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Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:06:21 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I run a local TNG group along with my Leather sister.

In the past (about 2 years ago) our mutual ex and his now current ex wife, tried to start a TNG group here but failed. They couldent get people organized, they had no real idea of what they were doing, ect.

Well, I spent a month (after leaveing the ex) setting a TNG email list up, ect. We have now had one offcial meeting, and quite a few unoffcial events, munches, ect.
Thr group has been together 3 months and is just astounding in how active and wonderful the memebers are.

Now the Ex's are pissed off because we the new TNG dont have the same ideas or rules and regulations as they did when they tried to start a group.

Obviously, this was done for a reason. they failed with what they tried, so my Sister and I went a different path and have succeded.

Now they are on my email list constantly bitching and moaning about how crappy of a group we are running ect.

I dont want to kick them out of the email list, for a fear of looking childish to the community, by "getting back at them" for being bitches on my forum.

How do I deal with this? They are just getting stupid and vicious. I or my sister have YET to insult anyone or insinuate their group lacked in anything ect.....

So I dont really know what to do. They are throwing personal attacks into the groups, that no one but me or my Sister would understand. So i cant really prove they are being childish and drama queens.

What do I do?

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 7/9/2009 10:11:09 PM >

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RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:13:15 PM

Surata

Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2008
Status: offline

Is your group run on Yahoo? If so, you can place them on moderated status so that all their messages are approved before being sent to the email list. That way, any attacks they make can be stopped before they start. And if they still refuse to behave, then you can remove them for being disruptive without seeming childish. That's how I would do it.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 2

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:14:32 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

No it's not on yahoo, its on Fetlife

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RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:16:28 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps determine if others in the group are being disturbed by their behavior. If it is affecting the group, it doesn't matter what the initial issue is. You will be turning them away in the best interest of the group. How to do this without drama is beyond me, but that is what leadership positions are all about. It is no fun sometimes. I hope things can get resolved in a civil and adult manner.

lovingpet

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Post #: 4

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:18:01 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

The only thing it's doing really is, leaveing my members feeling attacked.

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RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:25:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Sounds like a fine line. Especially if the attacks are not direct and most people wouldn't get them if they weren't in the know.

However, that's your asset. The folks in the group don't know what's being talked about. Therefore, it's not damaging. It doesn't sound like it is harming or impeding your group, so in part, I'd say roll with the punches.

All of the groups that I currently belong to have an online code of conduct in place. It specifies that there will be no personal attacks, flaming, etc. If you don't have one, I would suggest that you make it a part of your membership process. People should be allowed to voice opinions within the group on subjects (especially if your group has a discussion thread as part of it) but not towards other individuals if they have personality conflicts with one another. The other solution is to change the format of the group so that all posts must be approved by the moderator (you and/or your sis) prior to them going to the group. Personally, I don't care for that option. Not only is it a lot of work for you, but it limits a lot of expression.

When I was the owner of the yahoo group for My area, I was very pleased with the fact that we had no such infighting. Even when tempers rose amongst member of the board, we kept those conversations off of the list. Sure, we fought sometimes, but we kept it where it belonged. In private.

Kudos to you for your success in your endeavor. May you have continued interest in your group.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 6

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:37:41 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

I run a local TNG group along with my Leather sister.

In the past (about 2 years ago) our mutual ex and his now current ex wife, tried to start a TNG group here but failed. They couldent get people organized, they had no real idea of what they were doing, ect.

Well, I spent a month (after leaveing the ex) setting a TNG email list up, ect. We have now had one offcial meeting, and quite a few unoffcial events, munches, ect.
Thr group has been together 3 months and is just astounding in how active and wonderful the memebers are.

Now the Ex's are pissed off because we the new TNG dont have the same ideas or rules and regulations as they did when they tried to start a group.

Obviously, this was done for a reason. they failed with what they tried, so my Sister and I went a different path and have succeded.

Now they are on my email list constantly bitching and moaning about how crappy of a group we are running ect.

I dont want to kick them out of the email list, for a fear of looking childish to the community, by "getting back at them" for being bitches on my forum.

How do I deal with this? They are just getting stupid and vicious. I or my sister have YET to insult anyone or insinuate their group lacked in anything ect.....

So I dont really know what to do. They are throwing personal attacks into the groups, that no one but me or my Sister would understand. So i cant really prove they are being childish and drama queens.

What do I do?

if they don't like it, they do not have to participate.

keep doing a good job and anyone they try to complain to will view them as petty. treat all grievances and suggestions, even theirs, openly. that will kick their legs out from under them because if their complaints are invalid and are shown to be motivated solely because they are upset they aren't running things, it will be apparent to the group will ignore them. you'll get rid of them without having to worry about politics.

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Post #: 7

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:39:59 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I would most likely lose patience with it and kick them off, especially if other members are feeling insulted or put-off.

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Post #: 8

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:51:36 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Send a Message and tell them that it is not okay what they are doing if they do not like the way the group is run then they can leave but in further disruptive threads or messages will result in them being kicked out of the group.

Simple, Easy, and Clean.

It may not seem like it now but the above is the most adult and politically correct way to do things.

Steel

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Post #: 9

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 10:59:07 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I honestly just want to get on the bord and tell them to shut the fuck up, and leave us alone.

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RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:03:17 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

That would just let them know that they are getting under your skin, and fuel it, IMO. I'd be more inclined to email them, let them know that their behavior is inappropriate, and is disturbing the other members, and that if they don't desist that it would be in the best interest of the group to ban them.

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Post #: 11

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:09:28 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

yar.....

i know :(
i wont ever do it, but sometimes...i really really really want to

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Post #: 12

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:13:54 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I know the feeling ;)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 13

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:14:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

I honestly just want to get on the bord and tell them to shut the fuck up, and leave us alone.

A bad move, in My opinion. I realize that it is tempting, but it holds no (long term) positives for you and doesn't further your group.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 14

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:18:03 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I cant arbitraily ban asshats can i? *pouts*

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Post #: 15

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:37:09 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

it's your group, why not? LOL

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 16

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:40:19 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Because thats not how a sweet and mild mannered Community Leader acts. And yes, they are bitching about things happening in the local community, not just on the forums.

seriously.....they need to shut up

*rolls eyes*

Annoying.....

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RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/9/2009 11:50:16 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

sounds like they need a serious bitchslapping

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 18

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/10/2009 12:03:03 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

I was thinking more of a headbutt to the face....much more staisfiing ....in my view anyway, but I'm a little warped

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Post #: 19

RE: Why wont they go away? - 7/10/2009 12:06:59 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Yeah, nothing says "you're a fucktard" like a broken nose LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 20

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