Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Where do I start?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Where do I start? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 2:26:36 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The women who don't know shit want a guy with experience they themselves can't quantify or judge.  The women worth having can spot a decent man a mile away.

I have a ton of experience, a regional reputation in California, I teach BDSM classes, blah blah blah.  I don't find it any easier to find good partners than I did when I was new.

Most importantly, the ones who are attracted to my experience are the ones I run away from, the ones who judge me as a man are the ones who I allow into my arms.


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 2:47:35 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Oh believe me, as it says in my profile... I'm into TPE.

Munches I could try out a few times, though my first one elsewhere was a disaster and ended up acting like an idiot. :p


You have no experience, your profile indicates you want to inflict pain have a slave with no limits and TPE.  Then you say you acted like an idiot at the first munch you attended. 

You ever thought about learning before you decide to take on a no limit slave in a TPE relationship?

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:07:59 PM   
Screwtape


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

You ever thought about learning before you decide to take on a no limit slave in a TPE relationship?


Thank goodness someone said it.  Any one can beat the "torture people" that doesn't make you a master, it makes dangerous to yourself and others.  I am concerned how little skill you think goes into being a master.  It is quite a lot of work, but very fun with the right people.

Training and education should always be the first step in my opinion.  In my experience you will meet several people during your education.  Check your local scene see what classes of seminars are available.  You might be pleasantly surprised the number of subs/slaves that attend the same classes.  

The local munches may not be the most fun but they are a wealth of information if you are willing to learn.  I am not sure about your community but the munches can be a great way to learn about classes and as ZenDragoness said "get noticed".

Please do not let my harsh tone discourage you from following through with your interests.  It is my opinion that a good slave will make sure you know how to take care of your toys before becoming one of them. 

< Message edited by Screwtape -- 6/25/2009 3:09:29 PM >

_____________________________

“Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.”

(in reply to LovingMistress45)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:09:59 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		"Torture" as in figuratively, people. Calm down.

(in reply to Screwtape)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:11:26 PM   
Screwtape


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		Not in this community.  I am happy to hear this is not the case for you though.

_____________________________

“Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.”

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:12:42 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		What I mean is edgeplay. BUT... don't think that I would start off the bat. Basics first, then all else follows.

At least I'm starting somewhere.

< Message edited by CaptainSex -- 6/25/2009 3:30:13 PM >

(in reply to Screwtape)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:16:44 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Screwtape

Not in this community.  I am happy to hear this is not the case for you though.


What?

(in reply to Screwtape)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:39:24 PM   
Screwtape


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		If you would like to travel to my neck of the woods I could introduce you to a few nice Doms who would be happy to demonstrate the difference between Edgeplay and Torture.  One in particular seems to think that safewords/gestures are a punchline to some joke nobody else knows.

Regarding edge play I would still say training, but it is a much safer avenue to explore.  Sorry for any misunderstanding.


_____________________________

“Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.”

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:47:26 PM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

All right... being a beginner dom, if not the first time ever... I've never owned any slaves or been able to torture people, though how the fuck do I start? Where? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand... but how can you have experience without someone there? Especially if you're just a single man? Anyone's advice would be nice and sweet as rice!


for me it just kind of happened. someone I was sleeping with was into bdsm and suggested I look into it. I looked into it, found a lot of things I liked (and a lot more that made me do this: ) from there I took what I wanted and refined how I approach relationships. as far as learning about certain things...ask a question here.

what might be the best is seeking out a local munch. I've never done such, nor do I intend to, but it had worked for others.

but what I would recommend more than anything is finding someone here who seems knowledgeable (either on the forums or through their profile) and as them as many questions as they can tolerate.


_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:47:40 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		I would love to get to know them. Most appreciate that and the apology. :)

(in reply to Screwtape)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:55:06 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		Well, our common thing is we never will seek out a local munch. Rather just not make an ass of myself yet again. *sigh*

(in reply to variation30)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:57:37 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

All right... being a beginner dom, if not the first time ever... I've never owned any slaves or been able to torture people, though how the fuck do I start? Where? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand... but how can you have experience without someone there? Especially if you're just a single man? Anyone's advice would be nice and sweet as rice!


I would recommend the club scene, munches and talking on boards - as a good places to start. This will not substitute for actual experience, but it will help you form ideas about what sort of experiences you want, and "get your face out there" sufficiently that someone might want to give you a shot.

In many ways, a clearly thought out understanding of what you want and need is just as important as a measure of experience.

< Message edited by QuixoticErrant -- 6/25/2009 3:58:51 PM >

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 3:59:42 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

I would recommend ... talking on boards.


I know. And lo and behold!

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 4:33:34 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Hi CaptainSex and welcome to CM.

Personally I am not a social person, so I do not seek munches, etc to meet people. I just tend to run into people , when I am involved in life and doing what I like. You can keep posting here, one never knows what life has to offer. As far as you being new, I would not put too much emphases on that. I do know a few slaves, not part of CM, who had gracefully helped their Mistress in exploring the Dominant within them, by teaching them and introducing them to other Female Dominants.. These are slaves who have been living in BDSM for years.
Enjoy your journey.
oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 5:07:39 PM   
UndreamtHeaven


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline 		The best thing I ever did was suck it up and attend the munches. I hate social enviroments with strangers. But I found some really great mentors that way and they taught me the things I wanted to know using their subs. It is alot easier to say you have the experiance when you have a guiding hand. Maybe post in your profile that you would love to find an experianced teacher.

As for CM..I know it works after along time, I finally have my boy. Alot of looking and alot of learning. Oh I also spent time in classes like human biology, first aid and sports med, also an adventure camping class, I learned loads about knots. Look outside the box for sex but look outside the box for learning too.

(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 5:44:11 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

All right... being a beginner dom, if not the first time ever... I've never owned any slaves or been able to torture people, though how the fuck do I start? Where? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand... but how can you have experience without someone there? Especially if you're just a single man? Anyone's advice would be nice and sweet as rice!


First, I'd like to welcome you to the CM boards.
Now, I have to ask a couple questions...Why the rush to own a "no-limits/24-7/TPE" slave?  Would you be willing to allow someone to perform serious surgery on you if the only medical experience they have is a first aid course they took a couple years ago?  Why would a slave be interested in being owned by someone who lacks experience?

Slow down...take a breath...follow what others have suggested and take another step into your local bdsm community. Stop looking at each person you meet as meat and focus instead on the individual and way the two of you can connect.

Do yourself a favor and don't expect an online medium to be the only answer to your "quest for lifetime ownership". Get out in the community...learn, meet, talk, laugh...heck, play scrabble and drink coffee...but realize you need to put yourself out there. Look for a mentor. Keep posting and let others find out who you are here.  Also, try not to get too jaded and pissy before the fun can begin.

Good luck.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 6/25/2009 6:00:59 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Where do I start? - 6/25/2009 8:50:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		S & m, or torture is not required. You can be dominant and a masochist, or a rope top or bottom, or do nothing kinky.

Being dominant just means you prefer to be the leader in your interpersonal relationship and being a good dominant means you merit the position of leader by making smart decisions that are healthy for your partner and thereby garner her trust in your decision making process. If you consistently make bad decisions that cause your partner unnecessary distress, she will take back control because you will have proved yourself untrustworthy and undeserving of her submission.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 8:49:02 AM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		S&M and kink go together on my plate.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 10:53:28 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Aye S & M go well together but torture is not a kink. I could teach you about torture were you to wander across the Pacific Duck Pond, but I wouldn't guarantee your sanity, masculinity or will to remain alive after.. Having said that there is a kink involving interrogation which can be heaps of fun provided the interrogator has experience and a creative immagination. That is definately kink.... 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 11:24:34 AM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Like you, I've always known that 24/7 TPE was what I craved, and I searched and searched  (mostly online)for the right boy.  This yielded mostly frustration.  For years !  There were some "dates" and play sessions (though not as many as one would think, since most of the boys never actually showed up), but no lasting connection.
Also like you, I was loath to join any sort of scene.  Visions of shallow people posing in expensive fetishwear and being cliquish danced in my head.  By nature I'm no social butterfly either. 
But recently one of the people from my local group reached out to me, and having nothing or no one to do that night, I figured "screw it" and went bowling with them, of all things....and had a blast.
Within a few days of joining, I was participating in a fun little demo on spanking and electric play, attending informative discussions, and having my boots spit-shined and feet massaged.  Perhaps it wasn't my ideal boy doing this for me (it was someone else's boy), but it was being done, which was faaaar more enjoyable than it not being done.
I've gained an instant accepting group of friends, all surprisingly down to earth considering their experience, several social events a week, should I chose to attend, mentors, Dom, sub and  in-between, access to play parties, and have improved my bowling (which still sucks, but I recently broke 100).
I still haven't found exactly the boy I'm hoping for, but I feel that the likelihood of meeting such a person has increased a thousandfold, and when he does appear, I will be well-armed with knowledge.
I wish you luck, and am adding my voice to the chorus of those asking you to reconsider your isolation.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Where do I start? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094