RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/9/2009 7:00:23 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crxmale

Well, well Ms V....perhaps it is time for you to start a new "page".

Only if we're on the same page. For that smartarse remark, you deserve to be beaten. Hmmm. Maybe my desire to top isn't as dead as I thought.

For those of you who don't get crx's *very* feeble joke, my name is "Paige."

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/10/2009 7:09:51 PM

crxmale

Posts: 55
Joined: 9/23/2006
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Feeble????? I thought that was a real snapper!

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/11/2009 12:24:49 PM

DivineDarkDiva

Posts: 43
Joined: 11/25/2005
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Ah, I have been there a few times. I've tried switching up but always come back to the top. It's a good idea to take a break [my profile is hidden now] when you need to. In other areas of life, we commonly step away from things that overwork us, bore us, are not fulfilling. It's always good to investigate your feelings and give yourself time to adjust. It may be that this isn't the life for you anymore, or it may be that the work of it all is overwhelming, OR ... there may simply be other things going on that are drawing you off this path for a time. You did say you have some events coming up that don't allow for play time. Our psyches have a way of helping us do what we need to do. You have no time to play ... you have lost interest. How fortunate!

For me, I just didn't feel up to one more training session. It's been awhile now, and that's fine. Other interests and obligations prevailed. There is something to be said for the LTR where you can fully express your kink without all of other stuff that accompanies new friendships. They can be so draining.

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/12/2009 11:55:02 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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Most of us who have been involved with WIITWD for several decades have felt the same burnout at one time or another.

The trick is to find a partner who enjoys and appreciates vanilla life alongside the BDSM lifestyle. Even when that's accomplished, you have differences in cycles of interest, cravings, needs that need to be worked out.

It can be difficult, especially in this economy when surviving our emerging socialist republic takes all of the energy one has just to cope and get through the next whirl of disastrous events.

When I have found myself burnedout as a Domme, I've found that an upgrade in recreational activities can work wonders.

Get away from CM, rediscover music, the arts, literature, find what it is that renews your soul.

Once you've done that, your need for BDSM and all it's 'kink' will reawaken.

Take a short sabbatical and give it time.

TM

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~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/12/2009 12:35:04 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Get away from CM, rediscover music, the arts, literature, find what it is that renews your soul.

TM

TM, you're absolutely right. I've been getting more and more passionate about art for a while now, so increasing my focus on that has helped. I've also been swapping emails for a couple of months now with someone who is passionate about classical music. I've always liked it, but his enthusiasm for the subject has me scurrying off to refresh my memory about pieces I haven't listened to in a long time. There's a corresponding increase in positive feelings towards him, which is helping me cope with the parts of d/s that I find frustrating. I'm not yet at the stage of wanting to use my toys, but I no longer feel like tossing them all in the bin, either.

I shall continue to focus on your good advice, including reducing my time on CM; I may still give up on men at some point, but it doesn't seem quite so imminent.

And thanks to everyone else for your helpful comments and support, too.

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/12/2009 12:59:33 PM

TexasMaam

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Joined: 6/22/2005
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Glad I could help. I'm not advocating you abandon this site, I'm just encouraging you to spend more time recharging your batteries than you do wearing them down.

One technique I use to relieve burnout is to remember what wonders of the world gave Me joy before I ever learned about boys.

Explore your happiest memories from childhood. Reconnect with those activities, whether they're games, tunes, finger painting, baking pies, growing flowers, riding a bike, whatever. Rexamine those fond activities from a more mature perspective and rediscover them, let them lead you to something fascinating that you never knew before.

Oddly enough, it is usually when one explores one's fondest interests that the most lasting and life changing friendships are made. That old adage about finding the right person when you're not looking has a lot of truth to it.

Open your arms wide, and go embrace something more esoteric than kink blogs for awhile.

Once you've refreshed your spirit you'll hunger for some play and come back to WIITWD.

Good luck, keep stopping by CM every so often and let us know what you're up to. You might enlighten us with some new interest we want to pursue.

See you in a week or two.....

; )

Texas Maam

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/12/2009 10:50:22 PM

cloudboy

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That seems uncharacteristic of you.

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/13/2009 7:30:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I am not bored with kink persay, I just lost all interest in relationships and dealing with needy people. Just............meh. I don't care. I seem to have lost the itch to scratch. Probably hormonal changes or too many flakes flaking out, who knows.

I am just going about doing my thing, focusing my energy on things that make me happy, that satisfy me.

If someone comes along and peaks my interest, great. If not, I really am okay with that too.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/18/2009 10:16:51 PM

crxmale

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Perhaps you should take up golf??? Just think of all the balls you could beat and they don't have a smart ass attitude or give you any grief. You can hook them or slice them or just slap them silly. You can be as rough with them as you want. Surely this would be a diversion where you could apply some of the skills you have developed as a Domme. It would also help you develop some empathy for us whackers that follow your every movement and continually bombard you with witty and entertaining e-mails that are never read, only to be discarded like last years pair of worn-out stilettos.

Seriously, I have often thought of erasing my profile and closing up shop and wonder why I waste so much of my time at this site when I should be doing something productive. But, I have gained some valuable insight form some of the Dommes on here in my quest to understand and cope with the feelings that I have to submit to a Dominant Female and also the feelings that they experience. So I guess I just add it up to entertainment and my diversion from the mundane world. It also makes for good wacking.

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/19/2009 7:21:17 AM

ChrisP2175

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Ms. V,

I face the same burnout that You do periodically from a high stress job.

I agree with what everyone here has said about renewing/recharging Your psychic batteries to rekindle Your enthusiam.

I would add another observation I've made in my own life.
We live in a world of constant stimulation and activity.
Even when we take leisure time we are "doing" something...on vacation we climb up to the volcano, in a new city we visit the museum and take in plays. The one thing we never do is...nothing.

When I was feeling particularly burnt out, I booked a room seaside, brought a few light reading books and did...nothing.
Sure enough after a day or two I got bored. Then, I took a look at my boredom, realized that it wasn't a bad thing at all, and continued for the rest of my stay to do nothing (sleep, read, eat, and repeat).
I was the most restored I had ever been after just a week.

I plan on doing nothing again soon.

Chris

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/19/2009 11:39:50 AM

Mistressbinature

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/13/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I've suspected this for a while, but today's strap-on thread finally clinched it for me: I'm bored with kink. Instead of thinking how hot and exciting the stories were, my mental response was . . . <yawn>. We cover the same topics with same answers over and over and over again. Right now, cleaning out the cat's litter box seems more exciting than tying someone down and beating him.

I haven't had a proper scene in over a year. I started to have one with someone in March, but he panicked five minutes into it, so I cut the ropes and let him up. Not very fulfilling, as you can imagine, so there aren't any recent happy memories to go on.

On top of it all, the endless begging e-mails that scream, "pick me, pick me, pick me" just wear me out. I haven't, for many months, been bothered even to read most of them, never mind answering them. I am in contact with a few people I really like, but I'm not interested in being more than friends for the time being.

I feel like selling my toys and vanilla sex sounds oddly exciting. When I've been in this mood before, I've taken a couple of weeks off from CM, but I'm wondering if that's long enough. I'm thinking of hiding my profile for an extended period and staying off of the boards. If you've been in this situation before, what has worked to pull you out of it?

Because of a life-changing situation coming up in a few months, for which I'm preparing now, any sort of playtime is out of the question - I just don't have the time, nor, obviously, the desire. So, other than that, what would you suggest? Is an extended break the answer? Are there other tricks that would re-kindle my interest in men and kink that I ought to consider? Books I ought to read?

I'd primarily like to hear from female dominants; female submissives experience some of the same issues, in terms of being overwhelmed with attention, so your opinions would be helpful, too.

Well I will only say that

Kink with out true submission is the same as sex without love. No amount of time away is going to change that. Eventually it will leave you feeling very empty and unfulfilled

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RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma - 7/19/2009 11:41:21 AM

MistressDoMe