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Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 4:09:04 PM

tammystarm

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Dating a gentleman Dom who has already raised his children and living alone. I on the other hand have two children ages 11 and 9. He and i both want forever and ever, however i suggested W/we waited until my children are grown, He added that he was relieved when i said that cause He felt the same, which in turn gave me great relieve. W/we live only three hours away from each other. He drives and hour and a half each way back and forth to work already. Along with this i have some difficulty getting a babysitter especially for a weekend away, its not impossible but hard. And anyone with kids know babysitters can cancel at any moment.
SO my question is, what do Y/you guys think can happen. or better yet any advice, anyone been there?....... i guess im really looking for either reassurence or a definite dont go there. i understand that all people are different BUT....any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you

Greatly appreciate the advice and input.

< Message edited by tammystarm -- 7/22/2009 4:27:19 PM >

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 4:37:57 PM

littlewonder

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Your kids are still awfully young. You both plan on waiting over 7 years to be together??

I have one more year and it's tough!

7 years is a long time to wait for each other.

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Post #: 2

RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 4:39:19 PM

tammystarm

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yes i know and im scared, but W/we truly match each other needs and desires, i havent felt anything like it. sighs SCARED

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:02:01 PM

LafayetteLady

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Well you don't say how long you have been dating already, which really makes a big difference. If it has only been a month or two, it is too early to introduce him to your kids anyway. You also need to consider what is meant by "waiting." Honestly, you can start "forever and ever" without moving in together. But does this mean that for the next 8 years until your 9 year old turns 18, you and this man won't spend holidays together? It sounds as though you will continue to see each other, but not live together, is this right? After all, at some point, if you are going to spend "forever and ever", even if not living together, you should be sharing time and your lives, which would include holidays and at some point introductions to each other's kids. After all, by the time your kids reach the teenage years, they are going to wonder why you haven't brought this guy around.

So you see, it all depends on what your concept of "waiting" means.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:10:58 PM

tammystarm

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he has met my children and they adore him, in fact most of the time we are with them. we having been dating on and off for a year. the reason for the off time was everyone was telling him that i was just needing a sugar daddy to take care of me and the kids which is far from the truth. i want to raise my kids myself. he is mostly all alone in his house and truly wants someone to fill it. i want more than anything to wake up to the one i adore. BUT we both agree not until the kids are grown. its not fair of me to ask him to wait 9 years.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:24:45 PM

DesFIP

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Tammy, there's no reason to make any final decision today. Today he isn't ready to move in with all of you, and today all of you aren't ready to move in with him. But that's today. Next year either of you could feel differently.

I'm curious if you've met his children though. Grown or not, those will be your step children. You need not only for your children to like him but for his children to like you.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:29:07 PM

tammystarm

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i met her briefly, she is a teenager doing teenager things, loves her daddy but is ubber busy, id love too. i understand that there is no reason to make a decision today, however it would be extremely hard to have my heart broken by Him again, so its better to do it now than not. and basically im just wondering what the community thinks. thank you for your response

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:34:09 PM

antipode

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quote:

the reason for the off time was everyone was telling him that i was just needing a sugar daddy to take care of me and the kids which is far from the truth. i want to raise my kids myself.

I don't know, you know, when people around me think stuff, I just confirm it to them, neither you nor he should care what people think. I don't know what I would do if someone I clicked with wanted me for a sugar daddy, if I have the wallet, what do I care? Why do you care?

But most importantly, you all seem to have a lot of reasons "not to". If this feels right for each of you (not I am not saying both of you, look into your own hearts) then I do not see why either of you should waste part of what could be a very nice part of your life. He could have a heart attack next year, or you could walk under a bus in 2011. Live while you can, be happy, sod the neighbours and the circumstances. Remember also that kids adjust very easily, they don't know any better than what happens to them, it is usually the adults that invent one hurdle after another.

Go! Pronto! Live!

(in reply to tammystarm)

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:35:12 PM

GambitLeBeau

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From: Lancashire, UK
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Would it be possible to move closer together? Whether it was yourself or him to move, I'm not sure, but if you're both committed enough to want to live together- then one of you would have to move anyway.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:41:52 PM

tammystarm

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thanks everyone please keep comments coming as i pause to think them over.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:42:46 PM

windchymes

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I dunno, tammy, I can see your point....as someone who raised my two pretty much by myself, and even tried a second marriage which failed, but it didn't fail because of the boys.....but....

It just seems like an awfully long time to wait, not like it's a year or two. What puts up a little red flag for me is your statement that "he's living alone in his house and wants to fill it".....your kids WILL leave home eventually, but will HE still be there??? I mean, if he's someone you could truly see yourself spending the rest of your life with, it seems a shame to let that get away, since it's so damn hard to find. I see so often, and have experienced myself guys moving on because they decided they wanted something NOW, after all kinds of promises to wait, etc., and nine years is pretty much an eternity. Especially when a new unencumbered opportunity presents itself.

Like I said, I can totally relate to your independent streak of wanting to raise the kids yourself, but since you know you CAN.....why not just leave it open-ended as in, let's see where we are in a year from now, and so on? HE might not be ready for a 9 & 11 year old right now, but next year, 10 & 12 (double-digits, ya know, lol) might not sound so bad. Especially as they get into their teens, they're not going to be around much, they're going to be busy with school activities, and hanging out with friends. I'm sorry to break this news, but you, Mom, are soon going to become very "uncool"

and they'll be finding all kinds of reasons to not be at home with you!

My strong recommendation is to leave it open-ended....who knows what a year or two might bring?

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:44:27 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

i met her briefly, she is a teenager doing teenager things, loves her daddy but is ubber busy, id love too. i understand that there is no reason to make a decision today, however it would be extremely hard to have my heart broken by Him again, so its better to do it now than not. and basically im just wondering what the community thinks. thank you for your response

I think if the 2 of you are great together, then ending things now to avoid possible heartache later is a bit foolish even though I understand it.
No one knows what the future may hold.

Today is all we ever have.

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Post #: 12

RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:44:36 PM

MAMBOdeBEAU

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Joined: 7/21/2009
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Op:
Mambo wonders..
Is there a way to have seperate residences BUT closer....??
or what about when your children are teens and ubber busy..?
Perhaps you could weave households then..?
as in less years...??

IF the "relief" is due to either he has parented "enough" already or the thought of
having the kids around during the BDSM aspect of the relationship there are ways around that to...such as a locked area..seperate quarters.

I think to simply go forward with ease and not make a decesion quickly but to think you are so in love and have to be apart so much is.......hard..then again..it may be why it is working>>>??

Mambo had one "husband" in his own residence 2 blocks away and it was a holiday to go there..a change...we also had a cabin...for changes..

best of luck...

MAMBO

(in reply to GambitLeBeau)

Post #: 13

RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:50:26 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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I think you're laying down ground rules when there is no need for them (waiting until your children are grown). I would concentrate on the here and now. Build the relationship on what you have now and let it grow naturally. You don't know what tomorrow has in store for you. Live for today. In the long run, as long as mom is happy... the rest of the family will be too.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:53:27 PM

lizi

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You mentioned waiting 9 years but it may be more than that. If your kids go to college they still need a place to come home to when school is not in session. Your kids aren't going to disappear once they turn 18, they'll be with you (and him) in some way for the rest of your life so I'm with the advice to just go for it now - the kids will adjust. They'll adjust easier now than they will when they are teens. I can give you my personal experience on that lol. If you are still not sure go to a counselor and ask for their professional advice.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 5:58:19 PM

windchymes

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Another thought pops into my head......I don't think your kids would want you to wait nine whole years simply on their account. Kids have a way of taking on guilt that they shouldn't for things like that.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 6:24:55 PM

littlewonder

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I'm trying to figure out why you both want to wait for so long. Is there a problem with becoming one big happy family instead of waiting 9 awfully long years??

If your kids like him and he likes your kids..what's the problem?

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Post #: 17

RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 7:11:00 PM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Dating a gentleman Dom who has already raised his children and living alone. I on the other hand have two children ages 11 and 9. He and i both want forever and ever, however i suggested W/we waited until my children are grown, He added that he was relieved when i said that cause He felt the same, which in turn gave me great relieve. W/we live only three hours away from each other. He drives and hour and a half each way back and forth to work already. Along with this i have some difficulty getting a babysitter especially for a weekend away, its not impossible but hard. And anyone with kids know babysitters can cancel at any moment.
SO my question is, what do Y/you guys think can happen. or better yet any advice, anyone been there?....... i guess im really looking for either reassurence or a definite dont go there. i understand that all people are different BUT....any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you

Greatly appreciate the advice and input.

The way I see it tammy, it is possible to still have a relationship with this man yet both keep separate households. Granted you have young ones and they do take a priority yet your own needs have at least the same amount of priority. So you want to raise your children yourself and he doesn't, you both want each other in each other's lives and that has to be important also. It is tough going this route yet if you believe he is worth having and he feels the same about you, then work a compromise where you are not putting him on hold until the kids are old enough to leave and you aren't denying yourself a chance at your own happiness.

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 7:31:13 PM

Danemora

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While seeking the advice of others is great, very few (if any of us) know either one of you....which makes predicting whether or not it would work or to not bother going there is really nothing more than some guesswork on our parts. Things COULD work out if that is what you both want, but it requires a lot of work, patience, and understanding on both sides. Its never easy for someone with younger children at home to date someone. Ive got a 5 year old myself, so I can totally understand the intricacies of being a parent in a dating world. For you, one positive thing is that he is a parent himself...so he knows about the sudden cancellations of planned events due to a babysitter who cant show, having to go home early because one of the kids is sick and needs mom/dad, etc.

Its not like you have to decide your future within the next few days. The best advice I could give you is to take things one day at a time. If you both want it, its possible. Not easy, but possible.

< Message edited by Danemora -- 7/22/2009 7:32:22 PM >

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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 7:45:24 PM

KneelforAnne

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~FR~

Why do you have to move in so quickly? Can't you still "be" with one another but not live together ...yet? It doesn't seem like there is any need to rush anything.

Once you're SURE... why wait?

Why not let your UMs see what a good, solid relationship looks like.

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