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Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:47:04 AM   
brisbaneBoy88


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/25/2009
Status: offline 		Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:48:46 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		This will sound harsh, but yes I expect you are doing something wrong. I dont know what because I don't know you but I have met many many many people from this site and get wonderful responses from them and have been on here a few years. (Mind I do have a vagina)

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:49:03 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Have you connected with ANYone in your area, regardless of gender or orientation? Made friends, met people, gone to local gatherings, etc?

Or are you just emailing all the local profiles with pictures of hot women?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:50:22 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		You could be, or the people could just be people who don't want to talk.  The problem is you're on a site for one specific reason, and that reasons not being met, then you're like I may leave. Why not sit back post enjoy use the site for a fun communication tool, and then if you're out there and being seen you might get more replies.

Or look up local munches and stuff or things that are close to your area, or if not exactly close are worth the hour or so  drive.

(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:55:25 AM   
WarKirby


Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I have met many many many people from this site and get wonderful responses from them and have been on here a few years. (Mind I do have a vagina)


Here is the crux of the matter. If you're female, you're going to be bombarded with millions of messages
If you're male, you get very few.

One thing I think would be an interesting exercise though, is for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble. People could read it, send a message like they would to anyone they'd approach, and that person could tell them why they like or dislike the message, the sender, etc. And what could be improved.

General guidelines are all well and good, but some specific help like "your profile has spelling mistakes here, here, and here" or "you seem boring. Don't you have any hobbies to mention? " could be a lot more helpfu.


That said, specific advice to the OP:

1. Your kinks/interests list is non existent. Fill that out a bit.
2. Talk about your experience. if you have none, be honest.
3. Discuss what type of person you're looking to meet. What roles you enjoy. Your profile says switch .Do you tend towards one side more than the other? Answer that in your profile
4. What kind of relationships are you looking for? casual play? long term?


Also, only slightly related. Are you really 70 lbs? As far as I'm aware, that's dangerously underweight for a man of your height. Perhaps others reading your profile are interpreting that as you being unhealthy? It'd be pretty naive to think being overweight doesn't hurt your chances of meeting people. it's not hard to imagine that being underweight would do likewise.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 6/5/2009 8:02:47 AM >

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 7:58:37 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Mind I do have a vagina

Proof! I want proof!


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:01:25 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Mind I do have a vagina

Proof! I want proof!



All in good time my pretty

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:03:17 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to WarKirby)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:03:53 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Giving up seems unnecessary.

You say you have been here a couple of years but your join date is less than 2 weeks ago.
(you may have made a new profile)

Your profile doesn't say very much.
This is your first post and you have no entries in your journal.

Flesh out your profile, post more and write in your journal.
That will improve your visibility.

Your photo isn't bad but it had a bit of "deer caught in headlights" look.
Have a friend take some candids in which you are smiling or look engaged in your surroundings.

Best wishes.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:06:35 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm



Seconded, Stephann is a legend


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:09:35 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		This site will work better for you, in terms of finding someone, if you are using the site as a fun social avenue. Post. you will meet some people, one of them may be the one - or someone might mention you to someone they know.
Find your local TNG group and go. If you can't find a TNG group, go to a general munch. You have to be around people to meet people. Your basicly saying, 'I've been sitting here on this planet for any number of years and nothing is happening.' well, yea.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:11:27 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with WarKirby.   Put something in your profile of what makes you think you are a switch...many people will initially say that because they are unsure, and, most in this want to know someone who is sure of what their interests are.  

(in reply to WarKirby)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:15:32 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "

There you go. Now either decide this is something you want, and push yourself harder and be more introspective, or decide it is not worth it and give up.

If it is online meeting you are looking for, follow some of the suggestions here, and/or find email or chatrooms that have similar interest to what you like.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:17:29 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "



And don't get too drunk/cry/snog everyone/tell people your life histories/stand on a chair trying to stop a fire alarm - nah actually its fun doing ALL those things

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:27:03 AM   
velvetvixen


Posts: 378
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline 		Don't give up. 21 years old is too young to give up. Your profile definitely needs to be fleshed out a little bit more and I agree a few more pictures would be a good idea or even just a better main photo would help. Post on these boards and put some thought into what you post before you click ok.

Good luck with everything.

vv

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 8:35:28 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years

Hmm, and yet your profile says that you have only been a member for a month or so.

quote:

The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "

There you go. Now either decide this is something you want, and push yourself harder and be more introspective, or decide it is not worth it and give up.

If it is online meeting you are looking for, follow some of the suggestions here, and/or find email or chatrooms that have similar interest to what you like.

This is about some of the best advice you will find.
Get out and off the computer and meet some people in REAL LIFE who have the same interests that you do.
Just be yourself, and be honest about who you are and what you are looking for.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 9:12:39 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Follow the link in my signature to find groups, event lists, and email lists for Brisbane.  They do exist. 

Online is an okay source for finding people, however, meeting in person is much better.   Don't expect to instantly find your match when you do attend a munch.   That takes time.  You might not meet the person of your dreams at your first event, but someone might know someone who seems to have a lot in common with you.  Networking works wonders.




_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to brisbaneBoy88)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 9:51:11 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are a ton of real people on Collarme that I have met, loved one, dated a few, friends with many.  However, I have never met a local woman off of Collarme despite being well respected and having all the "cool plastic badges" of a hot dom.  NEVER!

So, as a 21 year old kid your kind of fucked.  Most women your age who want to have sex don't have to hang out online looking and there is a REASON women your age are on here, they are lost in fantasy, they are complete nutjobs, or they are actually men my age pretending to be women.  The few your age who ARE cool chicks are probably in high demand and your profile doesn't exactly scream "hot with it young stud"

My advice?  Join local groups, where you are with people who actually DO do this stuff and you just might find a lass who finds you hot.  You are not going to find one on here for a variety of reasons.

My advice?  Join local groups, where you are with people who actually DO do this stuff and you just might find a lass who finds you hot.  You are not going to find one on here for a variety of reasons.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 10:15:35 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		OP:

Combine CM with other things..another dating website with interests/clues in your profile..
attend events( BDSM & Other) as the others said..


I have been in this lifestyle for 20+ years and recently moved to a new city and was scared shitless to go to the first event here but without real physcial ppl in your support group you a re limited.
One meeting of DOMME women here yielded friendships..contacts..fun and  invites to other invited as guest events as well as helping with a conference coming up..

That always a good one  to volunteer for a conf..or event.

The profile written by another is a REALLY GOOD idea... and I have helped others do that..
it is from a different angle then..
I think your pic is great...and yes a fleshed out profile..
interests..YOU as a person..areas of strength you have..who YOU are..

I agree it is harder for men and for youth..on here   at times..
thus the need for multiple search options
 
or relax in the specific search and enjoy other aspects..go to a workshop..etc..
 
also HOW are you approaching others??
really think..
I have no idea  but one must READ the profiles and write what they ask for and how..and also not be all me..or what ya into..but trying to build a conversation about the person..not their body parts.hotness or  what the kink is.

.Best of luck..

GQ


< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/5/2009 10:23:51 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/5/2009 10:19:44 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:



ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So, as a 21 year old kid your kind of fucked. Most women your age who want to have sex don't have to hang out online looking and there is a REASON women your age are on here, they are lost in fantasy, they are complete nutjobs, or they are actually men my age pretending to be women. The few your age who ARE cool chicks are probably in high demand and your profile doesn't exactly scream "hot with it young stud"



Just reposting


Dude I am 22 and not lost in a fantasy or a nutjob but ta for the brush stroke

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 20
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