OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant)

OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Beatmehrdr -> OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/8/2006 10:55:32 PM)
I think I now understand the frustration you Dommes feel when it comes to online wankers, because I think it just happened to me, only in reverse. A few days ago, I get an email(with a rather revealing photo) via Collarme from a Domme who tells me she likes a boy who knows what he needs, that my pain would be her pleasure, and that she expects my submission to her whim. So, I say to myself, "Great! She's close by, she seems to enjoy the same things I do, perhaps I can take this further." I email her back saying that I'd like to get to know her better and what she enjoys, that I enjoy a lot of different sorts of play, I also enjoy the tease/arousal/denial/torment dynamic in BDSM, and BTW, would you like to meet? She emails me back saying that she doesn't play 20 questions that she wants to, well, beatmehrdr, and that my role is to "obey and take it like a man." She also completely ignores my request to meet R/T. I email her back, saying I'd like to serve her, that I have a number of hard limits(not many, but they are there), and that I don't want to wind up in a situation where those hard limits get crossed. I, again, say that I'd like to meet R/T in a vanilla locale, and I give her a general idea of where I live so that we might meet at a location convenient to us both. She emails me back saying that I should have no limits other than what she proscribes, and that slaves either obey or be dismissed. Again, she completely ignores the SECOND time I've asked to meet R/T. I email back saying that I'm a more of a sub than a slave, and that 24/7 and TPE are a bit much for me. I don't hear back from her, so I email her again later, enclosing a vanilla pic of me(I had promised to send one), and again asking if she would like to meet. Then I get an email saying that I have a problem with obedience and that it would not work well. WTF?!? {rant} Under what rule does it say that just because a woman prefaces her name with the word Mistress, that I as a sub am compelled to get a raging hardon and present my ass into the air for any Trish, Dottie or Harriet at a moment's notice? Also, under what CollarMe rule of etiquette am I as a male sub required to spend time crafting the masturbatory fantasies of anyone who happens to type out the words "Mistress So and So" in their profile or emails?!? I don't email Dommes very often. I know you get deluged with email and unless I'm very serious but meeting someone(or I have something meaningful to say), I won't add to the deluge. Total, I think I've privately emailed maybe 10 Dommes at most here on CollarMe. I also don't get much if any email so I tend to respond if I think the person is genuine, even if it is to say "Thanks, but no thanks". This one was different. I had put energy into responding, and I thought it might have turned into something, had we talked on the phone and/or met in person. Instead, it was simply an attempt by her to get her dominant rocks off on a sub by doing a bit of cyber, and when I wasn't interested, I was "disobedient". I don't have time for this sh*t! {/rant} OK, that's it, It's out of my system. I now think I have gained a bit empathy for all you Dommes who are deluged with these sort of exchanges, but from the other side.

brightspot -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/8/2006 11:18:57 PM)
Am I really sure all the Dommes here really needed this important information and have taken your whinning very very seriously. Thnak you for your most important imput of Drama! *Brightspot[8\|]

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/8/2006 11:57:49 PM)
quote: I think I now understand the frustration you Dommes feel when it comes to online wankers, because I think it just happened to me, only in reverse. We would all be lucky and honored to have had this experience only once... We would all be happily commiserating about the one freak experience we had a long time ago, if it wasn't more the rule than the once in a while wanker-experience exception. M

SimplyV -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 3:23:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr Under what rule does it say that just because a woman prefaces her name with the word Mistress, that I as a sub am compelled to get a raging hardon and present my ass into the air for any Trish, Dottie or Harriet at a moment's notice? Also, under what CollarMe rule of etiquette am I as a male sub required to spend time crafting the masturbatory fantasies of anyone who happens to type out the words "Mistress So and So" in their profile or emails?!? Umm.. You didn't get the memo? We Mistresses sent out a memo. You should have gotten the memo. Now.. where is that masturbatory fantasy you're supposed to have been crafting up for me? taps her foot impatiently grins

FTopinMichigan -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 4:05:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr A few days ago, I get an email <snip>... So, I say to myself, "Great! She's close by, she seems to enjoy the same things I do, perhaps I can take this further." I email her back saying that I'd like to get to know her better and what she enjoys, that I enjoy a lot of different sorts of play, I also enjoy the tease/arousal/denial/torment dynamic in BDSM, and BTW, would you like to meet? She emails me back <snip>....She also completely ignores my request to meet R/T. I email her back <snip>..... I, again, say that I'd like to meet R/T <snip> She emails me back saying that I should have no limits other than what she proscribes, and that slaves either obey or be dismissed. Again, she completely ignores the SECOND time I've asked to meet R/T. I email back <snip>....again asking if she would like to meet. Then I get an email saying that I have a problem with obedience and that it would not work well. You both have quite different expectations, and that's quite obvious from the first correspondence (according to your post). I don't understand why you bothered to correspond, after getting her intial response. I see her point, although I don't agree with her assessment of no limits and blind obedience. I also see your point. You're not on the same page...and never were...from the start. That's how I see it. Why rant about it? You probably both deserve to be more selective, and while I'm sure it's nice to have a woman contact "you"...you don't have to accept the first offer that comes along. (Not implying that it was your only offer...you know what I mean. [;)]) K

Beatmehrdr -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 4:46:01 AM)
Well, the thing is, as a male sub, getting such offers is a pretty rare thing, and when I get one, I take it seriously. In this case, she put herself forward as a dominant sadist, and I'm a sub masochist, so it seemed only appropriate to take it to the next step, either talking by phone or meeting in person. We might have had chemistry, then again, we might not have. But after reading, and rereading our exchanges, I am absolutely convinced she had no intention to meet. Ah well. Now I have to get going. I see a woman in leather boots out at the bus stop, so by rule 17 in the New Subs Manual, I have to develop my raging hardon, fall at her knees, and throw my ass in the air. She doesn't look like she's in the scene, but you know, rules are rules. [;)]

littlesarbonn -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 4:52:51 AM)
I get these types of conversations here from time to time when people write me from out of nowhere. I'll be told that because I'm a slave, I must now conform to what they are looking for, and I guess there's an expectation that because there are so many of us and so few of them that immediately this will happen, that I will jump through hoops of serious height because that's just the way it is. I usually respond in a kind and friendly manner that I don't think we're looking for the same things and wish them luck on their search. When someone is closer to what is more comfortable for me, I'll pursue further, but then it goes back to the "there's a lot more of us than there are of her" so my chances of actually succeeding with the right woman are pretty slim. And I understand that. There is one woman around these boards right now I'd give pretty much anything to be her slave, but I get the impression that it just won't happen as our few conversations have never really gone anywhere, leaving me thinking she's probably not all that interested at this particular time. I tend not to continue pursuits because it just doesn't feel right as a potential slave to have to "convince" a future owner if she isn't all that interested in the first place. Others are much better at that than I am. But I've learned that if I keep pursuing women who have contacted me because they think I'm what they can mold into what they are desiring, I'm probably wasting her time, even if she doesn't realize it. I can mold myself, or be molded, quite extensively but way too many times in the past I've been pursued because of what I stand for rather than who I am. I've often been a sign post on a journey of a woman who goes from being a bdsm player to one who now intends to take bdsm on a 24/7 level, and there I am, an easy target right in front of them, representing exactly what the fantasy might be at the point and time. On the surface, that sounds cool, but it's usually led to pretty crappy relationships because we really weren't all that similar in what we were seeking in the first place. But I stopped playing the "thank God, ANY woman wants me, so I'm going in with full speed" game, so I think things work out better these days as a result.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 5:10:58 AM)
quote: Now I have to get going. I see a woman in leather boots out at the bus stop, so by rule 17 in the New Subs Manual, I have to develop my raging hardon, fall at her knees, and throw my ass in the air No offense, but that's basically what you did by responding to her like a dog in heat, and immediately saying you wanted to meet her and serve her. You may want to go back and read this thread if you haven't already. http://www.collarchat.com/m_256661/tm.htm At what point did either of you talk to each other like human beings, a necessary component if you are both going to behave and meet like human beings? Your dialogue seems like it was all kink-oriented on both sides which leads me to believe that 1. she fit into the categories of the above link (fake/male/etc) and 2. you need to brush up your own skills on how to speak to a Domme when you first connect. Personally, I'll end discussion with any sub who insists on the first exchanges to be kink oriented as opposed to standard "getting to know this other human being", whether I meet them real time or online. This reminds me of a conversation I recently had with someone I'd met about a year ago at a party. He IMed me out of no where, basically wanting to know if he could "serve me" (translation: he wanted me to engage in light erotic spanking), and was utterly befuddled when I turned him down because I didn't know him and he went straight to "ooo do me" rather than even attempting to talk to me to see if we even LIKED each other.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 6:10:30 AM)
Amazingly enough, people are not always as nice as they claim to be. Shocker I know. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in. Being dominant doesn't make someone a smart person, or a nice person, or even a reasonable person. Trust me, many doms out there are the last people who should ever get into a relationship with someone.

SimplyV -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 10:45:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr Now I have to get going. I see a woman in leather boots out at the bus stop, so by rule 17 in the New Subs Manual, I have to develop my raging hardon, fall at her knees, and throw my ass in the air. She doesn't look like she's in the scene, but you know, rules are rules. [;)] checks her ass to see if its still there Ahh... thanks for the laughter. [:D] A good sense of humor is a horrible thing to waste. quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Being dominant doesn't make someone a smart person, or a nice person, or even a reasonable person. Trust me, many doms out there are the last people who should ever get into a relationship with someone. Exactly. Well said.

dave1212 -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 11:33:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr I think I now understand the frustration you Dommes feel when it comes to online wankers, because I think it just happened to me, only in reverse. Sorry to barge in Mistresses but i had a similar experience not too long ago and i too recieved great advice from all ...... Beatmehrdr :.....Best piece of advice i recieved was to "grow a thicker skin" and not all Mistresses/Dommes are quite so "wicked"....[:D]

veronicaofML -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 11:47:39 AM)
Beatmehrdr; -------------------- ok i aint gonna be mean i have had the same convo YOU had. and i didnt like it either but i just got-my-back-up and told her to take a long walk on a very short pier i dont take backlip like that from anyone...ever just move on to the next one and chalk it up to one more idiot

MHOO314 -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 11:57:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr Well, the thing is, as a male sub, getting such offers is a pretty rare thing, and when I get one, I take it seriously. In this case, she put herself forward as a dominant sadist, and I'm a sub masochist, so it seemed only appropriate to take it to the next step, either talking by phone or meeting in person. We might have had chemistry, then again, we might not have. But after reading, and rereading our exchanges, I am absolutely convinced she had no intention to meet. Ah well. Now I have to get going. I see a woman in leather boots out at the bus stop, so by rule 17 in the New Subs Manual, I have to develop my raging hardon, fall at her knees, and throw my ass in the air. She doesn't look like she's in the scene, but you know, rules are rules. [;)] OMG ROTFL---veronica!!! martinis!! [8\|] checks to make sure he has the right rule number, can't have a sub who can't remember " who is in control"--"who is perfect"--"who is flawless"-- ( ok ok I had to...) Welcome to the boards and CM!

veronicaofML -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:07:36 PM)
rule #1 She is right even when She is wrong check rule #2 even when She is wrong..see rule #1 check rule #3 he cant change rules 1 and 2 check rule #4 he has no idea of when Her rules change, since they can change without oral or written notice check rule #5 in the event he figures out all Her rules, see rule #4 check did i miss anything? check

naughtynick -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:38:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Beatmehrdr I think I now understand the frustration you Dommes feel when it comes to online wankers, because I think it just happened to me, only in reverse. A few days ago, I get an email(with a rather revealing photo) via Collarme from a Domme who tells me she likes a boy who knows what he needs, that my pain would be her pleasure, and that she expects my submission to her whim. So, I say to myself, "Great! She's close by, she seems to enjoy the same things I do, perhaps I can take this further." I email her back saying that I'd like to get to know her better and what she enjoys, that I enjoy a lot of different sorts of play, I also enjoy the tease/arousal/denial/torment dynamic in BDSM, and BTW, would you like to meet? She emails me back saying that she doesn't play 20 questions that she wants to, well, beatmehrdr, and that my role is to "obey and take it like a man." She also completely ignores my request to meet R/T. I email her back, saying I'd like to serve her, that I have a number of hard limits(not many, but they are there), and that I don't want to wind up in a situation where those hard limits get crossed. I, again, say that I'd like to meet R/T in a vanilla locale, and I give her a general idea of where I live so that we might meet at a location convenient to us both. She emails me back saying that I should have no limits other than what she proscribes, and that slaves either obey or be dismissed. Again, she completely ignores the SECOND time I've asked to meet R/T. I email back saying that I'm a more of a sub than a slave, and that 24/7 and TPE are a bit much for me. I don't hear back from her, so I email her again later, enclosing a vanilla pic of me(I had promised to send one), and again asking if she would like to meet. Then I get an email saying that I have a problem with obedience and that it would not work well. WTF?!? {rant} Under what rule does it say that just because a woman prefaces her name with the word Mistress, that I as a sub am compelled to get a raging hardon and present my ass into the air for any Trish, Dottie or Harriet at a moment's notice? Also, under what CollarMe rule of etiquette am I as a male sub required to spend time crafting the masturbatory fantasies of anyone who happens to type out the words "Mistress So and So" in their profile or emails?!? I don't email Dommes very often. I know you get deluged with email and unless I'm very serious but meeting someone(or I have something meaningful to say), I won't add to the deluge. Total, I think I've privately emailed maybe 10 Dommes at most here on CollarMe. I also don't get much if any email so I tend to respond if I think the person is genuine, even if it is to say "Thanks, but no thanks". This one was different. I had put energy into responding, and I thought it might have turned into something, had we talked on the phone and/or met in person. Instead, it was simply an attempt by her to get her dominant rocks off on a sub by doing a bit of cyber, and when I wasn't interested, I was "disobedient". I don't have time for this sh*t! {/rant} OK, that's it, It's out of my system. I now think I have gained a bit empathy for all you Dommes who are deluged with these sort of exchanges, but from the other side. I couldn't agree with you more. A lot of dommes in here are all talk and no action. I have had a couple of dommes that email me and ask me questions like what was I thinking the last time I masturbated. If a guy asked a domme or a sub woman that question in this site, well you know what response he would get. When its real life and you are a slave well it’s different. I find cyber to be pointless. Dommes in this site seem to forget the idea that I am a sub or bottom and not a slave. I seem to get talked to like a slave.

veronicaofML -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:41:39 PM)
Dommes in this site seem to forget the idea that I am a sub or bottom and not a slave. I seem to get talked to like a slave. ============= i'm sorry. i hope someone will start acting better to you. take care

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:42:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick I couldn't agree with you more. A lot of dommes in here are all talk and no action. See, it all depends on which side of the whip you are? I have found that most boys are all action, and no talk.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:51:32 PM)
I do appreciate that you are a bit more empathetic to the Ladies. As has been stated, this is not some freak thing that happened to us one time too. It happens on a daily basis. And the number of times we may make arrangements or discuss meeting just to have the boy fall off the face of the earth is discouraging. In truth, it does make us feel a bit used at times. I think the main difference is that you responded to a sexually oriented email that arrived in your inbox along with a provocative picture. I understand that you made a valiant effort to communicate and make arrangements to meet in real time. I am sorry that you feel disappointed and used when this didn't happen. It does seem you used good sense to a certain point. You did try to engage in some communication, albeit all about the BDSM acts and limits. The major difference is that I, along with most Dominas I know, would not have responded to such an email in the first place. We would delete and move on. Hence, all the threads about Dommes who never answer emails!

naughtynick -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:52:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick I couldn't agree with you more. A lot of dommes in here are all talk and no action. See, it all depends on which side of the whip you are? I have found that most boys are all action, and no talk. How can we be “no talk” when we always get criticized for having a keep wank for the things guys say on here? I thought guys are always the culprits when it comes to cyber chat.

veronicaofML -> RE: OK, I think I get it now(a mini-rant) (2/9/2006 12:52:43 PM)
I have found that most boys are all action, and no talk. ------------ " a couple laying in bed, before they go to sleep,...George, i want to talk.--not now Martha i'm busy reading" yep Women say guys just dont talk enough...but some of us are MORE about doing and the Ladies are more about talking... men vs women will it ever end? lol -------------sneaks toward the door

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875