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RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:36:09 PM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

ARPIG..wow ty..how wonderful of you to share...

I remember crying in the movie THE HOURS when Virginia Woolf tells her husband " "No one can know the demons I fight in the night ..it is my fight alone"

and then in Beautiful Mind I bawled my head off when the professor
says he decided he could speak to the alters who followed him or not..
I felt Someone knows! Someone knows!
NOW I Feel it again..here.....ty

are you on your meds NOW???

I have had several diagnosis and have ceased to care..but I UNDERSTAND some of the voices..... I have voices inside and out..
I do not wish to go on and on about me...but suffice to say..
IN order to show a friend what I heard in 3 minutes I wrote it all down..it covered 4 loose leaf pages and she could not believe the strings of thoughts ..the dif ppl..the words..commands ..sounds etc and encouraged me to write a book..
IT will be called HIDING IN THE OPEN
We also thought of making a tape of that which I wrote and have dif ppl read it all in with soundss etc..to play for ppl..

LOVE AND LIGHT DEAR ARPIG...

It is hard to have a hotel in your head....

GQ
ps my fav in my head was BRAD...a leather clad biker bar brawling man who kept taking me out to strippers
and also
I have had eye tests and depending WHO is there ..
completely dif eye sight from sharp to needing glasses..

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/14/2009 1:27:35 AM >

I am glad it struck a chord with you. I will keep an I out for your book, let us know when it comes out. I for one would be very interested in reading it. I am actually just back on my meds, I just took the first pill a little while ago, and tomorrow I have to get a very short prescription (1 week) and get an appointment with my shrink to get my month-long script, so yes, but no

. And I love that line about a hotel in your head, its great!

_____________________________

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Post #: 21

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:41:45 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

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Consider a book as well or maybe ALL of us can put all our things in one..all 7000 of us I mean...the 6 of us ahahhahaha

There is one out in Ca. here..called BEYOND CRAZY it is pretty good..
I think yours could be INFINITE MIND
GQ

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Post #: 22

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:46:45 PM

cpK69

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Some of what you describe is familiar to me; the animal totem, for instance. There are two that can be either human or big cat; they are the two oldest. Though, I saw one of the younger ones trying to ‘morph’; didn’t fair to well I’m afraid.

They have also been, as you say, like mental images of characters in a book.

I think I have experienced two or more combining; I’ve see one wearing the color(s)/clothing of another, or in the middle of a ‘vision’ one has suddenly become another.

Outside of that, they don’t do a lot of changing.

Finding a person online, which looks like one of them, is wild.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

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Post #: 23

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:49:38 PM

Arpig

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Yes Panda, they do change as their imaginary lives outside of my head goes on. When one had been away for a long time, he would have lots of tales of their adventures during their absence to tell. One particular voice (whose name is Samas) he first appeared as a very sinister entity whom the other voices feared. he alone of them had no form, he was non-corporeal in their world, he was the voice inside their heads so to speak, because he communicated with them telepathically. He slowly revealed himself to be a very caring individual, but he was old, set in his ways, and he has an infuriating habit of putting people into difficult situations or facing them with terrible choices in order to teach them something about themselves. He believes that the only way to know yourself is to discover yourself on your own. He is a very strange being, and I am not sure I want to get sidetracked into explaining him. he is the one my female friend had the love/hate relationship with.
Another one who revealed himself over time was the great winged Fabio. He appeared at first as a very hale and hearty fellow, very rough and tumble. But later on he revealed himself to be a very deeply emotioanally in love with his ageing human slave girl (I forgot to mention that the common people of their world are humans eh?, well apparently that's the best my psychosis could come upo with...I'm not proud of that bit). He first acquired her when she was very young, and she eventually became the mother of his children and the head of his houshold. The problem is that spirits are immortal and ageless, while the humans are not, so when I met him, she was old and frail, and close to death, while he was as much enamoured of her as ever. You see what I mean by they each have their own story. And they knew eachothers stories as well, like they really did exist somewhere outside of my head. And yes I miss them a lot when the meds supress them. That is part of the thought porcess that goes into going off one's meds, at least for me.

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Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Post #: 24

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 10:55:54 PM

Arpig

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GQ, me and my female friend did set out to make notes of it all when the voices first started appearing, but we both got so caught up with their stories about their world (the voices spoke to me, and I repeated to her) that we just plain forgot to write anything down. I have very fond memories of sitting in the dark on the hide-a-bed in a tiny apartment, in the dark, just captivated by these voices, asking them questions and just listening to their stories. That was one of the most magical periods of my life.

And yes KD it blew me away. I wish I could post it on here to show everybody. I will put on one of those picture post sites and p[ost the URL here

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Post #: 25

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 11:04:33 PM

Arpig

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http://i699.photobucket.com/albums/vv356/RGorham_photo/night1.jpg There we are!
She looks like this, but has no piercings. She is very tall (I would guess about 6', but its hard to be specific with just a verbal description) and slim, with very pale skin. She is very quiet and intense, capable of lots of violence, in her world she was a feared assassin. With people she is quiet and shy, even with other Spirits, in my internal debates, she rarely said anything. She and her twin sister Day (a strapping tanned blonde) were the first of the voices to appear, and they explained much of their world to me and my friend in the dark. She is a great favourite of mine.

Sheesh I don't know if I really should go into all this detail about each one, as that wasn't the point of the post, and it really does make me look mad as a hatter. But i find myself wanting to tell people about them, because they so fascinated me.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 6/14/2009 11:14:12 PM >

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

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Post #: 26

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 11:18:12 PM

aravain

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~FR~

You've got C-Mail, Arpig. :)

Thank you for sharing your story.

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Post #: 27

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 11:20:54 PM

cpK69

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Joined: 5/9/2008
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There is only one that I have any concern over. She is the one I refer to as Mirror, because that is what she seems to do, sort of. The difference being, she doesn’t just reflect what is experienced; first, she translates it, then more or less, spits it back out. She’s not a very happy camper, most of the time; otherwise, I don’t hear from her. Her soul purpose seems to be to ‘tell it like it is’.

I try to keep her gagged, but would prefer to find someone who would be willing to talk to her. I haven’t been able to figure out how to put her at ease.

I don’t take meds, and can’t be sure they would go away if I did. Though, anti-depressants tend to make me feel ‘nothing’, and these breaks are emotional based, so who knows. It isn't a situation that causes an inability for me to function 'normally', so I have no plans to start taking anything for it.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

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Post #: 28

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 11:39:34 PM

LadyEllen

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Arpig - what can I say? It took courage to confess all this, even to us here - (more disjointed voices!). And even though you should believe by now that youre loved on here beforehand, it still takes courage to put yourself out there like that not truly knowing how others will react; I am so pleased and happy that everyone has been so accepting of what is something often feared in the general population - but then, youre a great guy!

E

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Post #: 29

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/14/2009 11:40:58 PM

cpK69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
She and her twin sister Day (a strapping tanned blonde) were the first of the voices to appear, and they explained much of their world to me and my friend in the dark. She is a great favourite of mine.

They vaguely remind me of my two that are sometimes cats. One a panther, the other a lioness.
Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

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Post #: 30

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 12:53:26 AM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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Wow. Completely fascinating. I have a lot of questions for you if that's okay.

Have you always heard the voices in your head or did they come upon you later in life? Were they gradual or did they just hit you one day? How did you figure out they weren't real? Is the nature of your chemical imbalance genetic and do any of your family members hear voices? How did you, originally, get diagnosed? MRIs, blood tests or something other sort of medical testing or is it strictly through something like observation from a trained clinician? When you are off your meds, can the voices or other people sort of take over and then you do things unusual, like.. I don't know, eat different foods or read a book you wouldn't normally read?

I'll stop there because that's already a lot of questions and if any of them are too personal, just tell me it's none of my business.. or, yanno, have one of the voices tell me.

I think you totally rock for putting this out there and then offering to answer our questions.

As for thinking you're nuts.. well, duh. You belong to the CM forums, so ya fit right in with the rest of us nuts!

_____________________________

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 31

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 3:04:33 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

Now I will sit here and stare at this for god knows how long trying to decide if I really should post this or not. Well I have decided..Fuck it, so what if they all think I am completely nuts...I am completely nuts!

You are not nuts Arpig. What you are is a courageous man for posting this and i cannot stress enough how much i admire you for doing so.

You have voices...the voices do not have you. You took the upper hand by calling for help. There are many who do not/cannot do so. You are in a fight, not for your life but for yourself...and in my opinion you will emerge victorious.

I applaud you

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RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 6:07:55 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

GQ, me and my female friend did set out to make notes , asking them questions and just listening to their stories. That was one of the most magical periods of my life.

I agree it is pure magic...if you can let go and go there and dwell a while knowing you can come back..
but once I did not come for 4 weeks and did not speak..I was in my head and lived in there.

IN the hotel as I call it..

One being..Sarah showed me how I could divine by watching
how and why and if lemons slices bobbed or floated in glasses of water..
another reeled off a whack of poetry called LUCIDITY which later were published..

Several have their own language..do any of yours??

I think this is why I won so many awards in teaching..there were about 5of me doing it..all creative..

ALSO
Have you seen any of the Samuel Beckett teleplays??
There is one where it is a big mouth only ..
talking and talkign..saying " what what?"
and going on..it is somehting like that at times but many mouths..

ARPIG ROCKS///

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/15/2009 6:12:29 AM >

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Post #: 33

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 9:42:04 AM

hlen5

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Arpig,

I too think you are very brave for posting this. Thank you so much for doing so.

I visited your profile after reading this thread and noticed your dog and cat photos. Do they react any differently to you when you are on or off your meds? I hope I don't offend you by asking the question.

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RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 10:00:29 AM

BossyShoeBitch

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I find the entire subject extremely fascinating and I will be following this thread with much interest. I have so many questions I would like to ask, but I need to contemplate them and so I will wait until I am able to formulate them so they make sense to other people besides just myself.

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RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 10:12:20 AM

GreedyTop

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Arpig.. thank you. IN a way, I wish you would publish this in psychology today or a similar publication... This is probably the most concise and 'reader friendly' explanation I have ever seen, and would help many people to get a handle on it, and hopefully, lessen the stigma so often attached to schizophrenia.

*hugs and kudos for your bravery in sharing*

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RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 10:35:08 AM

mercifulsiren

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I would like to thank you and everybody else for sharing such a personal part of their lifes. It has given me the strength to open up more about my issues with bi-polar and the weirdness that comes with it.

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Post #: 37

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 10:38:25 AM

suhlut

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i also find it interesting..and think you are great for allowing us to ask our questions

For me.. well.. i am curious.. do the sounds come..actually from within your head... or do they sound like people standing around in the room WITH you?

why i ask is..cause ..awhile back..several years ago.. i was sitting alone in my home.. and can remember hearing a sudden voice scream my name out so loud, that i automatically answered... before realizing that there was nothing around. So, to me.. that sounded like it was in the room.. and not coming from inside my head

i also wonder.. why everyone that hears such voices..always describes them as telling them to do "bad" things... How come theres no voices that are happy and tell ya to go spread joy and love and commit acts of kindness?

Also... many many years ago..when i was preg with my 20 year old daughter... i'd been about to go to sleep.. drifting along.. and had thought i was drifting off to sleep..where i suddenly found myself having a conversation..with several "children".. whom informed me that they were victims of some man.. told me they wanted me to enact out vengence for them.. that the guy needed to pay for the murders.. and told me to come with them.

I at first agreed..and drifted along.. but then i resisted.. and thats when i felt the first 'tug".. pulling me along.feeling like i had no control.. couldnt fight them all off.

i was concious but with my eyes closed lightly... but as i struggled against their "tugs" i also tried opening my eyes.. but couldnt. As i continued to struggle.. i could feel i was being pulled away deeper and deeper.. till the um inside kicked..and my eyes were able to fly open.

For that..well it was inner voices.. different and many...

Later on.. i tried finding out what might have happened.. and read of a condition called sleep paralasis.. in which things terrifing can happen..and feel consiously real.

Other then those two things..years and years apart.. theres nothing more then just my one voice.. inside my head..

Prob a good thing..as it is annoying enough on its own sometimes... lol

i do feel bad for ya..when you mentioned that they try screaming over each other at times.. must suck to have people screaming in your head.

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Post #: 38

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 11:33:27 AM

ShaharThorne

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I was wondering what happened to you. My voices were concerned and I had to tell them to calm down and let you rest took some doing.

Glad to see you back among us!

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Post #: 39

RE: The voices in my head. - 6/15/2009 11:43:57 AM

Arpig

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Morninr (really afternoon) all. Well the new meds certainly let me sleep. I feel somewhat groggy and disoriented upon waking up, and after half an hour or so still feel groggy...so it doesn't look good on the zombie front any more.

Now on to the questions...

quote:

Have you always heard the voices in your head or did they come upon you later in life? Were they gradual or did they just hit you one day?

I have always had "voices" of some sort. However they were not full blown voices, they were more like totally random thoughts that did not come from me. Its hard to explain what I mean by did not come from me, but they didn't. It was in my late 40s that the full blown voices first started. It started with an awareness of people outside of myself, no communication, just an awareness. The I tried deliberatly to communicate with these outside people and could not actually do so, however I was able to discern the general state and wellbeing of the people. Then the general voices appeared, they were nasty, and advocated bad things, then a voice appeared that called himself "The Watcher in the Woods". He was benign, and helpful, he explained a lot of things about their world and introduced me to Day and Night. He has since disappeared.

quote:

How did you figure out they weren't real?

The meds make them go away.

quote:

Is the nature of your chemical imbalance genetic and do any of your family members hear voices?

I had an aunt with schizophrenia, and there is a history of eccentricity in my family.

quote:

How did you, originally, get diagnosed? MRIs, blood tests or something other sort of medical testing or is it strictly through something like observation from a trained clinician?

Strictly through observation

quote:

When you are off your meds, can the voices or other people sort of take over and then you do things unusual, like.. I don't know, eat different foods or read a book you wouldn't normally read?

I can allow one of the individual voices to take me over, in which case the voice takes control of my body, and I have only the vaguest memory of what they did. In one case a voice took over without my permission, and I ended up assaulting somebody.

Feel free to ask anything else you want to know.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 40

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