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littlesarbonn -> RE: What do you wear to a first public meeting? (6/1/2009 4:51:21 PM)
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I think this sort of thing is a good measure of whether or not the person meeting is there for the appropriate reasons and rationalizations. Whenever I meet someone, I have very little expectations of a fetish nature in our meeting. Quite often, the meeting is for coffee or lunch, or something like that, and I expect to meet someone who is a real person, someone who dresses as she normally dresses. As such, I show up the same way, trying to make as good an impression of myself as I can, without pretending to be something that I'm not. To expect "dominant behavior" or "dominant dress" is somewhat ridiculous and shows that the person showing up doesn't see the person as a real person, but specifically someone to fulfill his or her fantasies, some that may be a bit preposterous, to say the least.
It's the same thing with first date expectations. I have yet to ever go on a vanilla date expecting sex from my potential partner, and I'd probably never date someone again who was so apt to have sex after a first meeting anyway. It's the same thing as when I meet with a dominant; while it's not "sex" we're talking about, but dominant behavior, to expect that during an initial encounter is somewhat unfair. That first meeting is the place where people meet to engage whether or not they think the other person is adult enough to handle a potential future encounter, not a hook up for an immediate resolution of specific fantasies. Of course, others may negotiate that sort of thing before they first meet, but if that's not the case, I can't imagine going into the situation expecting just that.
I just thought I'd share a little story with you that happened to me after I lost my first mistress, after she decided we were no longer fit for each other (after a few years of living together...yes, it does happen). Anyway, I was kind of devastated, feeling it came from nowhere, even though future thoughts on the situation helped me realize that it was all coming to a head and I just ignored every sign of it...but that's for another story. Anyway, this very attractive Asian female top found out I was now single again, and she made it known through a few scene friends that she was very interested in securing me as her future slave. She had seen my previous mistress and I at a party together some months back, and I think she was somewhat jealous at the exchange we had together (we were very much in love back then). Anyway, a mutual friend of ours arranged a coffee meeting between us at a Berkeley coffee shop, and I was excited (having a big Asian fetish back then...which I've pretty much grown out of since then, after realizing how illusory race and ethnicity really is). However, when we met, we hadn't been sitting longer than five minutes when she produced an already printed contract that she wanted me to review, discuss and then sign by the time our coffee was over. It was this really outrageous slavery contract that pretty much indicated that I'd be her house servant during all of my spare time, rarely see her in person, but enter through a back door and make my chores done before leaving quietly. She didn't want to interrupt her usual play time with other submissives who were more "appropriate" to her fetish desires, so all I was to be in her life was her work slave. All through this contract, I kept looking for what I actually got out of it. Not a thing. Not kidding. It was the most one-sided contract I'd ever seen in my life and even as an extreme, if someone thought that might be some kind of mindset sexiness, it really wasn't. She wanted nothing to do with me. She just wanted me to be hers because she had seen me with someone else during a time when she couldn't have me. I think she thought the rest of what she saw during the previous interactions with my previous mistress were definitely going to be hers as well, although I have yet to figure out how that would actually ever happen when we were rarely going to be interacting together in the first place. Well, to make matters worse, my previous mistress and I were were slowly engaging in an attempt to salvage our mistress/slave relationship as a strong friendship (we still loved each other...she was just leaving the whole bdsm scene and our relationship went against where she was heading at that time). When this new "owner" discovered that we were going to be having a friendship, she threw a major fit, making a huge scene at the coffee shop. She forbid me to EVER talk to my previous mistress again. EVER. And then she decided she didn't like the idea that I was actually so friendly with so many other dominants in the scene, declaring that from that day forward, I would have to end ALL relationships with any other woman in my life.
Needless to say, we didn't "hook up." From that day forward, that woman made a goal of her life to spread the most outrageous lies about me to the community of which I had been a strong member for many years before she came onto the scene. That was when I discovered that a "hot Asian, dominant female" has much more power in the scene even with a few months of notoriety than a male submissive who had been a community leader for almost a decade before that. People took sides and actually shunned me at a number of social events. Let's just say that there are people in the scene that I don't think I will ever forgive for letting the little head decide their friends for them.
But I just thought I'd share some of the things that can happen when people put unrealistic expectations on a first meeting.
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