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Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 8:44:10 PM   
danielh


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, everyone. My first post here. I'm a little hesitant to ask, but I need to know this. I'm evolving and learning, protocol, etc.

I've been getting unsolicited contacts (usually good) from some Dommes here, giving me a bad time about my profile, don't like it, too long, too mental, etc.

I understand my potential role, and why I'm here. I think I expressed what I mean. I'm relationship oriented so it seems right to reveal who I am and what I feel. I've been getting some really helpful, and well intended feedback, which I appreciate. When someone you don't know offers to help you get where you want to be, that's good energy. Some very awesome women here.

My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test? I'm not seeing anything in my profile that should annoy a stranger.

I'm not speaking of being challenged or a little pressure. I expect that, it's my opportunity to show who I am and what I'm made of. You're the Domme, I understand that. I can take it.

I should just disregard... but I don't. I respond, and not positively. Unsolicited rudeness... it's not working for me.

Comments?

Thank you for reading me.

daniel




< Message edited by danielh -- 6/21/2009 8:46:55 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 9:10:17 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Like a good book or movie, the end comes too close. If someone is interested enough, no profile is too long.

I take criticism as a challenge, and expect it to be backed with analysis. I keep a cool head, as one critic does not floor my house of cards (I may even learn to better myself). Usually, I'd say 9 times out of 10, if I respond to criticism the conversation end rather quickly. Once I've explained my position, 4/9 it is met with nothing-silence-no response. 5/9 it's met with an understanding "Oh."

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Twisting your ankle on the threshold doesn't mean you won't find a pot of gold... But then again, it's a red flag for a bad day.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 9:28:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Daniel, I don't get it.  At one point, you say that you're getting what I would consider constructive criticism.  Then you make the claim that some of the feedback is rude.  What do you mean?  Some Dommes have snarly words in their profiles about how men are worms, etc.  Are the rude comments in this vein?  If do, block and ignore.

I have to say that the Dommes here have their hands full.  If they're initiating contact with you, you're doing damn well.

Sneaky tip - take the Dominas' advice and rework your profile.  Then ask them what they think of the rewrite.  You'll be beginning communicating with them and showing them that you can do as they say... may well reap rewards down the road.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 9:59:25 PM   
danielh


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for the reply, DS. I thought my post was clear. I said some women, most, are very cool. Direct, engaging, seemly understanding that I'm not exactly trained (yet). I've gotten good feedback, and incorporated it... especially the first week or two! Sub speak, things like that. I get that.

And then I spoke of a different flavor of person seeing something in my profile that evidently annoys them, a totally different situation. It's not that my feelings are hurt (well, maybe a little) it's just nasty e-mail from a stranger.

I was just asking, protocol or lifestyle wise, is this something that I'm considered to expect. I am sub here, not slave, that's clear. Is this a game ? Why bother? If nothing good at all to say...

About my post, must be me... I'd write it again pretty much verbatim. I do appreciate your feedback, I know you're helping here.

Thanks,

d

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 10:12:18 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I like a longer profile because it tells me far more than most will and it helps me see the person.  If someone is impatient and doesn't want to read about you, then let them pass on by!  I believe a good dominant pays attention and wants information so that they can evaluate whether they wish to know you more or not and so that they can know you if they wish to.

I would keep the projections on what your dominant and your relationship/the feelings will be like as you seem to really push this romantic idealized version of how you would respond to her. I am not sure on how you mean different things you say so I can't say it is bad or good, but I would limit it to saying it once rather than repeatedly throughout your profile and journal.  Let the romantic idea's and such flow when you meet someone but to go in with expectations is almost a set up to a woman... in my opinion.  If someone meet's me and feels those things coming on... wonderful and if it isn't wonderful I can address it, but knowing he expects to feel this way and seems very stuck on the idea of feeling it can be just as bad as someone projecting in other ways.

I don't want my man broken or weakened by me.  I want him strong, happy, well adjusted and in love.  In love will bring all I would want.  I want my love to spark a fire in him, not a melted man with no will of his own.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 10:23:36 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Daniel, being badly mannered has nothing to do with dominance.  If someone is rude to you, I would simply delete the e-mail without responding.  I know it's temping to address the rudeness - I've done it myself - but really, is that how you want to spend your time?

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 10:26:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have to go with Steven on this one.  The usual complaint is that the Dommes don't initiate contact with the male subs, so you're actually doing better than most.

For the Dominants that have been helpful to you, absolutely thank them for their suggestions and perhaps throw back a question or two.  If they are trying to be helpful, it will be a great way for you to start an exchange.  Even when they aren't, thank them for their time.  Something about you got them to notice you, so that could open doors, too.

After so many posts about how does one get Dominant women to review their profile or initiate contact, this is a welcome change.  You must be doing something right.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 11:07:46 PM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		There is no excuse for rudeness
This is non consentual humiliation, which confirms she is a child playing at being a grown up
I'd tell the B*tch to get back on her broomstick and offer her a quarter to call someone that gives a damn

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/21/2009 11:26:53 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Yes. This is the internet, people will be rude people will be kind, people will be indifferent. Enjoy the kind ones, and learn to ignore the rude ones, it does no good to get annoyed and respond " in kind" to them.
quote:

ORIGINAL: danielh

Hi, everyone. My first post here. I'm a little hesitant to ask, but I need to know this. I'm evolving and learning, protocol, etc.

I've been getting unsolicited contacts (usually good) from some Dommes here, giving me a bad time about my profile, don't like it, too long, too mental, etc.

I understand my potential role, and why I'm here. I think I expressed what I mean. I'm relationship oriented so it seems right to reveal who I am and what I feel. I've been getting some really helpful, and well intended feedback, which I appreciate. When someone you don't know offers to help you get where you want to be, that's good energy. Some very awesome women here.

My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test? I'm not seeing anything in my profile that should annoy a stranger.

I'm not speaking of being challenged or a little pressure. I expect that, it's my opportunity to show who I am and what I'm made of. You're the Domme, I understand that. I can take it.

I should just disregard... but I don't. I respond, and not positively. Unsolicited rudeness... it's not working for me.

Comments?

Thank you for reading me.

daniel




(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 1:13:17 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR, after read thru

My cynic meter is beeping & I have to wonder if the rude 'femdoms' are really female . . . . . I think I might be sniffing horny net geeks at work, trolling . ... . . Something to consider . . .. .

_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.



The Verbossinator

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 5:15:01 AM   
danielh


Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and feedback. I'm not trying to make a mountain out of an ant hill (we don't have moles in Arizona), just want to make sure that my feelings and ego aren't keeping me from seeing something obvious here.

And to DK... horny male trolling net geeks... hadn't considered that... at all. Like I said, I'm learning here.

Thank you to all for taking the time to offer your thoughts.

daniel

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 5:33:04 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danielh
My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test?


No matter who does it, when someone either responds to you or initiates contact to you and is an @$$hole, be thankful. They have told you right up front before you wasted any time on them that they are not compatible with you.

I read your profile, and I think it's a good one. It's not in a Twitter-ready format, so what? Some people will be terrified or discouraged by a "wall o' text" like that, but -- in my personal experience -- if you are the kind who writes a wall of text, you probably need someone who is comfortable reading such anyway.

On the other hand, also consider that there's quite a few people in the D/s world who have a deep seated urge to be "fixers". I've met dominants who WANTED with every fiber of their being to be the White Knight for their sub, helping to "save" the sub from all sorts of things -- bad exes, bad life choices, smoking, down to much smaller issues. Similarly, I've met submissives with the same desire to "fix" but as a service.  When you encounter a fixer, there is no malice involved in the suggestions, you have just triggered that deep-seated need in them to come charging to the rescue with advice or corrections.

Just delete-and-block the ones that are too far out of your comfort zone, laugh at the ridicule worthy responses heartily (don't forget block-and-delete), and respond to the ones that seem to you to be productive conversations.

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 5:40:11 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		 
It's a communication malfunction on the part of the person mailing you. The person feels they have something to say, but really don't have the skills to express that in a polite, tactful manner. Add to the mix that the anonymity of the internet seems to inspire a lack of social boundaries, and you end up with rude unsolicited email from someone on an ego trip. Rudeness is not dominance. It is however, often used as a posturing tool by those who haven't a clue.


You could respond back with equally 'inspiring' words, but it's not worth the effort. Just disregard it and try not to let someone else's social ineptitude bother you.


As for the tactful ones mailing you in a polite manner, you are already a step ahead of most, grab that opportunity. Good luck.

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 6:29:59 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum--I guarantee you, they don't act like that in public but gather like little chickens cackling over what they write--net is..net them out. Someone is ignorant or stupid to Me, they are going to get both barrels.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 7:08:18 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum .


Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot.

Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 8:02:01 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot.

Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy!


I keep telling you that we have more in common than you think.  LOL.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 8:23:22 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think if we ever meet, together we could have A LOT of fun......

Just thinking about the possibilities put a smile on my face.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 8:30:48 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Daniel,

Yes, DemonKia's view strikes a chord.  This is smelling odd to me too.  I've never had an offensive cmail from anyone and I don't see anything objectionable about your profile.  I would say: block and move on.  I'm afraid internet meeting places don't leave one much choice and it's usually a waste of energy to do otherwise.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to danielh)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 8:32:53 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		A male sub recently accused me on another thread of "deriding" him, when I did nothing of the sort.  I guess I'm a bit leery of male subs saying they are spoken to with disrespect.  Does that mean the person didn't start by saying how awesome you are?  I think the OP's profile is poorly written.  Does that make me disrespectful?

I have had some version of the following email/chat exchange maybe a gazillion times:

A: I hope you weren't offended.
B: What?  No, I think it's great!

Sometimes I was A, and sometimes I was B.  If you don't see a person's body language, and can't hear their tone of voice, it's sometimes hard to tell whether people are trying to build you up or tear you down.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Initiating contact with disrespect - 6/22/2009 10:30:32 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum .


Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot.

Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy!



I am SOOOO like you in this area, sometimes I'm just in the mood for a good pot stirring--heh heh

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 20
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