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RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 1:37:00 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

When someone approaches me... I inform them I have a Dom/Master... and they should first speak to them.. I get the.. You ask him!

I have to laugh sometimes... because I tell them.. it was you who approached me looking for something... it was not I who approached you. But the few I've incountered always insist that I seek permission from Master..not them.


I completely do not understand this perspective. Our servants know exactly what their responsibilities are -- so if one of our servants tells someone that is interested in playing with her or him that that dominant individual needs to speak with either Lady SilverRose or myself to get permission to play, that -doesn't- mean "I need to speak to Lady SilverRose or Lady Zephyr for you so you can play with me" ... it means exactly what they've been -told- it means... the dominant -must- speak with us prior to engaging in discussion with one of our servants about play.

I don't have a problem with our servants playing casually. Frankly, we don't "play" and scene... the activities that we do are usually part of a training or transformation process that is part of our way of life. That being said, right now, we have a servant who enjoys some scening and sex, and enjoys it more often than our training and transformational work allow her to participate. She's currently allowed to look and I am looking on her behalf also, though she'll get the chance to say yes or no to anyone we approve (after all, she's going to be the one enjoying the benefits -- and those benefits are pretty specific to -her-, and it won't do any good if she's not getting what she needs out of the arrangement), but she also knows that whomever she talks with on her own will have to pass muster with us before progressing to any play... and -the- top will be expected to initiate the discussion with us. If a top can't stand up and say "I'm interested in doing some flogging and play with your servant", how can I trust that they will maintain open communications through the process so that we can make sure that our girl stays safe? Answer: I can't. I -can-, however, trust my servant... if a top isn't willing to do what we ask, I know that our servant will do what -she- needs to... and tell that person that discussions ended when the top refused to do her part in talking to us. That, at least, gives me some security in sending our girl out into the jungle. *smiles*

For the OP... you're not "off" on this. Don't worry about the ones who try to skirt the rules. Chances are they'd be bad news for your wife anyway. Hold out for the ones who respect you, respect her, and respect the chance to share in the bonus of being able to play with her (and realize that there are an awful lot of folks out there who wouldn't know good manners if knowing would save their lives.)

Lady Zephyr

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 1:46:02 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm fine with being a tad prudish when I say that I'm not at all surprised at how messy things can get when you openly patronise an atmosphere of partner swapping, even what is apparently the "acceptable" D/s version of it.... Adding to that mix, just because you do things by following steps a, b & c etc, it still doesn't follow that everyone else observes the same formality. Or are they breaking some specific "house rule"?

That aside, respect is what you earn, not what you think you're entitled to! My girl represents *me*; she's an extension of *me*, so if you're part of a scene where partner swapping is acceptible, you orta be making damn sure your girl doesn't forget who she's (primarily) with. Why doesn't she direct them to you when a dom wants to get personal? It's obviously an issue for you and you do get to make the rules for her, no? If yes, then it's up to *you* to be clear with the wife about what your rules are; it's only her place to follow them.

Still, I can't help thinking there's times she doesn't wanna bother you because you're "busy" yourself.... Personally, I think you're being both too uptight over the seedy scene (to me) you wanna habitate and you clearly don't have rules or guidelines for your girl to follow and thus ease your own tensions or soothe your ego.... You want respect, start with the things you can can control (or should be able to) - the missus!

Focus.

(in reply to Tantalus42)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 2:10:48 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Am I totally off-base about that? Or am I just being too damned uptight?


Your submissive wife, your rules. Personally, I appreciate someone with your kind of mindset and wish more dominants would respect my collar if not the wedding ring. I love the way Himself puts things into perspective for me.

His words. "I wouldn't let a stranger drive my car, so why would I ever allow them to drive my slave."

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Tantalus42)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 2:15:29 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

IDIOTS
**how come YOU get to use that word and "I" get my ass jumped on by the mods here for doing it?
You've used it to refer to specific individuals here, and that's not allowed.

quote:

something smells rotten somewhere

talk about playing favorites!!!
This is not a game that you want to play, veronica. Please give it a rest.

XI
=================

"I" dont PLAY games but evidently everyone else is huh?

2 sets of rules?
uh huh
just what i figured and YOU just endorsed it.



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to ModeratorEleven)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 2:53:09 PM   
bear372217355


Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think you're spot on. It is not to much to ask that your ownership be respected. Those that choose to ignore your position are in my opinion only, not educated enough, perhaps. If you inform them of your rules, and they choose to go around you, then they are just ignorant.

I myself am not permitted to address women unless they speak to me first (in r/l) and even then, I am not allowed to make eye contact with them. This has created some interesting scenes with Dommes that see my actions as disrespectful, but I follow only ones rules. I direct everyone that talks to me about play or scening, to Mi'Lady. It's surprising how many people walk away at that point. Does anybody know why that is?

You're not off base, keep it up and lead be example. Perhaps your refined attitude will rub off those that truely wish to better themselves and become better Dominants.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to Tantalus42)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 2:59:33 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Does anybody know why that is?


I've been in the same situation, but this is still just a guess as I'm assuming motives which might not be true. Asking 'you' was easy. Being directed to your dominant just became 'work,' as in having to earn the right to play with you instead of being entitled to do so.

::shrugs:: Like I said.. just a guess.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to bear372217355)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 3:06:10 PM   
bear372217355


Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Could it be a bit of insecurity in themselves as Dominants, perhaps not wanting to look less Dominant then the one they must communicate with to continue?

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 3:11:36 PM   
UtahGoddess


Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline
Tantalus,

I was in the exact opposite situation from you a few years back. I had a boy that was going to be in Utah for a year and he wanted me to take him on as a charge. He has a Domme/Wife and so I insisted on talking with her before I would consider taking him on.

She was shocked.

In 10 years she had never had another Domme contact her prior to playing with her boy. This, in turn, shocked me. Needless to say we got along famously and I did, indeed, take on her boy as a charge during his stay in Utah. I continued with his training as a proxy for her.

I am glad to see there are still Dom/mes out there with integrity. Good for you!

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 4:14:46 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing


quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

When someone approaches me... I inform them I have a Dom/Master... and they should first speak to them.. I get the.. You ask him!

I have to laugh sometimes... because I tell them.. it was you who approached me looking for something... it was not I who approached you. But the few I've incountered always insist that I seek permission from Master..not them.


I completely do not understand this perspective. Our servants know exactly what their responsibilities are -- so if one of our servants tells someone that is interested in playing with her or him that that dominant individual needs to speak with either Lady SilverRose or myself to get permission to play, that -doesn't- mean "I need to speak to Lady SilverRose or Lady Zephyr for you so you can play with me" ... it means exactly what they've been -told- it means... the dominant -must- speak with us prior to engaging in discussion with one of our servants about play.


Lady Zephyr


Yep, but they don't all look at this way. They see a submissive they want to play with. They hear them state they need to speak with Dom/Master/protector.... but they seem to insist that the submissive do the speaking for them... as a means of beginning the serving. I on the other hand stand there and totally ignore the whole situation. When it's mentioned again.. I again inform them... they need to speak with my superior. If they still don't... then they slowly get the message... no talk.. no play. They normally move on.. or seriously try to persist. At that point.. I seek out Master.. tell him what's going on.. and let him handle it all from there.

My Master now though.. But I do still have to let him know when someone is interrested and won't let up even after they've beeen informed that I'm not into this.. nor is my Master. It so much makes me wonder about the whole scene... actually makes me sometimes want to crawl back into myself and hide who I am.... but I refuse to do that. And Master won't allow this either ...... (smiles)

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 4:45:38 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML




It's all in the game and HOW YOU play it!..........


===========

which means what EXACTLY?
someone getting some offline action?



Simply put, none object to you using the word "I" as such. It's when you use "I" as part of a personal attack on people that the Mods jump on your arse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven

quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

IDIOTS
**how come YOU get to use that word and "I" get my ass jumped on by the mods here for doing it?

You've used it to refer to specific individuals here, and that's not allowed.

quote:

something smells rotten somewhere

talk about playing favorites!!!

This is not a game that you want to play, veronica. Please give it a rest.

XI


Thankyou Mod XI, I couldn't have said it better.

Life is a game..... CM is a game.... Games have rules.. Some know how to make their own rukles or use the existing rules to their own benifite... Sooooooooooooooo: It's all in the game and how you play it!..........

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 4:52:31 PM   
redheadedfire4u


Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline 		How can I defer to Sir's judgment and care if I make such decisions without Him? How is He suppose to guide me and keep me from harm as His precious if I run around playing with people He does not know? Where is my submission if I start doing this, where is my respect for Him if I run off willy nilly playing with whoever takes my fancy? When I am out alone I am not truly alone as I wear His collar and therefore He is always with me in a sense and I enjoy this feeling of His presence. However this comes with responsibilities and expectations and one is that I conduct myself with respect and consideration of Him at all times.

For me these reasons above are why any conversation that goes past the boundary of social conversation or friendship is referred to Him, any who do not wish to speak to Him, I feel show less than acceptable respect to both him and me. Sub, slave, wife girlfriend or partner I am no longer a me I am part of an us and will act accordingly, with due respect for the rules of our relationship. Those who feel differently may look elsewhere, it is simple. No one has to play by O/our rules except if they want to play with me lol.


I would also like to drop a quick thx to UtahGoddess for this little quote I truely enjoyed reading it
"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

warm smiles to all

_____________________________

Driver1961's girl "wild child" and loving sister to His angel

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 4:52:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am afraid I must admonish IronBear slightly, for his lack of setting forth two fundamental rules of etiquette, since that is the subject of this thread..........

you MAY (even in front of the queen of england) backhandedly wipe your mouth to free it from the grease of shrimps on the barbie.........

And furthermore, Fosters should be the FIRST and LAST beer drank while in attendance at the barbie.

I am sure he has other things on his mind, and the neglect of these rules was unintentional.

Other than that, sorry you feel fucked over.........
everybody does...
You are young and will get over it, trust me, I know...

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 5:23:00 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am afraid I must admonish IronBear slightly, for his lack of setting forth two fundamental rules of etiquette, since that is the subject of this thread..........

you MAY (even in front of the queen of england) backhandedly wipe your mouth to free it from the grease of shrimps on the barbie.........

And furthermore, Fosters should be the FIRST and LAST beer drank while in attendance at the barbie.

I am sure he has other things on his mind, and the neglect of these rules was unintentional.

Other than that, sorry you feel fucked over.........
everybody does...
You are young and will get over it, trust me, I know...

Sincerely,
Ron


Ahhhhhhh Ron my friend, sadly I also forgot to mention that when having tea at Buckinham Palace it is also socially acceptable to pour hot tea in the saucer and blow on it to cool it (Thanks to Queen Victoria)... I haven't been invited to a BBQ at the Palace as of yet so am not sure when the preferences are for dirnks but I strongly susspect that Fosters will be available for us Colonials.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 5:39:27 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Life is a game..... CM is a game.... Games have rules.. Some know how to make their own rukles or use the existing rules to their own benifite... Sooooooooooooooo: It's all in the game and how you play it!..........

===================

EXCEPT ole Bear dude..."I" dont look at anything BEING a game..to ME there is NO game. it is ALL heartattack serious to ME.
i am too old to play childish games. i play for keeps ole man.

but at least YOU are the ONLY one on here civil enough to come through WITH a civil answer...and for THAT...my hat is always off to YOU!
YOU...ARE...a true gentleman...
no one else has had the guts to stand up to be counted!

now why is THAT ole Bear?
why is it only YOU are civil about it?

thank You...SIR!


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 5:54:05 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

Life is a game..... CM is a game.... Games have rules.. Some know how to make their own rukles or use the existing rules to their own benifite... Sooooooooooooooo: It's all in the game and how you play it!..........

===================

EXCEPT ole Bear dude..."I" dont look at anything BEING a game..to ME there is NO game. it is ALL heartattack serious to ME.
i am too old to play childish games. i play for keeps ole man.

but at least YOU are the ONLY one on here civil enough to come through WITH a civil answer...and for THAT...my hat is always off to YOU!
YOU...ARE...a true gentleman...
no one else has had the guts to stand up to be counted!

now why is THAT ole Bear?
why is it only YOU are civil about it?

thank You...SIR!

Thank you veronica, for those comments…. I can understand why life is no game for you, I make it a game to stop my going insane from the secrets I know, the soul destroying memories of things I’ve seen and done. It is my way of dealing with life in a situation where I am required to have a military (SAS) weapons bag to hand at all times and still at times sleep with two side arms, one under the pillow and one on a bedside table, loaded and ready to rock-n-roll when I’m away from home… perhaps it is my Irish SoH and my mule headed Scots bloodline which comes out and I see the fun side of most things. I was once told by my Sensei that we do not fight.. we do combat. We dance the dance of death till we die … I like to dance and I make my daemons dance to my tune.. It is truly (for me) all in the game and how I play it.. This allows me to care more than I probably should about most people. Old Man? Hell yes but I bloody well intend to see this millennium out and perhaps the next as well. Ohhhh why am I civil to you? You have never upset me to the point where I'll be uncivil. Y'see, I suffer from PTSD too. You and I can agree to disagree about a whole heap of things and not let them become a contentious issue.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 5:56:51 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree with this entire approach.

If someone asks to play with me, I'll ask my partner if he's okay with it and then we'll go play. I don't see what's so difficult about that. Sure seems a lot easier, less confrontational, and more considerate to me.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 6:14:15 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i am amazed and very impressed at the respect and trust between You and Your wife; and between JohnWarren and Libby.

There are now "instant messages" that appear when you reply to a message; one says "involved". It is polite, to the point, and no Man has ever re-contacted me.

i hope this helps.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 2/10/2006 6:15:51 PM >

(in reply to Tantalus42)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 6:33:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u

How can I defer to Sir's judgment and care if I make such decisions without Him?

It's called prior understandings.

quote:

How is He suppose to guide me and keep me from harm as His precious if I run around playing with people He does not know?

Some of us know how to play responsibly and don't need hand holding in order to take care of ourselves.

quote:

Where is my submission if I start doing this, where is my respect for Him if I run off willy nilly playing with whoever takes my fancy?

What does submission have to do with number of people? If my owner says I'm allowed to do something, I'm not disrespecting him by going out and doing it.

quote:

For me these reasons above are why any conversation that goes past the boundary of social conversation or friendship is referred to Him, any who do not wish to speak to Him, I feel show less than acceptable respect to both him and me. Sub, slave, wife girlfriend or partner I am no longer a me I am part of an us and will act accordingly, with due respect for the rules of our relationship. Those who feel differently may look elsewhere, it is simple. No one has to play by O/our rules except if they want to play with me lol.


I would also like to drop a quick thx to UtahGoddess for this little quote I truely enjoyed reading it
"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

warm smiles to all

To me it really doesn't make a difference whether a sub needs the other person to dance like a chicken, shake a gourd, sign in blood or wear a red hankie to play with them. What matters is that it's up to the sub to communicate any restrictions or conditions that need to be met to play with.

It is then the other persons responsibility to accept them and do them, or to say no thanks and move on politely.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to redheadedfire4u)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 6:46:48 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

To me it really doesn't make a difference whether a sub needs the other person to dance like a chicken, shake a gourd, sign in blood or wear a red hankie to play with them. What matters is that it's up to the sub to communicate any restrictions or conditions that need to be met to play with.

It is then the other persons responsibility to accept them and do them, or to say no thanks and move on politely.


AMEN. That is exactly how I feel.

=What= the rules are doesn't much matter. What matters is that it's my job, as the owned person, to communicate the rules I follow, and the potential partner's job to decide if those rules are ones that he/she can respect and ahear to.

Beyond that, it's all about the individuals in question.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Issues of Etiquette - 2/10/2006 6:52:44 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

To me it really doesn't make a difference whether a sub needs the other person to dance like a chicken, shake a gourd, sign in blood or wear a red hankie to play with them. What matters is that it's up to the sub to communicate any restrictions or conditions that need to be met to play with.

It is then the other persons responsibility to accept them and do them, or to say no thanks and move on politely.


I agree with you LA. In the final analysis this is so true.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

What matters is that it's up to the sub to communicate any restrictions or conditions that need to be met to play with.



This raises the question, should a sub/slave with an online profile, have all the restrictions and requirements shown on her profile and updated regularly as changes are made. This is what any slave of mine or the House iron Bear will do and show if she is available to play either as well as the required proticol in requesting her use. (However this is a personal requirement and may not sit well with others).

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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