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RE: the experienced submissive - 8/7/2009 5:46:22 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		I've been submissive my entire life yet I have had little experience with the lifestyle.

Does that mean I am damaged?

I would like to think not. Far from normal and very far from damaged thank you very much.

Maybe deranged, definitely strange.


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As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
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(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/7/2009 6:33:50 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		i thought i had experience....turns out i was just a slut.

quote:

I don't care what kind of kink you think you got on you.
That's a quote from Mr.Ron's profile, and i found it simple but true. For a Dominant that feels training and building a relationship is based on individual needs, and not collective experience, all the stuff many consider experience is irrelevant.

i was experienced in bottoming, and kinky sex, but when a Dominant required obedience past "You better not gag, slut!" i was pretty much a novice. Experience is subjective. i was one guy's "perfect sub", and one guy's "fixer-upper". In my "experience", what a person requires or needs at a certain point dictates how useful or useless my previous experiences really are.

Now for many a "dominant", instant sub (Just add water and stir) is quite desirable. i've known people who have designed their entire relationship, protocols, play, dynamic for the "dominant" because that's not their  "dom's" thing. But usually they base it all on the personality of a previous partner. It's all fun and games until somebody isn't having their needs met.
 


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(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/8/2009 3:01:52 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples
You would think that experience, knowledge, and self-confidence would be valued in a submissive. Yet many dominants seem to prefer a blank canvas, so to speak. I guess I'm wondering why? Why is that so much more attractive?
Wow, and here I had a hard time finding a Dominant that would take on an inexperienced sub.  Isn't it purely a personal thing?


Yes, I would think it is a personal thing.  When I first discovered BDSM, I was sort of taken underwing (no...not with a collar of protection!!!), by a couple of experienced Doms.  I learned a lot, too.  And one thing I learned was that they really, really enjoyed experienced submissives.  It was way cool...
 
Now that I am an 'experienced submissive'...who has met an inexperienced Dom recently...I'm surprised to hear that HE is surprised I'd have much to do with him...inexperienced and all.
 
So yes, I believe it's pretty much a personal thing.  This man might not have experience with whips and such, but he is certainly a Dominant man.  I think that is the part that counts.
 
I could go on and on about why some guys like inexperienced or younger women...but then something like:
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeadmasterDavid
"Inexperienced sub" sounds to me like:

1. schoolgirl
2. young and inexperienced
3. innocent

Damn, can you think of anything that turns on a Dom more than that? 


Yes.

1. Black belt.
2. Manager of a major corporation.
3. President of a national attorneys association.

Spanking such women feels frikkin amazing. 

 
pops up and I feel so refreshed I loose the urge for a rant.  LOL
 
Yeah, I guess it's just a personal thang.   Thanks, Red!!!


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/8/2009 9:50:35 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		If my experience has only taught me specific tasks, then I can see that as a detriment.  On the other hand, if my experience has taught me submission, then new tasks will be no problem.

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/8/2009 11:52:37 PM   
KCalli


Posts: 81
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SnareMage85

I don't know, I've mixed feelings on this.

On one hand, an inexperienced submissive is a new challenge as they'd have no knowledge of what the expect there's the subconcious thrill of being their first Dom, being the one to find their limits, and push them, and they haven't ever been in a relationship along such lines so there's less likely they've had a bad D/s or M/s relationship.  Where as an experienced sub has stronger limits and more tolerance, but they likely have more that is "off-limits" because they've been through it before, and absolutely loathed it.

I am not sure that I agree with the part of an experienced sub has stronger limits and more tolerance........
Even with experience, there are other variables, such as (example) pain-was it applied artfully, or was it just "beat the snot out of your sub". To close ones self off to experiences because of the past also may close off part of  the mind. If there were bad experiences in the past they can also be overcome with proper encouragement, and caution. But, that kind of think takes trust and effort. Some Doms don't seem to wish to do that. The same way and experienced sub can help an inexperienced Dom (who is open to being helped, of course) to learn what that truly means without leaving the role of being a sub, although I do agree that it is much better for an inexperienced Dom to observe and learn from other Doms.

(in reply to SnareMage85)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/9/2009 8:08:00 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships.

Experience in a dominant is highly valued; experience in a submissive is not.

Thoughts?




To be honest I don't know at what point you become 'experienced' one scene? 5? 3 PE relationships? I dunno. I kinda see what they are saying, that you can have a relationship in a certain way and your next partner may want it to be completely different. If having previous relationships makes me damaged goods then I guess Ill just have to put a 'sale' sticker on my ass

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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/9/2009 9:39:39 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

If having previous relationships makes me damaged goods then I guess Ill just have to put a 'sale' sticker on my ass



If that's the case, then just throw my ass in the "bargain basement bin" and call it day

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 2:35:35 PM   
petitbateau


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline 		I find quite intriguing the thought of a slave/sub as a damaged good if "experienced". I can obviously see why I, as a slave, find the idea a bit uncomfortable but what interest me the most is why a Master or Dom could find it appealing... what space is left in a sub mind if so experienced to understand the dynamics of the relationships or the games as much as the Dom? what's the imprinting the sub had about his duties and what the previous Doms wanted? why using the term damaged?
It's intriguing because it reveals a portion of the Dom mind, in the perpetual search of the perfect sub, the undamagedged good, the holy grail of slaves.
It's interesting because it sets a loss since the beginning of a thought about a sub... the utter failure of any sense of adventurous research and the downfall of what I like the most: a sense of challenge.

< Message edited by petitbateau -- 8/10/2009 2:37:20 PM >

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(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 2:42:08 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petitbateau

what interest me the most is why a Master or Dom could find it appealing... what space is left in a sub mind if so experienced to understand the dynamics of the relationships or the games as much as the Dom? what's the imprinting the sub had about his duties and what the previous Doms wanted? why using the term damaged?


The thing is all people are different all relationships are different just because I have had D/s relationships before does not make me an expert in ALL D/s relationship just the best authority in the ones I have had from my perspective.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to petitbateau)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 3:12:53 PM   
petitbateau


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

The thing is all people are different all relationships are different just because I have had D/s relationships...


of course... and I tend to think the same in this matter.
It's just that I'm amused by the thought a Dom could have of a "damaged good"... I'm just thinking that it might be because yes, in this very case this thought just shows that the Dom in question (nothing personal) is lacking this, for me basic, form of psychological education... instead of thinking of all the difference, it's a thinking that's all the same for everyone? ehehe or it's just maybe the idea of an excessive education has a detrimental effect on the creativity of the Dom/Top/Master mind? °_°
interesting interesting indeed.

< Message edited by petitbateau -- 8/10/2009 3:13:07 PM >

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There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
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(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 5:21:16 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

In another thread I came across the concept that the experienced submissive was somehow viewed as damaged goods. The idea seemed to be that a sub with a certain amount of experience must be a failure at relationships.



This isn't about BDSM.

Old goats chasing younger women is the norm.

As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity.

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 5:24:41 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

This isn't about BDSM.

Old goats chasing younger women is the norm.

As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity.



So as not to encourage the flame war I am simply going to roll my eyes at all you said.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 5:29:27 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

I think it's the cause for so much bitterness here ~not attractive~ the Doms want the little girls young and inexperienced...until they realize they're young and inexperienced. Then they all pissed because she didn't know what it's actually about...you gonna blame girl for being what you wanted?


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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 5:52:02 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex
As to the why, well...I have thoughts, but they may spark a flame war, so I will just say that there are plenty of Men who understand that women who have experience are much more able to match us in temperment and emotional maturity.
Nice way of appearing gentlemanly to the women who fit your personal preference, without that obviously being your motivation.  Bravo, sirrah!


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If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 6:22:18 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Does that mean it's incongruent with yours and you resent it?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 6:28:01 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		So that it doesn't get silly, can I just say that any assumption about experience based on age alone can be very very very short sighted. I know many a person who has come to wiitwd at a later age, so if we are discussing experience as 'submissives' age may be completely irrelevant. I am not going to bang on about the nature of experience generally because I have done so before and people will believe what they believe despite evidence to suggest otherwise.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 6:29:27 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Does that mean it's incongruent with yours and you resent it?
Of course not.  I'm completely open about the fact that I post things that I find amusing in the hopes those I am attracted to will do the same.  I am not good at the whole subtle thing, to be honest. 

More seriously, yes.  I don't put down other people's relationship preferences in the way that is being done by some in this thread.  I don't feel the need.


< Message edited by Apocalypso -- 8/10/2009 6:31:33 PM >

_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 6:41:29 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Seemed like your penis was out there for a sec...



_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/10/2009 7:00:51 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I'm just saying that  you have usually posted with intelligence and wit and this seems to have become a matter of length...or something outside of my purlieu, in which case, I'd like to learn about it.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: the experienced submissive - 8/11/2009 5:33:48 AM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I'm just saying that  you have usually posted with intelligence and wit and this seems to have become a matter of length...or something outside of my purlieu, in which case, I'd like to learn about it.
Much as I find my penis fascinating, I can't help feeling it is outside the purview of the OP.  Possibly start a thread to discuss it?  I think it's worth being the sole focus of the discussion.

Ok, that was entirely unconstructive.  To answer you more seriously, why I mocked the poster in question was not about his liking for submissives in an older age range.  That's obviously entirely fine and a personal relationship preference.  I did raise an eyebrow at his insinuation that anybody who didn't match his preferences had negative reasons for doing so, hence my response.  Somebody already did the same to headmasterdavid's post, which I thought was valid, but that post was actually far less dismissive of other people's preferences.  Also, I did find "I like experienced submissives because I am really mature!" kinda amusing.  And I'm not known for resisting a cheap shot in that kind of situation.

Does that answer your question or did you mean something different?


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 60
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