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BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 7:34:25 AM   
allisonludwig


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		how do you negotiate your work life with your dominant or submissive tendencies? or other BDSM facets? Have your BDSM interests influenced your work choice(s) or work performance?

Myself, I am very submissive to my husband and friends sometimes. I just feel comfortable following someone else's lead. In work, I have had to challenge myself to take on more leadership and dominant roles, rather than agreeing with others before really thinking about it. I find myself sometimes automatically agreeing with other people's ideas or approaches with things, which isn't always helpful or good for clients or me.

just curious as to how other people negotiate these aspects of their lives.

thanks
Allison


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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 9:37:30 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, here's not only how I see it, but also how HR departments across the united states see it. The notion that a certain personality type is required to be a manager/leader/executive/whatever is just plain ludicrous. If, in fact, you look at CEO's in any major corporation across time, you're going to see some wildly divergent personality styles. The model of "manager" = task oriented, fast paced, aggressive and possibly domineering is, at best, old-school and at worst, ridiculous.

What I've tried to do with Carol is to get her to see that there are always ways and ways to skin a cat. In fact, it's possible to do all kinds of things from a "submissive" mindset that you'd never think... including leading. Very few situations in life can only be resolved one way.

As an example on my side of the fence, dominance, let's take a look at the scenario where I'm driving home from work and get pulled over for a speeding ticket. Right off the top of your head it seems pretty prudent to not be dominant in that situation since the officer holds ALL the cards. The tempation may be to adopt a "submissive" mindset. But these words are so limiting. What if, as a dominant, I take the stance that says,

"I am a good and ethical person and I have broken the laws of the land. So I will control my fight/flee response, control myself, and take charge of this situation by calmly and rationally speaking to the officer and accepting his determination which is in accordance with my very own sense of ethics and morality."

There, now I am in total control and executing to my own decisions and my own guiding lights.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to allisonludwig)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 10:46:58 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I don't really think there is a correlation between BDSM personality and the jobs we take.

Bread needs to be put on the table, so of course,whether it's a McJob or a place on the board, I have to provide. I expect that's how most people think these days.

I HAVE found, however, there are times when a strident personality and a confident "I'm the boss" attitude does wonders!

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 3:05:40 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
In fact, it's possible to do all kinds of things from a "submissive" mindset that you'd never think... including leading. Very few situations in life can only be resolved one way.

I think that Jeff made a great point here.  While in my partnered relationships it is generally most natural for me to submit to my partner that, by no means, takes away my ability to be a natural leader. 
It's a pretty special thing when I'm feeling it most viscerally correct to be Beta to my partner's Alpha (Although, it can be very special to have that flip-flopped relationally too) or to be the Alpha female to their Alpha male. 
The union of the two (Or more if that were the parlance) must be one that speaks of strength and power to me along with the individual inclinations there-in. 
In the work scenario, I have had to make life and death decisions and can do that with a clear head.  I have had to see order within chaos and conjure and direct order for those around me. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 3:57:47 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		No fair Davan, that wasn't my point. You and Carol are different. You are what I would call "naturally dominant" with an inclination to submit (deeply) in your personal relationship. Carol, on the other hand, operates from a submissive mindset as a default everywhere. So in your case, you can go out and be the alpha in the world, then come home and submit. For Carol, I need to teach her how to succeed WITHOUT adopting a dominant mindset. And it is my contention that damned near anything can be done entirely within the submissive mindset if you have the right mental viewpoint and tactics.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 4:09:46 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		But you see, Jeff, your point was so depthful that it could be interpolated a number of ways.  :> 
I agree, based on the information that I have, Carol's and my personalities are as you describe but having a very natural inclination toward submission (Albeit not across the board; I might argue that that wasn't always the case, however), I can see the strength in submission well-placed and achieved with focus, grace, and pride.  And, knowing me, I'm going to go to survival-based stuff and a submissive that is not able to be self-possessed enough to navigate in the world is going to be fodder and prey, so I view walking adeptly as very important as I know you do as well. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 4:35:34 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Original: leadership527
What I've tried to do with Carol is to get her to see that there are always ways and ways to skin a cat. In fact, it's possible to do all kinds of things from a "submissive" mindset that you'd never think... including leading. Very few situations in life can only be resolved one way.


I would have to reinforce this perspective. Knowing oneself is vital to our success, but the labels we place on ourselves (or allow others to place on us) not so much.

A dominant individual may choose to yield in certain situations where it is hir own best interests, or may choose to take on a service-oriented role if doing so furthers hir goals. In the same way, the servant who is truly dedicated to service will accept any duty with grace, even one that requires that xhe take a leadership role, in order to successfully complete hir service to the one whom xhe attends. Xhe may apply hir desire to serve hir Keeper, if xhe has one, to any project, making hir success in that thing a part of hir service to hir Keeper. Even if xhe doesn't have a dedicated Keeper, xhe may look upon hir life-duties or work duties as opportunities to reflect hir service ethic, by doing each thing to hir best ability, and by facing the challenges of hir duties, even leadership, as opportunities to expand the ways in which xhe may, eventually, be of service to someone who will appreciate what xhe is.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 4:39:56 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Dame Calla----
Beautifully said!  :>  It certainly resonates depthfully for me in a number of ways. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 8:55:10 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Indeed My interests in BDSM had influenced Me to write books on the subject, to produce BDSM films, and to start BDSM websites. It was a way for Me to live the lifestyle 24/7. Otherwise I would be trying to juggle a double life and I did not want to put Myself thru that stress. I love living and being what and who I am fulltime.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 9:38:14 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  how do you negotiate your work life with your dominant or submissive tendencies?


I don’t see it any differently than leaving work to have dinner with friends. It’s a change in focus, nothing more. 


quote:

  or other BDSM facets? Have your BDSM interests influenced your work choice(s) or work performance?

At work I don’t think in terms of dominance or submission. There are many activities that are neither; they are simply a way of getting stuff done or a problem resolved.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 9:44:03 PM   
Gaulthierdewin


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Allison,

You have posed an interesting question. My two very dear and precious submissives have fully embraced their lifestyle choices and their employment reflects their choices. Both work a few nights a week as waitresses at the same restaurant. The point is not to make money, they are provided for, but to further train in being of service. On occasion, I enjoy dining at the restaurant they both wait at. I must admit that the service is impeccable.

They also both take turns at working as my personal assistant in my office. I love having both of them in my work place. They are both very bright, highly motivated and wonderful to work with.

I do not think one can generalize regarding submissive inclination or an interest in BDSM as an indicator of ones employment. I have, however, posed your question to both of them and they agreed that their current employment is definitely an expression of their desire to serve. Of course, their current employment circumstances were not by choice since they both relinquished their right to choose upon consensually entering into a condition of indentured servitude. The current state of employment and type of employment seems to satisfy everyone involved - Dominant and submissive, Master and slaves. In fact, we all agree that it has enhanced our experience of being together.

Thanks for posing the question. By the way, great legs.

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 9:52:01 PM   
dex64


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/18/2004
Status: offline 		For me it was very difficult during my time in the Army. I was supposed to be a leader as a senior NCO. I tried my best to be such, but I knew that I wasn't very good at it. The day I retired, a tremendous load was removed from my chest. I would never have to put up that facade again. But now there are "other problems" that I must live with in my relationship that are putting my desires to serve someone permanently on the back burner. And I will leave it at that.

(in reply to catize)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 11:16:48 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		We did a work personality test sort of thing at work, and I recall I fell very strongly on to the dominant.  At work I make decisions, actively seek feedback, and proactively do what I am paid to do.  At home I accept the final word and do as i'm told, for the most part.  I don't think one necessarily has to do with the other.

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/12/2009 11:28:54 PM   
BarnacleBill


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		Very good points all. I think some times our life style choice helps us at certain times at work. Being a Dom makes it a lot easier to deal with customers and employees as well.

No matter how difficult it gets can always stay in control and be calm and respectful. Plus like making choices for those that cant.

Some times our style does help not every day of course but when it does you catch yourself thinking....should I have brought my flogger today?

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 6:00:52 AM   
Gaulthierdewin


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline 		Dear Allison,

Here is another point I think that this might be related in terms of lifestyle choice and the work place. I used to work as a commercial photographer. As a photographer I found that submissive made the most sensuous models. I was not necessarily shooting anything of a fetish nature or even erotic.

(in reply to BarnacleBill)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 6:02:18 AM   
allisonludwig


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks all for the responses. I realize that there isn't necessarily a correlation between BDSM tendencies and work. But I am curious as to how this may affect people's lives and choices. I was hoping for more personal experiences, as I am aware of social theory, psychology and the like.

thanks
Allison

(in reply to allisonludwig)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 6:54:01 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm the type who doesn't like conflict but I do hold a job where I am a leader, I direct others, but another directs me as well.

I don't think this is much different than most people.

Overall my demeanor does not change whether it be at my job or with my family or Master...but my actions do change depending on where I am and who I am with. There are rules of etiquette and manners in different areas of our lives and how I act with my family isn't the same as I act with Master or at my work.

I work at a job where I am authority because well..it pays more and authoritarian jobs have a better shelf life.

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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 7:16:24 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BarnacleBill

Very good points all. I think some times our life style choice helps us at certain times at work. Being a Dom makes it a lot easier to deal with customers and employees as well.

No matter how difficult it gets can always stay in control and be calm and respectful. Plus like making choices for those that cant.



I disagree with the above statements.  I do not feel that being a dominant would necessarily make it any easier to deal with customers and employees, I do however feel that being assertive, empathic, having sound communication skills (including listening), keeping calm in a crisis and being confident would assist anyone (whatever side of the slash they fall on outside of their job).

In response to the OP, my submission is very much person based, I tend to submit mainly to someone I am in a d/s relationship with. Outside of that for the most part I am just as comfortable and confident to be a facillitator/leader and also to play a secondary role when required.


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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 10:07:15 AM   
sublace


Posts: 201
Status: offline 		Allison, I'd say my choices and personality influence my life.
For instance, I'm looking for a new place to live and I only consider places with privacy. Either houses with enough property for outside fun ( bar b qs vanilla stuff important too ), private entrances, really thick walls ( i'm loud- woo!) and more. I like my privacy in any event. thanks.

(in reply to wandersalone)
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RE: BDSM and work life/choices - 6/13/2009 11:26:19 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Simplistically, there are two types of occupation choices. Jobs which you have to consider because there are no alternatives if you want to work and eat, and there are jobs/careers that you chose because either you have been trained for, experienced in or because you love that type of occupation. My way of thinking and prioritising says that you have to have a suitable income to be able to eat, provide a home of some sort and have clothes then you need to be able to afford the fun things you really want to do. It is just silly to allow your pleasures and fun things interfere or take over your life to a point where family (if there is one) and work suffers. If for example, you enjoy high risk sports like climbing high peaks, you should have some form of insurance to cover you in case of accidents and climb within your own capabilities and use every safety precaution etc. With activities like medieval Combat (SCA and metal Weapons groups) the attitude is usually you want to kill (defeat) your foe but not damage him or her because they need to return to work to support their hobby. The same line of thought need to be applied to BDSM activities. If you think comming to work with visable welts may either cost you your jopb or have someone start an official investigation under the belief you are being abused, common sense should tell you to cover up or not have such marks on visable places.

Personality wise, if you are a sub/slave yiou can divert your natural submisiveness into being the best employee your boss has, if you aren't the boss. Of course you can switch it off and become a figure of authority yourself whilst at work. I know of a number of both officers and NCOs in the Military who at work you'd be hard pressed to know they were at home a natural sub/slave. One lass I do know is a CEO of a corporation and when she gets home she enjoys becoming the slave of her Gorean Master.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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