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The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 9:28:31 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead. And looking at some post made by some of the male Doms on here, on how they feel about their submissives... Playfulone is my example.

When one is a Dom and becomes a owner of a submissive/slave (for those that prefer being called one) Does being a gentleman go out the door? As for the female Doms, does one expect their submissive/slaves, to be more of a gentleman? And can it be carried to far sometimes?

Let me see if I can make this more understanding on where I'm going with this. I've taken notice.. in some communities... that the submissive will stand and open doors for their Doms. They sit after their Doms. (For the smokers) the submissives lights Doms smokes for them.

Call me old school... I can see the male submissives doing this. This being the gentleman in them.

But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?

Going back to Playfulone... he stated in other thread... his being alone last night while his little one was off with her mother... he missed her dearly... I about melted when I read that.
I thought there's one that still has feelings... romance... love... and is human. And not ashamed to let it be known. MHoo answered back about her love and missing her boy. Showing that it ok for the Lady Doms to have feelings... romance.. love.. and are human too.

I guess where I'm going is wondering how many others out there feel.... just because they're in a M/s relationship.... does life always have to be Owner/submissive? Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?


I know.. when with Master.. I am and always will be his submissive. He knows this as well that he is my owner. But he when out and about likes to show that he's still a gentleman. He'll open a car door for me... make sure i'm in before shutting it... He'll open doors for me, pull my chair out for me. He's not such a out of the way "So called Gentleman" that he orders for me... telling all I'll eat what he wants me to eat.. or drink what he allows me to drink... . he lets me choose.

Now we'll both admit.. sometimes it's fun to go out and (not play)... but show off (so to speak) that I am his submissive and he's my Master. He will order for me... he will sit before I do.. etc... just depends. But he's first a gentleman... then my Master.. at home.. away from home... alone... or in public...

And I like knowing that when we're apart.... he does miss me.... as I miss him.

Ok I've rambled back and forth on this... so I look forward to others thoughts... opinions.. ideas... on both these subject... being a gentleman.... and having feelings.... being a lady... and having feelings....

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 9:52:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		"chivalry"

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:08:46 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		As with many things it is all a matter of perception.

Some might see something like holding a door open for your young lady to be a submissive act, or to use an old favorate of mine, washing her when you are both having a bath.

Certainly they can both be done submissivly. The little sub male hurrying to open the door for his mistress lest she be displeased at his lack of attentivness. Or pampering her in the bath in accordance to her explicit instructions.

However if I hold a door for my girl it is because I WANT to do so, I like occassionaly making her feel special, reminding her that she is my little jewel. Also frankly it is something I was culturaly raised to feel natural doing and why should I go against my own nature just because someone like Germaine Greer doesn't like it.

If I want to pamper her a little in the bath, again it is because I WANT to, not only to make her feel special and cared for, but the feel of her under my hands, the way she moves and looks gives ME pleasure.


quote:

just because they're in a M/s relationship.... does life always have to be Owner/submissive?


That is simply the reality of the dynamic (at least for me) yes I am always her master and she will always be mine. However if you mean does that mean I can't show I care? It is why I choose to look for a D/s relationship.... it is HOW I care, for me the two go hand in hand.

I can 'play' with someone I don't care about, but I can't be their master. Why would I take up that responcibility, put in the effort for someone I didn't care about (and hopefully in time, love)

I don't need to step outside that dynamic in order to show I care nor does it stop me being a gentleman.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 2/12/2006 10:09:17 AM >

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:17:41 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, one of My favorite topics truesub4u and a chilly NC good morning to you!

I have also seen many a Dom wrestle with this one as well---I think it's easier for a Domme as She expects Her boy to attend to Her--My boy opens the doors, pulls out the chair, waits to sit until I do, offers Me his jacket when I am cold etc--sometimes he will order for Me (he will do so more and more, I am just not used to having a full time boy--smiles)--there are more subtle things that one may not notice, he doesn't start to eat until I do, take a sip of drink until I do--those things--but the "gentlemen things" he does, I expect, but I expected those from vanilla men as well--but now it means more because he "wants" to do those things, he wants to please Me, so there ins't this hmm tug of war about it--I just feel different about it--I guess more goddess like ---LOL.

Now, IMHO from a Dom perspective, I would think it is all part and parcel of caring for and protecting his submissive/slave--but I have seen Doms who--well treat their female submissives as lower than dirt--I hate that--but that is My opinion only--

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:29:37 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		My Captain has always treated me as tho i am a precious treasure to him. He does open doors, hold my chair, help me with my coat, the little stuff. He also protects me, walks on the outside near the street and everyone around us when we're out knows i'm his and under his wing.

When in private he does the same. He's washed my hair, and has pampered me. i know i'm a special jewel to him.

Just because i'm a M and he's a S, doesn't mean he can't care for me or take care of me. It doesn't mean he goes out and kicks puppies for fun. He is human and does have gentle thoughts and feelings.

But, that may just be OUR dynamic.. i don't know..

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:31:38 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Now, IMHO from a Dom perspective, I would think it is all part and parcel of caring for and protecting his submissive/slave--but I have seen Doms who--well treat their female submissives as lower than dirt--I hate that--but that is My opinion only--


I have met one or two subs who say they need objectification and humiliation ALL the time, they say they need to be treated like dirt. Unsurprizingly I've never been involved with someone like that. I could handle someone who needed such as an element of 'play' in their lives, but all the time? Not for me.

I like my girl to have reason to smile, reason to feel good about herself. To know I think she is special and precious to me. I'd rather have a happy and enthusiastic sub thanks

(If other folks find things work diffrently for them then fine, just refering to what works or not for me!)

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:32:13 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks MHOO... great response....

Lucky... as always... thanks for the quick proper spelling... and links...

RavenMuse.... I get what you're saying here. It's the simple little things... that can make a submissive feel special....... hell.. a woman for that matter. Alot of guys.. not all... but a lot think woman want it all.... some do.. LOL... but in reality.. a single flower... a note.. that just says thinking of you... to me.. is worth more than any material thing that can be bought.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:41:21 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse


That is simply the reality of the dynamic (at least for me) yes I am always her master and she will always be mine. However if you mean does that mean I can't show I care? It is why I choose to look for a D/s relationship.... it is HOW I care, for me the two go hand in hand.




i loved this quote. Early in my service to my Master, i was "expressing sentiment" (as opposed to complaining - ha!) that he wasn't "tender enough." He continued to always say, basically, "oh well, This is who I am." To him, for example, a pat on the head was expressing love and tenderness. To me, well it felt more like a BONK and i would spend the next second or two waiting for my brains to stop rattling.

However, i learned to see that this is HOW he expresses his care for me (it's not the only way). That IS his way of being tender. So now when he pats (bonks) me on the head, i smile brightly in such appreciation for his expression of love. And i do chuckle, even giggle a bit, while waiting for my brains to settle down. What can i say, the bonk is now cute to me. But i came to learn HOW he cares may be different than how i was accustomed to receiving care in the past.

MHOO said "--but I have seen Doms who--well treat their female submissives as lower than dirt--I hate that--but that is My opinion only-- "

i would like to comment on that, because i understand that point of view clearly. However, without understanding the dynamic between a Master/Mistress and their slave, one doesn't always know if that is a bad thing or not. There are times, for example, i NEED to be treated "lower than dirt." Not as punishment, but just in general. It makes me feel my submission deeply. Master knows this. It is not his way to treat someone poorly. However, knowing this about me, and knowing the end result benefits us both, he WILL treat me "lower than dirt" because he cares. Kind of twists your brain, doesn't it?! i had friends come to me, so concerned at how i was being treated, saying how mean my Master is. my only response to that was, "Thank God he knows me and cares about me well enough to know i need that." When i am being so demeaned it is difficult and to any outsider it may look like i am suffering greatly. And while i might be suffering at the time, the resulting effect is that my submission is deeper and stronger, and my bond to him is that much more intense.

This is not to say there aren't slaves out there who are mistreated, and i don't intend to come across saying it's okay to treat anyone like dirt "just because." i do not in any way condone abuse. i am just offering a different perspect to consider.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:46:17 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse



I have met one or two subs who say they need objectification and humiliation ALL the time, they say they need to be treated like dirt. Unsurprizingly I've never been involved with someone like that. I could handle someone who needed such as an element of 'play' in their lives, but all the time? Not for me.

I like my girl to have reason to smile, reason to feel good about herself. To know I think she is special and precious to me. I'd rather have a happy and enthusiastic sub thanks



Just to clarify....i am not treated that way ALL the time. That would destroy me...but there are times when he can see that i do need it. my Master loves my smile and my laugh...and has indicators in place so he knows if something needs to be addressed. However, during those times when i do need to suffer for him, he gives me the space i need to contemplate and process my thoughts.

i just didn't want anyone thinking i am not a happy slave, because i am elated to be his.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:50:52 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead. And looking at some post made by some of the male Doms on here, on how they feel about their submissives... Playfulone is my example.

When one is a Dom and becomes a owner of a submissive/slave (for those that prefer being called one) Does being a gentleman go out the door? As for the female Doms, does one expect their submissive/slaves, to be more of a gentleman? And can it be carried to far sometimes?

Let me see if I can make this more understanding on where I'm going with this. I've taken notice.. in some communities... that the submissive will stand and open doors for their Doms. They sit after their Doms. (For the smokers) the submissives lights Doms smokes for them.

Call me old school... I can see the male submissives doing this. This being the gentleman in them.

But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?



Depends on how you spin these activities.

I'd see them as services and therefore I'd want either my male or female slavs to open doors for me and do this little things.

However some people might see opening doors and paying for things as signs of protecting or saying "I'm the one with the power, I'll do that".

Its all on how it is spun and that is a matter between the people in the relationship.


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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 10:56:41 AM   
GothScotsman


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline 		What a fantastic topic. I think what a lot of people misunderstand is that just because you are a Dom means that you have to be a prick. Now granted, I can be an insensitive, arrogant, pompous, asshole. That will never mean that I am not a gentleman with my little one. I will open doors, seat her first, and make sure that her needs are met. She gives herself to me freely, and for that deserves my respect. She is my most prized possesion, and I will treat her as such at all times.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 11:03:02 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GothScotsman

What a fantastic topic. I think what a lot of people misunderstand is that just because you are a Dom means that you have to be a prick. Now granted, I can be an insensitive, arrogant, pompous, asshole. That will never mean that I am not a gentleman with my little one. I will open doors, seat her first, and make sure that her needs are met. She gives herself to me freely, and for that deserves my respect. She is my most prized possesion, and I will treat her as such at all times.


Nice to see some still can seperate the two... and still be who they are.... a Dom... and a gentleman... thanks Goth... love the response

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 11:04:45 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo



Depends on how you spin these activities.

I'd see them as services and therefore I'd want either my male or female slavs to open doors for me and do this little things.

However some people might see opening doors and paying for things as signs of protecting or saying "I'm the one with the power, I'll do that".

Its all on how it is spun and that is a matter between the people in the relationship.



I don't require this each and everytime... I mean honestly.. I opened my own doors before Master came along... I lit me own smokes as well... LOL

But you're right.. it does depend on how one wants to spin this wheel.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 11:31:35 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Well true I thought I should come toss in my two cents for you.

This has always been a conflict for me the melding of the southern gentleman I was raised as and my dom side. Yes I still act like a gentleman and treat her respectfully, I do things for her that some would consider undomly. I especially am aware of how I treat and take care of her in front of others. She may kneel to me but no one else is going to treat her poorly. She had to be punished for something a few days ago and while we were talking about it after, she said I understand my place is beneath you. Stop the bus and back up, I told her that her place was never beneath me it was right by my side where I put her, I do not need her to fear me or be under me to be in charge. Everything for us is a circle, we can go from sitting on the couch with her feet in my lap telling me about her day, right to her being dragged across the bed and worked oer with the crop, which leads us back to being lovey dovey. for us one side feeds the other, the gentelman romantic side leads us right into hard physical play, which leads us back to being curled up chatting and kissing.

Daddys little girl is spoiled, but she has earned every bit of it, lol, I am so spoiled now I don't think another sub would get within 100 feet of me. that doesn't take away in any way from our other activites.

Ok, it is time for her to come home, I am rambling, lol

K

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 11:43:52 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		I try to be Polite, a submissive is a pleasure and I enjoy her so why not be polite and show her she means something to me? I was raised to respect people, open doors for Ladies and never heard a word that did not mean for submissives they are still Ladies especially out in public and I enjoy doing the little things. they do appreciate them also.

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 11:44:01 AM   
Prunesquallor


Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		IMO being a gentleman is not a matter of opening doors or the seating arrangements. It is something that is to do with the dynamic between (usually) a man and a woman, and I see no conflict between being a Dom and being a gentleman, if that is the way that particular relationship expresses itself.

But different strokes for different folks; some people prefer a stricter relationship where the sub or slave has to wait hand and foot on her Dom, and there is nothing wrong with that IMO. Also it doesn't prevent the Dom in question being a gentleman.

And neither of these things have anything to do with love and tenderness. That is something that is essential for me, but I can see how it is not for some other couples. We each have our own dynamic, and if both of you are in accord, then the relationship is a successful one, and you are doing it right. :)

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 2:07:22 PM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead.


I caught the same segment on CBS this morning, and it also got me thinking...about male submissives, and how I have yet to meet one that I saw a hint of chivalry, as shown on the morning show. I just can't see myself having to "order" or "train" a man to treat a woman like a lady, in the sense of the way the TV segment showed.

I'm also a bit of a chauvinist myself, in that a man, regardless of his orientation, should treat a woman, like a lady.

IMO, it is a confident and caring man that can share or show his feelings.

K

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 2:15:19 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Well true I thought I should come toss in my two cents for you.

This has always been a conflict for me the melding of the southern gentleman I was raised as and my dom side. Yes I still act like a gentleman and treat her respectfully, I do things for her that some would consider undomly. I especially am aware of how I treat and take care of her in front of others. She may kneel to me but no one else is going to treat her poorly. She had to be punished for something a few days ago and while we were talking about it after, she said I understand my place is beneath you. Stop the bus and back up, I told her that her place was never beneath me it was right by my side where I put her, I do not need her to fear me or be under me to be in charge. Everything for us is a circle, we can go from sitting on the couch with her feet in my lap telling me about her day, right to her being dragged across the bed and worked oer with the crop, which leads us back to being lovey dovey. for us one side feeds the other, the gentelman romantic side leads us right into hard physical play, which leads us back to being curled up chatting and kissing.

Daddys little girl is spoiled, but she has earned every bit of it, lol, I am so spoiled now I don't think another sub would get within 100 feet of me. that doesn't take away in any way from our other activites.

Ok, it is time for her to come home, I am rambling, lol

K



Thank you PlayfulOne... you and MHOO till somed it all up... being able to be both... as Goth stated... is not a chore... it's a way of life that makes you who you are.

Prunesquallor.... there is more to being a gentleman yes.. than what was stated.. i just didn't want the post to any more longer.. and boring than it already was for some to read... LOL

It is all about having different strokes for different folks... as tammyjo said. it's how the wheel is spun.... but there's no reasn why a Gentleman.. and a Dom.. can't be one in same at all times... who said it best.... ownedgirlie.. had to get use to her Owner.. "patting" her head and rattling her brains to realize that .... that was his way of showing his effections..

Because that is his way... doesn't make him any less than a gentleman.. just his way of being himself.

Granted some prefer to be waited on hand and foot... not a care one for their submissives. .... where as IMHO... doesn't make him a Dom.. nor a gentleman.. it makes him a ignorant.. self centered.. SOB.... but then again.. I go out of my way to avoid such ... where others are drawn to the type.

This isn't me dissing no ones way of life.. this is my opinion on the matter.. and what I was looking for.. different peoples opinions..

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 2:28:53 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan


quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead.



I'm also a bit of a chauvinist myself, in that a man, regardless of his orientation, should treat a woman, like a lady.

IMO, it is a confident and caring man that can share or show his feelings.

K


So true on this.... K I agree with this.... and some think, that's i've met in my travel... that a confident man.. is a non submissive man.... i disagree with this.. it's like say a Dom that shows feelings.. isn't a Dom after all.... ( strange how damned if we do.... damned if we don't.. isn't it?)

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/12/2006 2:29:39 PM >

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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/12/2006 2:35:19 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

female Doms, does one expect their submissive/slaves, to be more of a gentleman? And can it be carried to far sometimes?
I absolutely hope and expect any man to be a gentleman, but especially my submissive. No I don't imagine it's possible to take it too far, but if he does, I don't have a problem telling him to slow it down and lose some of the habits. For example, I like having car doors opened for me when getting in, but think sitting and waiting for him to come let me out is taking things a little far. M


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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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