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RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/12/2009 8:15:55 PM

IceDemeter

Posts: 84
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So I am looking for a little insight into the submissive mind.

When you are approached by a Dominant how do you perfer that approach to be?

I have seen some Dom's do the Obey Me Bit and I have seen some subs go for that, where others go with softer tactics.

My Question to all the s-types on the board is how do you perfer to be approached by a Dominant Party.

And if you you are into Poly Style Living what is your perfered approach to being contacted when there is an Existing submissive already in the house?

Steel

I definitely agree with the general consensus of approaching as a person first - the dynamic is something that will come with time (or not).

When approached by a couple, I prefer the first contact to be from both - with something from each of them showing that they've both read my profile and found something of interest there. I personally find having both make the approach and introduce a bit of themselves makes it feel more that their existing relationship is open to adding another, not that just one is wanting that and the other just going along with it.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 41

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/13/2009 2:07:51 PM

Botmboii

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/13/2009
Status: offline

I'm submissive by nature, but if I don't know you at all and you walk up to me and start treating me like you're "my" dominant just because you want to be, it won't fly. Until we have some sort of trust/connection going, which hell if I'm in the mood might only take a few minutes of talking, we're on the same level. If you can't take at least a few minutes to make me feel comfortable with you, I'll just walk away. Never know whose out there, you got to at least try and be safe.

(in reply to IceDemeter)

Post #: 42

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/13/2009 3:22:47 PM

jeninvegas

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline

Friendliness always work with me.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 43

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/14/2009 11:38:46 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

There is no facade of authority. She is not trying to act as if she is in power. There is sincerity in the tone and a natural tendency to lead. There is no force to it. It is her inner nature. She knows but does not say. There is a genuine interest in me not what I can give her.

:D

I tend not to acknowledge anyone without an agreement myself. It sounds sound, ringing in my own ears.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 44

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/15/2009 1:42:35 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I'll play

For me, originality and humor are what set a Dom apart and get my attention. Commenting on something specific in my profile or a forum post I've made, esp in a way that makes me laugh, is how I like to be approached. I love puns, wordplay, and wit, and a D who can't keep up in conversation isn't going to be a match for me. Also, while I do expect to be approached as a person first, a few flirty and funny BDSM references worked into the conversation are all good with me.

OTOH, cmail of the "On your knees, bitch" variety either gets ignored or, if my inner bitch is out for a walk, gets the DIQ a verbal kick in the nuts; while mail of the "Hi, how are you" (and nothing else) variety or form letters tend to get roundly ignored.

As I'm not open to poly, I can't really comment on that part of your question, Steel.

_____________________________

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Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
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(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 45

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/15/2009 2:04:43 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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<Takes notes.>

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(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 46

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/15/2009 2:46:36 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

<Takes notes.>

If that comment was directed at me, LP, no need. Like the OP, you have an "E-ticket"

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 6/15/2009 2:47:07 AM >

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 47

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 12:22:33 AM

eclipticsubwitch

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

I dislike the "Obey me now" approach because I've not given myself over to you. I don't know you so why would I obey you. I do understand the hardcore Master approach, I just don't respond to it

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 48

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 3:31:32 PM

alone4now49

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

Well I believe in the old saying, Treat others as you yourself wish to be treated. Sadly from what I hear, that does not seem to be happening too often

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 49

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 7:44:36 PM

Rhembein

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/8/2009
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Because I am looking for a loving relationship that encompasses D/s, I don't respond to the "obey me now" approach at all. I want someone to approach me in a friendly, want to get to know each other way. If I think someone is an asshole as a person, the rest doesn't even matter.

This works for me as well. First be courteous and respectful, just like you would to a vanilla girl at a bar that you were hitting on. Obviously we're all into kink or we wouldn't be here... that's already established. So why not take a moment and get to know the vanilla person inside of that kink too? Especially if you ARE real and ARE here for the right reasons.

If you message me and start coming with demands from the word Go... the domme in me will come out and I will break your ass. That's just me though.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 50

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 8:59:19 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

From the side, so she cant kick you, and with some apples or sugar cubes :P

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(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 51

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 9:06:24 PM

loveandlight87

Posts: 110
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

I agree with WyldHrt re the initial approach. Oh, and if they were not fairly local (w/in 100 miles or so) ... big pause.

I suspect though, based on what I know of you Steel, you are looking for more answers regarding approaching as a poly couple.

Initially I was not looking for poly specifically. I was open to it to an extent, but it wasn't my primary search. The couples approaching me that I found myself being interested in did not discuss a lot about how the relationship would work in terms of the triad at first, or even much later. They were upfront that poly was the deal but did not try and direct how the relationship would be. Instead, they made themselves open books and allowed me to get to know them as people and in turn got to know me as a person. There was no talk of primary, secondary, triad or any of that. I guess in short, they were seeing me as a real live person and not as an accessory to their relationship.

The other thing I would have looked for right away when considering a triad was being able to freely converse with both parties from the get go. If not, no go! It didn't seem to be a factor for me who was approaching first, the D or the s. Just that both were available right away to talk with. And because I don't do the whole online thing well, I would have been looking to meet in real life fairly quickly. It would have been very important to me that I met both the first time.

Even though I had met Sir and his wife in real life at community events first, because he and I were both introverts, our initial conversations (beyond the hi how are you) were conducted online. One of the things that I liked was that once when I asked him what he was doing before I popped into screen, he said that he was practicing rope. The way he said it and the followup showed me that he was not a know it all, ego maniac. He demonstrated a genuine desire to learn with humility. Of course I used that as an excuse to invite myself over to his house by volunteering to be a practice bottom. *cause ya know even if you know all the knots, ya still gotta practice on a real live person right??? lol

Anyway, we are a V. But the thing is, there was room for our relationships to develop in whatever way they did. I was not restricted or pushed to develop relationships with either or both. Even now there is still room for the relationships to grow and change. And for me that was key.

love

_____________________________

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Owned and adored by SirSteveS

(in reply to Rhembein)

Post #: 52

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 9:11:36 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Because I am looking for a loving relationship that encompasses D/s, I don't respond to the "obey me now" approach at all. I want someone to approach me in a friendly, want to get to know each other way. If I think someone is an asshole as a person, the rest doesn't even matter.

I love the seduction/control bit. Not just flat out obey me.

*fans self*

Yes, that's it for me too!

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
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(in reply to MMagic)

Post #: 53

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 6/16/2009 9:11:44 PM

ACryFromTheSoul

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline

With warmth/personality
Full words/sentence structure
To be treated as an individual
To have him comment on something I said in my profile (so I know he took time to read it)
That he provides me something to that I can grasp onto to continue the conversation moving forward. Quite often I will receive an email that only say "hello" with no/or very little information filled out in his profile and it makes it hard to related to him
With respect
Something intelligent/humor/wit

I am not poly, so I am unable to comment on that aspect of your question. smile

(in reply to Rhembein)

Post #: 54

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/6/2009 6:05:29 PM

Marcus440

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I agree. Even though you are submissive, that doesn't mean that you are a door mat!

(in reply to Botmboii)

Post #: 55

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/6/2009 10:07:11 PM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

Well the basics would be anything comment that sounds like its given to anyone, (A scam) is a no no.

But.. This would take too long to explain in detail.

But how ever the "average guy" would approach the "average woman" is how I'd like to be approached.

The "Bow before me" or "I have 999 others who are better than you, I'm just wasting your time" bits are just too cocky.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 56

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/6/2009 10:17:48 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VelvetCruelty

Naked with a bow on your fancy parts

Thats it- I'm changing my profile pic first thing in the morning.

(in reply to VelvetCruelty)

Post #: 57

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/6/2009 10:55:29 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

i like being approached as an adult human being

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your living nightmare

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Post #: 58

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/8/2009 5:12:29 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

I like it when old threads get resurrected. :)

As for approach, I agree about friendliness. I like really that. A cold or indifferent approach makes me bored or hostile, and likely to ignore them.

I like intelligence, enough to avoid the very basic mistakes anyway.

If the approach is written, I like the writer to express some interest in me or my profile. Not extreme flattery--that's spooky--just an indication that they wrote because they liked what they read in the profile. Many dom men write and just seem to be randomly emailing someone just to shoot the breeze. They talk about everything EXCEPT your profile and why they are writing. I literally do not know what to say to those sorts. So I just delete their emails unanswered, because I'm not really interested in just shooting the breeze.

I like it when someone conveys in ways that are believable that they are generally interested in the same type of relationship I am and that they are capable of and desirous of bringing that sort of relationship into their lives. I don't like the parrots who recite your own details back at you and claim to have exactly the same interests. I wouldn't except a dominant man to have exactly the same interests as me, he'd have his own interests. But I like it when someone indicates to me that we're in the same ballpark, power-wise.

Most of all, I like a dominant whose approach makes me really, really want to write him back, chat with him again, see him again. Some people know exactly how to do this. Most don't. But that level of advanced social manipulation, when it is demonstrated, is a hopeful sign to me that they understand other aspects of control.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 59

RE: How do you like to be approached? - 10/9/2009 1:14:59 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So I am looking for a little insight into the submissive mind.

When you are approached by a Dominant how do you perfer that approach to be?

I have seen some Dom's do the Obey Me Bit and I have seen some subs go for that, where others go with softer tactics.

My Question to all the s-types on the board is how do you perfer to be approached by a Dominant Party.

And if you you are into Poly Style Living what is your perfered approach to being contacted when there is an Existing submissive already in the house?

Steel

Common sense tells you to treat them as human being and as a woman, something I am afraid many leave at the log in screen

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 60

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