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RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/8/2009 6:41:50 PM

overfiend

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/8/2009
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That was the general thought. Wanted some imput first. Gotta wait on some healin for a couple a days now. Gets a little bad sometimes thus the feelin of misplaced guilt. I know its not anybodys fault, but one can't help the feelin when two unite and one gets hurt"not good hurt" that its their fault. This helps though,thanks. :P

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Post #: 21

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/8/2009 6:43:09 PM

overfiend

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/8/2009
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That was the general thought. Wanted some imput first. Gotta wait on some healin for a couple a days now. Gets a little bad sometimes thus the feelin of misplaced guilt. I know its not anybodys fault, but one can't help the feelin when two unite and one gets hurt"not good hurt" that its their fault. This helps though,thanks. :P

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Whether ye be live or dead I grind your bones to make my bread:)

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Post #: 22

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/8/2009 8:01:57 PM

overfiend

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

[/quote]

Just a side note that the female has to WANT it that way.....

For the OP, it's like, if you ate your favorite food every night, you'd get sick of it after awhile, no matter how much you liked it. If it feels like "oh, he's tying me up again so I can get wet", trust me, she's not going to get wet.
[/quote]

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Post #: 23

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/8/2009 8:12:45 PM

Aylee

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Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: overfiend

That was the general thought. Wanted some imput first. Gotta wait on some healin for a couple a days now. Gets a little bad sometimes thus the feelin of misplaced guilt. I know its not anybodys fault, but one can't help the feelin when two unite and one gets hurt"not good hurt" that its their fault. This helps though,thanks. :P

Lube! Really!

There is no reason that this should be an issue. Hell, Over, you can use SALIVA if you have nothing else around.

Using lube does not mean that anyone is at fault. Getting hurt because it was not used is stupid on both of your parts. Do you realize the risk for infection and such?

Spend the ten bucks on a bottle of LUBE!

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Post #: 24

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/8/2009 8:33:07 PM

overfiend

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/8/2009
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Yea I do that's why I'm cut off right now. that's a lot of what I'm watchin here to, is new ways to make foreplay and other activities more intense, and exciting. So maybe I can stimulate in different ways that may help. And so nobody else says not to tie her up constantly I have only used rope once tried a second time got told not all the time asked how to figure proper timing reply "I don't know" but she CLEARLY LOVED it. So I want to be complimentary so as not to stop yet not to make it a chore cause it is my firm belief between a man and a woman "the better she gets off the better I will to".

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RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/9/2009 4:41:00 PM

krikket

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From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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Another cause can be age (without a profile we can't tell). She can either ask her doctor about it or hit the pharmacy department at your local store -- KY works great, comes in flavors and even heat..<g>

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Post #: 26

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/9/2009 7:20:28 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Well, I'm glad I could be of service, Mistress OsideGirl... but totally for real, I was trying to make a point to the OP, which I think he didn't get.

It's the combination of sensuous giving-a-crap and TOTAL NEANDERTHAL YOU'RE MINE BITCH that drives (a lot of) women wild. Only a fetishist likes the same sex thing every single time. Also, overfiend, if you stress about your wife's wetness, she'll have a harder time getting wet. Just go, "We're doing this my way," lube her up, and have at her. Talk about how to do things better, before and afterward. During, dom the crap out of her.

Uhm, I don't think you could have said that any better

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 27

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/9/2009 8:30:17 PM

LadyPact

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Along with the lube and possibly a Dr visit, there's something else that might be a good suggestion.

You mentioned that she enjoys role play. If it were Me, I'd be using that. There are so many different directions that you can take it to add excitement to your sex life that I couldn't even possibly list them all. You can include the use of the lube as part of the role play so it can be part of the game, without either of you having that disappointment that might be compounding the fact that she's not getting wet. Take it from a female. We don't like that feeling anymore than you males do when you can't get or keep an erection.

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(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 28

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/10/2009 10:14:57 AM

angelikaJ

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Lube, lube and more lube!

It may take awhile to find the right one as some women are sensitive to additives and other ingredients.
(for instance if she is prone to yeast infections glycerin in many water based lubes, including KY can contribute to them)

I like the silicone based lubes a lot because they are very slippery and last a long time but you can't mix them with silicone toys.
They tend to be more expensive.
Liquid silk is a good water based lube that contains a little bit of silicone but provided you wash your toys after it does not cause problems.

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Post #: 29

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/10/2009 4:59:57 PM

mstrj69

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I use to get answers from my sub by simply stopping in the middle when I thought she would cum and before I had. Told her she had to give me a truthful answer or I would just lay there and not let her orgasm. If you do not want to use lube, have you tried oral foreplay as sometimes that will cause women to orgasm or at least get wet.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 30

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/13/2009 7:48:09 PM

overfiend

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Joined: 7/8/2009
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Look I thank everybody for the lube suggestion but we do use it, and it does work but sometimes she when we don't its to late before she tells me or I figure it out mas. Go figure, but then I feel terrible about the constant hurt I put her through after during the next weeks "she heals slowly and I tend to be a beast about consistancy AND she doesn't show a line between actual pain and roleplay, as I said she's a granduoes actor. So by the time I figure it out she's hurt pretty bad and I start being overly timid about my force. Thus making ten fold actions suffer. There's a time to throw her around and a time not where's the line and I do use EVERY activity thought of at least at my disposal to my benifit. Since my original post I waited for her to say ready for rope it didn't happen she said no every time, then I didn't take no for an answer loads of fun for everyone apparently, I've never had so much trouble reading the body language of "ready"!

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Post #: 31

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/13/2009 8:04:31 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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Stick a finger in her first? Check with your hand?

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(in reply to overfiend)

Post #: 32

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/14/2009 1:36:53 AM

MissAnimus

Posts: 91
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Stick a finger in her first? Check with your hand?

Seriously.

Lube is good. Lube is very good.

Sometimes the way to get a woman ready for sex is sex itself meaning use a little lube first and then be gentle. That might key her body to start producing on it's own. Time is also a good thing. Don't rush. If she's been thinking about mundane things all day and what she needs to do tomorrow it might take her a little longer to kick it 'into gear' even though she's there emotionally. Plus, sometimes women spend so much time and energy making sure that they are attractive and sexy that they don't concentrate on what's going on with their own body. Women can be so focused on arousing their man during foreplay that they forget to pay attention to how good things feel concerning their own body.

If she can get wet from bondage then how can it be a physical problem? I think suggesting she visit a doctor just puts more pressure on her which will make it even more difficult.

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Post #: 33

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/14/2009 5:57:43 PM

overfiend

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Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

Actually that's some of the most on key thought I've heard she might just be thinking on the day but I will still consider all the responses here, thanks a bunch all! :)

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Post #: 34

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/17/2009 3:25:13 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
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Overfiend: it's understandable that between the role-play and such that you can't always be certain when she's in or out of that mode. And the situation is that she gets wet at times and not at others but doesn't let on until it's too late, even though you use lube when you think it's needed. And then you feel bad as she heals, though she refuses and / or makes excuses about going to a doctor.

You are the Dominant. Take control of this situation. Firstly drag her ass to the doctor, by not letting her go by herself and taking her there. This will take some of the guesswork out of this dilemma. Secondly, it's good you keep the lube handy...use it everytime. You are in control of the lube, so whether she's wet or not; YOU control the environment (being her orafice and therein), and the setting (moisture). You can let her know that this is what is going to happen (out of her control), because even though you are a thoughtful and considerate person, you are not in control here....she is on a certain level. I'm not going to accuse her of the old "topping from the bottom" thing, but the role-play and the reality is not in controlled, and you don't know when it's happening. She let's you know when it's real. It's not good to be the Dominant and the last to know about something like that.

Bondage: Being tied up is one way to restrain. Mental bondage is another. Also a suggestion since I don't know your play style, would be perhaps trying resistence play. There are these restraints with elastic bands on them. Strap her into these where she's restrainted with room to struggle, and wiggle. You can have fun with this as much as she can. She helpless and still bound, but with limited mobility. It'll be a little frustrating for her if she likes total immobility, but you can incorporate that in some role-play or variance of your normal play. Also look into tying her in different ways. If it's just on the bed, then try other furniture for a difference. You can also use bondage as foreplay...hogtie her and have fun before you let her "loose" or put her into another more suitable position of restraint.

But above all else, take charge. Control this environment. Being bound by another is being controlled by another. She likes that. She may not crave the rope always, but take a good look at the metaphore of control here. Rope is just the physical aspect of control, and that you both have. What about the mental or emotional aspect of control? And if making her wet is the goal here (and she's aroused but not so wet), then tuning up the mental aspect, as well as getting the physical aspect ruled out (by seeing a doctor no matter why she thinks otherwise it's important) is crucial. Side note: You could "cut her off" until she sees a doctor, but make her make that appointment, and take her there. Good luck.

(in reply to overfiend)

Post #: 35

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/17/2009 4:35:06 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAnimus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Stick a finger in her first? Check with your hand?

Seriously.

Lube is good. Lube is very good.

Sometimes the way to get a woman ready for sex is sex itself meaning use a little lube first and then be gentle. That might key her body to start producing on it's own. Time is also a good thing. Don't rush. If she's been thinking about mundane things all day and what she needs to do tomorrow it might take her a little longer to kick it 'into gear' even though she's there emotionally. Plus, sometimes women spend so much time and energy making sure that they are attractive and sexy that they don't concentrate on what's going on with their own body. Women can be so focused on arousing their man during foreplay that they forget to pay attention to how good things feel concerning their own body.

If she can get wet from bondage then how can it be a physical problem? I think suggesting she visit a doctor just puts more pressure on her which will make it even more difficult.

There is a simple test now to see if one is in perimenopause or menopause and menopause is a leading cause of being dry even when aroused. Depending on her age, a doctor might suggest hormone replacement which can be a huge benefit, especially if the menopause comes early in life like in one's thirties. It's important because a potential side effect of menopause is oesteoporosis, which of course can lead to a lot more serious problems! Don't assume because you are young you can't be experiencing menopause!

As far as wetness goes, well, lube is the key even in menopause. But really, your wife needs to discuss this with a doctor. It could be a chicken or the egg thing. Is she experiencing pain because she's not wet or is she not getting wet because she fears the pain?

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Post #: 36

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/17/2009 9:43:19 AM

sublace

Posts: 201
Status: offline

OTC allergy medicine. Dehydration. If she's bound wide open with a fan blowing straight on her body drying her out like the Santa Anna wind she might not be wet.
1001 reasons she may not get wet with you and it is not so likely her age or health.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 37

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/18/2009 1:39:01 AM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
During, dom the crap out of her.

What a delightful reply!!! I love it!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 38

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/19/2009 11:42:37 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: overfiend

Yea I've asked her but we know the issue for wet is a physical thing and I try to send her to the docter but she always makes an excuse.and the spontanious stuff and bond, sometimes I get it but mostly I'm not a mind reader. I think she's just shy and not used to these things yet. But trial and error cannot happen without trial. She doesn't give me straight answers when I ask , allot of I don't knows. :(

What to do ...What to do.....hmmmm maybe you could man up. Get your ass to the doc now. Ya know find if it's a medical issue. Just saying...

BadOne

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Post #: 39

RE: my wife says she doesnt want to be bound all the time, - 7/20/2009 12:23:12 AM

suhlut

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: overfiend

I do all of these things, and when I say "all the time" I mean sometimes its a no but she still wants it spontanious. She's hard to read sometimes.she likes it when I just grab her and do as I wish, and she rolplays well which as I said makes her hard to read situations could be bad and nobody wants that. And the romantic aspect is maybe not perfect but I do try different things all the time. The sex everytime still working on denial of selfgratification:)trying being the key word!

Us women..sheesh.. we can never be understood. lol

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Post #: 40

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