be the one to tell you which is which.

Always get the basics sorted out before becoming someones anything. If you went for a new job, you would already know what was ok and what wasn't, because it would be discussed before you turned up for work the first day. An office manager is rarely required to clean the toilets, for example. In a vanilla relationship, both parties negotiate what is ok and isn't, like sleeping with others, BEFORE moving in together. This is no different.

(in reply to redneckhippies)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:51:29 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

..but half the time im not sure wat it is im being punished for


Well, that sounds super effective. 

Do you ask him what you're being punished for?  How does he respond to you, if you do?  I hope he knows why he's punishing you, at least. 



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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 5:58:20 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

ok im the sub female in our relationship...im very new to this lifestyle...i need some advice abt how to be a good submissive...i love my master and want to please him and make him happy...please give me some advice...any advice you can give would help emensely...doms - subs - dommes anyone who can help


Something else just hit me...I don't mean to sound all negative, but...if you love him, how come you don't know his likes and dislikes?  Do you know him well enough to love him, really?  Are you possibly thinking you must love him because you're submitting to him?

Just a thought...

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 6:32:51 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Trial and error and then being punished and you don't know why?

To me that would be like shown a door that has multiple locks and being given the information that only some of the locks are locked and some of them engage backwards....then being handed a big box of keys.


Yeah, and you get an electrical shock every time you put a key in the wrong lock.
That can't be a good time.
j

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 6:43:03 PM   
Demetrius1029384


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2009
From: Otown
Status: offline 		he is somewat sadist...but he tells me when hes hurtin me just to hurt me and that i dont mind...but when he tells me im being punished he doesnt tell me why...i know his like and dislikes to an extent but not as far as his likes and dislikes as far as a sub is concerned because he will not tell me...yes i do ask wat im beong punished for and he tells me ill figure it out eventually...

(in reply to janiebelle)
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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 6:55:05 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

he is somewat sadist...but he tells me when hes hurtin me just to hurt me and that i dont mind...but when he tells me im being punished he doesnt tell me why...i know his like and dislikes to an extent but not as far as his likes and dislikes as far as a sub is concerned because he will not tell me...yes i do ask wat im beong punished for and he tells me ill figure it out eventually...


I hate to be the one to say this:
The only thing you're going to figure out eventually with this approach is that he doesn't have a good grasp on his dominance yet.
j

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 7:05:55 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

because he will not tell me...yes i do ask wat im beong punished for and he tells me ill figure it out eventually...


I think you have fallen into the hands of a rank amateur, a boy, not a man. If he won't communicate with you, and there is no agreement between you, something you've set up and discussed before this all started, you need to get out of there in a hurry. He may decide tomorrow you need to be punished into hospital, you have no control over this at all, none.

And you have a joint profile, you don't have your own, so he is reading all this?



(in reply to Demetrius1029384)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 7:36:10 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		Ok I'll play Devil's Advocate because I'm a new sub.  It could be that she's not communicating as well, and TELLING him that she's not sure why she's being punished.  I for one am quite sassy and I LOVE getting spankings so I provoke my Dom to get them.  We established this pretty early on, but it wasn't REALLY clear to him how much I like this until we were in person and he saw my reaction to the spankings.  Then he started to get what I was doing in provoking him.  Doesn't ALWAYS go over well, but does 80 percent of the time.  I'm still learning to not push too far and he's still learning that I'm playful and most times I'm just provoking.  So I think perhaps...time here will tell?  I'm by no means an expert, I'm a rank amateur myself, so...thought i'd share from another newbie perspective.  I say tell him, see what he says. 

-Mag

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 8:14:26 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

he is kinda new to it as well but has had much more experience than i hav...he hasnt told me wat pleases him...he told me its trial and error after i get punished enuf ill know wat he wants...but half the time im not sure wat it is im being punished for


Just how much experience has he had and if so how long did it all keep going with who ever He was with?


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HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 5/27/2009 8:17:19 PM   
Demetrius1029384


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/14/2009
From: Otown
Status: offline 		he was with his other sub for four years...so hes been at it a lil while

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)
Profile   Post #: 20
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