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How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:21:34 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		So I am looking for a little insight into the submissive mind.

When you are approached by a Dominant how do you perfer that approach to be?

I have seen some Dom's do the Obey Me Bit and I have seen some subs go for that, where others go with softer tactics.

My Question to all the s-types on the board is how do you perfer to be approached by a Dominant Party.

And if you you are into Poly Style Living what is your perfered approach to being contacted when there is an Existing submissive already in the house?

Steel

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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:29:51 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Because I am looking for a loving relationship that encompasses D/s, I don't respond to the "obey me now" approach at all.  I want someone to approach me in a friendly, want to get to know each other way.  If I think someone is an asshole as a person, the rest doesn't even matter.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:51:01 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Because I am looking for a loving relationship that encompasses D/s...

Someone else pointed this out to me on a different thread. That which you seek will definitely color everything else.


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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:51:16 AM   
Starbuck09


Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		 No different to how i like to be approached by a vanilla girl in a bar. If you're friendly, approachable and respectful i'll happily talk to anyone and if we click then i'm more than happy to move on from there. I wouldn't submit to a dominat because they were dominant alone just as I would not expect someone to top me just because I flung myself at their feet.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:55:46 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline 		Well i don't tend to acknowledge anyone as one i am to obey until that's our agreement. i do however, enjoy a hint of the D/s mixed with the conversation.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 9:59:28 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I personally like a nice approach, maybe something that shows your sense of humor or gives me a glimpse of personality.  One thing I enjoyed when M wrote me was that he commented on something in my journal.  It's nice to have anyone connect with us on something already in our lives, or a thought that we have had. (at least for me it is)  Little did I know he reads a lot of sub journals and now doesn't read mine anymore

As for a poly couple, I had a lot of them approach me when I was still looking.  I think my problem was that I would always be considered secondary to the other person, beta if you will.  What I wanted was a relationship with both people, which is usually difficult to find.

I personally like your profile, I think it's well written and very welcoming.  If I were still looking, this would be the type of poly relationship that would appeal to me.

I think just finding a third in general is very hard, so many have concerns over how things will go, or how they will fit it.

I wish you the best.


< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 6/10/2009 10:00:38 AM >

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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 10:06:05 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Hey wazzup works just fine then it doesn't take more than 2-3 msgs to find out whether I feel like talkin to the person or not.

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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 10:06:53 AM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		The ones who I enjoyed talking to when they approached me have always been polite, never assumed to take what they wanted. Part of that is me being a newbie and wanting someone who is willing to take the time to teach me, and let me learn and explore a bit, and who won't get overly upset if I make a mistake.

Master and I are both Ops in the same chat room, so we knew one another for a while before we started thinking about getting to know one another. Basically one day I noticed he had looked at my profile so I started watching him and liked what I saw, a few months later after lots of hint dropping lol he came to me and said we needed to talk. He was very straight forward, said what he was looking for, what he could give in return and I told him the same thing. Some of the things he told me I already knew from the grapevine but he took it upon himself to tell me which spoke volumes about his honesty and integrity.

Basically it was the fact that he was polite, straightforward and listened to what I had to say as well. It was one of those, "I'm interested if you're interested, what are your boundries" type conversation. Actually a lot of the agreements we made that day have fallen to the wayside as we've gotten closer.

So, just be straightfoward, honest and go from there. Just be yourself.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 10:23:08 AM   
Danibelle


Posts: 94
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not looking for a relationship so what I respond to may be different, or it may not.

On CM:

I look for people with approachable profiles.  If their views and likes and dislikes match mine enough to warrant a casual play relationship, I send them a quick note saying hello, will comment on at least one thing in their profile that I liked AND one thing in their list of interests that I also share.  I try to be light-hearted and fun.  Also, since my profile doesn't have a picture, I send a quick picture with the e-mail.  I usually get a response back from them.

For those who message me first I look for a few more things:

Did they read my profile?  Did what they say seem like a response to what I've written?  If yes, I will look at theirs.  If I see something that goes against my main search, I ask them about it.

Are they funny?  If they show a sense of personality by using a little bit of humor, they will ALWAYS get a polite response whether or not I'm interested.

Those are the positives.  If they don't have their profile filled out or if they are too far away or not within my age range, I generally turn them down unless they've said something that addresses the problem directly in their profile.  For example, they might go to school far away and live here with their families over the summer.  They might be under 21, but their birthday is in a couple of weeks.

Basically I respond to men who approach me with a level of respect, with a personality, and who have read my profile.

I tend to respond a little differently in r/l where a sense of humor is bound to get your further.

Hope that helped.


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(in reply to kuriouswitch)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 12:35:43 PM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline 		i like to be approached in the same way as one would expect in vanilla settings.  Yes, i am slave, but i will treat everyone with the same respect i would like to receive and will only treat Doms with deference after i am instructed to by Master (and so far this has not happened).  There is no excuse for rudeness from either side of the whip and politeness and courtesy always goes a long way.  i must say however, i find folk are more polite in person (ie munches etc) than online, as there is no screen to hide behind lol!

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"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
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(in reply to Danibelle)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 12:36:21 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		BU

In other words be yourself, as you are, without any role play, dynamic, play acting or agenda.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 1:02:28 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		The first Dominant I ever met was also the first I met through Collarme.  We had gardening in common and our emails reflected that.  In a short while we were talking on the phone about gardening.  By the way, after over 4 years we are still good friends and still talk about gardening. 

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 2:11:02 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I like to be approched as a person first a sub second. Yes i am submissive but i am a person with thoughs, ideas, dreams, . If there was someone whould not respect the fact that i have interestes outside of bdsm then i don't think i would be with that person. Master and i talk aout everything.

As for a poly relationship if i was still looking don't approch me, because i like a one on one relationship. I am not wired to share.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 2:31:42 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So I am looking for a little insight into the submissive mind.

When you are approached by a Dominant how do you perfer that approach to be?

I have seen some Dom's do the Obey Me Bit and I have seen some subs go for that, where others go with softer tactics.

My Question to all the s-types on the board is how do you perfer to be approached by a Dominant Party.

And if you you are into Poly Style Living what is your perfered approach to being contacted when there is an Existing submissive already in the house?

Steel


Speaking as an s type and what works for me is is having the d type approach me as a person first and as a sub secondary. Most often it is how they approach and specifically what they say initially which will either have me interested or not. Anyone who takes a heavy handed approach is guaranteed to be brushed off as another arrogant idiot. I take the stance that regardless of the labels we assume, underneath we are all people and that is where a dominant person needs to appeal to with any hopes of claiming this bear.
Appeal to the person I am plus determining if there's enough commonalities between us will have a greater success than someone storming in and being over bearing.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/10/2009 2:36:25 PM >

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 3:02:50 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Appeal to me as a person, not as a object and don't let my bipolar scare you. I taper it with a sense of humor so I can function socially.

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(in reply to beargonewild)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 3:15:41 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

When you are approached by a Dominant how do you perfer that approach to be?
I prefer the approach not to occur. My husband and wedding ring are both in plain sight at a munch/play party. I find it rude and insulting to hubby to be approached by a Dom (and it has happened).
The protocol that I really like and is most often used: The Dom will approach/speak to hubby first, tell him he has a question for me, and only then address me. The Dom does not need hubby's permission to talk to me, and i cannot ever recall permission being asked.... but it is a show of respect from one Dom to another to do it as i described.


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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 5:30:36 PM   
nevergrowdup


Posts: 86
Joined: 12/1/2007
Status: offline 		I think the initial email should show that you have read my profile, and you should find something in that as a conversation starter.  And not a generic conversation starter, but one that is targeted just for me.  (Just got a c-mail that said, "Good evening.  How are you doing?")  I wouldn't start out with flattery, as that makes the guy seem too needy.  Just start a conversation and wow me with your smarts and manners.  I love confident men.  Notice that I said "confident" and not "cocky."  There's nothing worse than a guy who tries too hard ... sends along a resume of sorts, as if his success or position will impress me.



(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 5:38:29 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
Originality and wit will get a positive response from me. 

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 5:55:48 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Sir,

Now, i like to be approached for friendship only, whether by D-type or s-type, as i am owned and collared.  When i was looking, i preferred to receive a respectful letter that commented on the essay portion of my profile, showing that He had actually read it.....the "let's get to know each other as people first" approach.  That earned huge bonus points with me.  The "on your knees, bitch" approach just pissed me off, as i refuse to submit to Anyone without an agreement in place yet.

i was contacted by one nice poly couple when i was still searching and got to know T/them both.  He asked if i had ever considered poly and said right upfront that He had one submissive already.  It didn't happen to work out, but i liked that approach.....upfront honesty, no surprises later on.  Overall, the getting to know E/each O/other as people first, and being upfront and honest, is what i like.

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"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/10/2009 6:55:04 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		One adult human being to another.

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