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The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:14:11 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Ok, so I'm here seeking a little enlightenment. I've been on both the wearing end and the receiving end of the strap-on a few times in my life, inside and outside of BDSM related stuff, and you know... I still don't get the point. I am probably seriously biased because they've never done a thing for me, either way... but... maybe that's the thing. They've never done a thing for me (or, apparently, for my companion, either), and I'm still not sure why they're so avidly promoted (at least in the circles we've run in).

Why -do- dominant females like strapped-on fake penii again?

Dame Calla


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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:26:21 PM   
thishereboi


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Ummm because sometimes it is nice to fuck and have both hands free. Other than that, I prefer to hold the dildo. I have more control that way and can get her into many different positions.

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:32:46 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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LOL Calla!  I prefer handheld ones myself!

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:34:11 PM   
AAkasha


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I wrote a pretty in-depth "Why strap ons?" article/journal many, many years ago, but it really does sum up my thoughts:



When I was about 16, I used to roleplay fucking a man in the ass.

At that time, I never really thought I would feel the sensation for real, but I found the mere suggestion of it very empowering. I would have my boyfriend lay face down on the bed, and I'd straddle his back.

Kneeing his thighs apart, holding his face down with one hand to the back of his head, I would position my hips in the right place, sneering at him, rubbing my crotch suggestively over his ass.

I'd growl, pull his hair, thrust my hips toward him in a rhythmic motion, gaining momentum (and enjoying the pressure and stimulation) until I was slamming into him as if I were the man and he were the woman.

The power rush was sensational. Having him face down, holding his face down, hearing the muffled protests. I wondered how good it would feel to be able to have that ability for real -- to really *fuck* a man, to be a penetrator, not a penetratee.

I didn't actually think I would know one day. But then again, I was only 16 - I also didn't think I'd develop an interest in leashes and gagging men with my panties.

***
I remember the first time I wore my strapon. I modeled in front of the mirror and felt somewhat silly, but very sexy. It has a lot of leather straps and buckles, and can be tightened to fit snug enough to provide great stimulation to the pelvic bone. As a teen, I used to be able to orgasm from a good make out session while rubbing my jeans up against the hardness in my boyfriend's pants -- so you can imagine how stimulating it was to have that added bonus to my upcoming strapon play.

I can't say how many times I have modeled my strap on alone or in front of my victims, looking in the mirror, admiring the length and thickness of my new dick, sliding my hand up and down it. Simulating masturbation (I often wonder what that feels like for men -- really feels like).

There is nothing like the visual impact of it -- how it protrudes almost lifelike from my body if the lights are dimmed just right, or the room is only illuminated with candlelight. I catch reflections in the mirror and feel like the cock is really part of me.

Just strapping it on gets me wet. It's like a sign of what is about to come -- the power, the total ownership of my victim, the ability to be plunging into his most delicate of areas, controlling every sensation.

****
A strapon was definitely not the first thing I shoved into a man's ass. I had experimented lightly with sticking lubricated fingers into my victim's ass during anal-exam fantasies, or just to make them feel violated.

I had inserted plugs and various dildos, simulated some fucking sensations. But as I sat there, ramming the dildo in his ass with rhythm, my mind drifted to the more practical, more erotic, more stimulating *for me* option -- having the cock connected to me. Fucking him -- literally.

****
There is a difference between the mindframe and objectives when it comes to dildo and plug play vs. strapon play. I can have my victim tied down, his legs up and apart, ass cheeks open to me -- and very carefully and invadingly violate his ass by inserting a dildo or a plug. I can talk to him, tease him, stop and get up and look at him, stop and play with other toys while he has to hold the toy inside of him, testing the durability of his muscles.

Using the strapon is an entirely different sensation and mentality -- it is about taking him, using him, and penetrating him with a lust and passion that is not matched by hand-inserting a dildo into his ass.

With the strapon, my dick becomes an extension of me, and every thrust of my hips (sexual in nature) equates to a violation of his ass (domination). I can watch the look on his face if I have him on his back, or I can revert back to my schoolgirl position having him face down, gripping the bed sheets or shackles, depending on whether or not I have him locked down.


*****
Another thing, terribly overlooked in some erotic contexts, is the power of using the strapon for things other than ass fucking.

I like masturbating in front of my slave when he is not allowed to. Tying him down and having him watch me alternate between jerking myself off and massaging my pussy, until I cum in an orgasm that simulates his.

And he can do nothing.

I like making him watch me strap it on, locking the leather straps tight around my hips and thighs, staring into his eyes. Making him watch me lubricate it slowly, moving my hand up and down the long shaft with precision, making it shine with lubricant. Saying, "You know what I am going to do with this, don't you?"

But, I suppose, the second best thing to the actual ass-fucking with it is making my victim get down on his knees, crawl to me, and worship my latex cock.

Making him open his mouth so I can slide the tip of it between his parted lips, hands on my hips at first, moving just slightly back and forth. Telling him what a nasty cocksucking whore he is. Making him stick his tongue out and lick -- lick the tip, then to lick down the sides.

Finally opening his mouth to accept the full length of me -- all 8 or 9 inches, holding him by the head now, sliding my cock out of his lips slowly. It's glistening now, and I can feel the resistance as my hips move back and forth slowly.

It is then that I can reach over with my other hand, feeling down under me, feel the wetness, rub my pussy, soak my fingers while I give myself additional pleasure. Taking those wet fingers and rubbing them on the tip of my latex cock as a little treat for my nasty slave, making him lick it off eagerly to taste how excited he has made me.

Fucking a slave in the mouth can be extremely exciting -- especially if I control the deepness, the timing of the thrusts. Holding his head still, holding his chin down to keep his mouth open.

*****

For those thinking about strapon play, both from the giving and receiving end, I do have some practical suggestions -- based on experience, but limited to my own personal experience. So please take it for what it is worth.

I strongly suggest for women considering strapon play, or men encouraging their reluctant partners to consider it, that roleplaying be used first. It is important to establish the position and nature of the act as highly erotic and sexy.

When I was 16, I was fucking men in the ass in my head. I didn't know it then, but that's what it was. I can easily determine now why using a strapon is so erotic for me -- because at 16, exploring my sexuality, I was mimicking the posture and motions of it while highly turned on, and while stimulating my sexual areas through pressure and gyration -- it became a very pleasurable concept in my head from a young age.

Roleplaying allows both people to enjoy the concept of the penetration without the hang-ups, inevitable snags that pop up, and logistics of dealing with objects in extremely delicate human orifices.

If both are comfortable with the erotic roleplaying concept, then perhaps it is time to move to the next level, but I strongly suggest not jumping right to strapon play. The woman, especially if she has limited experience with the motions involved in being the *penetrator* (by nature this is not how we are built), attempting it right off could result in problems due to a variety of factors -- going too fast, too slow, at the wrong angle, with the wrong tempo. Moving in ways that she might not have as much control over her thrusts.

In order to make it more pleasurable and controlled, she should start with hand-inserting objects into her subject's ass, so she can understand the level of resistance, his tolerance for size and deepness, and the general limitations of the anatomy.

Only when she is totally comfortable with that do I suggest she move on -- otherwise, the first strapon experience could be a disaster, and destroy any established eroticism associated with the act.

The logistics of this kind of play are covered very well in many other sources. Using a lot of lubricant the first time, going very slow, communicating very seriously during the first trial runs. Do not expect to fuck or be fucked violently and passionately the *first time*. Until a woman is aware of your anatomy, it is not feasible that she become the ravaging Mistress-from-hell with the nasty dick, ready to take you.

It makes sense, to me, that the first time with a new partner should be a non-headspace event. That is, there are no roles, you are simply two people becoming comfortable with a new position. Talk about it the whole time, discuss feelings and sensations.

Then, the next time, the domina can buckle on the strapon cock with confidence, already comfortable with the positions, the tempo, the measurement and level of the thrusts. That way, it won't interfere with her headspace (sometimes nagging worries can really mess with a woman's control buttons -- there should be little or no doubt that what she is doing is good, is erotic, and is empowering -- not wondering, "oh no, is this too hard? is this too fast?")

There are plenty of times later where the domina can surprise the victim and take him as if it were the first time. I personally enjoy telling the sub that some day it will happen, and he knows he is to resist passionately, desperately, and will be taken ruthlessly against his will.

And because I love the act, because it is so erotic and nasty to me, I can strap him down, hold his face down, and thrust my 8 inch cock into his ass with no worries, no wondering, and no hesitation. I can violate him with deep, penetrating thrusts, until his ass is sore and he has smeared the pillow with sweat and tears.

The only way that is possible is because of my lust for the act -- and my understanding of the sensations, and patience to do it right.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:37:58 PM   
CatdeMedici


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I do not find the need for a false male appendage to validate the fact that I am in charge--for I am a Woman in charge, holding no scepter, nor no need of one, not a woman with a glass dildo--but a woman in charge on Her own.

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 1:46:24 PM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I do not find the need for a false male appendage to validate the fact that I am in charge--for I am a Woman in charge, holding no scepter, nor no need of one, not a woman with a glass dildo--but a woman in charge on Her own.


Nothing really about validation. For me, the shorter version of it - it's incredibly erotic (TO ME).  On a physical level, the right movements, the pressure of my crotch against his ass, combined with the emotions and headspace, can lead to an orgasm.  

Domination in general, for me, is about reactions- making my man feel vulnerable, helpless, aroused and/or desperate  - some varying combination of those things depending on my mood.  The reality is that wearing a strapon cock is menacing and arousing. For some men, it creates very hot conflict that's incredible to see - even the most VANILLA guy (yes, I have done this trick) kind of has a melt down when he sees a hot woman in a strap on. He is turned on but can't admit it - he's just torn, confused, hard as a rock, and that explosion of emotions and arousal is very, very fun to toy with.

Fucking him in the ass - or in the mouth. Both are hot.  Sure, it's fun to just shove things into my "victim"'s mouth - fingers, dildo, whatever. But when you make it a phallic, thick, large member which is attached and so close to my pussy - it's even more erotic, degrading (to some) and nasty.  What's not to love?

I think 'strapon' sex -- woman to man - WILL become "in" with the vanilla/edge crowd in the next 5 - 10 years. One hot sex tape leaked from a celeb or some famous couple admitting they dabble with the strap on will lead to it.  I know quite a few "open minded" vanilla girlfriends who'd give it a try if they - and their homophobic boyfriends - could get past some of their issues. Once they tried it, they'd integrate it regularly in their bedroom activities.

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 2:25:57 PM   
Lashra


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quote:

Why -do- dominant females like strapped-on fake penii again?


I make him suck it and he looks so pretty down on his knees before me doing it.
I fuck him with it and he cums hard when I tell him too.
I make him wear one sometimes when I allow him access to my pussy, he begs so sweetly to take it off and use his own but Noo that would spoil the game.

It is a wonderful tool that has many uses and that I use to enhance our playtime. It can be a source of humiliation, a toy that brings him (or Me) to orgasm, it can be used in the harness or held in My or his hand.

Do I absolutely have to have one? No, I could use something else if I desired too, but there is just something about having a boy down on all fours, gripping his hips and slamming my body up against him, fucking him so hard until he cums that makes me happy. I like to be happy.

So for me that is the answer, it is a tool.

~Lashra


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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 2:28:05 PM   
LdyyR


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I do not find the need for a false male appendage to validate the fact that I am in charge--for I am a Woman in charge, holding no scepter, nor no need of one, not a woman with a glass dildo--but a woman in charge on Her own.



I'm with you on this one.  Just not my thing.

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Rosa

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:00:45 PM   
Venatrix


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I think I'm into it just because I've dated so many arseholes that they've now become a fetish with me.

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:13:51 PM   
LadyPact


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Just how long do you have, Calla?  LOL.

First, the most obvious.  It is sexually gratifying to Me.  All that takes is the harness adjusted appropriately.  I also have a model with a vibrator already at the base.  Now, I happen to like vibrators when positioned properly.  Doesn't matter if I'm pegging someone or not.

It is absolutely about having My way with him.  This is especially true for those who would not accept a natural penis, but can not resist the fact that the sensation, either orally or anally, is stimulating.  You can't fight nature.  The mental conflict one might have can not deny physical pleasure.  Every male has the same nerve endings and prostate.

Power and authority.  I like to enjoy penetration at My command.

Visual.  I am, to a degree, a voyeur.  I happen to think watching oral sex is hot.  A strap on is one way to do that, without the physical distraction of sexual stimuli.

A boy on his knees offering himself to Me.  Need I say more?

The delightful associations that can be had with other forms of humiliation and fun types of play.  Getting to tell the boy he's My slut for enjoying the sensations is worth extra bonus points.

It keeps Me hands free for things such as hair pulling, scratching, and inducing pain in other subtle ways.

Watching any phallic symbol being inserted to a well reddened ass that I can continue to slap and play with the wounds is just plain hot.

I'd probably better shut up now.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:25:38 PM   
DavanKael


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Well, I don't identify as strictly Dominant but I'll explain why I adore such appendages.  :> 
I'm 34 now.  The idea of using a strap-on hapened somewhere around 19 0r 20, at which point I asked my ex- if we could and he gorked, told me there was something wrong with me, and did his very best to make me ashamed.  As someone who thought, 'well, this is my husband, we love each other, I don't understand but he wouldn't say something that was bad for me'...yeeeeeah, right.  Anyway, I remained very interested (Sketching out a design for something like the Feeldoe about 10 years before the thing came on the market, lol!).  I decided I would not bring it up with a partner again, though. 
In my late 20's, someone I love dearly and I became involved.  We were discussing a fantasy he had one day and it was of me f*&king him from behind while he was collared and leashed, me wearing a strap-on.  That little discussion worked me up so very much that I learned what self-induced female ejaculation was as a result and I believe his acceptance, nay celebration, of that aspect of me gave me a part of myself back even without the doing. 
F*&king a man with a strap-on just feels  'right'; it feels like something that I should be able to anatomically do and pseudo-appendages make it so.  Sort of the converse of how being f*&ked by a man feels 'right', well, exactly actually: the two both feel exceptionally 'right' to me, though I prefer being f*&ked than f*&king the greater portion of the time.  I love it.  I love the power.  I love the intimacy.  I love the trust.  I love the melting away of the constraints of physical sexual attributes.  I love the way mens' faces and bodies respond.  I love the way my body responds.  I love the headspace.  I just love it!  :> 
  Davan

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:51:19 PM   
Reigna


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All the positive comments above, plus this one: A woman with a penis has it all, and that makes her ineffably hot.

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:55:28 PM   
Venatrix


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna

All the positive comments above, plus this one: A woman with a penis has it all, and that makes her ineffably hot.


That implies that a woman without a penis doesn't have it all.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I already have it all, regardless of whether I choose to use a strap-on. 

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 3:56:23 PM   
Reigna


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quote:

I think 'strapon' sex -- woman to man - WILL become "in" with the vanilla/edge crowd in the next 5 - 10 years. One hot sex tape leaked from a celeb or some famous couple admitting they dabble with the strap on will lead to it.


Weeds isn't exactly mainstream, but I can't be the only one who remembers the incident between Andy and Yael in the second season.

< Message edited by Reigna -- 7/6/2009 3:58:29 PM >

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 4:01:05 PM   
DemonKia


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FR, after read thru

Many of the ladies above have already articulated this topic so well.

For me, there's a significant gender preference at work in this. I really really really like to play with guys' butts in whatever way. I like the transgressive nature of such play on so many levels: the taboo anus / rectum, the implications of the 'homosexual' nature of such play (especially with the more ostensibly straight men), the inversion of the male-as-passive-recipient (tho' they're not necessarily terribly passive about their receipt, lol) . . . .. Sometimes I like the strap-on, especially those double-ended ones specifically meant to enhance the pleasure of both giver & receiver (Feeldoe, etc), & other times I like the control & positional flexibility of hand-held toys . . . . . . For me, fucking boy butts is jus' fun.



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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 4:01:10 PM   
Reigna


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna

All the positive comments above, plus this one: A woman with a penis has it all, and that makes her ineffably hot.


That implies that a woman without a penis doesn't have it all.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I think I already have it all, regardless of whether I choose to use a strap-on. 


From a purely rational perspective, I agree with your point. I think I have it all, too. Alas, I do not always function from a purely rational perspective. I doubt that anyone does.

< Message edited by Reigna -- 7/6/2009 4:46:24 PM >

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 4:28:27 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Hmm. Interesting.

Believe me.. I'm paying attention. I guess I've just never really been that interested in that style of play, or felt the need/desire to penetrate a male as authority-play or control play that way, which explains, I guess, why I've never really seen the point in strap-ons. It isn't like I don't like to see them on their knees, groveling... but... well... hmmm...

Do continue. I may still learn something useful.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 4:45:11 PM   
PeonForHer


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Do continue.  I may still learn something useful. 
 
Oh yes.  Absolutely.  Well said, that lady.  I haven't learnt nearly enough yet, myself.  

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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 4:52:18 PM   
LadyPact


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This may be a bit much for certain readers.  The faint of heart should turn away now.

Something you may be able to identify with, Calla.  Think of the feeling you get as a top watching a good piercing scene where your hand guides an implement under the bottom's skin.  It is an extension of you.  In a spiritual sense, you are literally *inside* the flesh of the bottom you are playing with.  When the bevel of the needle punctures the skin and you watch it go through the tissue.  Done correctly, you can see the body accept the foreign object, dancing lightly under the skin.  You are the guide.  You are what is within.  You bring forth something that touches places where some might otherwise not go.  In the sensation, there is beauty.  In the beauty, there is pleasure. 

I never said it was purely sexual.

Oh. and if you read the post and it was too much for you, I did tell you to look away.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: The Dominant Female and the Strap-on - 7/6/2009 6:08:26 PM   
DavanKael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reigna
...A woman with a penis has it all...


I agree.  :>  I remember astonishing a gay friend once telling him that I envied mens' abilities to be genitally (Obviously including anally) receptive and penetrative. 
Yes, Freud would aptly say I have penis envy.  :> 

And, a beautiful description, Lady Pact. 

  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Reigna)
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