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RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 7:34:34 AM

kittensslut

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/8/2009
Status: offline

Well he's currently on a road trip, but got a head start getting back and asked if I'd like to meet tonight in between. This is much more realistic, even if the time is a bit crunched.

Thank you for all the suggestions, and I will be taking the one about talking to the manager to keep an eye on us. I would have never thought to do that but it's such a great idea!

And while I'm not ruling out that he is married and hiding it, he did say that he doesn't want a stranger over at his house on the first meeting and that's why he suggested a hotel room.

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 21

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 7:57:36 AM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

Even if you drive, I'd suggest leaving the car somewhere a block or two away (safe walking distance) just so if you don't like him, you don't have to worry about him taking a poc of your car/liscence plate # with his cel phone.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to kittensslut)

Post #: 22

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:04:55 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I used the doorman to hold an undesired admirer back so i could get away once.
Also i would advise to watch your drink apparently date rape drugs are common these days.
Some girls carry personal alarms in their handbags or pepperspray (if it's legal)

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 23

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:18:35 AM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

This guy is already talking about a hotel room. What do you think he is thinking with?

And he says, if it works out we can get a hotel room; if what works out, if you have a good first meeting, he wants to be in bed with you?

I guess I should go back to licking my vanilla ice cream cone...this guy doesnt sound like much of a gentleman to me, and I am old fashioned enough to believe that is important. But, that is just me.

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 24

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:28:27 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I will be driving up there (three hours), having dinner with him, we'll get to know each other, and he's suggested that if things go well from there, we'll get a hotel room.

Tell him you will meet him, on neutral ground, somewhere in between, and there will be no play and no hotel rooms, that you never do that on a first date, this is just to get acquainted. Use a rental car, not your own. You ought to insist that you have his real name so you can run a background check on him (this is so easy and cheap, there is even a free database you can check for criminal convictions). You don't crash at a friend's place, because you may put the friend in jeopardy. Have someone make a safecall during your meeting. Book a hotel room somewhere close, get there the previous day, so you can figure out what's what, and where the cop shop is. Etc.

What worries me is that he is not trying to make you comfortable. He is having you come to his hometown, where he has the advantage, and he has already stated his intention - he doesn't want to have dinner and get to know you, he wants to play. Those two are red flags, so you need to change them, and then gauge his reaction. Once you meet, and it turns out he is the best thing since patent leather whips, you can change your mind. You need to be in the driver's seat, in control, and you are putting yourself where you won't be.

(in reply to kittensslut)

Post #: 25

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 9:15:51 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

One of the things I find endlessly fascinating is the built in assumption that doms are bad. Especially when that assumption comes from subs who are, theoretically looking for a dominant. I used to work closely with a wide variety of females at work. None of them gave a moment's thought to flying half way across the country to a strange city and meeting one or more people -- possibly in private circumstances. When did the world become so perilous that one needs to undertake extensive "safety precautions" to have coffee with another human?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 26

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 12:41:59 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Since the dark ages Leadership. Perhaps way earlier than that.

This is more than just coffee. This is something that could turn out to be a beautiful relationship or just another creepie person. That and the fact that he keeps insisting on this hotel room. And subs can be just as bad as a dom.

People do have a tendency to assume the worst and hope for the best. Better safe than sorry.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 27

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 1:14:34 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
When did the world become so perilous that one needs to undertake extensive "safety precautions" to have coffee with another human?

I agree with you of course, but I will say this. I recently asked a sub what she was looking for on CM, and she replied, "I honestly don't know anymore. My time here has convinced me that normalcy is much more rare than I previously thought."

Trolls -- some of whom are quite verbally abusive -- are part of the environment of the personals side. A woman already a little skittish, maybe even afraid of her own sexual appetites, is likely to be good and freaked after 100 trollmails. Most of the women I've met in real time were "experienced players" -- meaning they had long ago figured out how to tell trolls to go fuck themselves. I have met women who at least told me that I was the first man they had ever been willing to meet from CM. In those cases, I didn't talk about anything sexy or domly at all. We talked about her mom's cancer, or the real estate market in the Pacific Northwest -- things you'd discuss over lunch with your nilla boyfriend. I had to sell the fact that I was stable and normal, not that I was able to make her come.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 28

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 1:19:24 PM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
Status: offline

Go tinkle before you leave the house. Have enough change for a phone call. Tuck enough away so you can pay for your own meal- just in case. Don't talk to strangers. Carry a pretty handkercheif. Wash your hands often. Cover yur knees. Look pleasant...

classic advice from a wonderful great grand mother

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 29

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 1:25:04 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

And then there are the ‘BDSM legends’, the horror stories we hear from someone who knew someone who said something awful happened to somebody they know.
I’ve met men and had no safe calls in place. I’ve also met some men with great caution because something didn’t feel right.
Horrible things do happen to people all the time, but ya gotta go with your gut,

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 30

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 1:39:37 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

geeee and my idea/expectation of an offline first time meeting is at starbucks for half an hour or sum.....
oooooooooor if it's far apart..well...starbucks somewhere midway

damn I'm old.....well not old..lame more like.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 6/20/2009 1:40:39 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 31

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 1:53:43 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'm taken now, by someone I met here on CM, but in the past few months, I went on a lot of dates with guys I met through here (as well as some vanilla ones). Bringing up a hotel room before we'd met would have put the guy on my "To don't" list right away. I think meeting him for coffee or dinner is fine, if you still want to, but going to a hotel room right away is a bad idea. Besides, if he doesn't trust you in his home, do you really want to trust him in your pussy?

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 32

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 4:14:26 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

You know what I think is fucking amazing here.

The Fact that she LISTED it here on the Thread in a Non Negative way and just wanted advice of how to be safe it is easier to assume that SHE WAS INTO THE IDEA OF THE HOTEL.

Chances are they have been talking about the Physical already. Chances are they may have even had Phone Sex Already, Chances are she is JUST as interested in having sex with him as he is with her but the assumptions being made on this thread all pin point HIM as being the ONLY one interested in the sexual act.

We can Assume all the above because if she was really NOT interested in the Hotel Room aspect of this idea SHE WOULD NOT BE GOING.

Come on people Read what is really being said and Drop all the Stereotype Psycho Babble of Men being the only sexual agressor in a relationship.

MY WIFE IS A NYMPHO, I am Not. She Attacks me Sexually and I at times have to beat her off with a stick!!! Andi was the one in our relationship that pushed the initial sexual contact, It was shortly after we met but could have just as easily happened the same day we met.

If the Hotel Room is on the table it means it was discussed and agreed to otherwise this would be a very different thread. I think everyone is just trying to Hear "Him Horny Man club pretty girl on head and drag to cave he will." when in reality from the OP the way it REALLY sounds is they both agreed to meet, and both agreed that if they like each other then they would take it to the next lefel involving a Hotel Room.

Why is this such a Snobbish Subject when it comes to these Boards. Why do we automatically just jump on the whole Preadator Thing, How in the hell do you expect them to meet and Move forward in a regular relationship? I mean how many Three Hour Drives do you expect them to take if they do like each other before they move it forward?

Yeah Yeah Yeah I know if they REALLY like each other then they can wait until he is comfortable having her in his house. Well Guess what it's nice on Papper but Passion is one hell of a moving force I am supprized some people even make it past the first date without conceiving.

Seriously guys why is everyone so bent on the idea that the Hotel Room is a Bad thing and that the OP must be so unbelievably STUPID that she would believe anything this guy says, that he must be Married, For fucks sakes do you realize how retarded the OP would have to be to not have thought about and at least accepted these things BEFORE taking a 3 hour drive which will most likely end in a hotel room.

If the OP has not taken these things into account then maybe I have too much faith in the Human Condition but I would like to believe that even those who do end up Raped or Hurt or Whatever had at very least THOUGHT it was a possibility before they went through with it. What is worth more the Risk and the Reward or the Fear and Isolation?

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 33

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 7:25:50 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

It is more than an online or offline thing, Steel. I did not have a choice of getting raped (and it was before i even knew the internet even existed.) and the thought remains what if i did this and what if i did that. What if... What if... What if... What if...
You have to take the plunge, I understand the risks involved with meeting some people without knowing them first. Ms. Kitty Cat understands them the same. She is a human being.

Everyone is different. Not everyone is six feet whatever. Step into somebodies shoes other than yours. You assume too much, Steel. Yes you do have too much faith in the Human Condition. That does not mean people are all "good" or "bad". Hope and Fear are like hollow phantoms anyway.

There are too many variables in any situation to fully word it all, let alone comprehending the words that come out of peoples mouths describing a situation.

People are people existing on this earth to make more people so that those people can make more people. The topic of this should just be MEETING PEOPLE.

Hopefully you wear your safety belt while you drive, Steel.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 34

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:20:20 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

This has been an interesting thread to me..... i can relate with a lot of what has been posted here.......... Steel, i hope You know i love and respect You..... Having said that, reading this thread reiterates my absolute ignorance in the past. i will freely admit to having met a few men gone to their homes, fucked them, and returned to mine. i never talked to them again. i met them online... There was another guy (who ended up being married...and a LIAR) who i met online and met at a bar first. And then things didn't 'feel' right doing that anymore and i stopped. i started talking to a couple who lived about 2 or so hours away from me... i agreed to meet them a 'munch' picnic at a park...Lots of people..open public..daylight..all good right? Things came up and that didn't work.... We kept talking. i agreed to go to their home for a couple of days. We didn't talk about sex... Frankly, i didn't really think about it. The concept of rape had never even entered my mind...Well, that's not exactly true... At that point i had such low self esteem that i truly believed no one would even want to rape me........Boy was i wrong!!! Calling the police from the shower and having them bust down the door to get me out is something i wont soon forget.
i'm blessed enough that was not my only experience from meeting someone from this site. i met Him through this site and i drove three hours for our first meeting... We knew there would be no sex, no play, and none of me going into his home.. We met at the park across the street from his apartment. i remember at one point apologizing to Him for all the hoops He had to jump through and He said something that will forever be etched in my brain, "Anyone who wants to be with You....Should be willing to go to any length to be with you...You are worth at least this much."
i'm grateful to say i've NEVER regretted taking that first three hour drive......i love this man with all my heart and would do anything He desires of me.
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 35

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:38:32 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Hey Steel,

All I can say is I agree. Shut up the safety police. We are all adults. Jesus people lighten up. Every day we all face risks, don't be an idiot. I don't need a bodyguard or a parent.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 36

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:44:47 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

I will admit I am far to sensitive to this subject and I would like to apologize to anyone I have offended, if indeed I have offended or pissed anyone off.

I am naturally paranoid.

Har... Safety Police.

quote:

"Anyone who wants to be with You....Should be willing to go to any length to be with you...You are worth at least this much."

This is the best thing I have heard from this topic. I will take this to my heart. Thank you.

< Message edited by pyroaquatic -- 6/20/2009 8:45:26 PM >

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 37

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 8:59:09 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

quote:

"Anyone who wants to be with You....Should be willing to go to any length to be with you...You are worth at least this much."

This is the best thing I have heard from this topic. I will take this to my heart. Thank you.

i'm glad it helped you. i've found it to be very true in my life. The reality is that if things should ever (God forbid) put me in a place where for whatever reason i have to begin seeking again. i will take all actions with this in the forefront of my brain.
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 38

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 9:47:51 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

I will admit I am far to sensitive to this subject and I would like to apologize to anyone I have offended, if indeed I have offended or pissed anyone off.

I am naturally paranoid.

Har... Safety Police.

Please don't take my commets to this thread to be directed at you because they are not. Nor should you take my comments to mean that I take your situation lightly, because I don't.

That being said, I wish to point out a few things about the statistics of things. If you have been raped the odds on it happening again become so small as to make it almost a non-point.

The problem is that those who HAVE been raped and tell their stories either often never go to seek counceling or leave what they learn from counceling out of their story.

There comes a point in every persons life when they have to face what has happened and either move on to a more positive level and get control back or live in the act and let it control their actions for the rest of their life.

I am not saying that Rape isn't a possibility when you meet strangers however the odds of it happening to you are not as high as the TERRORists would have you think it is. Seriously not ever male who is into this lifestyle is looking to rape you.

What I would like to get across is that one thing I nearly NEVER see is people contacting people to find out what they know about the people on these boards.

I would be more than willing to do a "Get to know you" with anyone someone is looking to meet and let you know what Vibe I get from them only because I am not emotionaly invested in the Individual. We can sit down with some things that the individual has told you and then I will try to get the same answers if the answers differ chances are they have been lying to you.

Simple things like this a matter of two hours getting to know someone and you will at least have a second opionion.

There are SO MANY different thing you can do to keep from getting hurt but SO FEW people actually do them.

Use your Noggin People you don't just go and meet someone you don't know, if they really do want to get to know you then they will be willing to get to know someone you know and allow for all the things to find their ways to the up and up.

I am not saying you should not be careful but I am saying that you need to take some risks because anyone you meet has the potential to harm you.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 39

RE: Meeting someone offline - 6/20/2009 10:40:42 PM

ChasingOblivion

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Hey Steel,

All I can say is I agree. Shut up the safety police. We are all adults. Jesus people lighten up. Every day we all face risks, don't be an idiot. I don't need a bodyguard or a parent.

I second that!! There's a fine line between cautious and paranoid. Personally, I've found that people who take some chances now and then tend to have a LOT more fun.

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 40

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