RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile?

RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (Full Version)

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RCdc -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 10:39:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bearly2001 just thought i would share my observations and ask.. what do you think when you see a scant or incomplete profile or one that remains an unfulfilled promise for months.. is it fear, sloth or shallowness? whaddya think? rick the bear[ What makes a person an online only dominant? Fear, sloth or shallowness? Using your words, if there are other reasons for not showing more of themselves.. is it a matter of courage or shyness?... or something else? For all your comments and quite a-typical judgements, to many, you are (again your own words) a false dom, wannabe and arrogant a-hole. None of your ideas are positive. For your comments on what you see as 'snarkiness', your observations are hardly very valid and yet are worth laughing at? - in your own words. the.dark.

bearly2001 -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 10:52:03 AM)
@darcyandthedark... thanks for your enlightened and truly amusing commentary.. do you feel all better now?

GrizzlyBear -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 12:01:00 PM)
When I see a very minimal profile, I have to assume that the person is really not interested in providing significant information to unknown others. Now why might this be? Well they may be too busy already to deal with more email. They may be just having a quick look around out of curiosity (many never come back after their initial sign up). They may be shy, even online, and find talking about themselves difficult. They may be here playing a role, and have yet to flesh it out into something that deserves a full profile. They may have a very complicated situation that is evolving, and want to spare us the details. They may have little real interest here, and either forgot or can't be bothered. They may be afraid, or lazy, or shallow, but there is no need to attach untoward motive or reason. They didn't fill it out because they didn't want to. My reaction is to shrug and move on.

RCdc -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 12:31:21 PM)
Or are you not up for discussion or responding to peoples 'observations'. You asked what people think. What do you think to the reverse? Because if you find it amusing, then you must find yourself amusing too?[;)] the.dark.

RedMagic1 -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 12:53:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bearly2001 do you feel all better now? She probably feels pretty damn good, since she's living a real-world loving D/s relationship 24/7/365.

stella41b -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 1:03:13 PM)
Observations? More like slagging other doms off by insinuating that they're fake, lazy, not bothered etc whilst bigging yourself up because you took the time and trouble to fill out your profile properly. Congratulations. Here, have a medal. Or rather, a gold star. Just wanted to make two points. But the thing is is that although everybody has access to this site and can become a free member it doesn't always follow through that they have good writing skills (though they may be proficient in other areas) or they may know who or what they are looking for but have great difficulty putting it into words. This isn't like selling a car, a house or some other concrete object which has set characteristics which just need to be described, but more like delving into your own complex nature and trying to give an accurate portrayal of yourself, what you are into and who you are looking for and why. For most of us this takes a considerable amount of thought and consideration, not to mention some degree of introspection and trying to work out the needs and desires of yet another complex human being. However it's nice to know that there's those judgmental folks out there with their preconceived notions who often get the wrong end of the stick, which your OP evidences and which may also be the reason why some are a bit more scant with their profiles, for fear of being misunderstood. However fortunately there are those who are prepared to give others the benefit of the doubt. A little consideration for others goes a long way. Just sayin'.

Esinn -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 1:23:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl My profile has 5 words in it. I have no intention of filling it out further. Those 5 words are "Just here for the forums." I get emails from people that want to chat and see what happens. I get emails that say "I love your profile". (Really? Which of those 5 words did you like the best?) I get emails that say, "I want to....<insert kinky action here> you." I got an emailed marriage proposal the other day. People ignore what's in my profile when it's 5 words. Why bother doing more, if no one is going to read it? Why not hide your profile? I want to brush the hair out of your eyes, fix the bags under them and layer / straighten your hair - oh baby. Unless you are trying to troll for attention in your case why have any public profile? Not that anyone asked but my profile although a little lengthy is very unique, informative and creative - self kudos. It was also articulate with few grammar and spelling errors. I can only think of one thing I slightly misrepresented in it. However, this has no impact on the many I communicate with or the few I talk poorly about. I just have fun here and share my ideas or thoughts.

Esinn -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 1:24:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bearly2001 @darcyandthedark... thanks for your enlightened and truly amusing commentary.. do you feel all better now? Darcy usually has something very cool to say.

DemonKia -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 2:56:35 PM)
FR, after read thru My favorites are the one that say, "New & don't know what to say, but I'll be back to fill this out later" & they've had the profile for years . . . . lol As to the serious queries of the OP: One issue that springs immediately to mind is that profiles can be a work-in-progress, & I think many have in mind that they should come up with some completely worked out synopsis of who they are & etc -- & that's kinda intimidating prospect, especially for those who are not as proficient in text as, say, me . . . . . I've updated & changed my profiles (I have several on CM) dozens of times as I've learned & grown . .. . . & I continue to add stuff as it comes up in discussions of all kinds -- today, Cat's thread about sharing conversations with one's M or D prompted me to add something to the end of my profile about that subject . . . . . I love my profile &, for me, it's an important tool in this 'searching for an other' thing . . . . . I long ago got past the need to re-write the same basic info over & over & over & over & over & over again in emails for the hordes of unsuitable candidates . . . . . I save all of us a lot of time by referring them to my profile; if they're still interested after reading thru that, I'm happy to communicate further . ... . & if they can't be bothered to read all that, they're not what I'm looking for . . . . . Reading my writing is explicitly something I'm looking for in a potential partner; others' mileage varies, of course . . . . . Ah. Self-promotion. That's one of my weak spots, & I've been using these various social networking sites & their profile features to get comfortable with promoting myself. As I'd like to make a living off of my writing someday, self-promotion is a skill set I'm in need of developing . . .. . & that's above & beyond that I have oodles of peculiarities & issues that need to be disclosed in as up-front a manner as possible, & the profile is just the place for that, for me . . . . . . . On the other hand, I don't really get too worked up about other people's profiles, other than being amused by incongruencies like the one I started this post with . . .. .

DesFIP -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 3:01:51 PM)
I'm not looking here, so I feel no need to give all sorts of info. But when I was looking, I still had a minimal profile simply because I hadn't had any experience. How could I tell if I would like something when I hadn't heard of it till a minute before, and had no idea at all of what I would like?

Missokyst -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 3:09:08 PM)
Mine started out here as an attempt to find info on someone one of my members was interested in. While joining, I mentioned my group and how to contact me. Later I added in a bit on being open to finding a partner for parties only, which was recently removed because I don't want to find a partner for parties or anything. Some people come here for the forums. I keep the profile up even though I am not seeking a thing because it remains as a promotion for my group. Really.. why or what a person puts on a profile, to me, is irrevelvant. I don't read them because I don't seek. IF I was seeking and noticed there was not much of a profile what would bring me to contact them? There has to be some sort of compatibility for me to want to meet someone. No profile.. no way of telling. If they are like me with the basic info stuff I have now I figure then are not seeking. We can do that. Kyst

MisterP61 -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 5:03:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrizzlyBear When I see a very minimal profile, I have to assume that the person is really not interested in providing significant information to unknown others. Now why might this be? Well they may be too busy already to deal with more email. They may be just having a quick look around out of curiosity (many never come back after their initial sign up). They may be shy, even online, and find talking about themselves difficult. They may be here playing a role, and have yet to flesh it out into something that deserves a full profile. They may have a very complicated situation that is evolving, and want to spare us the details. They may have little real interest here, and either forgot or can't be bothered. They may be afraid, or lazy, or shallow, but there is no need to attach untoward motive or reason. They didn't fill it out because they didn't want to. My reaction is to shrug and move on. You did forget one... the person who's professional life could very well be affected by what is said on this site. As most know I am a 14 year military Man and being on this site is not illegal in of itself, but some things can be. I purposely do not mention much on the boards except for those things that hit a note with Me and plenty of casual banter with quite a few people. I try My best to keep My posts relevant with out divulging more then I should here. Granted I am not always successful but (GASP dare I say it) I am not perfect, but I do continue My journey and learn where and when I can. So all I will say is that your life will not change by not either understanding this or if you do not care. I have not provided enrichement to all but for the few I have I am pretty certain they would say their life is changed in some way. I do have things to offer just because I was not willing to jeopardize what I have in RL that can affect Me in very real ways. MrP

OsideGirl -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 6:31:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Esinn Unless you are trying to troll for attention in your case why have any public profile? As I stated before, the profile is public, so that real life friends can find me, those that I converse with on the forums can contact me. But, here's the reality. You're blaming me for people ignoring what I've written in my profile, instead of blaming the people who choose to ignore it. That's like blaming the rape victim because she wore a short skirt. The emails don't really bother me. Matter of fact, 99% of the time I find them funny.

Esinn -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 7:57:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN WORDS are very.very important to me as a writer ... HOW do I know I want to get to know you..?? HOW?? from a pic?..no pic?..the interests section..? your user name? that tells nothing.. If someone cannot take the time to write a good profile I don't bother...with them. IF I see a skeleton profile I think the person is lazy...does not want to bother..doesn't give a shit.. is scared...thinks they are the shit...or wants to be mysterious( maybe I'm wrong .......maybe I'm right) The worst I've seen are: What to put here..you tell me? Male..50 later YOU know what I want want no limit slut GQ Words are sexy. So are chain mail hats.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 7:59:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 My profile used to say "Blah blah blah" I had no problem making contacts. Personally....I think if you have a picture up and people like what they see, it doesn't matter one bit what your profile says. Quoted for harsh truth.

bearly2001 -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/14/2009 9:52:50 PM)
i am dropping back in to read the new posts and to offer a thank you to all the subsequent posters. i see that some are interested in commenting on the substance of my original post and some have more fun questioning my authenticity or my attitude/motives. i am enjoying the discourse and i have no trouble accepting that some will cast brickbats rather than offer substance or germaine contributions. this thread was opened by me to partake of all the views of the community and i knew that some would have unkind things to say about the author as any who post on such forums or write blogs learn very soon, lol. all i ask is civility and a sense of humor. i have seen some excellent replies as to why a person might choose to skimp on profile information and i appreciate those that have taken the time to participate in this thread. i look forward to even more viewpoints, opinions and observations. and for those who would prefer to comment about me and my temerity for offering my original post, i say... lay on macduff!

travelgman -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/15/2009 1:49:49 AM)
Well I guess I am one of those whose profile fits the category of not being highly informative as far as my personal likes and dislikes go. I do not consider myself to be either a profile in courage or to busy to fill said profile out any more than it already is. I would also say this is one reason you are getting some heat from folks on the boards. You say you want to learn and are just curious. Yet you start the whole thing off with a very narrow and limiting range of choices. Which gives the impression that you are also a bit narrow minded and have already made your mind up about the whole thing. If your serious about asking folks like myself for their opinions. You would have come off much better if you had simply done so instead of trying to be creative with your Topic Title. Choosing only two extremes makes one seem good and the other bad. Which means you more than likely insulted half the people who you say you are trying to learn from before they even read your actual post. As for my profile. I state quite clearly why I chose to leave it the way it is. You or anyone else can like it or not. I have gotten comments from those that agree and those that do not. It's my profile and my choice. I may yet add more to it or take some away as the mood strikes me.

Mistressbinature -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/15/2009 2:49:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bearly2001 ever notice that some members start a skeleton or incomplete profile here, but then indicate they will take the time to fill it out later?? it makes me smile a bit, lol.. one wonders when they will find the 15 minutes or 30 minutes so it takes to fill out a bit about their likes, dislikes and goals? i would hope that if they are just being circumspect about revealing themselves or merely trying to dissuade others from contacting them, that they would just say so or just hide their profiles. and if they are so busy a half hours introspection into their goals and dreams must be deferred, then they should know they are just too busy, lol! i am also wondering if there are other reasons for not showing more of themselves.. is it a matter of courage or shyness...or something else? our profiles are our surrogates prior to contact.. i often wonder how others approach presenting themselves here at collarme. does their profile indicate a measure of their commitment and why do so many remain so sparse? profiles in courage for some.. and subterfuge by others. admittedly, i took somewhat longer than many to complete mine since i believe that my profile will serve as my initial contact with many of you. therefore. it is crucial to present myself as clearly and succinctly as possible to delineate my passions and dislikes from those of the madding crowd. i feel that it is imperative that i differentiate myself from the teeming hordes as quickly as possible. my profile and journal gives me the opportunity to establish my authenticity and experience as a genuine online Dom and to raise my voice above the din... i also believe it is good practice to regularly update your profile or add to your journal in order to match the changes in goals and situations that may occur over time. as an online-only dom who will never have the opportunity to meet my submissives face-to-face, i find that the more effort i put into my writings.. the more opportunity my dom "voice" will be heard and resonate within my targeted audience.. the female submissive. if she "hears" my voice contained both within the text and between the lines, she may feel the irresistable pull of the dominant within me.... so i am careful to construct my words carefully, as if i were meeting her face to face. my task is to try to bridge the gap between us through words sent out into the vast void that is cyberspace. upon reflection, i also see some problems that may apply to submissives more than others in offering a thoroughly fleshed out profile. some submissives find it devilishly difficult to speak of themselves and their wishes. their innate desire to subordinate their wishes to those of a dominant my impose a shyness or hesitancy that causes them to understate or to "whisper" their goals and . they also may feel it is an immodesty that is unbecoming of their submissive nature to extol or proclaim their desirable traits and virtues. i also can appreciate the fear that a submissive may have of drawing the type of vicious criticism and petulant comments that false doms, wannabes and arrogant a-holes often evince in raging emails. i am sure that we all have heard submissives write of the criticisms and rants they receive if the words and themes within their profiles somehow fall outside of some idiot's parameters of orthodoxy or protocol. just thought i would share my observations and ask.. what do you think when you see a scant or incomplete profile or one that remains an unfulfilled promise for months.. is it fear, sloth or shallowness? whaddya think? rick the bear[ I would like to think it was because they don't know what to say, but for the most part, people don't really care. I look at is that what you like really doesn't matter at that point because I a going to go over it with you anyway. And the written part, I am not going to base my decision on what you wrote, again I will base my decison on what comes out of your mouth. However if you do fill it out, you are brought to the head of the line

RCdc -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/15/2009 3:59:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bearly2001 i am dropping back in to read the new posts and to offer a thank you to all the subsequent posters. i see that some are interested in commenting on the substance of my original post and some have more fun questioning my authenticity or my attitude/motives. i am enjoying the discourse and i have no trouble accepting that some will cast brickbats rather than offer substance or germaine contributions. this thread was opened by me to partake of all the views of the community and i knew that some would have unkind things to say about the author as any who post on such forums or write blogs learn very soon, lol. all i ask is civility and a sense of humor. But what about the unkind things you had to say about those that have limited profiles? I am trying to engage you in discussion, but all you keep doing is jumping to an automatic and wrong conclusion about some peoples motives, including mine. So, I will make it absolutely clear - because you do not know me and have no experience of me. I don't have any issues with online domination. If that rocks your boat - go for it! I do take issue with people who come on to a forum who claim to want to engage discussion and thoughts from others, by calling a certain section of said community shallow, fearful and lazy - that they are probably fake or wannabes - and that you want to seperate yourself from them... and then go on to ignore discussions that people try to engage you with. Lets take it from the top. Your OP pretty much looks down on people with a short or unwritten profile. If that is not how it was intended, cool, but I don't know unless I ask. But for me, you didn't just ask why people do it, you made observations, none of which were positive in any way, again cool, but my question to you is, why do you feel like that about people when as an online dominant you will be viewed in the same light by some people? Why did you only belittle? At the end of the day, it's personal preference of different people. Some people loathe long drawn out profiles. It's more a damned if you do and damned if you don't kind of thing really. Just as some people prefere online domination and some don't. Some prefere monogamy and some don't. I just don't find it productive to only focus on the negative aspects to why someone might do something, like you did in your initial post. I don't dig picking on minorities and labelling them certain ways. And I was wondering why someone from a minority was doing that. Now you can make nasty comments all you like and tell people to 'bring it on' - in fact, I am - I am asking you a question relevant to your observations. Of course you can laugh them off and avoid debating and discussing with me or you can do just what you said you wanted to do in the first place instead of making odious snide comments which just make you look like a really mean person who cannot act in a civil manner. the.dark.

sirsholly -> RE: profile in courage.. or are you to busy to fill out your profile? (7/15/2009 4:19:40 AM)
quote: At the end of the day, it's personal preference of different people. says it all[:)]

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