Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (Full Version)

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Andalusite -> Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 7:07:53 PM)

A bunch of people said in a recent thread, http://www.collarchat.com/m_2641143/tm.htm that moving to real-time in a month was an unreasonably quick transition. I met my Master after we'd only e-mailed and talked on the phone for perhaps a week, a couple of months ago. I also met a bunch of other people here while I was dating within less than 2 weeks from the initial contact. We just got together in public for coffee, or dinner, or some such, though, rather than going off to a hotel room together! I agree that a month is a little quick for making a D/s commitment, but not completely out of line, but I think that spending time together in person multiple times is important before making that commitment, anyway (even in a LDR).

How long did it take you between the initial e-mail, initial face-to-face meeting, and official D/s relationship/commitment?



RedMagic1 -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 7:27:19 PM)

My general rule has been two weeks of online and phone, tops, before meeting in real.  Also, one time that "first meet" was me flying to her place and staying with her for five days, and another "first" time a woman flew to my place and stayed with me for a week.  In both of those cases, we had talked extensively about our lives, had googled each other, in one case she had done an FBI check on me at my encouragement, so I don't think any of us risked much by being willing to trust the other person.

I had to change this rule about two months ago, because my life suddenly got warpspeed-busy, and I've been chasing a deadline every few days.  My current situation is that I'm meeting someone eight weeks after we decided we wanted to.

Everyone will move at a different pace, and I'm not saying my way is right for everyone.  However, I am only willing to spend time with people who are not afraid to meet other people in real life.  Anyone nervous about having coffee with me, even after chatting for 7-10 days, is welcome to IM someone else.



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 7:34:13 PM)

It differed with men I met on here, so I will stick with meeting my M as my answer.

Hmmm..It was around two months maybe, I really wish I could remember for sure.  That's only because of the distance that was involved, otherwise I am sure it would have been quicker.  I think M probably remembers better the time frame than I do..it was probably less than that. 

We did talk on the phone every single day without fail.  He collared me on our first weekend together and we have been together ever since..even celebrating our wedding anniv very soon.

I would much prefer meeting someone in person (safely) than talking online to them for weeks and weeks.  You can tell some online, but actual clickability can only be determined by meeting.

I am a shit or get off the pot type of person though, and some aren't.

edited to add:

For example, right now we are talking to a couple we are looking into meeting here in the same town.  It's hard for us to find the time to meet, when we are free..they aren't and vice versa.

I still talk to them online some, but I am honestly getting bored very quickly.  I am more the meeting type of person, but cyber sex doesn't do much for me either. 

If it can't be moved to real life in a reasonable time, I am more than likely to knock the dust off my stilettos and groove on down the road.



slaveluci -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 7:36:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
How long did it take you between the initial e-mail, initial face-to-face meeting, and official D/s relationship/commitment?

He wrote me on CollarMe and I responded and gave Him my Yahoo Messenger ID. We chatted on Yahoo Messenger for hours that day and I gave Him my phone number. He called and we talked a few minutes that first time.

We continued talking on Messenger and by phone everyday - hours a day when possible - for six weeks. I then drove from WV to AR and spent the week in a hotel room that He insisted on paying for. He had to work but He spent evenings and nights with me there. It was amazing. Fast forward more than three years and I've been living with Him in AR for nearly 2 years and married just over one.

Was it too fast for some? Sure. Too fast for us. Not at all[:)] When it's the right thing, why waste precious time?

luci



zenny -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 7:40:12 PM)

Assuming people are actually talking to each other. That is more than a few times of text a day and be open and asking questions and giving/getting comprehensive answers.... I see no reason for it to take a month.



antipode -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 8:13:21 PM)

quote:

a month is a little quick for making a D/s commitment


Since you aren't defining what exactly you mean by "real time" and "commitment", it is hard to comment meaningfully.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 8:19:02 PM)

I would meet someone at a coffeee shop or resteraunt the first day
Especially if there was pasta involved...

I am not sure that setting a specific timeline is a good idea, in fact, I am worried that it could cause more problems.



DesFIP -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 8:31:17 PM)

We met in r/l about a month after we started talking. But we talked constantly everyday, just clicked. Emails, phone, chat - I got zero sleep and so did he. Played second meet, the first one went from coffee to spending the whole day together. Collared about a month after we met in r/l. Still together 7 years later.

Unfortunately he's not going to be happy with me when he gets home tomorrow. I got told to research something, and did, and the nearest place to see the thing is a two hour drive away.



stella41b -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 8:36:39 PM)

In my case at present it's a week and it's still not real time but daily contact.

But then again, the movement from online to real time, the making of the D/s commitment and all those other things are the easy part, the more challenging part is getting to know someone, accepting them, understanding them, trusting them, and so on.

I don't have a calendar or stopwatch at hand, I'm not even measuring the time or the days, I don't see this as any sort of a race or even a procedure. It might happen, it might not, and if it does, it will happen when we both feel it's the right moment.

Until then I'm keeping an open mind.



Kana -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 10:07:12 PM)

It's less about time than it is chemistry and logistics



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 10:10:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

I would meet someone at a coffeee shop or resteraunt the first day
Especially if there was pasta involved...


Heck, yeah. Why not? Pasta or no pasta. What do you need to know that you can't find out in a one-hour phone call? It's no different than seeing a total stranger from across the room at a party and walking over and introducing yourself to her, except that in this case, you'd know a lot more about them before meeting them than you would the total stranger from across the room. I think this is one of those things that people tend to way, wa-a-a-a-ay overthink.



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 10:14:28 PM)

And actually, come to think of it, I have met people within a matter of a couple of days. You exchange a couple of e-mails, one of you mentions they're going to the munch this week or whatever, and the two of you arrange to meet there. I don't see the big deal, honestly. 



ZenDragoness -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 10:26:31 PM)

TDP,

i think you are right with both posts.

I am not one of the "Meeting-first-time-face-to-face-big-surprise" people. In ten years on and in the net, i have made strong contacts of differing kind with 8 (maybe 9, but that will time tell) people; i met all face to face and have still contact with 7 of them. Number 8 died (a sherry for Harleyrider).

Maybe the reason for the missing surprises is, that i do not phantasize about people i met online. I am told that i am online not different to offline and the same goes for that 8 people.

As a singer, i find out a lot more than non singers (they do it maybe unconsciously) during a phone call. The way somebody is managing their air and the way somebody is working with his/her voice tells me a great deal.

And like you i met people on the spur of the moment. I have no reservations and my world is not full of serial killers out there to get me, so i am not afraid to meet people alone and without a safety net.

But that has certainly something to do with being a gang member a long time in my childhood and youth. And frankly if i judge somebody wrong, than that would be the way it is. But i am strongly against letting fear ruling my life.

I can understand that a lot of people work with that system of safety nets, but as an old thief let me tell you:

Safety is one big illusion

Ruth



Asherdelampyr -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 10:50:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

I would meet someone at a coffeee shop or resteraunt the first day
Especially if there was pasta involved...


Heck, yeah. Why not? Pasta or no pasta. What do you need to know that you can't find out in a one-hour phone call? It's no different than seeing a total stranger from across the room at a party and walking over and introducing yourself to her, except that in this case, you'd know a lot more about them before meeting them than you would the total stranger from across the room. I think this is one of those things that people tend to way, wa-a-a-a-ay overthink.



exactly
maybe I just dont get out much, but I have yet to see a kidnapping or murder take place in an Olive garden, ((I think it would ruin the dessert course myself))
I am willing to meet just about anyone in a public place, maybe it comes from being a guy, or whatever :)



GreedyTop -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 11:40:54 PM)

I've met people after one days worth of email/msgr/phone.   I'm not dead yet.  Of course, those didnt lead to commitments, but both parties were open to the idea.

If it appeals to both people, why drag it out?  IMO the only reason to drag it out for ages is because of distance or immovable prior commitments.



susie -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 11:49:43 PM)

I put an ad up on another site and M was one of the first people to contact me. Something clicked and we yahoo'd for hours that day and the next. We arranged to meet the next day. I travelled down south to meet with him, had dinner, played and decided we wanted to see each other much more. From that weekend either I travelled to spend the weekend with him or he came to me. 5 months later we were looking for a house and 5 years on we are as happy as you can be.



RCdc -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 11:56:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

A bunch of people said in a recent thread, http://www.collarchat.com/m_2641143/tm.htm that moving to real-time in a month was an unreasonably quick transition. ?


I did not read the thread like that.  You are mixing up moving into the flesh to commitment.  Two different things.  The unreasonable bit comes in when you want to make expectations of another to be the same as yours.

quote:

We just got together in public for coffee, or dinner, or some such, though, rather than going off to a hotel room together!


Each their own.  We played within the first hour.  It's all cool as long as you don't have unrealistic expectations.  Because then it's just all fucked.
 
the.dark.



kuriouswitch -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 11:56:28 PM)

Master collared me online about a month after we started talking. We didn't meet until about six and a half months after we started talking mostly because I wanted to wait until the snow cleared before I flew down there as well as the fact that I needed to save money for the trip and arrange for time off at work. but if i could have I would have been down there sooner, a lot sooner. I'd like to move as soon as possible but that'll have to wait till next spring when I know one of the stores has room for me to transfer.



GreedyTop -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/4/2009 11:59:09 PM)

I've been known (quite often, actually) to play on a first meet.   If I felt comfy enough to meet someone in the first place, I felt comfy enough to play. 

YMMV



allthatjaz -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/5/2009 12:00:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I've met people after one days worth of email/msgr/phone.   I'm not dead yet.  Of course, those didnt lead to commitments, but both parties were open to the idea.

If it appeals to both people, why drag it out?  IMO the only reason to drag it out for ages is because of distance or immovable prior commitments.



I agree with this and others that have said similar things.
Why have rules about time. If someone says 'I only live 20 minutes away and do you want to meet for coffee?' then why not? I can tell far more about a person over coffee than I can in many hours of speaking on the phone or through emails.
I have met too many false persona's or people I found I was really not attracted to in person and yet found them interesting and attractive online. Why waste hours, days, weeks or months with someone who you can know in person for 5 minutes before saying 'no thanks'



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