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How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:39:20 AM

LaughingFemDom

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

Have any of you submissives been tested before being allowed to begin training or serving a dom? If so, how?

I am a FemDom who asks the same 3 email questions to all my prospective submissives before I'll spend time chatting with them any further. I test subbies this way because:
1. I'm not going to devote my limited time on subs who refuse to do what I say from Day 1. If a sub won't even answer a question, how can I have confidence he'll open up in other ways?
2. Assuming the sub doesn't know the answer already, he'll have to research it. I figure that if a guy is not curious enough to learn something new, I'm not the right Dom for him anyway.

Thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:44:19 AM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Master tested me before he even vocally expressed an interest in me lol. We're both ops (like moderators here) in a CM chat room and one day he came to me and said he'd be watching me even when he wasn't there and would know if I misbehaved and he expected me to act better than I had been lately at the time in the chat rooms. Needless to say I acted better than I had in a while and that pleased him, when people asked me if I was okay (because I wasn't raccous as I had been before) all I told them was that I was keeping a promise to a friend.

I had tested him though the same day before he "requested" I behave. I had gone to him and asked to be tied up lol. so it was a day of testing on both sides.

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 2

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:48:52 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

I ask them to tell Me about the man behind the submissive, if they can't come out of the kink or can't expand on their vanilla interests, they aren't for Me.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 3

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:49:05 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaughingFemDom
Thoughts?

My Only thoughts on this are how little your three questions will actually tell you about the actual person.

And also how interesting it is you think you should have complete control from day one.

There is no room for Bonding in your relationships?

It is okay if there isn't, I just wonder the nature of a relationship that expects so much so quickly I wonder what is received in return?

How well will they know you before they are expected to turn their will over to you?

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 4

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:55:44 AM

stardancer00

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline

Everyone, whether on the submissive or Dominant side, tests a prospective partner in one way or another. While formal questions may be useful, i do not feel they are a true test of compatibility. Behavior over time is for me the only true test of character, ability to communicate, depth and connection to inner self, etc. If the other person is not willing to take time, or if the other person insists on commitments at the outset, i realize his/her needs and desires are not the same as mine.

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 5

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 9:55:44 AM

rayne221

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline

It's so interesting you have asked this question. I am actually personally working through a 'test' and have talked at great lengths about it on another site.
Very recently i met a Dominant here, i use the term, met loosely; what i mean is we began chatting.
We know one another so little, truly had only chatted maybe three evenings if that, and even those chats were relatively brief due to time restraints. Despite this, and we have all felt that unexplainable attraction to someone, but i was feeling excited about getting to know this Dominant as i had not had this sort of interest in anyone in years.
So.. two nights ago, when He arrived online, i was of course delighted to see him and was my silly playful self. He had warned me btw, that he wsa stern. I made a silly comment (can't recall now what it was), to which he suggested that i should be responding with "Sorry Sir". STUPIDLY i did respond, but not with the suggested reply. Instead i said "No need to call me Sir".

He then did probably the last thing in the world i would have expected. He said "Now we will do something along the lines of corner time."
I was a bit confused. I mean, corner time is corner time, what is "along the lines?" And was he expecting me to stand in a 'real life corner'? OR was this him playing?
You are not welcome to talk to me for the next two days.
I was ... speechless.. or more precisely, typeless. I didn't know what to say... My response was something along the lines of "Huh, .. what" . wait. can we".. He then said ... want to make it three?
Again..typeless. I sat staring at the screen, with such a huge need to explain, yet feeling gagged.
My response was "walks away, wow this is harsh".
To that he responded with "No you are not clever, it's now three".

So yes... i have been tested well before any relationship has been created or cemented. Am going through it now.
At this point, while i'm sure for Him, a lot has rested on how i have responded to all this (have i obeyed), for me, i have come to realize, a great deal will rest on how he responds to me after the three days is up.

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 6

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 10:04:52 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

I had a very simple test for any person I considered. One question: "What time and where do you want to meet?" You have two weeks to complete the task. It was an "open book" test. My "book" was open. I disclosed my full name, address, personal and business phone numbers and provided a website to my business where they could see a picture of the same person. I also instructed them to not call my extension directly but instead call the main switchboard through the 800 number and ask for me by the last name.

My goal was to remove obstacles and objections and meet face to face as soon as possible. Some "passed" but many failed; I suspect failure was a result of the representations made on their profile were lies. Better to find that out ASAP before investing any emotional equity in a fraud. Or serve as 'wank' material by "in depth" discussions about fantasies that they never experienced, nor would if given the opportunity. One way to insure that is less likely to occur is to meet.

After that the real ongoing "test" started - I call it life.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/10/2009 10:41:20 AM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 10:06:20 AM

stardancer00

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline

rayne - i think if you look at your own post here, you will find that you were testing Him as much as He is testing you by responding to your behavior. By being flippant, yet knowing he is "stern," you were seeing whether or not he would in fact be what he says he is. From his response, it does appear as if he has probably met many subs who do not live up to who or what they say they are, as well. It will be interesting to find out where it will go from here.

(in reply to rayne221)

Post #: 8

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 10:26:00 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I used to have a test for subs. I would ask them to describe their deepest fantasy in detail, including what they were wearing, who else is in the room, how bright the lighting was, what furniture was there, what other articles, etc. The answers gave me a good idea on whether or not they could follow simple instructions, whether they were a "do-me" sub, whether they tended to be more romantic or strictly physical, etc. It also let me see how much respect they would show me in an answer. The answers to the questions in and of themselves gave insights, but so did the entire demeanor of the response. If someone wanted to just blow by the request and go right to a meeting it never happened.

_____________________________

(in reply to stardancer00)

Post #: 9

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 10:46:31 AM

rayne221

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline

@chamberqueen As the question has been put out here, merely to share if one has been tested and if so, how... probably not fair to respond with opinions. However, i wish to do so with your post.... if you will give me that leverage and forgive me if i am overstepping some bounds here.
If a Dominant were to ask me on the outset of first communications with Him, to reveal my innermost fantasy to him... i would fail that test. Why? To me, i would be concerned i was merely talking to a whack job who was seeking arousal and masturbation at the expense of my time in trying to get to know Him.. Not only that but i do also tend to be shy. While i can speak generally about likes and dislikes relating to lifestyle stuff, to actually reveal to someone else, my greatest fantasy, i would find to be embarrassing. I wouldn't want to step into that corner of embarrassment with someone until i felt i fully knew them and trusted them.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 10

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 10:50:02 AM

rayne221

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline

stardancer, thank you and i know i really to a large degree did to Him precisely what He has turned around and done to me.
I did not see it as a test at the time for him. To me it was meant in the spirit of play and teasing. But.. as a stern Dominant and one who has not yet come to know me and my personality and sensibilities.. nor i His, he would not have necesssarily picked up on it and may well at worst felt i was being disrespectful.
I have always said ... my personality in this whole thing... tends to lend itself to 'pushing', and i need someone who, when i push will push back twice as hard. I really must be careful what i wish for LOL

(in reply to rayne221)

Post #: 11

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 11:12:53 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

rayne221, I certainly appreciate your sentiments. As a Mistress I would also have wanted to know an opinion like that from a potential sub. I never gave them the test until we had conversed for a while and I knew that they were seriously considering wanting to meet me. Not wanting to be wank material is a very valid feeling. In my "test" I was not asking for a description of the act itself but of the emotions of the person, the set up for it, etc. I was trying to figure out how much of their mind was set on having certain "props", people dressed in certain ways, whether they were alone and thinking or were joined by one or more, etc. I never forced the test on anyone and never got aroused by the answers. It was more of a psychological test then anything.

_____________________________

(in reply to rayne221)

Post #: 12

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 11:17:31 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I had a very simple test for any person I considered. One question: "What time and where do you want to meet?" You have two weeks to complete the task. It was an "open book" test. My "book" was open. I disclosed my full name, address, personal and business phone numbers and provided a website to my business where they could see a picture of the same person. I also instructed them to not call my extension directly but instead call the main switchboard through the 800 number and ask for me by the last name.

My goal was to remove obstacles and objections and meet face to face as soon as possible. Some "passed" but many failed; I suspect failure was a result of the representations made on their profile were lies. Better to find that out ASAP before investing any emotional equity in a fraud. Or serve as 'wank' material by "in depth" discussions about fantasies that they never experienced, nor would if given the opportunity. One way to insure that is less likely to occur is to meet.

After that the real ongoing "test" started - I call it life.

Oh I just love you guys

When I first responded to Stephen on here I gave him my phone number in the first letter and asked for his. We met up very quickly but I warned him that I wanted full proof of who he was and told him I would bring full proof of who I was.
People could say thats crazy, even dangerous and maybe so but that is the only way it was going to work for us.
Only real people want to meet real people.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 11:30:15 AM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaughingFemDom

Have any of you submissives been tested before being allowed to begin training or serving a dom? If so, how?

I am a FemDom who asks the same 3 email questions to all my prospective submissives before I'll spend time chatting with them any further. I test subbies this way because:
1. I'm not going to devote my limited time on subs who refuse to do what I say from Day 1. If a sub won't even answer a question, how can I have confidence he'll open up in other ways?
2. Assuming the sub doesn't know the answer already, he'll have to research it. I figure that if a guy is not curious enough to learn something new, I'm not the right Dom for him anyway.

Thoughts?

I think everyone seeking a relationship should be open to answering simple, direct questions about themselves, as long as it doesn't violate their privacy or safety.

That being said, while I am submissive, I am no-one's slave from day one and will not do what someone tells me from day one, bar engaging in conversation. In my experience there are far too many doms looking to use and then throw away for that to be an option, and I want to get to know someone as a PERSON first before submitting to them.

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 14

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 1:38:53 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Are the three questions...
What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

You can learn a lot from those questions.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 15

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 1:45:18 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

When I was still searching my questions for subs to test their interest were not all BDSM related. One was what part of the profile I wrote leads you to believe we might be a good pair? The second was what does my screenname mean?

If someone wasnt actually interested enough to take the few minutes it took to open Dictionary.com and look up the word Diurnal then they werent the ones for me. I wanted to see how interested they were in actually getting to know me, and in putting some effort into things. This was a simple test that the vast majority failed.

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 16

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 3:07:48 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

We just got to know each other on a human to human basis...asking questions, talking to each other, going out on dates, etc...

The idea of testing imo leaves a taste of distrust in my mouth instead of being receptive to wanting a relationship with someone and really getting to know them as a human being.

(in reply to VampiresLair)

Post #: 17

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 3:17:34 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I converse with them like a human being that is interested in getting to know another human being.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LaughingFemDom)

Post #: 18

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 3:49:05 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I had a very simple test for any person I considered. One question: "What time and where do you want to meet?" You have two weeks to complete the task. It was an "open book" test. My "book" was open. I disclosed my full name, address, personal and business phone numbers and provided a website to my business where they could see a picture of the same person. I also instructed them to not call my extension directly but instead call the main switchboard through the 800 number and ask for me by the last name.

My goal was to remove obstacles and objections and meet face to face as soon as possible. Some "passed" but many failed; I suspect failure was a result of the representations made on their profile were lies. Better to find that out ASAP before investing any emotional equity in a fraud. Or serve as 'wank' material by "in depth" discussions about fantasies that they never experienced, nor would if given the opportunity. One way to insure that is less likely to occur is to meet.

After that the real ongoing "test" started - I call it life.

Oh I just love you guys

When I first responded to Stephen on here I gave him my phone number in the first letter and asked for his. We met up very quickly but I warned him that I wanted full proof of who he was and told him I would bring full proof of who I was.
People could say thats crazy, even dangerous and maybe so but that is the only way it was going to work for us.
Only real people want to meet real people.

That's a lot to quote, I know... but I'd like to emphasize that Mercnbeth and allthatjaz are in married, loving relationships that are also heavily kinkified. I'm not married, but I provide my info very fast, and I've had a tremendously positive experience with kinky online dating. By contrast, I've read 50 bajillion threads by people who are frustrated with their search, with no one "real" being out there, or unable to find their "One." And I have to say, it often seems to me that such people think there some kind of trick to this, or that it's unsafe to be honest and straight-up. You're a lot more likely to make your fantasies become reality if you act real.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 19

RE: How Some Doms Test Subs - 7/10/2009 3:59:28 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I had a very simple test for any person I considered. One question: "What time and where do you want to meet?" You have two weeks to complete the task. It was an "open book" test. My "book" was open. I disclosed my full name, address, personal and business phone numbers and provided a website to my business where they could see a picture of the same person. I also instructed them to not call my extension directly but instead call the main switchboard through the 800 number and ask for me by the last name.

Will you mentor me oh great one!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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