RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (Full Version)

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CalifChick -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 2:11:08 PM)

Dragging material all the way back from page 1 before the mayhem really started...

It was said that we need to embrace our wannabes and newbies.  Or something like that.  I cannot speak for every group, of course, but our local group embraces the new people.  We welcome them, we point them to classes, we offer our own knowledge. 

If someone lies about their experience, or misrepresents it in some way, then there isn't much we can do for them, as they are the ones blocking our efforts. 

So I don't really know who this collective "we" is that is not embracing new people, as I haven't seen it.

Cali



Phoenixpower -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 2:25:46 PM)

[snore] [&o]



sirsholly -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 3:50:51 PM)

quote:

So I don't really know who this collective "we" is that is not embracing new people,
i used to embrace new people, but they would just hug me with one arm and turn their heads to the side.......[sm=dunno.gif]





windchymes -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 3:56:15 PM)

(Slips Holly a breath mint under the table)



Level -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 3:56:49 PM)

Awwwwwwwww.... *hugs holly with one arm*



Phoenixpower -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 4:01:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

So I don't really know who this collective "we" is that is not embracing new people,
i used to embrace new people, but they would just hug me with one arm and turn their heads to the side.......[sm=dunno.gif]



well, be glad holly...better one arm around you then their foot in your butt....like someone keeps doing it, innit rainy? [8|]



yellowroses -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 5:24:55 PM)

Ok, to respond to the original post-

I agree that the terms "Real" and Fake" are misleading and further, in my view, they actually play into the hands of the scammers and liars.

First, the BDSM world is saddled with the enduring myth that there is somewhere, a secret underground society of "real" Dominants and "real" submissives, who all follow some ancient and secret code of behavior and norms. This of course began with "O" and has continued ever since.

I do understand why people want to point out and expose the liars and bullshitters, but lets just call them what they are, instead of using the word "real" with its implication that they are somehow not members of the secret club.

In the vanilla world, if a guy bullshits his way into a girl's bed then abandons her to seek his next conquest, does she call him a "fake wannabe"? Or does she just say he was a lying no-good jerk?

There are good Doms, bad Doms, mediocre Doms; Doms who are sometimes noble and good-hearted, and sometimes shitty and selfish. Doms who know what they are doing, and some who are ignorant jerks. And most Doms embody all these qualities, at different times.

But they are all real. The only thing that is fake is the notion that there is a magic litmus test that can make visible the difference between the good ones and the jerks.



Aylee -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 5:37:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

First, the BDSM world is saddled with the enduring myth that there is somewhere, a secret underground society of "real" Dominants and "real" submissives, who all follow some ancient and secret code of behavior and norms. This of course began with "O" and has continued ever since.



There is SO a secret underground society!  I read about it in de Sade! 



MidMichCowboy -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 6:18:37 PM)

I've thought about this. In the past (and most likely when they piss me off again) I will rant about cockroosters and posers. I reserve that right. :)

But the only ones who are really in a position to judge whether a Dom is fake or not, are the subs who encounter them.

So, it's a very individual decision on each ones part. So to each sub, you alone can decide what is real or fake for you. May you make that decision before the result hurts you.



GreedyTop -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/19/2009 7:01:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

Ok, to respond to the original post-

I agree that the terms "Real" and Fake" are misleading and further, in my view, they actually play into the hands of the scammers and liars.

First, the BDSM world is saddled with the enduring myth that there is somewhere, a secret underground society of "real" Dominants and "real" submissives, who all follow some ancient and secret code of behavior and norms. This of course began with "O" and has continued ever since.

I do understand why people want to point out and expose the liars and bullshitters, but lets just call them what they are, instead of using the word "real" with its implication that they are somehow not members of the secret club.

In the vanilla world, if a guy bullshits his way into a girl's bed then abandons her to seek his next conquest, does she call him a "fake wannabe"? Or does she just say he was a lying no-good jerk?

There are good Doms, bad Doms, mediocre Doms; Doms who are sometimes noble and good-hearted, and sometimes shitty and selfish. Doms who know what they are doing, and some who are ignorant jerks. And most Doms embody all these qualities, at different times.

But they are all real. The only thing that is fake is the notion that there is a magic litmus test that can make visible the difference between the good ones and the jerks.




*applause*



lally2 -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/20/2009 5:37:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I have never met any one that was really like that, if you talk to those that other folks feel are selfish, often you find out that they were upfront about what they wanted, and there were grave misunderstandings from each person which was the "fault" of a lack of communication.




when i first started out on the net i certainly came across them. 

it used to make me very angry.  i got quite spiteful with them in the end.

from my experience - so from my perspective only, every one is different.

.... a Dominant to me is someone who has an inbuilt instinct to lead, direct and influence positively.  they have a desire to nurture, protect and enjoy their submissive on lots of different levels, according to their needs.  they are respectful, careful, trustworthy and the INTENT to dominate steers the submissive inexorably without fuss or mayhem.  it is a symbiosis of need that just grows and grows.

fakes (bad word for them i agree) just dont have those qualities, and when it all falls to bits as it will, the submissive is usually told she isnt a submissive.  largely to explain away why they, the dominant couldnt dominate them.

there is a huge difference between dominance and domineering.  being directed and being bullied.

but in the end it boils down to this.  when a man looks at his submissive and sees someone beautiful in their submission then in my estimation you have a man with a strong grasp of what D/s is all about.

there is a difference, the problem with the word is that it suggests that anyone without inherent dominant characteristics isnt 'real'.  of course they are, the trouble is they do not aspire to do more than bully and coerce.  out of those the  majority tend to be stuck in their ways and woefully stuck in a tram line of 'control' methods that simply do not work, but they never change or aspire to alter their methods.

the submissive is attempting to find leadership and all she finds is inconsistancy.  in time the chances are she will start to brat out, push and lose respect.

you see it on the boards an awful lot actually, not here so much, but around.




subboy690 -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:08:10 PM)

Easy, your fake if your only interest is to make money out of someone by pretending to be someone/thing your not i.e. Dom. A sub that would pay a 20 year old "Dom" who says on her profile that she is very Strict isnt really a sub but well to be frank fuckin stupid. Thats not to say that age has anything to do with it. But lets face it if you were a begginner Sub just starting out in the releme of BDSM surley you are safer and better off with a Dom who is not soley motivated by making money from a sub.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:12:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subboy690
Sub just starting out in the releme of BDSM surley you are safer and better off with a Dom who is not soley motivated by making money from a sub.


Rubbish



Sunnyfey -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:17:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: subboy690
Sub just starting out in the releme of BDSM surley you are safer and better off with a Dom who is not soley motivated by making money from a sub.


Rubbish


Total rubbish. My first Sir was a pro Dom. Granted I did not have to pay him for shit, as his Wife (also a Pro Domme) was the one who introduced us and happily gave us her blessing, when he agreed to collar me as a non-sexual student/playpartner. It was a great relationship, that lasted for a long time between the three of us. Granted we all went our seperate ways, but I could not have found a more careing and tolerent first partner in this lifestyle.



subboy690 -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:21:10 PM)

Do you think. perhaps i should elaborate, i am not necessarly talking about Pro Doms who i am sure do a great job and many are into the scene and have a great wealth of expirance. However what the fuck is a tribute Mistress. Is it somone who just wants to make money out of a sub. Surly a newbe is better off with a Dom (my definition = a strong independent woman) who is into the scene because she enjoys it an has had expirance. Theres a particular profile on here from a 20 year old "dom" asking for a fuckin Tesco Slave. Am sorry but your not strong independant or Dom if you cant even pay for your own shopping.

Oh your not a tribute Mistress as well are you ?



LillyoftheVally -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:24:14 PM)

Actually it is a kink for some to give money to people, yup that actually does exist, and I am one of those people who likes to think that everyone has the right to want what they want without my telling them that their relationship is valid or not in my eyes.

I think that people are better off with people that make them happy rather than a list of statistics or quotable experience.



subboy690 -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:34:21 PM)

I agree there are people who find that a kink. However my comment was made at Newbies. what a way to be introduced to BDSM with a 19 year old asking you to top up her phone and pay £100 a week into her shopping fund. but its ok cause she says shes strict and had masses of expirance. Surly a dom Woman into the scene who requires nothing from a sub but mutual exploration with no financal benifit is totally wrong for a newbie. I would love it if they added a box on the profile which said tick if you are a tribute Mistress, how many actually would. I bet the numbers would be low not because there arent many but because its harder to hook a gullible sub if you come straight out and admit all you want is Money!!!! 



LillyoftheVally -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:37:47 PM)

If they are asking for money up front then they have come out and said it. Sorry I am failing to get your point. People who decide to go down that route are still over the age of 18 and therefore adult enough to make their own decisions.



subboy690 -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:49:13 PM)

If you come out and say it then your not fake your upfront with what you are looking for the whole point of this topic is those that are fake. Do you think that there are even a few people on here whose only interests in CM is to make money and are not into BDSM at all. If there is then that is who my argument is aimed at. Look at the top of the home page where it says "serving the BDSM community" Not woman/men who have no idea of what BDSM stands for and just want to pretend so they can rip off a few nieve people. If



LillyoftheVally -> RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. (7/22/2009 12:55:22 PM)

But if the person who does go down that route and is happy then is it still fake?

This is I guess the problem with the term fake and why I don't use it generally



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