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i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 5:24:20 PM   
annababy89


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline 		hi,
my lover/fiance/dom and i we thinking about getting a slave to fufill his desire to be a master and mine to be a domme.
i dont know though if he has the heart to be a good master.

he is kind and loving and sincere, but he has a undeniable dark side and thrives on control.
the reason im not sure if he would be a good master though is because he is uninterested in physical violence as a way to enforce the rules/establish dominance. he only really likes voilence/pain in the bedroom, the rest of the time he likes to be dominant mentally and using other methods than pain. do you think he would/could be a good master for a third to join us and make a poly home?
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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 5:32:00 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I see no issue with him enforcing his rules his way at all.  I'd expect nothing less from a Master.  But I wonder if the dynamics will work if the two of you have your own way of Domming your prospective slave.


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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 5:50:25 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annababy89

he is uninterested in physical violence as a way to enforce the rules/establish dominance.

A lot of us don't have much need for that. And, for me, certainly not to "establish" my dominance.


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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 5:51:58 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I use chocolate pudding to establish my dominance.

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 5:59:53 PM   
JaDaMaGi


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		So far you haven't said anything that would indicate your dom/fiancee wouldn't be a good master.

There are many ways to go about it.  Violence isn't always the answer.  ;-)  ....actually, I'd say violence is sort of stupid when its a 200lb guy dominating a 100lb woman.  Physical dominance is already established unless of course she's a black belt in kung fu.  ....although I know a few female black belts in kung fu, and they're still no match for me.  :-P

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 6:10:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It depends. If the sub needs to be harshly beaten regularly, then he wouldn't be a good match for her.

But there are lots of us who see no need for a punishment dynamic. He tells me what to do and I do it, if I don't or can't do it I talk to him about the problem. It works for us.

What I do see as a problem is that you have preconceived notions that a sub must be given corporal punishment. So if he finds a sub who does better in a relationship without negative reinforcement, then you won't be able to motivate her since that's your fallback position.

In which case this would work best if he had his sub and you had yours, and neither of you have the right to order the other one's around.

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 7:58:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annababy89
im not sure if he would be a good master though is because he is uninterested in physical violence as a way to enforce the rules/establish dominance.
So, you think that the only way to be a good master is to be physically violent? That's not being dominant, that's being a bully.

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 8:56:12 PM   
annababy89


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline 		ty for the replys, those who were trying to help at least.
and as for the rest, i never said i think the only way to be dominant is with violence, just that he is against it as a form of punishment to enforce the rules/boundries that he sets forth and i didnt know how much that would affect his ability to Own. As i am young and fairly inexperienced with this lifestyle and wanted the opinions of those more knowledgeable than myself.

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 10:23:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to why you didn't ask this in the Poly forum, with people who could be better at advising you.
And after all if he doms you without using physical violence, why would he have to use it with someone else?

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/17/2009 10:33:54 PM   
Esinn


Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

Personally, I use chocolate pudding to establish my dominance.


Chocolate pudding or violence is not necessary to establish dominance - war paint is.


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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 10:11:59 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annababy89
i never said i think the only way to be dominant is with violence
You said using it to "establish dominance". Establish means to found or build. It's the start of something. So, your words suggested that you think the way to gain dominance is with physical violence.

quote:

ORIGINAL: annababy89
im not sure if he would be a good master though is because he is uninterested in physical violence
And you implied that to be a good Master, you have to use physical violence.

Personally, I think a D/s relationship is started with the desire to fulfill one of the roles. It's about a submissive feeling that the person they're with is the dominant partner in a relationship. I believe it starts in the mind, heart and soul. I don't believe it comes from beating someone into submission.

Beyond your choice of words, I know D/s couples that never engage in BDSM and have happy successful relationships.

There are as many versions of D/s BDSM relationships as there are people in WIITWD. There is someone out there that thinks what he's offering is the ideal relationship for them. There are people out there that this wouldn't fit. There is no standardized Master or Dominant test. One size does not fit all.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 12:12:47 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annababy89

hi,
my lover/fiance/dom and i we thinking about getting a slave to fufill his desire to be a master and mine to be a domme.
i dont know though if he has the heart to be a good master.

he is kind and loving and sincere, but he has a undeniable dark side and thrives on control.
the reason im not sure if he would be a good master though is because he is uninterested in physical violence as a way to enforce the rules/establish dominance. he only really likes voilence/pain in the bedroom, the rest of the time he likes to be dominant mentally and using other methods than pain. do you think he would/could be a good master for a third to join us and make a poly home?


I have never used violence or even pain to enforce my Domination, just no my cup of tea and personally I would question someone who does about their inner strength and ability to be assertive. I simply use power of command and my natural dominant self as well as my mind.  If that is insufficient to dominate a slave then we are not compatible. Still what ever floats your or anyone else's boat and who am I to judge?

I would be more interested on what you consider a "Good Dominant" to be and how that also applies to yourself as well as your lover/fiancée.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/18/2009 12:13:57 PM >

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to annababy89)
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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 3:04:44 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

Personally, I use chocolate pudding to establish my dominance.


Chocolate pudding or violence is not necessary to establish dominance - war paint is.



Chocolate pudding isn't necessary?  You haven't been to a munch lately, have you?

(in reply to Esinn)
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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 4:52:10 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

Personally, I use chocolate pudding to establish my dominance.


Chocolate pudding or violence is not necessary to establish dominance - war paint is.



Decisions, decisions, decisions.... Do I go for Native American war paint or shall I use my ancestral wode and use Celtic designs as some of my forefathers did? Perhaps if I cover parts of my body with chocolate pudding too it may get attention.... Hmm have to have another coffee and brood...


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Esinn)
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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 5:59:25 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		MAC has some of the best warpaint out there. You can find it at MAC stores and Nordstrom's

~Lashra

_____________________________

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 6:01:37 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

Personally, I use chocolate pudding to establish my dominance.


what a coincidence, i have a spoon!

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/18/2009 6:07:57 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Excuse me, speaking from the submissive side of the table...chocolate pudding is mandatory.!

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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/19/2009 3:46:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

MAC has some of the best warpaint out there. You can find it at MAC stores and Nordstrom's

~Lashra


Ahh but you see Lashra Lass, I live in Australia and we don't have MAC Sores nor Nordstrom's here...


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/19/2009 4:17:58 AM   
Willowmoon


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

MAC has some of the best warpaint out there. You can find it at MAC stores and Nordstrom's

~Lashra


Ahh but you see Lashra Lass, I live in Australia and we don't have MAC Sores nor Nordstrom's here...



Yes we do, any Myer cosmetic department has a MAC counter. The one is Myer centre here in Brisbane has a fantastic MAC counter.

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: i dont know if my dom could be a good master? - 7/19/2009 8:33:44 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

he is uninterested in physical violence


And that makes me wonder.. you're asking multiple questions that would point at you're looking for rules and standards.. there aren't any, we all make this up as we go along. Do you desire your dom to be physically violent? What makes you raise this as an issue?

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