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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:23:25 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		To me, a fake anything is a person who misrepresents him/herself.  Basically a "bullshitter".

(in reply to gift4mistress)
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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:24:26 PM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		I'd call a fake dom the same as I call fake subs. Those who aren't really into dominance (or submission), but just looking for sex of any kind.

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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:24:27 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I have never met any one that was really like that, if you talk to those that other folks feel are selfish, often you find out that they were upfront about what they wanted, and there were grave misunderstandings from each person which was the "fault" of a lack of communication.



You're lucky... many have very obviously visited the "Castle Realm" type of site and then parrot that garbage to potentials under the guise of being the Uber Dommy-Dom whose trained and owned "many", but have likely only dominated their cat.  Makes it very obvious they're lying about their experience and pulled that shit off some fantasy kink site.



I guess what I dont seem to understand is why those folks that go to castle relam are any les dom then me and my two decades of living this everyday...to me this is the crusxt...why do we make people with less experiance feel as though they dont belong to the club?



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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:27:38 PM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I hear all the time about dangerous people among us, but in the 22 years I have been in the lifestyle I have never met one...I meet folks that make mistakes, or dont communicate well or are unskilled at doing things like suspentions, but usually anytime folks get hurt, its a lack of planning and communicating.


I have not personally met one either.  And I do agree with you about people who make mistakes, are unskilled, or have poor communication skills that result in someone inadvertently being hurt.  But because I havent met one, doesnt mean that they dont exist.  A notable example that comes to mind is John Robinson and six individuals who lost their lives because they had the misfortune of running into this "slavemaster."  This is of course an extreme example, but this type of individual was the type I was referring to.

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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:27:44 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

To me, a fake anything is a person who misrepresents him/herself.  Basically a "bullshitter".


hey Marie :)

But i guess what I have noticed is that often times we judge them as misrepresnting themselves as something they are not because they are not doing what ever it is they claim to be doing they way we do it.....does that make sense?

They are almost never maliciously lying, more often then not, they just do things differnt then how some one else does.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 7/16/2009 11:29:47 PM >

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"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:29:21 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySweetOrSour

I'd call a fake dom the same as I call fake subs. Those who aren't really into dominance (or submission), but just looking for sex of any kind.


well if it is sex, and they want to be dominant in the sex or they want to be passive in the sex ....then are they not a dominant or a submissive?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:31:12 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gift4mistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Two dangerous things for someone who's supposed to be in control... "the blind leading the blind", and all that.




It's possible that I might have misunderstood your comment.



You did.


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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:32:42 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I have never met any one that was really like that, if you talk to those that other folks feel are selfish, often you find out that they were upfront about what they wanted, and there were grave misunderstandings from each person which was the "fault" of a lack of communication.



You're lucky... many have very obviously visited the "Castle Realm" type of site and then parrot that garbage to potentials under the guise of being the Uber Dommy-Dom whose trained and owned "many", but have likely only dominated their cat.  Makes it very obvious they're lying about their experience and pulled that shit off some fantasy kink site.



I guess what I dont seem to understand is why those folks that go to castle relam are any les dom then me



Difference between fantasy and reality.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:33:52 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Danemora

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I hear all the time about dangerous people among us, but in the 22 years I have been in the lifestyle I have never met one...I meet folks that make mistakes, or dont communicate well or are unskilled at doing things like suspentions, but usually anytime folks get hurt, its a lack of planning and communicating.


I have not personally met one either.  And I do agree with you about people who make mistakes, are unskilled, or have poor communication skills that result in someone inadvertently being hurt.  But because I havent met one, doesnt mean that they dont exist.  A notable example that comes to mind is John Robinson and six individuals who lost their lives because they had the misfortune of running into this "slavemaster."  This is of course an extreme example, but this type of individual was the type I was referring to.



yeah I hear ya...did he get the chair? i hope so!

I dont know what as a community we can do about that sort of person, hopefully our radar and playdar would alert on him....that is also why i like people who play in public, its safer, as strange as that sounds to say.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Danemora)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:40:26 PM   
DanaYielding


Posts: 72
Joined: 12/11/2008
Status: offline 		Dont let the 24 hour news cycle keep you from living life. This shit happened all the time and is only now being newsworthy because the 24 hour news channel needs to scare the shit out of you to make you watch them.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:41:13 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

To me, a fake anything is a person who misrepresents him/herself.  Basically a "bullshitter".


hey Marie :)

But i guess what I have noticed is that often times we judge them as misrepresnting themselves as something they are not because they are not doing what ever it is they claim to be doing they way we do it.....does that make sense?

They are almost never maliciously lying, more often then not, they just do things differnt then how some one else does.


Hi ya, Amy :)

Ok to me there is a huge difference between these two types.    Sure, there are people who do "it" differently than me or you, or joe blow, doesn't make them fakes.  Someone is only a fake (to me) if they're intentionally bullshitting in order to present a false persona.  

But I do get what you're saying, and I see people classifying others as fakes because they do it differently.  Maybe in an effort to convince ourselves (generic) that we are "real" and not living out a fantasy, we need something to compare it to; something else that we can call "fake".  I don't know.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:45:05 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I have never met any one that was really like that, if you talk to those that other folks feel are selfish, often you find out that they were upfront about what they wanted, and there were grave misunderstandings from each person which was the "fault" of a lack of communication.





You're lucky... many have very obviously visited the "Castle Realm" type of site and then parrot that garbage to potentials under the guise of being the Uber Dommy-Dom whose trained and owned "many", but have likely only dominated their cat.  Makes it very obvious they're lying about their experience and pulled that shit off some fantasy kink site.



I guess what I dont seem to understand is why those folks that go to castle relam are any les dom then me



Difference between fantasy and reality.



See I dont think you understand my point yet you are illustrating it perfectly....you are showing that you judge people on your own criteria of what you think the world of SM is and what parts are real and what parts arent....

My point is that it is all real....

My other point is that it does not serve us to judge...

Dont get me wrong, I was like you 20 years ago, I was adorable, had a very sex ass, was quick witted, i loved to write and I loved to tell the world how much better  I was because I knew what D/S and S/m was and wasnt...I was a real slave, ect...

But with time and age comes wisdom, and I have learned there really is no real SM or BDSM...its ALL mental constructs and its ALL a reality pre negotiated by the people involved....

And since its all what we elect it to be, for us, then I think we could be less elitist about it.

I am not saying you are elitist, I am saying we are, as a whole, fairly elitist and alarmist, and what it does is it creates a culture of fear of mistakes....and what that does is in turn create culture of posturing, and posing.

Just something to think about if you wanted to. :)

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 7/16/2009 11:49:24 PM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:45:27 PM   
DanaYielding


Posts: 72
Joined: 12/11/2008
Status: offline 		Touche` Marie. Fakes make false representations and portray themselves as someone they are not.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:53:02 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

A notable example that comes to mind is John Robinson and six individuals who lost their lives because they had the misfortune of running into this "slavemaster." This is of course an extreme example, but this type of individual was the type I was referring to.

Why would this person be any less of a Dom than anybody else? The fact that he was a serial killer has no bearing on whether he was a Dom or not. Being a Dom does not mean one places any particular value on one's partners/playmates. Granted this guy may not have been a Dominant, and may have pretended to be one to lure submissives to their doom, but simply being a psychopathic murderer does not mean he isn't a Dominant.


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(in reply to Danemora)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:53:57 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		We were referring to slavemaster: a series of murders that happened almost a decade ago.

I dont watch the news. ever not even a little....but its still a good point, in that the media has historically portrayed us inaccurately and they cultivate a fear of us, that serves them but does not serve us.


quote:

ORIGINAL: DanaYielding

Dont let the 24 hour news cycle keep you from living life. This shit happened all the time and is only now being newsworthy because the 24 hour news channel needs to scare the shit out of you to make you watch them.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to DanaYielding)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:54:09 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:


My other point is that it does not serve us to judge...



See... here's where we disagree.  I don't know where this nonsense about not "judging" anything BDSM came about.  If a Top was violating another's limits, wouldn't you "judge" that to be poor behavior?  If a Top assumed all subs/slaves desired to be locked in a celler and removed from the world, wouldn't you "judge" that to be nutso?  If a Top drugged a submissive, wouldn't you "judge" that as wrong?  Of course you would.

What I'm stating is no different... many read that Castle Realm crap and think that's what this dynamic is about... "Just beat her ass and force your cock down her throat".  They don't get BDSM is not encapsulated in the physical.  So yes... I judge those fantasy-net-Doms as fakes.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:55:52 PM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		I honestly have no clue if he is an actual Dom or not.  Nor do I honestly care.  Of course its merely my subjective opinion that murdering people and burying them in barrels on your property isnt a good thing.  I guess that would show dominance, so Ill agree with you there.  However judging his level of dominance was not in any way the point of bringing him up.

Keep in mind that I was not making judgment on whether or not this man was dominant or not.  He was only an example of dangerous individuals who are out here in the BDSM world.  Its as simple as that.  Please dont read more into my words than is really there.

< Message edited by Danemora -- 7/17/2009 12:05:43 AM >

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/16/2009 11:59:48 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

A notable example that comes to mind is John Robinson and six individuals who lost their lives because they had the misfortune of running into this "slavemaster." This is of course an extreme example, but this type of individual was the type I was referring to.

Why would this person be any less of a Dom than anybody else? The fact that he was a serial killer has no bearing on whether he was a Dom or not. Being a Dom does not mean one places any particular value on one's partners/playmates. Granted this guy may not have been a Dominant, and may have pretended to be one to lure submissives to their doom, but simply being a psychopathic murderer does not mean he isn't a Dominant.



Wow i was just going to go to sleep and then you chime in with this!!! How excited I am that some one on hear could have such a broad minded POV and open themselves to such a dangerous conversation....KUDOS!

IMO you are right, he was just as dom as any one else....wow...

You know I left here 2 years ago because I felt folks would not engage me in dangerous conversations....I was really hammered because of my affinity with amputaion play and I just threw in the towel to go and have the conversations that need to be had, (because we all have dark pudding) with other folks who also dont have such a black and white view of the world....

Thank you for making me feel inspired and engaged on the boreds again :)

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 7/17/2009 12:02:40 AM >

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/17/2009 12:00:24 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

many read that Castle Realm crap and think that's what this dynamic is about... "Just beat her ass and force your cock down her throat". 


Where in the hell on Castle Realm did you ever read that?

Colm and jade were really all about love until she died and yes I knew them both, you may not care for the site but what was behind it was a very dedicated couple. None of what Colm stood for was about Beating ass and Shoving Cock down Throats, so Now I turn to ask you, where did you get that Idea from? Are you just repeating something else you read somewhere because this is the second time you mentioned Castle Realm.

I am Familiar with the ANTI-Castle Realm Kick, it was popular like 6 years ago when Castle Realm was at it's Height, but castle realm has been gone for some 3 years now.  the Newbies and Wanna Be's today most of them don't even know what Castle Realm was.

Seriously what is with all the Negativity?

Steel

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(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: regarding fake doms and wanna bes. - 7/17/2009 12:03:47 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

They don't get BDSM is not encapsulated in the physical.


The point you are missing here is that to some people BDSM is encapsulated in the physical. And their BDSM experience is no less valid than yours. Just as there those for whom there is nothing sexual in their BDSM (zaphira comes to mind), their experience is every bit as valid as yours. They are no less real than you. There are women who wish to submit without there being any reciprocation of emotion, they do not wish to be a cherished possession, they wish to merely be possessed, and again, they are every bit as real as you. There are those to whom the idea of a M/s relationship "based in strength, trust, love, and respect" would be anathema, to them those things have no place in their relationship. And once again, they are every bit as real as you.

What you are doing is declaring anybody who does not see BDSM the way you do to be a "Fake", and that smacks of the dreaded one twue wayism.



_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 40
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