Venatrix
Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CdnExplorer
I'm not sure why some guys get into the multiple dominants thing...even at my most confused point the only time I've ever played with more than one dominant was when it was very clear to all involved what was going on, on a non-sexual basis and without any kind of serious relationship going on. Basically public play at the local dungeon, trying things that different people have gained some skill with and occasionally being a guinea pig. I get the feeling that's quite a bit different from the guys you're talking about Lockit.
Anyway my point is that it's a rare guy who will, when questioning his very identity, run off to the woman he just spent time with when it was spending time with her that sparked the whole thing to begin with. Not without first getting an understanding of what he's feeling and what it means for what he wants in a relationship. I'm talking about identity crisis here. Guys just don't drop something like that on a woman without having a strong enough understanding of it so that they can explain what's going on with them. If he can't properly explain it...what happens if she takes it the wrong way and gets offended? And if that happens, and it turns out after further analysis that the turmoil you were in turned out to not be about your relationship at all?
I'm not saying guys are always going to be like that. I was in a relationship with a deep enough level of emotional intimacy that I could, for the most part, lay something like that on the table without really understanding it and know that it won't be taken the wrong way. I have no way of knowing if he felt that kind of safety in the relationship, or should have but didn't or whatever the case may have been. But until things get to that point a guy will most likely go into his cave and figure out what's wrong with him before he dumps it on anyone. That's not an excuse...it just is.
I have to be honest, Cdn, you're not painting submissive men, or men in general, for that matter, in a very positive light. I think we can all understand that after an overwhelming experience some time is needed to consider it. But what you're saying implies that men are so self-centred, so spineless, so oblivious or so uncaring of the hurt they inflict that they can't even respond to the phone call and say that they need some time to think.
These are exactly the same type of men who come metaphorically crawling back (and let me tell you, there have been legions of them in my life), expecting to pick up where they left off because they've finally sorted themselves out, and can't understand why the domina is no longer interested.
Given the disparity in numbers between submissive men and dominant women, one would think that when a sub does finally capture the attention of a dominant woman, he'd go out of his way to treat her with courtesy, even if he does need time to think. Are men really so wishy washy that they can't respond with something like, "That was an amazing experience; I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it; I'd like some time to think, and I'll write/phone/send carrier pigeon when I feel up to it"?
And men wonder why so many women are wary of them. There's one person in my life right now who is absolutely charming and well behaved (so far!). If it weren't for him, I truly think this thread would make me give up on men completely.
< Message edited by Venatrix -- 7/11/2009 7:45:59 AM >
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