RE: Service vs. favours (Full Version)

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housebitch -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 3:59:30 PM)

So, my understanding here is that most dominants are expressing frustration that 'service-subs' dont want to come over and work an 8-hour day for them w/o any reward or motivation at all? 

in other words, they come over & work like a slave all day, and They dont want to wear anything the 'slave' likes as motivation, or do anything the slave likes as a reward. (?) 

in reality, folks, does that really seem reasonable to you?  Would anyone here go to work for someone w/o a hope of even getting a paycheck?  i mean, it would take hypnotism & brainwashing to accomplish that. 

Yes, i am a 'service-oriented' sub.  as an example, i flew out to dallas a few weekends ago to be a slave for the weekend for a woman i met a while ago on match.com.  i sanded Her deck & arbor, then painted the entire thing, among a multitude of other chores i completed.  All i asked was that She wear a hot pair of shoes while i was there (which i had bought Her), refer to me as 'slave', and allow me to kiss Her feet as a reward when She felt it was warrented. 

i guess that makes me a horrible service-oriented sub who should be banned from using the term?  if im a horrible person, what does that make the people that would have charged Her $1000 to do the same job?  (Heck, i even bought the paint... :-)

yes, i enjoy the service itself to some degree.  however, the real motivation is Her attractiveness, and the real reward (i guess) is the humiliation of bowing down and kissing Her feet as a 'reward'.

i agree with AlexandraLynch.  i dont think its that much to ask.  A few pecks on the foot, to wear a certain article of clothing, or a minor fetish/kink indulgence as a reward.  i mean, a guy hopes to kiss Your feet for 30 seconds after working all day for You- and thats horrible?  or asking them to actually try to be attractive to motivate you- thats selfish?

it reminds me of people that dont workout, dont wear attractive clothing, and arent the most enthusiastic about hygiene or good grooming- and then complain about their difficulties attracting the opposite sex. 

Lets be realistic with this subject- unless the 'service-slave' that shows up at your door is a labotomized, hypnotized, extensively brainwashed pseudo-android...yes, they will probably need some motivation to serve.  It is simply a matter of what motivates them to work, and how that compares to the interests & limits of the Domme.




LadyConstanze -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 4:24:59 PM)

I do agree with you there, but you put it up front and honest, nothing wrong with that, but if somebody claims they will do "anything just to please you" and then they come with an agenda, that's quite messed up.

For example if somebody claims that they want to clean for you, but then just want to look pretty while holding a duster without actually doing anything, but you should give them your attention all the time while they are there, then they are creating work for me and I can't see the point of it.



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 7:36:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: housebitch

So, my understanding here is that most dominants are expressing frustration that 'service-subs' dont want to come over and work an 8-hour day for them w/o any reward or motivation at all? 

in other words, they come over & work like a slave all day, and They dont want to wear anything the 'slave' likes as motivation, or do anything the slave likes as a reward. (?) 

in reality, folks, does that really seem reasonable to you?  Would anyone here go to work for someone w/o a hope of even getting a paycheck?  i mean, it would take hypnotism & brainwashing to accomplish that. 

Yes, i am a 'service-oriented' sub.  as an example, i flew out to dallas a few weekends ago to be a slave for the weekend for a woman i met a while ago on match.com.  i sanded Her deck & arbor, then painted the entire thing, among a multitude of other chores i completed.  All i asked was that She wear a hot pair of shoes while i was there (which i had bought Her), refer to me as 'slave', and allow me to kiss Her feet as a reward when She felt it was warrented. 

i guess that makes me a horrible service-oriented sub who should be banned from using the term?  if im a horrible person, what does that make the people that would have charged Her $1000 to do the same job?  (Heck, i even bought the paint... :-)

yes, i enjoy the service itself to some degree.  however, the real motivation is Her attractiveness, and the real reward (i guess) is the humiliation of bowing down and kissing Her feet as a 'reward'.

i agree with AlexandraLynch.  i dont think its that much to ask.  A few pecks on the foot, to wear a certain article of clothing, or a minor fetish/kink indulgence as a reward.  i mean, a guy hopes to kiss Your feet for 30 seconds after working all day for You- and thats horrible?  or asking them to actually try to be attractive to motivate you- thats selfish?

it reminds me of people that dont workout, dont wear attractive clothing, and arent the most enthusiastic about hygiene or good grooming- and then complain about their difficulties attracting the opposite sex. 

Lets be realistic with this subject- unless the 'service-slave' that shows up at your door is a labotomized, hypnotized, extensively brainwashed pseudo-android...yes, they will probably need some motivation to serve.  It is simply a matter of what motivates them to work, and how that compares to the interests & limits of the Domme.




However my friend,  what about when you and I brainstorm ways for you to have your kink and eat it too (without being thought of as creepy?)



AttendToYou -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 8:39:26 PM)

Not to be too antagnostic, but I do believe that some dommes encourage this kind of behavior by making it a rewards/punishments thing.  Sometimes it is fun just to give without it being tied to a discipline or initiation or some other checklist.




AlexandraLynch -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 8:55:26 PM)

I personally view it the way I view money between friends. You get the tab this time, I'll get it next time, but no one's keeping an exact dollars and cents count, we just flow so that it feels right.



DavanKael -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/29/2009 9:22:56 PM)

Hmmmmm, ime, I've had men I would characterize as Dominant and submissive offer their assistance to me.  Anyone I sensed an inappropriate expectation from, I declined to accept.  I will, however, say that I don't generally accept assistance from a male I've not already built a friendship with, so that diminishes the overt overtures considerably.  Hmmm...I guess maybe I've avoided a fair bit of it all by refusing assistance because I don't want any sort of expectations or presumption. 
  Davan



housebitch -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 5:41:36 AM)

 i guess, as with most things in life, the answer doesnt lie in the extremes, but somewhere in the middle.  to show up and do basically nothing after promising 'anything is wrong, just as it is wrong to expect someone to slave away with absolutley no motivation whatsoever. 

The problem, i think, lies in human nature, that people will lie to get their 'foot in the door', so-to-speak.  It happens when people show up for their 'blind date' from the internet and the person sitting across from them realizes that the pictures they had received ahead of time were from 15yrs ago.  Or the job interview candidate that suddenly isnt such a 'hard worker' after they are hired...

But its actually funny that the BSB sent me this link because i was actually thinking of starting one of my own on a similar topic.  

There is a BEAUTIFUL girl that i have been paying to be Her slave now for about a year now.  (She has some pix on a profile here under the name 'GoddessNo' - She is also the one that is written about in my journal entries the most, and the girl abusing me in the videos in my clips4sale store...)  She absolutely beautiful and heartless...! [sm=hearts.gif]

She is now moving to miami, which is much closer to me.  (As a sidenote, yes, i am paying for Her moving truck, and i am moving Her myself- as a true service-slave should be used! And all i am asking for is a kick in the balls at the end of the move, and the privilege of rubbing Her feet.) 

i have recently begun trying to set Her up with additional slaves for Her and Her roommates in miami.  (i did something similar for Her in orlando with very limited success.)  She is looking for true service-subs.  She has ordered me, as Her slave, to find them for Her.  And She realizes that there does have to be some sort of reward for these guys in order to 'keep' them as slaves to Her.

My main question here is: Where the "F" are all these 'service subs??  i mean, am i the only one that's like this??  i mean, this girl is beautiful, mean, and really wants to use guys.  And She is willing to fulfill some fetishes/needs of the sub in order to get them to work for Her.  (As long as they are within Her limits)  She learned this the hard way when She had a slave show up at Her place, She gave him a list of chores and then just left.  He never saw Her again and only cleaned for a little bit and left.  (At least thats what i heard from piecing the 2 sides of the story together...)

But from what i have experienced as Her 'slave recruiter/screener' is that 99% of 'slaves' only want their fetish/kinks fulfilled (ie, being sh*t on or tied up and whipped) and they dont want to do any real work, AND they dont want to pay for it either!  They basically want a free 'session' focused 100% on their desires.  Or they just want to talk about 'serving'.  Or they want to 'date' Her.  Or they just - as was said earlier - want to have Her literally stand over them the entire time they are there. 

Jeez!! 

i mean, She's hot, demanding, and willing to indulge some kinks (like ballbusting, trampling, spitting, foot & shoe worship, etc...) in exchange for the service. 

One case specifically- i am trying to set Her up with a 'grocery slave'.  They buy and deliver Her groceries weekly, and She indulges/abuses them for a little bit before sending them on their way.  i mean, how hard is that??  essentially it's groceries for the opportunity to be abused by a HOT, otherwise vanilla girl that you would see walking down the street or in a club and WISH She would walk all over you or let you kiss Her feet...

Seriously, am i the only service-sub in all of S. FL that thinks this is a good deal??  They always seem to have some excuse or flake out...




thishereboi -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 7:01:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Granted, I have zero experience with submissive men, aside from having a few as friends/aquaintances, but I really don't think there is much difference in "return for effort" between men and women. I've yet to meet a submissive/slave woman, that was solely service oriented, without concern for her own gratification of some sort.

Not saying these people do not exist, just saying I've yet to know one.



That is becuase you have never been to Detroit.



littlewonder -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:09:32 AM)

quote:

All i asked was that She wear a hot pair of shoes while i was there (which i had bought Her), refer to me as 'slave', and allow me to kiss Her feet as a reward when She felt it was warrented.


Personally to me, this isn't a service slave...this is a service bottom...ie...tit for tat. I'll do this if you do that and we'll both get what we want out of the deal.

...but that's my view.



gentlemanprince -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:20:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I've yet to meet a submissive/slave woman, that was solely service oriented, without concern for her own gratification of some sort.



Of course we are concerned to some extent with our own gratification.  I've never understood those dominants who maintain "it's all about me" or those submissives who claim to be selfless.  I have my own wants and needs.  I don't want a relationship where they won't be met.

But concern for my gratification doesn't mean my instant gratification.  I am happy to do things for a woman just to get to know her and see if it might develop into something more.  There is my gratification, the possibilitiy of a great relationship. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:38:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Granted, I have zero experience with submissive men, aside from having a few as friends/aquaintances, but I really don't think there is much difference in "return for effort" between men and women. I've yet to meet a submissive/slave woman, that was solely service oriented, without concern for her own gratification of some sort.

Not saying these people do not exist, just saying I've yet to know one.



That is becuase you have never been to Detroit.


{hugs the sweet one!}



LaTigresse -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:40:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Granted, I have zero experience with submissive men, aside from having a few as friends/aquaintances, but I really don't think there is much difference in "return for effort" between men and women. I've yet to meet a submissive/slave woman, that was solely service oriented, without concern for her own gratification of some sort.

Not saying these people do not exist, just saying I've yet to know one.



That is becuase you have never been to Detroit.


True......not one of the great American cities I've ever had on my list of "must see places".[:D]

I've been thinking about this thread now that I am relaxing at home and have a clearer head. Aside from the guys that write me, ignoring or hoping.....the sexual preference that is quite clearly listed on my profile. Somehow thinking that I will still love the idea of ramming a big strapon up their arse after they've mowed my yard, or that their tongue is my idea of service.....aside from that stupidity. Any woman that contacts me as a service slave, that thinks it will always be only, all about me, nothing kinky at all, unless we've pre-agreed, is a moron.

Somewhere in there is a line, and the bugger of it is, it's hard to define sometimes. But it definitely exists. I am not selfish enough to believe that someone will wish to spend the rest of their life behaving as a scullery maid in my home. I doubt I would want that. It is the level of expectation, that feeling that they would only be doing it to manipulate me to serving their kink.

Maybe it is just my issue, something I should work on that I am unaware of, but I hate hate HATE feeling manipulated. Bottom line, I am not going to serve someone's kink. I do not NEED someone else to do my dishes or mow my yard. They will do it because they WANT to make me happier, they WANT to make my life easier. Without any manipulative expectation of me standing over them in a rubber catsuit or whatever. THAT would not make my life easier. I may as well do it myself if that were the case.

It's not that there wouldn't be fun kinky things. That is not my point. Depending upon the person and our dynamic, there may be an awful lot of fun kinky activities. But placing that expectation above the service is like putting the cart before the horse. At least for me. I don't like command performances. If that's what people want, then I may as well become a pro dominatrix. Because having those expectations is how that would make me feel.

I want someone that serves me because they want to serve ME, not their kink. And I want the person/people that serves me, to be someone I want around, that I want to spend time with, and if we are both lucky, someone that creates the hunger in me to do mutually interesting kinky things with. It has to be mutually satisfying, but when someone comes to me with demands and expectations, it turns it into a business deal and that is not satisfying to me.  



lronitulstahp -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:45:34 AM)

quote:

Maybe raising kids knocks some of that narcissism out of women, and men on average don't, as often, have to get up and do something for someone else, even if they are tired or sick.
*adores RedMagic*




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:47:02 AM)

LaT  is so smart.  Is there something in the water in Iowa?  [8D]



lronitulstahp -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:49:16 AM)

Weird thing here is, my orientation's all messed up with these two....RedMagic is my phone-a-friend when i'm hitting the emotional wall. LaT's my CM crush(even told The TDHO about it lol). WTF?????

eta...(just to stay on topic...)

As far as service vs.favours....for me, a lot of it is being "reminded" by the One to whom i am in service. i have a tendency to make things about me, and i need my chain yanked from time to time. WORKS WONDERS!



LaTigresse -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:50:43 AM)

Awwww geee, y'all are too nice to me.

Thank you for bringing a smile to my face.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:54:43 AM)

Yeah, what are we being nice to YOU for, there's nothing in it for us!  [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]



Venatrix -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:56:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I do agree with you there, but you put it up front and honest, nothing wrong with that, but if somebody claims they will do "anything just to please you" and then they come with an agenda, that's quite messed up.

For example if somebody claims that they want to clean for you, but then just want to look pretty while holding a duster without actually doing anything, but you should give them your attention all the time while they are there, then they are creating work for me and I can't see the point of it.


Yes, absolutely.  My experience has been that "service subs" don't really want to do the chore, they just want to ponce about whilst you dress up for them and smack them.  Given that I'm ultimately looking for a committed relationship, and that I no longer play casually, my approach is that you do things for me because you care for me, I do things for you because I care for you.  But the chores need to be done; so, some we'll do together and some we'll do separately, but the goal is to get the work finished.  Afterwards, we'll have a bath, a light meal, relax for a while, then have playtime.  That's not to say there wouldn't be a bit of d/s banter going on whilst we're doing the chores, but I've neither the patience nor the inclination to spend my time berating someone for doing a poor job of cleaning, for the past five hours, the same six square inches of real estate.

Edited to add:  I can't tell you the number of platonic vanilla men friends who have pitched in to help me - and, in some cases, complete strangers - simply because it made them feel good.  Yet, as we've seen on these boards, submissive men have no end of justifications for why they ought to get their kink satisfied in return for doing a chore for a woman with whom they supposedly have a relationship.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:58:41 AM)

Speak for yourself Hib!!!!!*flashes million dollar smile at LaT, fluffs up my bewbies, pulls low cut blouse down even more, begins to recite Homer in original Greek*

~desperate to impress



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Service vs. favours (5/30/2009 8:59:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: housebitch



quote:

There is a BEAUTIFUL girl that i have been paying to be Her slave now for about a year now. 

(She absolutely beautiful 
And all i am asking for is a kick in the balls at the end of the move, and the privilege of rubbing Her feet.) 


.  And She is willing to fulfill some fetishes/needs of the sub in order to get them to work for Her. 
and they dont want to do any real work, AND they dont want to pay for it either!  
She's hot,
and willing to indulge some kinks

a HOT, otherwise vanilla girl

a good deal?? 


....

THIS is NOT service for sake of serving...as in respect..adoration..
etc..
this is paying to be with a hot chick..
This is an exchange...to each his own..
but not genuine service...

you are not a slave to her

you are a slave to your dic..

again to each his own..and you seem very happy..sooooooooo

GQ



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