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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/13/2009 9:33:01 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the person...also on their relationship, if they are in one, what their partner is like, etc.

It depends also, I guess, on what your vision is, what your values are, what your strengths are, what you feel you bring to the table.

Other than the basics of affection (not necessary for everyone, I guess), encouragement (again, optional, I suppose) I try to be conscious of stirring in some creative energy occasionally.

Cultivating a positive outlook, when possible, I've found to be useful.

Clarifying what we want can be a big one. Sounds simple, but experience will sometimes reveal it to be trickier that it sounds - especially as things evolve over time, etc.

Communicating what we want. Again, sounds simple, but I've been trying to learn how to do it well for over a decade and a half , at least, and it's still up on blocks in the yard.

Taking responsibility for my choices, my state of mind, of being, etc. For others, that may have been a given, but that was a particular task that I had to work on.

I guess part of the communicating thing is finding a partner who shares and understands our choices, so that we're not trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/13/2009 9:51:54 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I do as I wish with her and to her. I allow her the autonomy to find her own fulfillment within that.

(in reply to WarKirby)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 2:11:48 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Not wanting to hijack another thread, something Leadership said prompted me to ask the is question::  What is it that us Dominants do? 


In short: build a solid relationship - complete with care love enjoyment peace - where I and my partner have our needs met while we both understand that I'm the law.

In terms of details....well it really depends on the personality. I like to have a broad understanding of where we stand - e.g. I'm the law - but I'm the type of person who doesn't really seek to control life I prefer to explore the possbilities and keep things open ended rather than have a plan that must be followed at all costs. So my behaviour flows from a more flexible approach to life and no one is going to be smothered in rules and tasks by me. Plus I'm more the type that wants my woman to be able to do things without me interfering - that's perfect for me because it's less energy expended on managing the situation (easy life and all that). So there are musts in my world - such as a good cook well developed manners a curious disposition good company a well developed sense of humour generosity compassion etc - but I tend to establish these in advance of entering the relationship so I can make life as plain sailing as possible. From there it's a case of maintaining the behaviour you want to see and modifying that which you do not.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 2:18:24 AM   
NorthernGent


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Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rule

And when I say that I mean in the purest form.
Any one with questions about what this means on this I would refer to writings on the social contract. Take a look at Machiavelli, Hobbes, Clausewitz, Rawls et. al...

She is mine, to do with as I may, but one can only reign with the consent of the governed.



Machiavelli believed it was necessary for the authority to lie to the people.....

Hobbes believed that authority was absolute (there was no right of appeal or rebellion with Hobbes). His signature was that the authority should be the king nothing unusual there of course but his departure from previous ideas was that he believed the king should rule not because of divine right but rather out of pragmatism as in his mind people's natural state is war.

I'd prefer that people read Locke and Spinoza who had a more positive outlook on human behaviour and valued the right of appeal and rebellion.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 8:09:20 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

What is it that us Dominants do?


As Firm rarely visits threads outside of the political forum, I'll answer from my perspective...

It isn't so much what Firm does as who he is... though who he is affects everything he does.

He is self-aware.  His convictions are borne from years of experience and reflection.  He not only knows, but understands exactly why he believes and feels as he does.  But he continues to listen and to learn... to be open to growth.  He is a man who will stand up for what he believes in and what he believes is right, but he's willing to accept that he may not always be right.  (Though that doesn't happen very often.  )

He has strength of character; honor and duty have true meaning to Firm and he takes his responsibilities seriously.  He understands that his position as leader requires that he continue to be deserving of that role.  He does not dictate arbitrarily... he utilizes all the resources available to him in order to reach the best possible course of action for himself and those he takes responsibility for.  And he does not shy away from making the hard decisions, accepting full responsibility for any undesired consequences. 

He does not abuse the power of his position, nor does he take it for granted.  He recognizes that as the leader, he is the pillar of my existence and that his actions and requirements need to be firmly based in reality and backed up with wisdom.  He understands that we are partners, though not equal, and that our relationship is a meld of his life and mine... and not simply an extension of only his.

He has expectations, but is not overly demanding.   He does not expect more from me than he is willing to provide himself, and while he asks for the best, he does not expect perfection.  As leader he strives to set goals that maximize success for both of us as a team and steers us away from areas that would cause us unnecessary strife.

He understands that while I am perfectly capable of taking the lead, it is not my preference... while he is capable of following, he would prefer to lead.  He has used that knowledge and my consent to guide us into the kind of relationship where we both get what we want, but not at the expense of the other.

As a submissive, I couldn't ask for anything more.

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 8:27:03 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Right now, he is sleeping *g*

What does he do that reflects his dominance in this relationship? He exercises his authority. Sometimes he is soft and subtle about it and other times he is intense and demanding. He is the Captain of this ship and his word is law. That is what he does and his character defines how he does it.

To me, the character of who he is is so much more important than what he does.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 8:31:51 AM   
MzMia


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Not wanting to hijack another thread, something Leadership said prompted me to ask the is question::  What is it that us Dominants do? 


Greetings to my favorite Master Bear!

I can only speak to what my own dominant does: compels, inspires, coerces, manipulates, dictates, authenticates, recognizes, appreciates, evaluates, elevates, pokes, prods, pushes, instigates, investigates, commands, demands and expects me to submit to his will.

Plus, he's funny as hell and makes me laugh or none of the above would matter a whit.

Celeste


Overall, I agree with Celeste.
But, I have been wearing this damn thinking cap often lately, so I must add.
 
There is really no way I can answer this question for everyone.
There are a zillion types of relationships out here, with different levels of submission, authority, committment, power, and control.
 
Not everyone {I think only a few} even want the type of serious committment that I desire.
I desire to live this lifestyle in a serious committed, long-term  {hopefully life long} relationship.
I require a lot of a person, BEFORE I consider being their Dominant partner.
 
So for ME, this Dominant can do a lot FOR a submissive that I find pleasing and worthwhile. 
The more committed and serious the relationship becomes , the more I have to give.
I was not born last night, I just don't have the time or energy to give away all the goodies and hope for something later on.
 
I can't imagine really attempting to explain what "Dominants do" or what "submissive do", or what "slaves do" etc.
 
I COULD explain, What I will do, and what MY submissive will do.
But that would only apply to ME, because that is what is happening in my world.
 
Many submissives/slaves would rebel over "my expectations", but for some there really is freedom in slavery.
They consider it heaven on earth.
Peace

 

< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/14/2009 8:46:52 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 9:50:05 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Original: Jeptha

I think it depends on the person...also on their relationship, if they are in one, what their partner is like, etc.


I would disagree with the idea that what I do depends on my relationships, except in the most menial ways (as in, if I'm not in a relationship, I have to do my own dishes). In general, to me, one of the things that implicates an individual as behaving in a 'dominant' fashion is that tendency to self-direction... where, even in a relationship where xhe is subjective, that subjective relationship is undertaken as a matter of personal choice and direction -and- where the dominant individual, at all times, makes it a goal to be completely responsible for hir behavior and choices. In such a place, a person could, conceivably, be indentured, and yet still be the master of hir own fate and remain dominant in hir approach. Because of this, for the dominant individual, the existence of another person in hir sphere, whether another dominant individual or a submissive individual, would not really affect that dominant's behaviors other than in a purely pragmatic "who does the dishes" kind of way -- the dominant individual would -still- be shaping hir personal Universe, using that new input from the others involved as part of the structure, but not really affecting the dominion of hir Universe or the self-direction and self-responsibility of the shape of that Universe.

quote:

It depends also, I guess, on what your vision is, what your values are, what your strengths are, what you feel you bring to the table.


Again, for me these are all tools. The essence of the dominant... what we -do-... is to shape our dominion. What tools we use to do that are individualized, yes, but the tool does not define the task. Using the right tools may make the task easier, and using tools inappropriately may, conversely, make achieving the goal more difficult, but the -doing- is the shaping of one's dominion, and that, in my mind, for a dominant, is irrelevant of anything outside that personal sphere.

For me, my 'job'... what I do... above and beyond how it is defined, is the shaping of, and absolute responsibility for, my dominion, and that is something I do regardless of whether I have certain tools available or whether I must scrape it from the raw of Chaos with my own bare hands.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Jeptha)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 10:28:30 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		FR

Like others, I find it difficult to create any sort of list of things that all dominants do.  In fact, I find it easier to think of a list of things that all dominant don't do... and that covers almost everything.  This is something I've noted about dominants, as a group they are highly individualized.  But after some thought, I still come back to that one simple definition.

A dominant imposes their Will on others.  That's what a dominant does... all of them.

They may do it through leadership or bullying, they may be conscientious about it or not, they may inspire others to obey their Will or do so through fear... but no matter how I slice it... if you group all the dominants out there (the good, the bad and the ugly) together, that's the one common trait I find in them all... and the only one I can think of they all have in common.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 11:02:01 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		Calla, I think I agree with you if you are saying that taking responsibility for oneself and one's decisions is what dominants do, in the largest overall sense.

But there's more to it than that. There's the day to day, nuts and bolts of adapting one's environment to oneself, and/or adapting to one's environment, etc.

I'm not sure if the things I mentioned are specific to dominance, or D/s, by the way, or if they're just things anyone might aspire to do at one time or another in their life, regardless of what kind of relationship they are in.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 11:32:31 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

...A dominant imposes their Will on others. That's what a dominant does... all of them....

Ok ~ interesting.
Now, contrast this with something that Andalusite wrote in another thread (my apologies here for lifting the quote out of its original context);

"...Domination is the word I use in the context of BDSM to describe that feeling of the other person's will being surrendered to me...."

Maybe the end result is the same; but one view seems to see the action as hinging upon an act of the dominant (imposing their will) , the other view chooses as its subject the decision made by the submissive to submit.

It may seem the same in the end, but I think there's actually a big difference in there somewhere.

I don't feel so much as though I'm imposing my will as that I'm encouraging someone else to exercise their own free will... (while also doing the same myself, of course)...

I feel more like a train, say; I create the train, shape the experience of being on the train, and the destination to some extent (in some part that's a shared vision - in some part it's part of the nature of the train, I guess).
I decide if someone may ride or not.
But I don't impose my will on anyone to get on the train.
That's soley their decision to make.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 11:44:48 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		You don't see deciding whether they can ride the train or not as imposing your will?
Or where the train is going?
Or what the train looks like?
Or how the "cars" are put together?

Sounds to me as if all we're really debating is to what degree you impose your will... not whether you do it or not.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 12:00:32 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

You don't see deciding whether they can ride the train or not as imposing your will?
Or where the train is going?
Or what the train looks like?
Or how the "cars" are put together?

Sounds to me as if all we're really debating is to what degree you impose your will... not whether you do it or not.
Well, I definitely try to impose my will over circumstances in general.
In other words, I try to create my life and shape my world as I would like to live it, rather than following the dictates of convention, say. (Not claiming to wholly succeed at that on all fronts either, but I give it a thought, at least.)

So - imposing my will on my environment, yes, even on myself in that I discipline myself, yes; other people - it gets a little murkier...to some extent, you're right.
But, for instance, if anybody has any boundaries, they are "imposing their will", are they not?

Perhaps I'm engaging in some kind of semantical tail-chasing.

Do you see no significant differences between those two points of emphasis ("imposing" on the one hand, "surrendering" on the other)?

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 12:19:17 PM   
Padriag


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Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
Do you see no significant differences between those two points of emphasis ("imposing" on the one hand, "surrendering" on the other)?

Not within the context of Ironbear's question, no.  He didn't ask how we do it, or why submissives submit to it... he simply asked what Dominant's do.  If we start adding extraneous conditions and qualifiers onto that, we could go in circles for weeks and come to nothing.  Which is why I pointed out that if you take Dominants as a broad general group... whether we deem them to be "good" dominants or "bad" dominants, healthy or abusive, leaders or bullies... the one common trait to all of them that I can find is that all of them impose their will on others.

Having boundaries is imposing your will on yourself, not others.  It may limit others interaction with you, but you aren't trying to govern them.  A dominant goes beyond trying to govern themselves, they seek and do govern others (specifically, they don't just desire it or dream of it, they actually go do it).  For example:
a submissive may say they won't smoke, that's a hard limit for them.
a dominant would rule that no one in their house will smoke... ever.
The submissive is governing themself, but not others... the dominant is imposing their Will on everyone within their home.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Jeptha)
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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 12:20:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
where the dominant individual, at all times, makes it a goal to be completely responsible for hir behavior and choices. In such a place, a person could, conceivably, be indentured, and yet still be the master of hir own fate and remain dominant in hir approach. Because of this, for the dominant individual, the existence of another person in hir sphere, whether another dominant individual or a submissive individual, would not really affect that dominant's behaviors other than in a purely pragmatic "who does the dishes" kind of way

That reminds me of this poem: http://www.bartleby.com/103/7.html


< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/14/2009 12:41:22 PM >

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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 12:34:59 PM   
Andalusite


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Joined: 1/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
"...Domination is the word I use in the context of BDSM to describe that feeling of the other person's will being surrendered to me...."

Maybe the end result is the same; but one view seems to see the action as hinging upon an act of the dominant (imposing their will) , the other view chooses as its subject the decision made by the submissive to submit.

It may seem the same in the end, but I think there's actually a big difference in there somewhere.

I don't feel so much as though I'm imposing my will as that I'm encouraging someone else to exercise their own free will... (while also doing the same myself, of course)

Hmm, to me, it's actually both people making that decision/interaction, and it's more inspired by them, or a reaction to them, than a conscious act of will. I'm completely neutral toward almost everyone in terms of D/s, and all but 3 of my relationships since I was 20 were egalitarian kinky - no overt D/s, though they tended to cater to me regardless of what we did in the bedroom. I tend to feel dominant toward someone who *acts* in a submissive fashion (body language, doing what I tell them to do or little service-oriented things, reacting in yummy ways when I do hurty or controlling things to them). However, just topping them isn't enough for me to consider it to be Domination, and ordering them to do housework/etc. wouldn't do anything for me, absent a pre-existing relationship. Some people just push my Dominant buttons, and while there are things I can point to that are elements, a lot of it is subconscious, pheremones, the way they breathe, the way they smell, their expression.

I'm currently in a M/s relationship, and I similarly needed my Master to draw those reactions and feelings from me, before I could submit to him. We did discuss his expectations in abstract first, what he wanted me to do, what he felt was essential vs. optional, how it would apply to our relationship/interaction/daily lives, especially since we aren't living together. However, no matter how great he was at Topping me, or how much I philosophically agreed with him about D/s, or how intelligent/honorable he is, I couldn't have submitted to him unless he encouraged that side of my nature. On both sides, I don't see free will as being involved in the D/s inspiration part, but in the "choosing to act upon/follow through with it" part. I've reacted submissively toward two men in the past, but neither offered the kind of relationship I needed. So, I chose not to be *their* submissive, and to not pursue D/s, or a emotional/romantic/sexual relationship with either of them at all.

When I was looking for a partner, things like being physically strong enough to pick me up, help me practice my gymnastics moves, making me feel safe/protected when we're out in public around other people, being honorable, caring, patient, sociable with my friends, interesting to talk to, low-drama/self controlled, intelligent, having sexual chemistry with me, etc. matter to me regardless of the D/s or BDSM dynamic. They are equally important in a bottom, a Dominant, a switch, or a vanilla guy who is openminded about trying BDSM but has no idea yet what he'll like.


< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/14/2009 12:52:01 PM >

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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/14/2009 12:35:07 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		I draw my submissive into my universe.  Sometimes in an "eye of the storm" way.

That generally means that I am only compatible either with submissives who need more chaos in their lives (living in the moment etc.) or who need to learn to control the chaos in their lives.  I like the old surfer phrase "riding the wave" as an analogy for the latter.


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

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RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/15/2009 6:18:30 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Like some here, I too have long pondered what indeed it that Dominants do. It is easy to create a list of how they do things and even why but the essence of a Dominant is what they do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag


A dominant imposes their Will on others.  That's what a dominant does... all of them.



For God's sake, give the Man a gold plated cigar. Surely that and that alone is the one common thing, the very essence of a Dominant of any gender or orientation.. Thank you old friend for this pearl of wisdom.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/15/2009 7:45:53 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
... For example:
a submissive may say they won't smoke, that's a hard limit for them.
a dominant would rule that no one in their house will smoke... ever.
The submissive is governing themself, but not others... the dominant is imposing their Will on everyone within their home.

Ok, but anyone can make rules about their own home, and whomever might be in it. That's not specifically a dominant thing.

The hostess requests the guests use coasters under their drinks.

Has she imposed her will on everyone at the cocktail party?

I guess you could look at it that way. But I think it's more that the guests have respected her right to autonomy - which extends to her decision about how her belongings will be used.

What trumps your statement ("...A dominant imposes their Will on others. That's what a dominant does... all of them.... "), to my mind, is that you aren't going to change people, excepting in the incidental ways in which perhaps we are all changing and growing all the time.

I'll try and give an example.

First case:
Lets say I've had a partner in the past who really enjoyed a certain activity which I'll call "activity X" . I like "activity X", also, and so we spend some time exploring and developing a whole range of experiences around it together.

Have I imposed my will here? I think not.
Second case:
Now, fast forward a couple of years. Now I have a second partner. She has asked me extensively about my past, and so I have told her about "activity X". For her, this activity is *not* enjoyable - in fact, it's even a little bit painful (and not in a good way.)

However, this partner also wants to please me, and so she wants me to feel free to indulge in "activity X" with her, if it is my wish to do so.

So do I? I dabble a bit to see what might work, but ultimately I probably take "activity X" off the table.

I rationalize this by saying that I am not interested in imposing my will on others.

Because it's not just about the mechanics of "activity X", it's the psychological framework and all the details associated with that.

I cannot will somebody to have that psychological framework for me to interact with.

I can explain it to them, but I can't change them (which I accept as being probably for the best.)

You can impose the will to control outward circumstances, but not inner events, which may be of equal of greater significance; depending on what your focus is.

Maybe for some dominants the attitude of "I don't care what you think about it, as long as you're doing what I say" applied across the board to all situations is entirely satisfactory.

I think I see that reflected on the boards here fairly often, and that's cool if it floats their collective boats.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What is it that us Dominants do? - 6/15/2009 8:34:32 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		After reading your examples Jeptha, and this is not meant to offend, but I simply would not consider such a person to be a dominant.  I would consider such a person a service Top (and I wish you hadn't made the example personal ones).

A dominant would say, "Activity X is something I want, you can either accept it as part of submitting to me, or you can find someone else to submit too... this is who I am."

A service Top on the other hand does exactly what you describe, they give up things they enjoy in order to make the submissive happy... they avoid imposing their will... at least until the submissive gives them permission to do so.

That, I suspect, is why you and I don't agree on that simple definition of mine... you consider yourself a dominant, but apparently your style doesn't fit my description... and there's the rub.

Now these are my opinions, and you can take them or leave them.  But I doubt there's much point in continuing this discussion because, a) I'm not going to change my opinions and I don't really expect you to change yours (which leaves us at an impasse), and b) I don't care to see this devolve into anything unpleasant.  So if we must, lets just agree to disagree and leave it at that (in other words, I really don't want this to turn into anything personal, but it looks to me like that's where this is headed).

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Jeptha)
Profile   Post #: 40
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