I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 1:09:11 PM

MommyFiercest

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right?

I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question.

Post #: 1

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 1:18:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he's at work, you can't be a priority. But you could learn to set your cell phone to beep at his known break and lunch times. This way you would only call when you know he could answer.

Are you sure he's getting your messages right away? I'm in an area with a lot of dead spots and sometimes messages come in much later than when he sent them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 2

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 1:29:10 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Unless you communicate with him, he can't do what you require.
You should remember though that everyday life intervenes. Whilst I don't subscribe to the thought that a job is more important than a person, consideration of circumstances is important.

Your insecurity isn't his issue, it's yours and something you have to deal with - you can make the decision to get him to assist you with that as a service to you or do it alone.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 3

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 1:33:45 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MommyFiercest

When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right?

I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question.

I SO get where you are coming from! Take it as a wonderful chance to WORK on those insecurities and or hurt places that drive that response. Work at being clear, make it plain when it is a need. Find ways to let him communicate he cares but can't talk.

Most importantly, drive the point home to yourself that when you haven't heard from them and your heart is racing and you are feeling whatever negative feelings, that those are YOUR feelings coming from YOUR wounds, not failures on the part of your submissive.

Both you AND your submissive need to get that the failure is in you, not them, but it seems you get that. Best of luck to you!

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 4

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 1:39:17 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I was with a Dom once who was like this, I found it so draining no matter what I was doing I had to drop everything (stupidly culminating in my final year exams at uni which of course I shouldnt have allowed)

At the end of the day, I do not mean to sound harsh but if you are asking someone to do as you tell them you also have to consider what is best for them and being at your beck and call at all times may not be

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 5

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 3:05:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

uumm...have you ever asked him why he doesn't call back right away?

Does he have a family, job, yard work to take care of, studying, other priorities?

People aren't always going to be able to be there for you 24/7.

Yup I'd like to be able to talk to Master the second I text him but I know we're both adults which means hey...he's gotta work, so do I. I have a UM to take care of, he has studies at his beck and call...but we both know each other's schedules and keep in contact as much as possible.

Kinda part of being an adult.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 6

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 3:13:14 PM

Blodeuwedd

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

I have the same thing, though its not a phone call. If you're important in my life I need to know where you are or where you're going to be. That includes immediate family. It comes from childhood when the adults around me would leave... and I never knew where they were going. Something would happen and nobody would be able to find them. I've worked on it, but I find its saner for me and anyone else around me if people just call me to let me know what's going on. If you go to the store then stop at someones house and you're gone for three hours after the first hour I'm going to start panicing. Just a text/phone call or an email even works for me as long as i KNOW.

I'd say if he can't answer you right away when you call, ask him to maybe text you. If he's at work, he'll probably know his phone got called so just have him email you if he can.

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 7

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 3:14:18 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

~~FR~~
i can understand where you are coming from. i think its good that you see this and want to address it. i think thats a VERY ADULT thing to do. i also am an Adult with some insecurities. Have you considered having him save some custom "quick texts" in his cell?.... This is very easily done, and that way he can send the "quick text" and you will have been responded to right away or faster.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 3:26:33 PM

SaintSavant

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline

Yes, you did answer your own question.

Make it a rule that he must get back to you as soon as is practical. Make it clear that you will make allowances for work, school, family, or anything that may make it difficult for him, but he has to call you at the first available opportunity. I have never known a sub to object to this (quite the opposite) as long as they have the leeway to still carry on with their lives without your calls being disruptive in the way colouredin experienced.

Also, be sure to ask/demandto know what he is up to next. If he is in a rush to get somewhere important, it is better for you to end the call in time for him to get there than for him to feel bad that he had to tell Mummy, "I have to go".

Hope you work it out.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 9

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/1/2009 5:24:36 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I have set a rule that a sub is responsible for contacting me - phone, in person, test, or email - three times a week at minimum.

You may want to set certain times aside for communication with him. Or set a rule that he has 24 hours to return a contact from you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SaintSavant)

Post #: 10

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/2/2009 3:20:54 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

Hello MommyFiercest
There are couple things you can do. One, you could tell him what you want and give instructions for him to carry it through. Two, you could deal with your neediness through controlling your insecurites and working through why you have them. I am sure there are a lot of submissives that would enjoy your need to rapid response. This is something, i could not honor in a Dom. Constant neediness is a turn off to me. I learned so long ago, a person cannot feed the emotions of a needy person.

When Sir contacts me, I will contact him back. The timing for this depends on everyday life and he totally understands that. If an answer is needed right away, he will stress that and I will follow through, though he has seldom done that.

Blessings to you
oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 11

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/2/2009 9:55:51 AM

CuriousPuppy

Posts: 120
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline

Only a few people mentioned it, but you should find out why first. It's incredibly likely that dropping everything and calling you while in the middle of working, cooking, yardwork, whatever is simply not an option. It's entirely possible that he's just bad with voicemail and a text message IM or email would be better/more reliable. Personally I'd go batshit crazy if someone was aggressive about phonecalls simply because I generally don't particularly like the phone for communicating.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 12

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/2/2009 10:16:16 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Do what HM does...just keep calling and calling until someone answers!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 13

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/3/2009 11:59:49 AM

DominaAmy925

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

Yes you did answer your own question.
One key you need to remeber is comunication. With out that you will always have issues.

_____________________________

Domina Amy
http://www.clips4sale.com/store/24912
http://www.fetishvideos.com/store/forbiddenfantasys
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dominaamy925
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/clubfemcolumbusohio/
http://twitter.com/DominaAmy
http://dominaamy.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 14

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/3/2009 9:50:35 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

For me, this is not an unreasonable request. I don't know your partner or his schedule so... Texting someone a 'I'm kind of busy. Let's talk later.' takes about five seconds. So for me it would be two separate issues...your insecurity and why I'm not returning your phone calls in a timely manner.

If I'm dominating someone, I want them to pick up the phone when I call. Of course, I don't call constantly. I'm not insecure. Just high maintenance. But I give the information out in the beginning so they know what they have signed up for. ;)

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 15

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/3/2009 10:36:27 PM

PrincessDonna

Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline

I think oceanwinds has it the way a sub should take it,the sub should do as told within reason,I give an hour to answer,even finals would be over but then I would have known if my sub was doing finals and would just expect him to call when finished.Communication is the basis of understanding!

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 16

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/4/2009 3:59:20 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Here is where I, at times just shake My head,---Dominant is not Domineering--everyone has a real life out there, real life does not give a damn if you are a D or an s, --it has to continue. Unless you and your s live together or are close enough that You know his daily schedule, there is just so much impact One can have or SHOULD have.

IMHO a wise Dominant gets that and finds way to be the center of attention without "standing hands on hips stamping feet and pouting". That's the subtle difference between Dominant and Domineering.

It isn't weave real life into what we do, its weave what we do into real life because at the end of the day, the real life beat goes on.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 17

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/6/2009 6:27:37 AM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Does he eventually call you back when he is able? If not, and you have to wait an unreasonable amount of time then you should talk with him about it.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 18

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/8/2009 11:38:27 AM

kori

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MommyFiercest

When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right?

I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question.

Expectations of the fulfillment of non-communicated desires will always lead to pain, unless you're testing to see how he responds to you naturally. Obviously that's not the case, based on your reaction. You are the Dominant and as such can command him in whatever way you wish - however, realistically, as has been stated here, it's best to take life circumstances into consideration.

_____________________________

In His heart do i see my path

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

Post #: 19

RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme - 6/8/2009 8:02:28 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

To me, you come across, forgive me, a bit insecure. I'll bet he is very interested in hearing from you, but if he has a domineering boss, or lots of customer requests to deal with, or needs to focus 100% on work, it is really unfair of you to expect instant compliance.

If he is not at work, and is not caring for an invalid family member, but is just tardy in his response to you, then he is telling you something, wordlessly.

When you tell him you expect and demand that he answers his Owner promptly, you will learn a lot by his response.

(Of course, being a slave, I selfishly see lots of opportunities for painful discipline and just cause to assert your superiority...)

(in reply to kori)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094