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RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 11:53:48 AM   
kitastrophe33


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Stop looking at each person you meet as meat and focus instead on the individual and way the two of you can connect.

Do yourself a favor and don't expect an online medium to be the only answer to your "quest for lifetime ownership". Get out in the community...learn, meet, talk, laugh...heck, play scrabble and drink coffee...


Agree with CarrieO here, focus on the connection with people. M/s relationships really aren't so different than vanilla ones, they just have different rules. I would add not to depend on kinky venues (online, munches, or otherwise) as places to look for that relationship. I've never been to a munch or a dungeon or anything else. I had been into BDSM for a lot of years before I even made a profile here. I'm pretty sure I'm not unique in that.

My two best D/s relationships (including the one I'm in) have both been with guys that met in non kinky ways. I met one in a hospital cafeteria on my lunch break. I met my current owner through salsa dancing. If I had blinders on and only been looking online or at kink events, I would never have met him. I just liked the energy he had...liked the way we interacted...how he made me feel. I knew I could easily submit to him and that, if he chose to, he could easily top me and so I pursued a relationship with him. I didn't expect (or want) to jump right in to a TPE relationship, nor would I have trusted him to tie me all up and beat on me on the second date, but I was really open with him about the kind of relationships I like. And we let things develop over time. It would have been really off putting if he'd been all focused on all the kink stuff rather than on getting to know me.

It was totally possible that I could have read him wrong back then. I could have been wrong about his kink potential and he could have reacted by thinking I was a total freak. (shrug). It could have happened. But if I had recruited from a BDSM place, the guy could have balked at anything else about me. I have a kid. I am agnostic. I am very outspoken. There are any number of reasons we reject potential partners.

So yah, maybe don't fixate so much on finding a sub...find a *person* and be honest with them. When you find the right person, the rest will follow.

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 12:16:44 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That's not the rules in the Sacramento community. You go to a munch and meet the host or hoestess an they talk to you a little bit and tyhen decide based on your behavior at the munch  and the vibe they got from you if they want to invite you to a party or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

It's why no one is invited to play parties or learning sessions without attending more than one munch.  At least that is the rule where I attend.  People want to make sure you are okay before you are invited to their homes.  If you act the horny geek macho chest thumping DOM (hear me roar) type, then expect to never be invited to any of the inner events.  If you act polite, showing respect to others, Dominants and submissives alike, then you will have many doors opened to you.  

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 12:21:15 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Why not determine why you were an ass and made a fool of yourself and then behave yourself this time instead of just refusingg to go to a munch, or any bdsm social.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Well, our common thing is we never will seek out a local munch. Rather just not make an ass of myself yet again. *sigh*

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 12:21:21 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Welcome.

And, if you make an idiot of yourself here, trust that you were not the first and will not be the last. But we will have A LOT of fun showing you the error of your ways!

i have worn the idiot crown on a number of occasions...and i am still happily here!


_____________________________

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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 1:14:00 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Take time.
 
As others have said, just make some friends here. There's no hurry.

And I also think it was a great education for me, starting out on the other side of the kneel. I was slave, until a few years ago. Gives me really great perspective as a Domme, I think. But I still made my share of beginner's mistakes.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 1:53:53 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex
never owned any slaves or been able to torture people, though how the fuck do I start? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand...


HOPEFULLY you do understand...but I doubt it..
your profile asks for TPE male and females to live in and be tortured and experimented on basically..by a NOVICE who knows 2 things..
piss all and dic all

I am sick and tired of profiles like this..

People who think they have found a way..to have all the kinked out sex they want by saying they are dom..
and wanting TPE slave with no limits..
cause they think those must be the ones that will do as you say
even if you don't know what the fuk you are doing..

 ot they are is a dunce cap doormat big tit bitch whore who will do as you say when you say all the time and without question............why???????????casue they don't know any better.
cause you want them to?...cause you are dom...??
cause you are IN TO IT??

saying you LIVE FOR
electrical...??edge?
and things you  KNOW NOTHING OF..


there is a big difference between beginner dom and grabbin' a
hot chick or boy to shower with all your untrained fem dom porn fantasy action on cause you think you found a way to get a new thrill of the month


TAKE SOME TIME AND LEARN..
ppl like you a re dangerous
..

GQ
and ok friends..I rarely get too harsh as you know..so I am
telling why this time..I make my living as a psychic..
I will get humour and ridicule for saying  I do but I don't give a shit.
 
.this time I wrote about what I picked up on..ty

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/26/2009 2:05:55 PM >

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 3:15:29 PM   
TopChuck


Posts: 36
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline
CaptainSex,

Start by learning about the power exchange, if you want a D/s or M/s relationship.

If you simply want to play with BDSM, you're seeking something different.  Don't expect anything more than episodes of kink, according to your tastes and those of the other player in acting out your fantasies in those episodes.

Your submissive or slave in those episodes will only be under your control during the scenes in which you are an actor.

There's a lot to be learned about technique by practicing with others who are also interested in BDSM.  Munches are places to learn those techniques, but the possibility of finding a person with whom to share a relationship would seem to be higher, where there are others who seek more than sexual or kink encounters.

Some want nothing more than those encounters.  But to truly be involved in a D/s or M/s relationship, techniques of BDSM are only a small part of dominating or owning another human.

We don't know your intentions, unless you tell us.

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 3:21:44 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		In this part of the world, when a person talks about "torture", they mean torture, not kinky s/m play.  I know the difference, and I know how to do both.  It is obvious that you do NOT, Captain, so I doubt that you will get many takers.

Slow down, and try to learn something in real time.  It's amazingly easy to learn some things, and amazingly easy to fuck them up.  Keep in mind that your playmate is ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.  

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to TopChuck)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 8:56:36 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		For those who are actually trying to help, I appreciate it. For those who are being too harsh and unrepentantly judgemental (GYPZYQUEEN) as well as those who don't know me that well but are at least trying to help, let's have a few words here. Now it may take a while and a few mores posts to get you the simple ones to understand and you the judgemental fucks (GYP) to get through your thick skulls.

"Start by learning about the power exchange, if you want a D/s or M/s relationship. If you simply want to play with BDSM, you're seeking something different."

What I am looking for is a combination of both, and I know that can't be attained immediately unless you're superbly gifted in the art of kinetic, emotional, psychological et al perversion. At the same time I'm neither interested in "relationships" or "play", though a relationship I would love to have I know it cannot be attained without the right chemistry.

"[N?]ot they are is a dunce cap doormat big tit bitch whore who will do as you say when you say all the time and without question"

You know nothing of my taste in breast size, nor my contempt for stupidity such as your own (know your punctuation; also, text size, style and colour does not make you any smarter or wiser). Plus you heard of masochists and painsluts? What of slaves who are painsluts or masochists? They're off my list if they don't know any better... or, once I become experienced, such people are worthy of teaching.

TAKE SOME TIME AND LEARN..

Which is what I'm doing or at least trying to do, unlike yourself.

ppl like you a re dangerous
..

By what quality? Your judgemental stance will not block any incoming. And believe me, I've met far more dangerous people, and idiots aren't excluded.

I am a novice. It's true. I am into those things on my profile. It's true. But we all know for certain that novices must learn things. Limits of their imagination, law, anatomy, safety, etc. among a throng of others. Munches are a start to learn, explore, study and experiment, though not all the time. Wasting time to not look like some desperate individual seeking someone to own.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 8:58:47 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

In this part of the world, when a person talks about "torture", they mean torture, not kinky s/m play. I know the difference, and I know how to do both. It is obvious that you do NOT, Captain, so I doubt that you will get many takers.


Right. Because I'm disappointed in Obama not doing shit about the likes of Bush or Cheiney, and scornful of what's happening in Iran against the protesters, and hating what North Korea does to its prisoners, I know nothing about what "torture" means.

< Message edited by CaptainSex -- 6/26/2009 8:59:46 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 9:39:06 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		This thread is pretty awesome for answering some of your basic questions:

For men: how to find a woman here

My suggestion is to read tons of threads here, make use of the 'Search' function to find out what wide array of ideas have already been well aired . . .. . . Searching for '24/7', TPE, slave, torture, edgeplay, & so on should give you reading material for days, & after you're done you'll probably know something about where you fit into the wider community, & how to move towards your goals.

This is not a grocery store of lust, there are no Walmarts of kink, & dating is dating, mate-finding is mate-finding, no matter who, what, when, why, or where.

_____________________________

Snarko ergo sum.



The Verbossinator

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 10:26:21 PM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, research is key through reading... but also practice.

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Where do I start? - 6/26/2009 11:42:09 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Personally, I read for years before I got involved with my local community; since then I've learned an enormous amount thru classes & attending play parties . . . . . . But I do wish you the best of luck with your path . . . .. .

& as many have & will point out, the profile side of CollarMe can be near useless in terms of hooking up with 'real' people & is full of horny net geeks masquerading as women, scamsters, unrealistic fantasists, & etc, so don't take stuff there too seriously . . .

I find that, just like in vanilla friendships & dating, people who rush into instant intimate BDSM relationships tend to have problems with maintaining their relationships, emotional issues, dramatic lives, & such like, so practicing your patience will be of use . . . . .

& try to keep the parameters of what you're looking for as broad as possible; the narrower your search criteria, the longer it'll probably take to find what you're looking for . . . ...

Some of the mental / emotional / psychological aspects of D/s / M/s relationships can be explored thru online relationships; some don't like that, but I think it's a valid way of learning . . . . . . Being able to include persons on the other side of the planet expands your potential pool of partners . . . . .

I do hope you read the original post (OP) in that thread I posted; Stephan is one of the more sensible posters to these boards, & that OP concisely lays out what's been hashed & re-hashed endlessly in myriad other threads about how to make effective use of CM (& his advice / insight generalizes to other online venues such as Alt, FL, craigslist, etc) . . . . . .

Ah. & a very important thought I keep in mind every time I visit these boards (or any online fora) is that the offense can be as much in the taking as in the giving. So, for instance, the sadist in me enjoys not taking offense when it's clearly the intent, thus frustrating the would-be offender, lol . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Yes, research is key through reading... but also practice.


(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 3:01:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm going to tell you right off of the bat that I'm old fashioned.  There is so little that I've learned through the net about doing any of this (play) that it's hardly worth mentioning.  I'm a hands on kind of gal.  Always have been.  It's the best way for Me to learn.

I didn't read some posts on fire play and then light up My sub.  I didn't decide I was going to try cupping once finding articles on how the Chinese used it.  I didn't go to medical supply store for needles or scaples figuring that I could use them with no instruction.  I didn't buy a violet wand and decide I'd learn to use it on whoever happened along.

Every type of edge play that I engage in, I learned from someone else in person.  Yes, I've also read reference materials, but the best knowledge that I've gathered has always been from those that I've watched play and had them teach Me.  I looked for the people who had the skills, and through demos and personal instruction, practice and patience, I learned the types of play that interested Me.  Every time someone tells Me that they enjoyed watching Me play or attend a demo that I give, I always give credit to the person who taught Me.

Here's where this applies to you.  I met every single one of those people who taught Me the things I'm proficient at today, at a munch, demo, or lifestyle event.  If you want to be a student, that's where the teachers are.  The net and books on various subjects can be great, but there's nothing like hands on instruction.

As for making an ass of yourself the last time you went to a munch, yes, I've seen people do that.  So, you go back and tell people that you realize that you're not uber dom of the universe or apologize for being rude.  Then, you let people know that you want to learn some things.  Just learn from your mistake and don't repeat it in the future.  Think of it in terms of getting to know the people who have what you want.  That makes it a whole lot easier.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 6:04:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Yes, research is key through reading... but also practice.


Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit
A wise man does not urinate against the wind



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 9:18:38 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

quote:

In this part of the world, when a person talks about "torture", they mean torture, not kinky s/m play. I know the difference, and I know how to do both. It is obvious that you do NOT, Captain, so I doubt that you will get many takers.


Right. Because I'm disappointed in Obama not doing shit about the likes of Bush or Cheiney, and scornful of what's happening in Iran against the protesters, and hating what North Korea does to its prisoners, I know nothing about what "torture" means.


Exactly my point.  So, you are offering to waterboard, rip out fingernails, rupture internal organs?  

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 9:47:59 AM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

quote:

In this part of the world, when a person talks about "torture", they mean torture, not kinky s/m play. I know the difference, and I know how to do both. It is obvious that you do NOT, Captain, so I doubt that you will get many takers.


Right. Because I'm disappointed in Obama not doing shit about the likes of Bush or Cheiney, and scornful of what's happening in Iran against the protesters, and hating what North Korea does to its prisoners, I know nothing about what "torture" means.


Exactly my point.  So, you are offering to waterboard, rip out fingernails, rupture internal organs?  


>.> Do you know nothing about sarcasm?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 9:49:45 AM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Yes, research is key through reading... but also practice.


Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit
A wise man does not urinate against the wind




Unless the stream is strong enough to withstand a hurricane. :-)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Where do I start? - 6/27/2009 10:12:25 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

quote:

In this part of the world, when a person talks about "torture", they mean torture, not kinky s/m play. I know the difference, and I know how to do both. It is obvious that you do NOT, Captain, so I doubt that you will get many takers.


Right. Because I'm disappointed in Obama not doing shit about the likes of Bush or Cheiney, and scornful of what's happening in Iran against the protesters, and hating what North Korea does to its prisoners, I know nothing about what "torture" means.


Exactly my point.  So, you are offering to waterboard, rip out fingernails, rupture internal organs?  


>.> Do you know nothing about sarcasm?


Yes, I know all about sarcasm.  I know about poor judgement and badly written profiles, too.   Say what you mean, and mean what you say. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to CaptainSex)
Profile   Post #: 59
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