Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Weakness or Benefit????


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Weakness or Benefit???? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:14:38 PM   
LdyWintershade


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/9/2009
Status: offline 		I have been discussing this issue with several Dominant peers and associates, when I realized I really want the opinion of subs/slaves...

As a sub/slave, do you find it to be a weakness or a benefit for a Dom/me to have served as a sub/slave in the past?

I ask because my local BDSM community organization has a protocol which requires newbie Dom/mes to spend a brief period of time in service to another.  The reason for this, was because the group found that many Dom/mes were unappreciative of, and even irresponsible for the power given to them by others.  As a result, some rather dangerous situations popped up and serious abuses of power.  The group felt that serving for a brief period prior to taking on a sub/slave would encourage a respect for the power they would wield over others, and potentially make them better Dominants.

Would you agree with this reasoning, or would you consider a Master/Mistress that has served another as weak?
 - I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death, your right to say it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:22:14 PM   
rayne221


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline 		I would hate to make a blanket statement and imply that any Dominant who has not bottomed, is not a good Dominant, but generally speaking i have to say, in my own experience, it has been a Benefit.

I have been a sub for 12 years. I have had a few relationships, one which lasted seven years.
All of my former Dominants have been considered by their peers to be fairly strict and stern. They have typically been the sort of "no-nonsense" Dominant. I have learned over the years, that without exception, all of these Dominants started in the lifestyle in the sub role. Due to their strong Dominance, this was not information they offered openly nor easily. It took years before they shared this information with me. But due to this information, it did cause me to change my own perspective; which formerly had been that if a Dominant had ever subbed... it was a sign of weakness or not complete Dominance.

< Message edited by rayne221 -- 7/10/2009 9:23:50 PM >

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:22:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Not a sub.  I'm answering anyway.

The day, the hour, the minute any community decides they can dictate to Me who I am, how I run this household, or any other thing, I will happily remove Myself from said community, and darken that door no longer.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:25:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I wouldn't see it as a weakness or a benefit. I just see it as a preference on their part.

I personally though would have no interest in the man though since I'm not attracted to switches or anyone who has any itch to try the other side.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:30:20 PM   
GrizzlyBear


Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline 		I remain convinced that the real reason for such rules is to give the established tops first crack at the fresh meat.  I wanna know, who died and left them in charge?

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 9:47:56 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have run into dominants who began as bottoms.  Sadly most end up wanting me to top them, which I can see from a logical standpoint.  I know I love being sub too much to top or dominate.  lol I can't help but wonder if those that went this path long for the good old days..
On a personal level if i was a dominant there is NO freaking way I would let someone "teach me" by making me submit.  Who made them my boss?  I would not tolerate it.
Like Lady Pact, I would happily remove myself from their doorstep.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/10/2009 9:48:33 PM >

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 10:00:52 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		i don't think it's a weakness, I've knows some very good Dominants that served first in the past before becoming a Dominant. They are not weaker, they just know both sides of the coin having experience with both.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 10:28:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Someone who is going to abuse power or a person is going to do so whether they served as submissive or bottom or not.  They lack a sensitivity bone and their damage runs deeper than what they could learn by most experiences.

That would be a group that I wouldn't be a part of simply because they could not understand what causes real abuse of a person or power.  It isn't a lack of compassion or understanding.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to kuriouswitch)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/10/2009 10:50:50 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		OP:
Just as I do not see my subs as WEAK in their submission.
.but strong..
I thus saw myself as strong when I went to a DOM to submit for a year to see what it is like for subs..
and my boys agree..it has made a difference in my insights.
 
I understand the reasoning behind the local group's idea of D's submitting..

 
 
GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 7/10/2009 10:53:36 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 12:03:41 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		   I can't imagine that the experience would subtract from someone's experience as a dom, but I don't think it's necessary, either. Understanding can come in many forms, and I'm not sure time spent learning how to be sub is necessarily better than an equivalent period of time learning to be a better dom.

I would not regard a dominant who served another once as weak, just as I do not perceive myself as being weak for serving. The only issue I've had is with switches who equate their experience on the submissive side with my own e.g. "I liked and wanted this as a sub so you do, too". Everyone is unique.

I can definitely see Lady Pact's point about not wanting to be ordered around by any community. I feel the same way as a sub, and can't see myself as being too comfortable if "forced" to own a slave for a few weeks to get the dom side of things in perspective. "Fetch me a Diet Dr. Pepper... from a Wall-Mart... in Perth, Australia... no problem if you get a bit lost on the way back, too..."



(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 12:11:15 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I feel the same way as a sub, and can't see myself as being too comfortable if "forced" to own a slave for a few weeks to get the dom side of things in perspective. "Fetch me a Diet Dr. Pepper... from a Wall-Mart... in Perth, Australia... no problem if you get a bit lost on the way back, too..."

You beat me to it, WBS
I do like flipping things around..... so should a sub have to top before submitting? I suspect not.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 2:25:27 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Not a sub.  I'm answering anyway.

The day, the hour, the minute any community decides they can dictate to Me who I am, how I run this household, or any other thing, I will happily remove Myself from said community, and darken that door no longer.



Yep, I'm with LP on this one--though I DID spnd time as a submissive when I first started to ensure I was a Dominant, I do not think that it makes Me a better or worse D, it simply was one of My many experiences.
 
So do you also have a rule that before a submissive can be proclaimed a twue submissive they must spend time as a Dominant? 
 
Who comes up with the crap anyway?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 2:39:14 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

So do you also have a rule that before a submissive can be proclaimed a twue submissive they must spend time as a Dominant?

As I said above, I sure as hell hope not, lol.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 3:27:37 AM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

As a sub/slave, do you find it to be a weakness or a benefit for a Dom/me to have served as a sub/slave in the past?

zaphira would find it a weakness

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 3:46:30 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I don't see that being a sub first would change you if you are abusive. Your still going to be the same person as when you started. If you were an abusive asshole, you will still be an abusive asshole.

Oh and I agree with the others who said there is no way in hell I would let some "community group" decide who is dominant enough and who needs "sub" lessons first. Sorry but that is not their place. If they are holding an event and someone acts like an idiot, then by all means they should throw the idiot out. But to say someone can't be dominant because they have never been submissive is just stupid in my opinion.


edited to add:

I am curious as to how large this group is and what their growth rate is?

< Message edited by thishereboi -- 7/11/2009 3:47:29 AM >

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 4:54:43 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I don't know the D/s factor but come from the M/s factor i would tend to have reservations about a Man who willingly spent time as a submissive expecially to a woman.  I am way to strong for any Man who has willingly placed himself to be dominanted in the sense we are speaking.  So yes, i would see it as a weakness in a Man NOW that being said, what i don't know lol    I do understand that if i am not told same, i could very well never suspect either.

But it is a squick factor for me because the concept being spoken of is a concept of where someone exists naturally. So i would look esckew at a group who felt Men should submit willingly to somehow "know" the power.  Someone cannot find out what it is to be a slave or i believe even submissive due to roleplaying a part.  ACTIONS do not make it so, its something one is naturally its reactions to the naturally occuring catalyst.   So anyone trying to play the part by following orders of someone calling themselves a Dom to see what its like to me is making a mockery of submission and slavery instead of recognizing what being a submissive and slave is.  I would have serious reservations about anyone who believed this was a viable way to understanding the dynamic.  I would also believe any natural dominant would not have the same reactions to the catalyst of dominance against them but instead would have to fight their natural reaction to confront said catalyst instead of what natural submissives and slaves would do and submit.  So again, it makes no sense to me.
angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 7/11/2009 4:59:15 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 5:29:55 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		For me, a woman who would never consider submitting to anyone is the biggest turn on.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 5:38:17 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I always find this to be an interesting topic of discussion.

I disagree that it is a weakness due to my experience with my first partner.
He shared with me that when he was in college he spent time as a submissive to a woman. She had asked him to help her top in a scene and when he did he simply realized he had "been playing for the wrong team".

I don't think being a bottom at one point in your life automatically makes you a switch; it just means you have acquired greater self knowledge.

I don't think having information ever makes someone weaker, however being mandated by a community group...?
*shudders*

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 5:53:56 AM   
olena


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		We are all on our own individual paths in life. How one gets where they are is not particularly important to me. I think any one way type stuff has absolutely nothing to do about the best way of doing something and everything to do with selfish motivations, like more fresh meat, but most often people trying to quantify credentials for ego strokes. Way too many dominants want to measure their greatness and wanting cuts to the front of a mythical line to get a submissive by thinking some training concept carries significant weight.

I would not be scared a dominant was submissive before but it would be something to think about if the person was not showing things that I would look for in a dominant. I would not view it as being weak but it still comes down to context. Some people just are in this life for kinky sex regardless of the roles or looking for a submissive but are not up to being a dominant.

Relationships are complex and about two people. Doing things from a mythical one way instruction manual and thinking it is the best or only way is more a sign of arrogance or stupidity then being weak or automatically thinking one is not really dominant.



(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Weakness or Benefit???? - 7/11/2009 6:26:14 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		LOL!!!
why not cover all the bases and have your community pass out a safeword that everyone is required to use, provide/ require STD testing and background checks of all newbies and then do random home visits of everyone participating in your community, just to make triple sure no one is abusing their power???
 
seriously, though...spending time "acting" submissive so you can "earn" the right from some local group to dominate another individual doesn't sound like an individual who is strong and confident.
 
more like...weak and desperate.

(in reply to LdyWintershade)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Weakness or Benefit???? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078