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RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:39:04 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Well, I can only tell you from my experience..24/7 does exist. Now, my life that way might not be the typical, or might not even be what you think it should be. I live with my Master, he is also my spouse. He doesn't micro-manage my life by any means though. I wear what I choose, I go when I want to, and I most certainly have a mind of my own.

Now, on the other side of that. If he says "I want you to wear this outfit.", I will do it. If he says "I really like your hair this color", I will probably change it. If he needs his back rubbed out, or would rather I stay in for the evening than go out, I will probably do that also. If he wants sex and I don't, I will probably agree to it anyway. It's not because we are not equal, it's because I like to see him happy and pleased. I love doing things for him, it makes me happy that he needs me, or that I can wear something that turns him on.

When it comes right down to it, I will probably do anything he wants me to, within the limits of what we have already set up. Like..well, he wants me to add another woman in, I am not ready to do that, nor do I know if I will ever be.

We discuss major decisions that will concern our lives, from jobs to where we will live. It's not him standing around in chaps waiting for me to mess up so he can beat me with a belt (though I enjoy being beat with the belt

).

This is US living it 24/7, 365.

Welcome to the site, hope things work out for you. Hang around the boards and I think you will learn a lot.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 21

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:39:20 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

Not so, says the first few messages to stream into my account. Despite a disclaimer saying I was not interested, messages about how these Doms were interested in controlling every single aspect of my life, down to what colour my toenails were and my performance at work came in.

Is the joke on me? Is this what the community really is? It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. I'm sure it works for some, but I thought a lot of the appeal of BDSM was calculated loss of control in fantasy (realistic, but still Cops and Robbers with your pants off) with equality of both parties simply put aside for the duration of play. The term "play" also indicates this. The whole concept of a safeword, etc doesn't seem to jive with the idea that you've completely agreed to give all agency to your Dom.

Those are representatives of any community.

Those are people trying to get into your pants.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 22

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:39:27 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Great....just bloody great! All I want to know is who do I have to sleep with to reinstated into the BDSM community?? Hmmmm?

_____________________________

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That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
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(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 23

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:43:31 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

Thank you all for your valuable input! Sorry if I came accross as unacceptable or judgmental, I was a little freaked out by a couple individuals, and maybe that made me come across that way.

Clearly I need to sit tight and keep my eyes and ears open a little more, feel things out. I'm only 19, after all, and I don't need to be rushing into anything headlong. It's just difficult when you've had these types of desires for what seems like forever and never acting on them.

Do keep in mind, also, that there are no special BDSM rules you need to abide by in order to explore what you want (aside from maybe the website's TOS

).

The best case scenario should be that exposure to a great variety of likes/dislikes on these boards will help you better understand what it is you want and what it is you don't.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 24

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:50:03 AM

subsuze

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline

In my opinion, being submissive isn't equal to being dominant because they aren't the same. Apples and oranges. They are qualities that complement each other, and like any relationship, they are negotiated as the participants go along. To me, almost everything is about who is in control and who isn't, and who wants it or doesn't. If two people are both trying to be in control all the time and at least one is unhappy with that, there will be conflict.

I'm a submissive woman, 24/7, and had those tendencies from a young age. I have a life, a home and family. I can't be naked in chains all day, though I can wish! I do, however, get very upset when I don't succeed in being pleasing, whether in a sexual context or not. I am not inferior or a doormat, but rather a valuable asset to my relationship.

I've given myself to my Master and allowed Him to lead in our relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion or room to move. To many younger women, especially, the label submissive almost seems insulting or offensive, just as if saying being female is less desirable than being male. Surrendering to His control feels natural and right for me.

Maybe what you're looking for is more on the sexual fun/roleplaying end of the spectrum.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 25

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:50:51 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

It has always left me wondering why submissive seems to almost generally equate to bottom or masochist.
This little lady wants to play submissive. Please, where is her box to tick that she is a bottom?

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

I thought a lot of the appeal of BDSM was calculated loss of control in fantasy (realistic, but still Cops and Robbers with your pants off) with equality of both parties simply put aside for the duration of play.

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 26

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:53:24 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

24/7 is temporal not spatial.

god knows how many times i've posted that here.

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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 27

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 11:59:25 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

also, don't listen to the people in this thread. there is a bdsm rulebook and a bdsm committee (with varies subcommittees on the state/provincial level) that regulates and defines what it is to be a practitioner of BDSM through competency tests covering correct physical techniques and correct philosophical motivations for praticing bdsm. while membership to such committes is secretive, you can find some of them on this board and they will tell you if you are doing something wrong.

I would suggest you read threads regarding what a real dominant, submissive, or slave is, on what is too wierd to be allowed, and whether or not switches are liars.

Oh that is way to funny. Thanks for the chuckle, variation30.

***
Hello kitten and welcome to the forums. I am sure in time you will discover what you want out of BDSM. In the mean time, enjoy your journey.

oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 28

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:03:14 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsuze

In my opinion, being submissive isn't equal to being dominant because they aren't the same. Apples and oranges. They are qualities that complement each other, and like any relationship, they are negotiated as the participants go along. To me, almost everything is about who is in control and who isn't, and who wants it or doesn't. If two people are both trying to be in control all the time and at least one is unhappy with that, there will be conflict.

I'm a submissive woman, 24/7, and had those tendencies from a young age. I have a life, a home and family. I can't be naked in chains all day, though I can wish! I do, however, get very upset when I don't succeed in being pleasing, whether in a sexual context or not. I am not inferior or a doormat, but rather a valuable asset to my relationship.

I've given myself to my Master and allowed Him to lead in our relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion or room to move. To many younger women, especially, the label submissive almost seems insulting or offensive, just as if saying being female is less desirable than being male. Surrendering to His control feels natural and right for me.

Maybe what you're looking for is more on the sexual fun/roleplaying end of the spectrum.

The thing is, I wasn't equating submission being equal to dominancei n a literal sense. Simply stating how I perceived my own take on D/s dynamics in a way how I understand it. As with anything, my understanding of the psychology of D/s is changing and being redefined as I keep learning.
As to my comment to variation30, it is strictly tongue in cheek! And to be quite specific, yes sexual fun/roleplaying is quite enjoyable yet it is not enough for me....I want the the whole enchilada and will not settle for anything less.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/24/2009 12:12:41 PM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to subsuze)

Post #: 29

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:04:20 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

aLittleKitten,

First let me say how refreshing it it to see someone who is new come on the boards with a head squarely on your shoulders and a intellegent view of things.

I want to address the 24/7 concept. It is difficult to wade thorugh those who see 24/7 as an extention of a fantasy to the every day waking life from those who see 24/7 as there is a power dynamic in play all day every day.

My wife and I are what you would call 24/7, this does not mean she is in Chains and being beaten every hour on the hour, nor does it mean that she relies on me to dress her like a living doll. However this is a lifestyle of choice and so where as our definition of 24/7 does not incorporate micromanagement to what pubic hair will be shaves and which will be plucked .... it should be noted that it CAN if that is what you and your partner desire.

the Power Dynamic in a relationship is decided by those whom are in it, in the cyber world there are also those who cannot deliniate the difference between what is real and what is just words on a screen, and again there are those for whom the words on the screen ARE REAL.

What I am saying is that you state a lot of things that you dislike because apparently the actions are important to you, for instance you seem to desire the idea that this is something you would like to do and then when not doing it be something different. In that you would want to defer to your partner when engaging in BDSM-esque activities but then go back to a Non-Power Based Dynamic when you want to.

For andi and I the power dynamic is always there however she is free to do as she pleases as long as it is within my requirements if she gets out of line she is corrected quickly and regardless of her previous behavior she knows that obedience will always come first. For us this kind of relationship works what you need to do is find out what it is that you want. Then Learn how to explain it where you leave the fewest amount of questions and gaps and then seek someone who feels the same way.

Over all you may want to look at BDSM as a lifestyle where anything can happen if that is what you want and stop looking for a static idea of what it means to be involved in the BDSM Lifestyle because as with most things, and no pun intended, there are different strokes for different folks.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 30

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:08:52 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Over all you may want to look at BDSM as a lifestyle where anything can happen .............

Steel

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 31

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:27:32 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Many things seem ludicrous when scratching the surface. You're basing your thoughts on a teeny amount of information. With a bit more time and more information it'll become a lot clearer.

I've never met a single person that has a D/s relationship like mine ..... I never met a single person that had a marriage like mine..I never met a single person that had the exact same views and practises raising children either.......

This is no different.

agirl

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 32

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:37:25 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Steel summed it up pretty damn well there I think.

My household is also a 24-7 dynamic. I have no problem hooking my finger in my pets collar when we're at the store and telling him "No!" if he's being a bit unruly (durn kids nowadays), but, he also has a life of his own. If he wants to go visit a friend, he knows that all he has to do is say so, or ask, and 90% of the time I'll say "Sure, give them a hug for me. You need the car? Hm... you know... we really need to look into getting you a scooter or something. Oh, and pick up a loaf of bread on the way back, would you?"

The D/s dynamic doesn't mean the rest of everyday life suddenly stops existing. Just because I have a pet doesn't mean we no longer need bread for sammiches or something. But at the same time, he knows that the control is still there, whether we're in the bedroom or out grabbing a burger.

Being a 24-7 situation also means that he is part of the household, and the things that go on here affect him. Thus, he does have a say in the matter, if we ask him, or if he has a genuine concern or issue with something going on and he brings it up in a respectful way. He has a brain, a very very good one actually, and is able to use it. In fact, I require him to do so. More often than not, if I'm doing something, and he says "Sir? Wouldn't it work more easily if we ________?", he's usually right. So, when he sees something that I could be doing better, I want him to say so. But he also knows that look I have that says "If you don't shut your mouth right now, you'll end up with a ball gag in it for the rest of the day."

Now, that's how it is in my household. I'm not even remotely saying that's how it should be in your household, or Steel's or Butterfly's, or Bear's (Although I know bear would love it *dangles a ball gag off the end of his finger*. Wouldn't you, Bear?).

It just comes down to how your individual household finds its balance, and how things work for the people involved. I get flack all the time for spoiling my pet. Thing is, that's how I like it. If I didn't like to spoil him, I wouldn't. The people that give me a hard time don't take that into account. My household rules obviously wouldn't work for them, and theirs wouldn't work for me. That's fine. That's how it SHOULD be.

By the way, welcome to CM. :) *HUG*

_____________________________

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I am the voices in your head.

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 33

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:56:00 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

Thank you all for your valuable input! Sorry if I came accross as unacceptable or judgmental, I was a little freaked out by a couple individuals, and maybe that made me come across that way.

Clearly I need to sit tight and keep my eyes and ears open a little more, feel things out. I'm only 19, after all, and I don't need to be rushing into anything headlong. It's just difficult when you've had these types of desires for what seems like forever and never acting on them.

trust me, you will never stop being freaked out by people you meet here.

I met the most delightfully evil young woman two nights ago and I haven't enjoyed messaging someone on cm as much as I do her...but I'll be honest, she scares me.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 34

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 12:58:47 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

You're basing your thoughts on a teeny amount of information.

BADOOOM CRASH

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 35

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 1:05:11 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Now, that's how it is in my household. I'm not even remotely saying that's how it should be in your household, or Steel's or Butterfly's, or Bear's (Although I know bear would love it *dangles a ball gag off the end of his finger*. Wouldn't you, Bear?).

*perks ears up*

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 36

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 1:16:08 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave's perception of 24/7, as we live it, is as an alternative relationship style (Master/slave, in our case)that has no use for conventional egalitarian relationship standards, referring to our sexual interactions as "play" or the slave limiting the Master through safewords.

we don't have a relationship based on BDSM. BDSM is something orgasmic that we both enjoy as He's a sadist and this slave is a masochist...but we aren't doing BDSM 24/7. it is a big part of our life in that we are both borderline nymphomaniacs, but the BL is---it's how we get off...not the basis of how we get along. our enjoyment of and fulfillment from engaging in BDSM doesn't give this slave the impression that everyone who enjoys BDSM has the exact same style of relationship and frequency of interactions as we do.

it has been this slave's experience that "the BDSM community" encompasses folks of all sorts of relationship styles, alternative and conventional. e.g. some folks are married 24/7 and practice BDSM in the bedroom/dungeon with their spouse on occasion. some folks only see their BDSM partners occasionally, and engage in relationships of a conventional sort, 24/7, with other people, etc.

Welcome to the community.

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 37

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 2:35:51 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's because you're new. On any site, the newest females get all the jerks. Once you don't show up as a newbie most of this nonsense will stop.

The guys writing you aren't capable of a strong healthy relationship and they're hoping you're too new to know what is and isn't healthy. The ones on the forums are.

People with full lives don't have the time to dictate which toe you paint first.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/24/2009 2:37:55 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 38

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 2:44:18 PM

maia09

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

I'm brand new, and being here for less than 48 hours has really given my head a spin in regards to what I thought the BDSM Community was actually about.

Let me elaborate.

The idea of 24 / 7. As a newbie to the scene, and someone with limited experience, I'd only heard it occasionally, sort of laughed out a little by writers and people I'd talked to. The idea of complete power exchange forever and always, every day, in all aspects of life seemed kind of ludicrous to someone like me.

Not so, says the first few messages to stream into my account. Despite a disclaimer saying I was not interested, messages about how these Doms were interested in controlling every single aspect of my life, down to what colour my toenails were and my performance at work came in.

Is the joke on me? Is this what the community really is? It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. I'm sure it works for some, but I thought a lot of the appeal of BDSM was calculated loss of control in fantasy (realistic, but still Cops and Robbers with your pants off) with equality of both parties simply put aside for the duration of play. The term "play" also indicates this. The whole concept of a safeword, etc doesn't seem to jive with the idea that you've completely agreed to give all agency to your Dom.

The idea of 24/7 gives me the kneejerk reaction of hiding behind BDSM when you're in reality someone who doesn't see your partner as an equal, or someone with the ability to make their own decisions.

I wrote a journal entry about it, but I want to discuss. Polite, please. I am only reacting here, I clearly don't have all the answers and am looking for guidance and information.

i think it's best to know what you want and leave the rest. There is no more right or wrong here. If you don't particularly agree with or enjoy something that others do or want, it's probably best to just think "different strokes for different folks." i am a 24/7 slave - this is my choice. i am also highly intelligent, very capable, have run 3 businesses and certainly am far from unable to make my own decisions. Being a slave is something i find very fulfilling. It's best not to point at what you don't really understand.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 39

RE: 24 / 7 : Fact and Fiction - 6/24/2009 3:59:00 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aLittleKitten

controlling every single aspect of my life, down to what colour my toenails were

Ok...that is fucking hot.
I love the concept of 24/7. I'm in the beginning stages of that becoming my life.
I don't know how realistic it will be, but I do know that we'll have fun trying and we'll probably find a comfortable middle ground in our lives in terms of how prevalent 24/7 will be.
To answer the OP....you will find all ranges of involvement, emotions, actions, etc. etc. etc. in any type of relationship. What works for you will most likely not work for the couple next to you. Each relationship is unique. Use your common sense and just go with the flow. It's all good.

_____________________________

(in reply to aLittleKitten)

Post #: 40

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