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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/1/2009 2:46:58 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

~Fast Reply~
It's true that safewords aren't always respected but, unless I'm missing something, the OP hasn't said whether she used one or not.  She said she told Him to stop, but He kept on going.  Of course, it doesn't really matter if she used one, I guess, but am I the only one that's curious?  I've had my safeword ignored by a former Dom and had to yell "Stop it you sonofabitch!" before He stopped.

~edited for wording~


Nope. I'm not at ALL curious about whether she had one or not, or whether she used one or not. I'm convinced, however, that if she HAD had one, she'd have emphasised and mentioned it..along with the fact that she said * no*...probably marginally before the *squeals and screams* part.

agirl



(in reply to sweetsub1957)
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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/1/2009 5:55:04 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhembein

That's no good SS1957, what's the point of a safe word if he's going to ignore it? At least he did stop though.


That's true, it would do no good.  It another of those "stop it you sonofabitch" moments.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 9:54:31 AM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

NYLass, safewords aren't always respected, but in this case, it sounds like there was some possibility/probability of miscommunication. I *have* been told that he loves my screams and squeals, and I think it's pretty standard here and anywhere that BDSM is involved for sadists to like that kind of reaction from people who are with them *consensually*. However, if you're going to do verbal resistance play, you need a clear way to indicate when something is *not* working. You'd hope that the guy would have better skills than that at reading body language, and I won't play at that level alone with someone until I trust him to be able tell whether moans and whimpers are good or bad.


Just from the OP's post there was no mention of "verbal resistance" play, just "So the other night my dom/boyfriend (ex) forced me to have anal sex even when I said no and told him to stop. He kept going...."
Unless there was something the OP omitted, they weren't "playing". 

Back to the "safeword":  Why call out "red" or "afganistan bananastan" when "Holy fuck I thing you tore something" gets the urgency and clear message of what's actually happening across a helluva lot faster. [/end mini hihack]



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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 3:01:58 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Obezyanka

I know he raped me.  But it really hasn't hit that he has done it.


Just a thought... what is the origin of your confusion, if you know he raped you?

Could it be that you're somewhat inclined to write it off as a really, really bad date instead?

If so, then I think going with that is far more likely to result in a constructive outcome for you than waiting for something else to "hit."

Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 3:07:21 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

He loves to hear you scream because he is a sadist and a sexual predator.


Perhaps not the right place to comment on it, but I hope you're not seriously suggesting that one has to be a sexual predator in order to be wired to enjoy squealing and screaming (sadism)? That would sort quite a number of people on this board into the sexual predator category, which cheapens the term and unnecessarily blurs a line that originated the "consensual" part of the "SSC" motto.

Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 3:33:25 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		 Yes by law you have the right to say no, but if you negotiate or choose a relationship where saying no or I don't want to, or I won't, is not allowed and will not be listend to if you do say no, then that's the relationship you chose  you agree'd to have no right to say no or stop or I won't I don't want to....... and you suck it up when he's doing something you don't want him to do or you;ve said no too.


Either that or you re negotiate or leave.
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

Yeah, except for the fact that you cannot actually have legal human property.  No matter what their relationship is, the sub/slave/bottom always has the right to say "no".  However, that is only from the legal standpoint.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 3:58:45 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		To the OP - get some counseling. When you look for a counselor ask if he/she is familiar with BDSM and if the answer is yes ask their opinion.  It is a quick way to find out if the counselor is open minded about it.  As to what he meant, he means he liked what he did to you and doesn't care that you didn't want it.

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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 4:03:33 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NYLass
Just from the OP's post there was no mention of "verbal resistance" play, just "So the other night my dom/boyfriend (ex) forced me to have anal sex even when I said no and told him to stop. He kept going...."
Unless there was something the OP omitted, they weren't "playing". 

You have no way of knowing whether any of this is true.  It helps someone more to give them tools to deal with the future, instead of passing judgment on their past with nowhere near complete information.  You are jerking your knee instead of using your head. 

Have you ever talked to someone in real life about a recent traumatic experience?  If so, I am sure you recall it can take quite a while for the person to spit out all the relevant details.  You are doing the message board version of listening to someone for 15 seconds and then deciding you know everything, instead of digging into the situation before taking a position.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to NYLass)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 9:29:49 PM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: NYLass
Just from the OP's post there was no mention of "verbal resistance" play, just "So the other night my dom/boyfriend (ex) forced me to have anal sex even when I said no and told him to stop. He kept going...."
Unless there was something the OP omitted, they weren't "playing". 

You have no way of knowing whether any of this is true.  It helps someone more to give them tools to deal with the future, instead of passing judgment on their past with nowhere near complete information.  You are jerking your knee instead of using your head. 

Have you ever talked to someone in real life about a recent traumatic experience?  If so, I am sure you recall it can take quite a while for the person to spit out all the relevant details.  You are doing the message board version of listening to someone for 15 seconds and then deciding you know everything, instead of digging into the situation before taking a position.



I never passed judgment on the OP.  In my first post I urged her to get counseling.  In case you skipped it:
"You were raped.  Furthermore, no safeword in the world would have stopped the bastard anyway.  (This is why I don't believe in safewords, anyway, but that's another rant.)  Even if you don't report it and him, get counseling.  Find a kink friendly therapist.  Hopefully you won't get yourself into another relationship like this one.

Let us know how it goes.  No one should be treated like that.  (Hmmm mebbe the Lorena Bobbit thought isn't so bad....)

A therapist is trained in these situations, hence the reason many others also mentioned it also.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 9:38:05 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		But how do you know a safeword or another form of communication would have done nothing?  That's the point.  You don't.  You are looking for verification for a particular world view you already have, from shreds of information.  If you want to help someone, meet them where they are at, not where you wish they would be.

Your posts reveal an unresolved issue inside of you.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to NYLass)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/2/2009 9:50:33 PM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline 		OP: Check your local yellow pages for a counselor.  Or try googling therapist + BDSM.  There are many on a sliding fee scale.  In some cases your health insurance (if you have it) may cover a session or two.  My best to you.

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I need a pithy saying here.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/3/2009 1:59:39 AM   
KateyCaine


Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline 		What this piece of trash did to you was NOT BDSM. It was cruelty and violence, especially as you were actively saying "No!". He is not a Dom, he is a sociopath who feeds off terror and pain. What he did is also criminal - you should press charges of rape if not to get justice for yourself, but to protect his next potential victim/s. Your screams of terror and pain fed his arousal, gave him a feeling of power and control. When he said words to the effect of not wanting to see you again, he meant he had gotten his fix that he needed to get off, and is probably out hunting another innocent girl.

k.

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i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

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RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/8/2009 2:48:51 PM   
overfiend


Posts: 32
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		Don't get the two confused though I love my wife and am not going anywhere but goooooood I love her crys of pain during sex!

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Whether ye be live or dead I grind your bones to make my bread:)

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/9/2009 12:55:34 AM   
JuliaGreenleaf


Posts: 66
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		I find myself agreeing with Ms.Valentine.
Slave contracts have no force of law. They only have the force of honor and the human heart.
This means something very deep to me, but i prefer the formality of a stated collared relationship. We have these instincts, and sometimes they can be difficult if we do not carefully denote to each other what is happening. It sounds like he was very inexperienced and just taking advantage of you , not really knowing who he was.
I often find it difficult with people like that.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What does it mean when he says he likes my screams? - 7/9/2009 1:02:06 AM   
JuliaGreenleaf


Posts: 66
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		Ps. Holds you and hugs you a lot :)
Hugs
Hugs
Hugs

(in reply to JuliaGreenleaf)
Profile   Post #: 55
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