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LadiesBladewing -> RE: Death of a M/mate (2/18/2006 6:23:22 AM)
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I really wanted to respond to the OP on this one, having lived through losing 2 Owners, who were also 2 beloved mates. We were a poly household, and though I wanted to respond to this, I hedged for a long time, while I searched to find the words to describe how we thought about and processed the changes. However, I found another post where I'd been able to express this, so I thought I'd share it. I hope it's not too late to contribute something to this thread, and I hope that it is found to be worthwhile by someone, somewhere along the way. The loss of a mate is a profound change, and we are shaped both by the relationship over the years that we spent with them -and- by the loss of their immediate, physical presence in our lives. That loss will shape us, but it doesn't need to cripple us or destroy us:
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Quote from LadiesBladewing:
We lost our 2 going on 5 years ago now. One was not as much of a surprise as it might have been. Luke was in a dangerous profession, but one he loved, and we knew that because he worked each and every day around explosives and large masses of concrete, steel and stone, he was at risk. He chose to take those risks, and we cherished every day and every moment with him, and worried about him when he was away -- but I could no more see him in an office than I could see a leopard as an apartment pet. Some beings -- animal or human -- are wild and proud and will not be caged.
It was the loss of Phantom that was a huge shock for us. He died of a ruptured aneurysm, and we had -no- warning... and, in fact, he died in Lady SR's arms before he could even be diagnosed.
Life, and death, comes to all of us in its time. We learned so much from the losses -- about how precious life is, how important it is to love (and to serve) with everything in you every day, because you may not -have- tomorrow to show how much someone means to you. After the losses, we learned how to survive, and eventually to thrive. We learned that loss doesn't mean the end of life for those who are still alive, and that ones life-work doesn't' end just because someone one cherishes can no longer help them to complete it.
It is scary, especially for those who have never contemplated death, but I am not afraid of dying, nor is SR afraid of what it will mean to lose me, nor I her. We know that a part of what we are will always be with each other. We know this, because we've experienced the physical loss, but the remaining spiritual connection. We cherish each moment as precious, and don't waste any of them. We allow ourselves to be guided by our ethics and our dignity, try to make good choices for ourselves, and understand how our choices will affect those around us... in general, we accept life, death, and the inevitable turning of the Wheel.
Cherish your life, and live honestly and fully... you'll never be sorry, no matter what happens to challenge you.
Lady Zephyr
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