RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

Lockit -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 12:56:50 PM)

Don't try to explain yourself dude... it just makes it worse. 



RedMagic1 -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:01:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Don't try to explain yourself dude... it just makes it worse. 

Sorry, Lockit, but I disagree.  If he's looking for answers, too, he needs to verbalize this stuff.  Maybe not here, but somewhere, to someone.

OP, if what she wrote is the truth, then you are behaving irresponsibly.  All of us are human and flawed.  However, unless you address some of her concerns, I think it will be hard for you to construct long-term happy relationships, with anyone.  Actions do have consequences, though the consequences can take years to appear sometimes.

You ignore this at your peril.



oceanwinds -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:02:23 PM)

I could understand you posting ,without her assignment given for all to view, and asking for genuine help in helping your sub to not struggle, to help her get past the things that are bothering her. In other words to ask how to improve on your own skills. Maybe you never thought of that, I do not know. Perhaps it might be something to consider though. What do you think?



SecretStormFLA -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:03:49 PM)

Again, to those of you determined to condemn me, do you really think I have posted this here because I don't care about this sub? Do you think I was unaware of the knee jerk attacks I would be exposing myself to?

I encourage you to do this: 1) Look at the assignment that was given this sub. 2)Look at the way she chose to respond to it.

Feel free to comment on what she wrote, how she wrote it, etc. But remember, beyond my search for unbiased input, you know nothing about me. So to comment on me, or to call me an "asshole" as someone did is really non-constructive and speaks volumes regarding your capacity for deep thought.



Lockit -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:04:49 PM)

I typically agree Red... but one does need to know how to run their own life before they start messing with others and when one asks for help and does nothing but point a finger to another and rebuke what is said good or bad... one is a bit off the good health route. 

The more he talks, the more clueless he sounds and to be dominant and clueless... scary.



LadyPact -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:09:05 PM)

It would be My opinion that we do not need to *know* you to base our assessment.  We have the action of the display of the post.  If the writing was done specifically in mind that other people would see it, how do you know that it isn't slanted for that purpose?

Posting what should have been a private matter between you and your sub probably wasn't the way to go about getting advice.  You could have just as easily paraphrased what was written for us to assist you.



Lockit -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:09:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA

Again, to those of you determined to condemn me, do you really think I have posted this here because I don't care about this sub? Do you think I was unaware of the knee jerk attacks I would be exposing myself to?

I encourage you to do this: 1) Look at the assignment that was given this sub. 2)Look at the way she chose to respond to it.

Feel free to comment on what she wrote, how she wrote it, etc. But remember, beyond my search for unbiased input, you know nothing about me. So to comment on me, or to call me an "asshole" as someone did is really non-constructive and speaks volumes regarding your capacity for deep thought.


So the very lesson you wish to teach your submissive about taking her learning from strangers... is something you cannot do?



hlen5 -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:10:19 PM)

Here's what I see in her assignment -

An articulate sub who is trying hard to please her dom
A sub who is carrying out her dom's wishes to the best of her ability
A sub who is asking for hurtful behavior to stop
A sub who seems to be committed to IMPROVING her realtionship
A sub who might be wondering if things ARE going to change, and maybe
losing hope

SSFla - what is your expectation of posting this?? Are you trying to shame her???



SecretStormFLA -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:10:20 PM)

Through your insults, you seem desperate for respect, Lockit. Yet unwilling to give it. Odd.



barelynangel -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:10:48 PM)

My questions are this --

Did you give her these particular titles and say finish these sentences.  What was the writing assignement?  Did she know you were planning on taking her words and putting them put for anyone and their mother to see, or did she believe she was writing TO YOU for the benefit of YOUR relationship?  To me, i would be VERY upset if my Master asked me to identify what i see as his faults and then posted them publically.  The reason i say this is because it goes against my grain to speak poorly of my Master TO OTHERS, when i had one, hell i won't even speak poorly of him now. 

I also don't get why you would NEED as a Man to use the perspectives of people you don't know and who don't know her or you and say she somehow needs to learn from this?  What exactly do you see her learning?  She already believes you compare and contrast her with others, so what are you planning now to hold what strangers say that would be more likely criticizing HER - cause based on your initial post i don't see you using what people say negatively about you as to be something she needs to understand, and say to her -- SEEE everyone agrees with me about you.  Unless of course, she did this TO YOU lol and you are trying to show her what it feels like.

THEN you say don't judge you on what she wrote.  Why not?  She seems very intelligent, her essay seems very focused and an attempt to be honest.  We ARE SEEING you through HER perspective -- just as you are saying you want to train her based on the perspective of strangers.  What's good for the goose as they say.  Are you saying she is lying, are you saying none of its true?  You are getting the PERSPECTIVES of strangers -- maybe not what you want, but perhaps it may be helpful to you to maybe utilize this the same way you would for her?  Maybe your sub isn't so far off as to what the issue is -- which  seems to be a lot of YOU and your issues.   You are telling us to critic a writing style of a stranger, grins but don't want to critic the person she seemingly has honestly wrote about?  We actually know a lot about you now -- unless you are going to say what she wrote here was a fictional concept that you are using to play a game with people online.  If not, then i would say we know quite a bit about you IF what this assignment was -- was for her to HONESTLY give her perspective about YOU the Man and her DOM and what she sees of you and how she feels.  So just let us know lol if this is all a hoax.

I have read the assignment, and personally, i don't know what you are expecting people to say.  THEY ARE TELLING YOU what the see from her post.  If you are looking for critic as to how she portrayed herself -- i personally amd the blunt direct type of slave, i don't use passive, aggressiveness especially with a Man i called Master.... i think what she wrote is fine and i seriously hope that if this is a truth essay, you take to heart what she has said -- and perhaps you will be better able to create the environment as her Dom she needs to meet your expectations and standards.

angel



SecretStormFLA -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:12:25 PM)

Hlen5, I seek what was stated in my original post. Your valued perspectives. And I thank you.



colouredin -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:12:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA

But remember, beyond my search for unbiased input, you know nothing about me. So to comment on me, or to call me an "asshole" as someone did is really non-constructive and speaks volumes regarding your capacity for deep thought.


We know what we know, that is what you have written here, as LP said you could have paraphrased if you really wanted help, I think that this was about humiliation you didnt need to post it verbatim. Then using the information we have it isnt biased its looking at the facts presented. We dont know you, we have no preconceptions just what you have given us. That is why what has been written has been written. If you can't see that then I do not really know why you are here, why ask for input then complain when you get it?



Lockit -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:13:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA

Through your insults, you seem desperate for respect, Lockit. Yet unwilling to give it. Odd.


I don't need your respect and I surely see no reason to respect how you conduct yourself...

If you want help in something... why only point to the submissive's part... how about your own?



Fitznicely -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:14:07 PM)

To answer your points, SecretStorm:

1) The assignment is a good one and could be very useful to you
2) Her answers reveal why she is struggling. The issues should not need pointing out, as they're glaring.

NOW, I have things YOU need to look at:

What did you hope to gain from posting this publicly?
How does your sub grow from the experience?
What are you planning to do about the issues she raises?
When are you going to grow the frig up and get rid of your ex-wife?
What do YOU see in the essay and how important do you think it is that you act upon what's written?



Viridana -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:17:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA

Again, to those of you determined to condemn me, do you really think I have posted this here because I don't care about this sub? Do you think I was unaware of the knee jerk attacks I would be exposing myself to?

I encourage you to do this: 1) Look at the assignment that was given this sub. 2)Look at the way she chose to respond to it.

Feel free to comment on what she wrote, how she wrote it, etc. But remember, beyond my search for unbiased input, you know nothing about me. So to comment on me, or to call me an "asshole" as someone did is really non-constructive and speaks volumes regarding your capacity for deep thought.


Maybe you should lose the assumptions yourself and look at what people are saying. I never said that you were an asshole. I said that by what she's writing and how she's writing it, it seems like she's dealing with an immature asshole, at least to me she does. I honestly feel for you, because I don't think that is the result that you were aiming for, but that's what you ended up with. You asked a question and I answered honestly without assumptions. If you don't have the mental capacity nor the reading comprehension to distinguish between the two I think you are the only one on this thread having trouble with "deep thought". However your responses and inability to recognize that the answers you don't want to hear are not "assumptions" as you would like to dismiss them as but good and solid answers to the actual questions you asked shows well..... sorry to say immaturity and further reassures the original feeling of the OP that I had; that the sub in question really is dealing with someone who's behaving like an asshole.



BitaTruble -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:19:50 PM)

quote:

1) Look at the assignment that was given this sub.


What, exactly, was the assignment you gave her? Without that crucial piece of information it's rather hard to determine whether or not she did a competent job of it.

Also, can you clarify whether or not she is aware of the posting. You rather side-stepped that issue by just saying we shouldn't assume that she was unaware so I'm asking straight out because, yes it does make a difference if she knows she is writing just for you rather than if she knows she will be read by strangers.

I might censor myself in the latter instance.



SecretStormFLA -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:31:54 PM)

BitaTruble, EXCELLENT questions. And I thank you.

1) The assignment was to write setions about the 5 main headings (which were provided by me) and to share her feelings, without fear of retribution. She was told that her feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. That is something I live by.

2) Yes, she was aware that this would be posted.

3) This is my way of allowing her to evaluate me and my impact on her life.

Know that she is a WONDERFUL person, yet, admittedly is a bit confused about thins. It is my job to understand her confusion, and direct her appropriately.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:35:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA

The real question I am asking all those who read is this: "Does this sound like a sub who is committed and satisfied with her Dom?"


Satisfied?  No, not really.  But, to me, it reads as her dissatisfaction having more to do with her own lack of self-esteem than with her partner.  There are definitely areas within himself where "Sir" needs to do some work.  These seem to be exacerbating her low esteem and creating more conflict. 
 
"Sir" needs to stop comparing her to past partners.  That's not healthy for either of them.  However, "Toy" needs to do some significant work to curb her jealousy.  If I were to give advice, I would encourage Sir to cut back on his solo profiles/searches while Toy goes to therapy, if they want to maintain a healthy relationship.  Sometimes, we have adjust our behavior temporarily so our partners feel comfortable in order to help them do the work they need to do on themselves.  If a polyamorous relationship is the goal, then this couple needs to fix their relationship before they try to add someone else to it.
 
However, make no mistake -- the issues of jealousy and low self-esteem are Toy's and hers alone.  If she is unwilling to work on resolving these issues, then no partner will ever be able to satisfy her irrational fears.  Whether or not she is committed enough to the relationship to do the work is something only she can answer.



colouredin -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:37:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SecretStormFLA.

Know that she is a WONDERFUL person, yet, admittedly is a bit confused about thins. It is my job to understand her confusion, and direct her appropriately.


I don't think anyone is questioning her. I think you have been given some fantastic advice here, I really think that what this assignment should teach you is how much you are tormenting this girl whether you mean to or not, the pain screams out of her writing. Its not about you understanding her confusion its about addressing the issues that it raises and doing so quickly before you cause her more mental anguish.

I wonder can she read these responses? Or have you just said that it will be posted?


ETA : I just think that if you had really read this and seen her concerns properly then if you didnt want to hurt her any more you would not have posted this on here at all. I pray that people do not tell you that this was a good thing I hope that no one tells you that you made a good choice to put this here because to me the last thing you need is validation of your motivations because I think you will look for any excuse to ignore the real problems that are radiating from this girls writing



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine (5/29/2009 1:48:09 PM)

TO OP:

She sounds worn out by it all
She sounds like she was commited
She sounds like she is NOT NOT NOT satisfied
Se sounds like she is capable of intimacy but she has been crushed
She sounds intelligent
She sounds like she had hope but it is dwindling

As an old retired school marm I woudl like to
GIVE YOU AN ASSIGNMENT

**GO to the section( in her writing)  "what I would like to change.".
.. and this is not a joke..I have done this with others!)

READ IT..make several copies..
 
**Take a yellow highlighter and section off EACH thing she has metioned..
Enlarge it or cut and paste these sections in a book,,dont do it online or comp..you need to write just as you knew to get her to write..
Now
1)take a look at each one..think of the incidents..what happened before and after..?make notes Eg.."it woudl be super if SIR trusted me"..Write out why she would think you do not trust her..and how YOU contributed to this..your 50%

2)see how making a change or modifying could enhance YOUR life and hers..make notes ..ideas..

3)check out key phrases she uses or repeated words such as esteem...sad..etc
adn think about FEELINGS..they are valid and HERS and coming fr somewhere..write out where they came from..

4) make notes...changes that you can make..what this really means..how it makes YOU FEEL

5)meet with her and SIT down and show her what you have done with her assignment for the healing ,growth and changes needed in your relationship..
 

and if that is not what this was all meant for ??
as info for YOU to learn from..
 
then there is no use being in a position to use valuable info to empower another
 
 



GQ



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625