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LadyPact -> RE: "Service" Submissive (7/9/2009 7:46:57 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
I stay away from the whole definition thing because it gives me the impression that people are really around the boards to discuss things and aren't really into doing things. Service itself is a good example of this because I've run across a lot of submissive people who claim to be service submissives, but when it comes to actually doing the service part of it, they're really into their own little fantasies of what they wish service could be. In other words, if a woman is seeking someone who cleans, that "service submissive" claims to be just that and is really looking to get into her place and then be used as a submissive; quite often the service part of it is seen as lip service rather than actual service. When actual work is required, that person finds ways to get out of it or just does what is necessary to pretend to be into it and then looks for the fantasies to get fulfilled.
The problem with this isn't really that much of a concern to me because I'm obviously not looking for a service submissive, nor am I looking for a submissive either, as I am one. But what does happen is because these fake service submissives are out there, they keep promising the world to any dominant they can speak to, which then causes every other dominant to think that this is such a natural thing with submissives, when in fact very few submissives are of this mentality. A few are ridiculously into it, and almost always they get snatched up, leaving the other women looking for someone JUST LIKE THAT, and all they find are the fakes who make it so that a service submissive, like myself, is one of many out there, which we are not.
And this makes things even worse because of those fake service submissives, they set up this context to where someone like me who takes pleasure in service (but is looking for an actual bdsm relationship) is then seen as a fake because I don't kowtow to this absurd definition of the submissive who is into it ONLY for the cleaning part of the relationship. I can't tell you how many times I was frustrated by women who contacted me and wanted me to come over and clean their place, let myself out and then come back at another time AND NEVER HAVE ANY INTERACTION WITH HER AT ALL. Yep, that happens A LOT. And I'm usually put in a place where I'm seen to be the one lacking because I'm not interested in a cleaning relationship (I'd hire on as a merry maid or something like that if my only desire was to randomly clean random apartments) only.
This is a big part of why I'm leaving the scene. It gets really tiring dealing with this sort of thing and constantly being made to feel like I'm a fake because I'm not into a relationship that has no actual interaction with the dominant woman I'm serving.
This was a well thought out, very articulate post and I think it brings to light some of the major issues that are present for both sides of the kneel. I have to tell you that I do appreciate someone who has your experiences to post this, so it doesn't just sound like it's male bashing time again.
I have to tell you that I absolutely agree with the difficulties associated with the points you've raised. Many who claim service submission really don't know or care what it is and their preconceived notion usually isn't what some of us interpret it to be. This is why I usually let that kind of a self descriptor on a profile go the same as one ear and out of the other. In fact, it is completely why I don't even allude to it in My own profile. That is a discussion that I keep to real life interactions only. I will post about it, but that takes actual research and most of the 'service submissives' that you mention aren't going to go through all of that.
The other part of this that I hear loud and clear is that there are some Dommes who really don't know how to accept service with grace. That toss you the keys, I'll be back when you're through thing might fly in a cuckhold dynamic, but every service submissive that I have ever known wants that interaction. They want the fulfillment of the serving. They thrive on it and it is the reciprocal feedback from the Dominant. It isn't just seeing that there is a clean floor. They want that Dominant's reaction to that clean floor. That he has made her life easier and more pleasurable in some way.
Keep in mind that I am coming from the perspective of My own experiences. This in no way is a reflection of those scenarios where it is more the "I didn't clean the floor properly and I'm looking to be beaten for it" type.
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