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RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 2:15:56 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Your chosen identity/name would place you on a no pile for me.
I know it's all personal choice etc, but just a reason.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 2:24:46 PM   
TheTwistedDream


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline 		Well, if you are within my preferred age range and located near me and can spell properly and have not sent an obvious copy-and-paste and your wants are compatible with my wants...

Hmm. There are a few reasons. First of all, I could have looked at your profile pic below your message and decided that I was not interested (just in general, I didn't look at the OP's pic).

Otherwise, there's a chance that the message - as nice as it was - did not capture my attention. I got distracted and wandered off from my computer and when I got back had forgotten about your message. Or I had the intention of replying but got busy and it went to the bottom of my to-do list. I don't know about others, but a good way to get me to remember to reply is to talk about specific things I said on my profile, and ask a few questions, and start a thoughtful discussion. If I'm engaged mentally and everything else is there, then I probably will reply.

Also, the message could have contained subtle red flags for me. This actually happens quite often. Nothing as overt as "Down on your knees now bitch," but just small turns of phrase that let me know this person will not be respectful. Or that our personalities are not compatible.

Lastly, she may already have a play partner or two and thus not put much effort into CM. That was me for several months.

Hopefully that helps.

(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 2:28:23 PM   
Verfor99


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/15/2009
From: Roswell, GA
Status: offline 		Yeah, some of these are just too cheesy, while others, like mine, barely make any sense.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 2:32:54 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		The examples sent by the OP were very generic, for me that would activate the aversion to cut and paste e's.  And someone else mentioned what hit it home for me.  I have never met anyone in the nilla world that came up to someone and said, would you have dinner with me, I am looking for someone to marry (except maybe that partridge family guy). 
It does have to be something to capture my attention, but gawd not in a desperate way.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheTwistedDream
there's a chance that the message - as nice as it was - did not capture my attention.  If I'm engaged mentally and everything else is there, then I probably will reply.

(in reply to TheTwistedDream)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 3:00:06 PM   
NyDaddysGirl


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Well, for me, your chosen nickname would more than likely cause me to delete it without opening it.  EvilSOB just doesn't sound appealing to me. 

If I got past the the name and opened the message and began to read it, I'd notice how much you talk about yourself and it appears you only ask what the recipient likes as an afterthought.

As a few others mentioned, start off mentioning or asking about something specific in my profile (a shared interest, an interest you might like to learn more about, etc.).  Compliment something in the profile or how it was written (humorous, well written, short n sweet, etc.)  Tone down the "dom of so many years" thing and the 24/7 thing.  That is basic "what you're seeking" and "what you have to offer" info that should be in your profile.  Instead say something about yourself that isn't basic info (like the career sentence in the one example) before closing with either of the two lines you used in your examples.

Also, I looked at your profile and for a moment one thing stood out and I nearly didn't finish reading it because of it... you might want to change that as some people may have not bothered to continue to read on.  It's the part about your ideal sub.  It sticks out like a sore thumb and has the potential to put most off right away.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the ground ~ Badlees

(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 3:25:07 PM   
whis31


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		i would have looked at your profile from the first letter, and about the time it got to the part about the ideal slave it would have been no thanks! because when a women sees you want a specific height, size and breast size, since i'm much bigger then that i would figure you really don't have an intrest in a larger women! so you may also want to rework the profile along with the letter.

(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 3:43:25 PM   
manicimp


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		Edit: Never let a Dom use your PC without checking He has logged out of your account and into His! Evil is using my (manicimps) PC as He is here playing stupid console games with my husband!

quote:

ORIGINAL: whis31

i would have looked at your profile from the first letter, and about the time it got to the part about the ideal slave it would have been no thanks! because when a women sees you want a specific height, size and breast size, since i'm much bigger then that i would figure you really don't have an intrest in a larger women! so you may also want to rework the profile along with the letter.


The ideal slave vital statistics was actually meant as a joke and my apologies if it wasnt taken that way and caused offence to anyone. Size makes no difference to me nor do I have set ideas of what a sub should look like, there are many different things that make a girl attractive, a smile, her eyes, her attitude. A woman doesnt have to look like a model to be attractive and to be honest I prefer a woman with a little more meat on her bones :)

I have taken note of all the advice and will try a completely different approach.

Thanks

< Message edited by manicimp -- 7/17/2009 3:57:36 PM >

(in reply to whis31)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What would stop you... - 7/17/2009 4:19:09 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilSOB

What would make you hit the delete button without replying?



I can—and have—hit the delete button due to the following:

• Spam and / or obviously fake profiles
• Coy compliments / messages
• Individuals with constipated motives or who generally make no sense
• Garden variety trouble makers

I would like to reiterate what Darcyandthedark wrote in this thread as well. Sometimes it just comes down to something as simple as a bad choice of screen names, interests or bios. You have all the time in the world to consider your screen name, compose good photos and build a profile that compliments you. Be careful about seeming goofy or "cute" in the first passing glance. Take yourself seriously and over time others will, too. Always remember, however, there is a lot of faking online. The internet has become a veritable wasteland of it, or a means for people to anonymously vent their spleen. Take all perceived sleights or snubs with a grain of salt.



(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What would stop you... - 7/17/2009 5:37:23 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Don't forget that you can do everything right and still not get a response.  Women have just plain got a lot of cmails.

I'm delighted if I get a 25% response rate.

Edited to add:  I looked at your profile.  You sound like you would be fun to chat with, but I don't get any impression of a serious side, a dark side, a forceful side.  Your profile just doesn't say "Dom" to me.


< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/17/2009 5:41:47 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 6:18:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Your profile is a turn off, probably because it's filled with physical details about your ideal woman so any woman who doesn't fit that is going to feel like she'll always be a second class citizen in your eyes. It's also filled with a lot of negatives of what you don't like.

Both your letters start with the lifestyle stuff and lots of us object to the word 'lifestyle'. The regular stuff is definitely an after thought.

Why not write about geocaching and the other stuff you like in your profile and letters. Basically when they see where you live, what your age is, they know what you're looking for in a woman - someone similar.

And write about their interests instead of only talking about yours. Because both your emails look as though you didn't even read her profile. The first sentence should be about stuff she tells you she likes, if she mentions a concert in a journal entry, then ask her if she  likes their second album as much as the first or if she likes another group that has a similar style.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 6:35:59 PM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		My thoughts were along the lines of DesFIPs. It may be a joke about the type of woman you want, but most women wouldn't take it that way. I didn't. Your "ideal", and the fact you aren't living in an ideal world, implies that you would really like the ideal, but will take second best. Not appealing to anyone.

Your user name implies a nasty dom, but you say you are tender and loving. Many women want someone who is tender and loving, but the user name puts them off from even reading your profile. You know, first impressions and all that. Maybe a change of user name is in order?

Just an example of what I mean is one email I got from someone with a very sexually explicit name. His email then said that despite the nick, he wasn't really after kinky sex. I wondered why he chose that user name in that case, as it immediately put me off talking with him.

Your choice of course, but you did ask.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 6:49:34 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilSOB

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Post one of your opening letters and you can get comments that are more specific then.


Ok here are two different ones for you guys to pull apart !

Hi *****

Like your profile I'm an experienced Dom looking for a real 24/7 sub. I like geocaching (ever tried that?) and the outdoors generally, movies (last saw Angels and Demons), most styles of music but listening to gabriella cilmi at the mo,

What sort of things do you like outside the lifestyle?

Hope to hear from you.

Regards,

*****

Or

Hi *****,

I liked your profile and thought I'd say hi. I too am looking for a full time, real life, 24/7 D/s relationship, having had two previous D/s relationships (that were real, not online cyber rubbish, I hate it ).

In normal life, if such a thing exists, I'm a science lecturer at a college who likes to have fun, is honest, caring and open about feelings. I enjoy dining out, cinema, walking, socializing, composing and listening to music.  I could list more but that would be boring. Have a look at my profile if you want to find out a bit more (be warned, it's a bit dull, I need to rewrite it).

What sort of things interest you outside of the life style?

It would be great to know more about you.

Regards,

*****




Two things. Your screen name would cause me to delete your email unread. I've had too many bad experiences on this site opening email from names like that. It's almost a conditioned response these days to delete email from that sort name as fast as it comes in.

But say you had a different name that didn't set off any alarms and sent me one of the letters you posted above. I'd yawn. And then I just wouldn't know what to say back so I'd delete it. It's boring. Nothing sexy in it, no attempt to charm me or impress me with your wit, no sign you thought there was anything special about me that drew you to write, no indication of desire, just another tedious guy playing the numbers game and writing generic pap to hundreds of women. The kinds of things you are saying are not bad things and often work in real life encounters where the other person can see your expression, but in a pure text form without the full bandwidth of in-person encounters, they are bland and uninteresting. They sound like the 100 other emails I've received recently and was equally bored with. You say you read Stephann's post. Did you remember and try to apply the part where he urged men to try to stand out from the crowd? It doesn't seem like you did if these letters are representative. On a bdsm board when you are a dominant man this is particularly important, as subs will often see your ability to stand out from the others as an indication of dominance and attractiveness.

It's important for everybody actually. I'm one of those subs who will write dominant men who interest me. I don't do it that often because I don't see that many profiles that are particularly intersting or compatible, and sometimes even when I do see one that is compelling, the curse of my life, shyness, overwhelms me, but on the rare occasion when I do start typing in the message box, I do my best to charm and amuse the person I am drawn to write. I ask about or try to comment in an interesting fashion about things he's written, I mention experiences or ideas I've had that relate to things he's said, I make my interest in him clear, I show "interesting" sides of myself that I don't show in public (no, not dirty pics, my mind is dirty enough!), I reveal some things about myself that I know someone compatible with me would find intriguing, I leave them with an unanswered question or other excuse to wite me back. And while doing all of that I communicate between the lines that I'm having a submissive response to him. The person may not write me back, but I know, after putting in that sort of effort, that there is a very strong chance he had an enjoyable read. :)

(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What would stop you... - 7/17/2009 9:16:18 PM   
TheTwistedDream


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
You sound like you would be fun to chat with, but I don't get any impression of a serious side, a dark side, a forceful side.  Your profile just doesn't say "Dom" to me.


This is very important. Women do want a friendly, caring guy - but they also want to be impressed and just a bit awed by you. Especially subs. You may want to leave out the self-deprecating humor and "lols" from your profile and replace them with more of a straightforward, no-nonsense spiel.

Also, I agree on cutting the part about your "ideal sub." Even if people get that it's a joke, they're still going to have it shoved in their face that deep down, you really DO wish they were a height, weight, and cup size that they are not. Women are generally uber-sensitive to these things and they won't get involved with you if they feel inadequate.

< Message edited by TheTwistedDream -- 7/17/2009 9:19:17 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 9:44:10 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		I guess sometimes I see a long formal message, I would always think it's a formed letter, I delete those.  Obviously, if a message is disrepectful and/or rude, I delete those.  Sometimes, and this is uncourteous on my part, I suppose, I would view the profile of the sender and if what they are seeking do not match what I am seeking, I delete their message as well.  

_____________________________

"If you're going through hell, keep going..." -Winston Churchill

"9 out of 10 guys like girls with big boobs; the 10th guy likes the 9 other men." --Just Shoot Me

"Baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun." Lady GaGa.

(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/17/2009 10:19:29 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My thoughts were along the lines of DesFIPs. It may be a joke about the type of woman you want, but most women wouldn't take it that way. I didn't. Your "ideal", and the fact you aren't living in an ideal world, implies that you would really like the ideal, but will take second best. Not appealing to anyone.

Thirded. It may have been meant as a joke, but it came across as rather insulting. If I read that in a profile, the mail would get binned.
quote:

Your user name implies a nasty dom, but you say you are tender and loving. Many women want someone who is tender and loving, but the user name puts them off from even reading your profile. You know, first impressions and all that. Maybe a change of user name is in order?

Spot on.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/18/2009 12:05:19 AM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline 		I thought your messages were OK to be honest but I agree with the idea that it's best to pick out something in her profile and comment on it. THat way she knows you are genuinley interested.

Personally I won't ever answer any message where it's clear they haven't read my profile or it's written in poor English. I don't use this site to make contacts but on the one I do, I have links to my website and such so I like to see people have taken the time to read my blog and such before contacting me.

(in reply to BeIgnited)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/18/2009 6:45:50 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		The ones that I delete after reading only a few words are the ones who I can tell did not read my profile. If they start out as "dear sub/slave" (I am Dominant), "Hey wanna beat my ass?" or "Hello I am a Dominant male who could show you your submissive side"...those get laughed at and deleted right away. Sometimes I feel creative and send back a message telling them that they need either new glasses, to learn how to read, or to stop being an asshole.

Other then that, nice polite messages I reply too.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/18/2009 8:07:02 AM   
ishyB


Posts: 555
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline 		Greetings Master,

Apart from the things that already have been mentioned here about the mails sounding to generic there is another thing that really would turn me off about them.

When I was single, I was looking for 24/7 TPE with a pretty evil, mean SOB, type of guy.
However, when reading your mails, all you talk about is soft, fluffy stuff and vanilla interests.
While those things are definitely important in a relationship, they aren't the main thing I was looking for.
Men who are interested in the vanilla aspects come a dime a dozen, I wanted a man who realize what it meant, and was able to keep me in a pretty severe form of slavery.

That doesn't mean that I liked the 'kneel bitch' type of mails, but I did expect a dominant man to stand out for different reasons than the movies he recently saw...
To much talk too soon about vanilla stuff or the things boyfriend/girlfriends do together was a HUGE turn off for me.

I wish you well,

ishy

_____________________________

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I wanted to move on
So I'm already gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoJFn_RIdkg

(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/18/2009 11:12:08 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilSOB

What would make you hit the delete button without replying?


Maybe I'm not in the mood to answer. Maybe I just don't want to. Maybe you and your message are not interesting enough for me to bother replying. The reasons are endless......

(in reply to EvilSOB)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What would stop you..... - 7/18/2009 11:25:38 AM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

alright, I don't get e-mails. so there is nothing to delete.
now that I'm pissed I'm deleting this experience!

Goodbye!

[delete]

< Message edited by BlackKnight -- 7/18/2009 11:29:31 AM >

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 40
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