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RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 4:20:38 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIvena

YES OR NO DOES SHE HAVE TO BE A TOTAL CUNT? CAN SHE NOT HAVE A SOFT SIDE WITH HER SLAVES AS WELL AS THE FIRM HARSH SIDE? CAN SHE HAVE MUTIPLE SIDES TO HER PERSON? CAN SHE NOT AT TIMES BE ROMANTIC AND AT TIMES BE A SADIST? IS THIS NOT IN MOST FEMALES ANYWAY? AM I THE ONLY DOMME THAT THINKS THIS WAY? OR AM I IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD HERE LOL. SOME ANSWERS WOULD BE GREATLY APREICIATED.I want a man that can be everything. my knight in shining armor when i want him to be. my slave when i tell him to be my sub my bitch my whore whatever. my everything. he MUST support me 100% in everything mentally emotionally fiancially. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR? LOL


Does a Domme hafta be a cardboard Domme? A caricature? Do  we hafta pretend to be some kind of a fake, porno version of what some other people supposedly think we are?

No, of course not. Then we wouldn't be Dommes, would we? We'd just be pathetic, small-minded people, living our lives according what we presume some strangers (who may or may not be pathetic, small-minded people conforming to their own bullshit versions of what they think other pathetic, small-minded people want them to be like) want us to be.

And on, and on...


Live your life how you want to. Be who you are. Become more and more yourself, with each passing day.

If you spend your time pretending, you'll attract someone who likes that facade. You'll waste their time, and yours. In this short life, its much better to show who you really are, so you can attract someone who is a good fit with the real you.
 
Don't confuse dominance with being an asshole. Dominant just means you are in a position of authority, or control. Never forget who grants you that authority, that level of control. If you were submissive, would you submit to someone who was just being (or just acting) mean? Of course not. Gimme a break. As a dominant, you don't want to attract someone who is okay with submitting to a total jerk, right? 

Didn't think so.

You want to be yourself. The fact that you are here seeking a bunch of total strangers' approval of the idea, is troubling- to say the least.

Suggest you take time, and feel your way very slowly and carefully. If it doesn't feel right, step back and think about things. There's no hurry! Relax and have fun! Keep your sense of humor, and be quick to apologize and make amends for the mistakes you are bound to make. Good luck!
 

_____________________________

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(in reply to MsIvena)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 5:01:27 PM   
penitentialarts


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline 		(I'm a male switch)

I would not be interested in a relationship with a dominant woman who focuses on humiliation, enforced celibacy, cuckolding, or cruelty.  I much prefer the loving dominant, mommy, or sensual dominant styles.  That isn't to say that I don't enjoy S&M - I REALLY love it - but the cold, cruel, sexless ice queen approach just doesn't do a thing for me.

quote:

he MUST support me 100% in everything mentally emotionally fiancially.


I would definitely balk at the "financially" part, but I agree with your post other than that.  I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a partner who didn't work, unless she were staying home to take care of children.  Similarly, I wouldn't want to stay home and rely on a partner financially unless I were the one taking care of children during the day.

- Jesse

(in reply to MsIvena)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 5:22:20 PM   
sweetsmileyone


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/28/2009
Status: offline 		my Master SuthernDaddyDom is harsh only when he has to be... He is the same person whether we are in front of his mom or a complete stranger... and neither probably approve if you ask me lol... then againg thats not quite the question..... I dont think that if a Domme is who she wants to be thats all that matters maybe she just doesnt want to be sensual for her own reasons at which point the sub or slave has no choice in the matter of course that is if she/he was properly informed.... i dont think it would be right if she portrayed the sensual extra lovie type then collar one and change into something else .. if that happens i believe that is a sign of weakness because the Domme pretended to be something she was not... thats my lowly opinion for what its worth

(in reply to penitentialarts)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 6:35:21 PM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		To the  OP:

No woman or man for that matter ever need to give up their sensuality to be a good dominant or submissive.  The level of sensuality or sexuality in a particular relationship is best determined by the dominant and his or her submissive partner(s).

However, treating others with less respect that you "demand" for yourself is offensive, my dear, my darling, or any other term of implied endearment you've used in this thread.


_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to sweetsmileyone)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 6:44:06 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIvena

YES OR NO DOES SHE HAVE TO BE A TOTAL CUNT? CAN SHE NOT HAVE A SOFT SIDE WITH HER SLAVES AS WELL AS THE FIRM HARSH SIDE? CAN SHE HAVE MUTIPLE SIDES TO HER PERSON? CAN SHE NOT AT TIMES BE ROMANTIC AND AT TIMES BE A SADIST? IS THIS NOT IN MOST FEMALES ANYWAY? AM I THE ONLY DOMME THAT THINKS THIS WAY? OR AM I IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD HERE LOL. SOME ANSWERS WOULD BE GREATLY APREICIATED.I want a man that can be everything. my knight in shining armor when i want him to be. my slave when i tell him to be my sub my bitch my whore whatever. my everything. he MUST support me 100% in everything mentally emotionally fiancially. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR? LOL


I am late-come to this discussion, but a lady need -never- be a 'cunt'. She can be whatever she needs to be, provided that she is involved with people who accept her as she is -- and if we're not with people who accept us for who we are, what, exactly, is the point?

Yes, a lady can be romantic when she chooses, and sadistic when it suits. She can be in charge, or delegate. A dominant woman is not dominant just because she bosses, but because she knows how to manage every situation to obtain the peak experience from it.

It sounds like you know what you want. Don't expect finding him to be instantaneous, and don't expect to be able to use only CM or similar places to find him -- it will likely take time, and an investment in getting out there and seeking and meeting. You never know where the right person is going to be. While what you expect is certainly not too much to ask, since it is what you want, it is important to realize that what we want may not come instantly, but will require something from us to create the environment that we are looking for.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MsIvena)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 6:44:53 PM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline 		I give up.  I was following until the one posting.  What's the quote, what's the response? 

Do male dominants demand "tribute"???  Nah, they prefer respect.  It lasts longer.


(Oh, hell, did I say that?)


< Message edited by NYLass -- 6/28/2009 6:45:34 PM >

_____________________________

I need a pithy saying here.

(in reply to MsIvena)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/28/2009 6:52:36 PM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Very good post, NYlass!

For me, once money has been exchanged, it's not for fun, it's a job.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to NYLass)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/29/2009 2:30:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you are suppressing anything that is a natural part of you, you are doing yourself a great injustice...and delving into the prostitute archetype where you are willing to sell something of or in yourself in order to get someone to behave in the manner you wish them to. Neither of these things are healthy, emotionally, in my opinion.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MsIvena)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/29/2009 2:54:33 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline 		Yes.  Female dominants must indeed be total cunts, all the time.  They are never allowed a moment of gentleness or anything less than overt, angry sexuality caused by lack of caffeine.  Any deviation from this norm makes you not a "twue" dominant.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/29/2009 3:09:26 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I would have to disagree on the "prostitution" aspect. I think that, in a sense, we -all- "prostitute" ourselves, if asking for pay for one's work is -prostitution-... and if one limits the definition to strictly sex-workers, why? What makes sex-work any different than any other skilled trade?

I think that it is not inappropriate to get paid for something one does well, nor is it unjust to seek compensation for the work that one does. I also think that, if one's skills lie in an area generally relegated to intimacy, getting paid for one's work has gotten a -very- bad rap. I think that, if an individual is sexually proficient, self-aware, and provides hir work to fill a niche where that skill/service is in demand, and if xhe provides good quality in exchange, it should be perfectly within a person's right to market whatever talent xhe has without censure. Providing such skills as legally-legitimized businesses would, I think, cause a profound change in our attitudes towards both sexuality and sex-workers. Perpetrating the idea that asking for fair remuneration for a given skill-set (whether domination, sex, or any combination) is somehow -degrading- further clouds the waters and diminishes those who have gone to the effort to perfect their skills and who -do- deserve to be adequately and fairly compensated for the work they do.

In terms of being "taken care of financially", I also see a HUGE difference between contributing to a household where all the members are productive and expecting to be funded while providing nothing in return except for a nasty attitude and occasional sex. While I have no issue whatsoever with individuals of any gender who do not work in traditional corporate positions, I have huge issues with individuals of any gender who think that it is OK to expect to have someone pay one's way when one is not contributing anything to the mix. (Not referring to the OP or anyone else here -- just a generalized perspective). A person who is at home full-time and who produces art, manages the household, tends offspring, does contract work, or tends to the home and the details of keeping that home intact is quite valuable... even more so in that, in our current economy, it is difficult to keep a home without multiple incomes. Having a person at home who sits around playing on the comp, and not bringing in a dime, generating anything artistic, or serving any useful purpose -- that is bogus, in my mind, regardless of gender or side of the kneel.



Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/29/2009 3:10:29 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to FetishRose)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/29/2009 5:51:03 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I would have to disagree on the "prostitution" aspect. I think that, in a sense, we -all- "prostitute" ourselves, if asking for pay for one's work is -prostitution-... and if one limits the definition to strictly sex-workers, why? What makes sex-work any different than any other skilled trade?


Dame Calla


I wasn't referring to physical prostitute. I am speaking of the emotional prostitution that can come along with a specific mindset or idea called an Archetype. From what the OP wrote, I got the impression the suppression of a particular emotional aspect of her psyche would be detrimental.

For the record, I support sex workers who are able to do it because they choose to, rather than those who do it because they are in a victim mindset and feel they MUST. Again, the latter ties into the negative aspects of the Prostitute Archetype.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: SHOULD A DOMME GIVE UP HER SENSUALITY TO BE A DOMIN... - 6/30/2009 11:03:36 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I don't think I've EVER been in a relationship with a dominant woman who even thought once about having to give up her sensuality because of being with me. They might have me give up mine for awhile or be even more interested in overwhelming me with theirs, but not once has one ever felt SHE had to give up hers for the sake of being with me.


okay - that is just hawt.

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 72
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