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RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 7:51:57 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

SO my question is, what do Y/you guys think can happen. or better yet any advice, anyone been there?

I can understand your gentleman friend not being too anxious to take on the responsibility for two young ones when he's already emptied his nest. My youngest is nearly grown and to be honest... I like my freedom. No empty nest syndrome for me.

However... I have serious doubts that any "back-burner" relationship with this man would survive enough to be revived in nine or ten years. Have you considered that one day, sooner than you think, yours will be grown and gone? How will you feel when you are rattling around in your empty house... when your kids have busy lives of their own... and you know you gave up the possibility for happy companionship? How would your kids feel about that?

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 21

RE: Can it work????? - 7/22/2009 9:56:39 PM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

You are 37. . . Do what the hell you want. The majority of relationships fail. You seem to imply you are the type that wants F2F relationships not long distance/net.. I tend to favor that type as well. Despite technology we are just hardwired for it, 'local' relationships are more natural. Kids X Distance = some new troubling dynamics. If you are craving that F2F given the situation this is a set up for failure.

If it is that good that you are going to wait 7 years, that sounds rather highschool, split the distance. 3 hours is what 180-225 miles? Every weekend or once a week considering standard daily commute adding that is hell. Round trip this is 6 hours of life lost assuming there is no traffic, accidents or breakdowns. At 2.25 a gallon imagine the cost after 2 years. It reminds me of something I did in high school with the woman of my dreams. I did not know it at the time but fate called it and she was soon to be my future ex-wife.

Do you have any idea how many hours are in 7 years - 61,320. It is a long time. I'd hope you would be able to make up your own mind much sooner than that. It is too far and too complicated considering the current success rate for relationships.

When the time is right, sooner than later hopefully.....

Split the distance or remove it from the equation.

_____________________________

Let's break the law

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 22

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 12:50:21 AM

Mistressbinature

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Dating a gentleman Dom who has already raised his children and living alone. I on the other hand have two children ages 11 and 9. He and i both want forever and ever, however i suggested W/we waited until my children are grown, He added that he was relieved when i said that cause He felt the same, which in turn gave me great relieve. W/we live only three hours away from each other. He drives and hour and a half each way back and forth to work already. Along with this i have some difficulty getting a babysitter especially for a weekend away, its not impossible but hard. And anyone with kids know babysitters can cancel at any moment.
SO my question is, what do Y/you guys think can happen. or better yet any advice, anyone been there?....... i guess im really looking for either reassurence or a definite dont go there. i understand that all people are different BUT....any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you

Greatly appreciate the advice and input.

If you care to continue rasing your children, you will not have them anywhere near you while you participate in this lifestyle. The dept of childrens servives takes a very dim view of this practice and will make you and your partners life, a living hell. This is not just the play aspects associated with this lifestyle. Your morals and fitness as a parent will be questioned as well.

< Message edited by Mistressbinature -- 7/23/2009 12:54:09 AM >

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 23

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 1:00:40 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
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take your time, enjoy what is good and learn from the bad/difficult things. Life with children, on its own is difficult enough so whatever doesn't add more stress is prob the better arrangement

I commend you for actively wanting to raise your children by yourself.

_____________________________

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

(in reply to Mistressbinature)

Post #: 24

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 7:34:46 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

Very well my love. I will comment.

Will it work? Who knows? We can only control the present. We can only try and influence the future. We can only learn from the past, and we together have well learned those lessons.

In the present we love each other and that is enough for the present. The future holds great promise when love and our combined will is involved. There is no certainty in life or love but Love does indeed have the potential to overcome all obstacles.

Is it too long a distance? No. Do we not see each other almost each weekend? Did we not date, dine, sit and watch "The Proposal" holding each other, do you not now wear the damn fine expertly laid marks of my whip, my rope and my kisses and enjoyed my tender touch afterward? I wear the recent memory of your cries of passion and pain, your kisses, your caresses and holding you and never wanting to let you go.

Will we combine households in the future? Will my daughter love you? Will I make a good daddy for your children? We will see...isn't it exciting to think about the potential that is in the future?

It is enough for the present.

I love you my tammy.

Arturas

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 25

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 7:53:48 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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I asked a man in his 90s one time what he regretted most about his life, and he told me that the trials and mistakes along the way at his age really didn't seem important. His regrets weren't about the things he did, they were about the things he didn't do.

I think that people worry about "forever" an awful lot more than they should. "Forever" for you might be 70 years, and it might end with an encounter with a drunk driver who was in the wrong place at the wrong time tomorrow. If you can be happy today, choose to be happy today. "Forever" will take care of itself, and is almost certain not to turn out according to your plans.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 26

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 8:00:44 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

At some point sooner then you want, you will just have to move in together. I doubt your kids will walk out the door the day they turn 18. I know people over 50 years old that still live at home.

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(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 27

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 8:03:24 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Do what you both feel is right for you as a family.
For us, it was being together. Master has no children. I have two whom have regular contact with their father who they love and who both adore Darcy. It works for us and has done from the beginning. But you just have to be comfortable with what everyone is cool with in your household.

And Master Leonidas has made a wonderful post on the concept of forever.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 28

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 8:07:50 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I was thinking about this thread last night when I drove home. As Leonidas has expressed, one of the few things I have heard older people say they regret is the things they wished they had done. Risks not taken. Being more worried about what people would think or failure rather than living life to the fullest. And focusing too much on work, or responsibility rather than the people that are important to us.

Now, in reading the above you can either make it a case for, or against, this particular issue. The fact is, it can go either way. It all depends upon the individuals and their needs and responsibilities.

I sacrificed a helluvalot of personal wants and desires, relationships even, for the greater good of my family. There was a time I was angry and resentful about it. In retrospect, seeing the adults my kids grew into, I've no regrets and I am at peace with the decisions I made. I am not even going to hint at what those choices were because they were too individualized to pertain.

The reality is that only the people involved are going to know what path they need to take. Only they know what balance will work for them. As a parent, you do have to balance personal interests with responsibility.

It is a very new relationship, why not just relax and enjoy the moment and see what grows? In a year, all parties may feel very differently and it will be a moot point. Sometimes our genders play a huge role in how we look at these things. Women often begin to build relationships and think long term, it's natural. Men tend to be more in the moment and cringe at long term relationship type thinking, again it is natural. Find a balance and let yourselves grow with it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 29

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 10:33:44 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

i truly appreciate everyone's advice. Yes its too early to know what is gonna happen. But neither of U/us want to hurt the other O/one if it doesnt work out, SO... O/our biggest hurdle is the need for me to raise my kids on my own, the distance etc. Because W/we both want forever. To be completely honest, im a horrible mom. Their father passed away and i had to be the one to tell them, which cause a rollar coster of events that lead me to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia and literally "down for the count" for sometime. So during this i forgot how to disipline my children and they are literally wild little monkeys who stress me out constantly to the point that when Art is around im a wreck. It is so hard getting back into being a mom who disiplines my children, i dont know where to start. SO that is the issue with me and my children moving in with Art.
Another issue is that He owns his lovely home, and i am buying ours. I plan on keeping the house for whatever reason, but mostly in case when the kids grow up they can have a place to fall back on if needed. If not ill sell it, if in fact Art and i still are together.
I know there is alot if "ifs" here, but as you can hopefully see, im trying to protect my highly fragile heart from the fall, and get ideas from all of you.

Thanks again kisses to all

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 30

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 10:38:26 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistressbinature

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Dating a gentleman Dom who has already raised his children and living alone. I on the other hand have two children ages 11 and 9. He and i both want forever and ever, however i suggested W/we waited until my children are grown, He added that he was relieved when i said that cause He felt the same, which in turn gave me great relieve. W/we live only three hours away from each other. He drives and hour and a half each way back and forth to work already. Along with this i have some difficulty getting a babysitter especially for a weekend away, its not impossible but hard. And anyone with kids know babysitters can cancel at any moment.
SO my question is, what do Y/you guys think can happen. or better yet any advice, anyone been there?....... i guess im really looking for either reassurence or a definite dont go there. i understand that all people are different BUT....any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you

Greatly appreciate the advice and input.

If you care to continue rasing your children, you will not have them anywhere near you while you participate in this lifestyle. The dept of childrens servives takes a very dim view of this practice and will make you and your partners life, a living hell. This is not just the play aspects associated with this lifestyle. Your morals and fitness as a parent will be questioned as well.

Art and i live when together and apart a normal 1950ish "lifestyle". He is certainly not beating me anywhere near them, if in fact He even is. Nor am i on my hands and knees in front of Him in their presence, if in fact i ever am. While Art, myself and my children are together its a very healthy and normal environment. Curious as to why you would even have this opion. Nothing was written about O/our kink etc etc etc. ~gessh~

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to Mistressbinature)

Post #: 31

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 10:40:27 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greenearth21

take your time, enjoy what is good and learn from the bad/difficult things. Life with children, on its own is difficult enough so whatever doesn't add more stress is prob the better arrangement

I commend you for actively wanting to raise your children by yourself.

Thank you. It was my first thought, i dont want to use Him for anything i adore admire and respect Him waaay too much for that. And im not saying that women who do are using their Dom. But for me, its a choice i want and luckily He wants that too.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to greenearth21)

Post #: 32

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 10:46:06 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Very well my love. I will comment.

Will it work? Who knows? We can only control the present. We can only try and influence the future. We can only learn from the past, and we together have well learned those lessons.

In the present we love each other and that is enough for the present. The future holds great promise when love and our combined will is involved. There is no certainty in life or love but Love does indeed have the potential to overcome all obstacles.

Is it too long a distance? No. Do we not see each other almost each weekend? Did we not date, dine, sit and watch "The Proposal" holding each other, do you not now wear the damn fine expertly laid marks of my whip, my rope and my kisses and enjoyed my tender touch afterward? I wear the recent memory of your cries of passion and pain, your kisses, your caresses and holding you and never wanting to let you go.

Will we combine households in the future? Will my daughter love you? Will I make a good daddy for your children? We will see...isn't it exciting to think about the potential that is in the future?

It is enough for the present.

I love you my tammy.

Arturas

My Darling Art,
You know the fears in my heart. You know how scared i am of losing You, the One who for the first time in my life makes me shine. i never intended on making You worry about my posting this, i hope You know that. Only to get advice and assurance, maybe that neither of U/us will get hurt. Of course it is waaaay too soon, yet W/we both know that forever is what W/we want in a relationship and forever is something i cant give You yet. In away im struggling to figure out if im going to cause You lost time in Your needs and desires waiting on me, when there is a great possibility that there is a most wonderful submissive out there that can give You everything You need and desire today. (and yes protecting my own heart).
i love You

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 33

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:00:11 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Very well my love. I will comment.

Will it work? Who knows? We can only control the present. We can only try and influence the future. We can only learn from the past, and we together have well learned those lessons.

In the present we love each other and that is enough for the present. The future holds great promise when love and our combined will is involved. There is no certainty in life or love but Love does indeed have the potential to overcome all obstacles.

Is it too long a distance? No. Do we not see each other almost each weekend? Did we not date, dine, sit and watch "The Proposal" holding each other, do you not now wear the damn fine expertly laid marks of my whip, my rope and my kisses and enjoyed my tender touch afterward? I wear the recent memory of your cries of passion and pain, your kisses, your caresses and holding you and never wanting to let you go.

Will we combine households in the future? Will my daughter love you? Will I make a good daddy for your children? We will see...isn't it exciting to think about the potential that is in the future?

It is enough for the present.

I love you my tammy.

Arturas

WOW!

That was beautiful, Arturas. Do continue to reassure her- she'll come around....

Tammy, don't spend a bunch of time worrying about the future. Don't let your fears rule you. Enjoy the present.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 34

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:02:25 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
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Amen i know i chant that constantly; enjoy today enjoy the moment......
yet URGGGGG to my own frustrations still cannot help to worry.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 35

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:06:47 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

The thing is that when you worry, most of the time what actually happens is something completely different than what you anticipated anyway. So then you wasted all that time. So just try to limit your worrying by giving yourself a time limit, or doing some other form of thought control.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 36

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:13:00 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

im trying i really am! there are starving children out there and im worried about this! uggggg its what bear said on the other forum ive been totally struck by cupid, HARD i think its a concussion....

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 37

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:33:09 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

people should live more..think less
we can judge aftherwards

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 38

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:33:34 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Very well my love. I will comment.

Will it work? Who knows? We can only control the present. We can only try and influence the future. We can only learn from the past, and we together have well learned those lessons.

In the present we love each other and that is enough for the present. The future holds great promise when love and our combined will is involved. There is no certainty in life or love but Love does indeed have the potential to overcome all obstacles.

Is it too long a distance? No. Do we not see each other almost each weekend? Did we not date, dine, sit and watch "The Proposal" holding each other, do you not now wear the damn fine expertly laid marks of my whip, my rope and my kisses and enjoyed my tender touch afterward? I wear the recent memory of your cries of passion and pain, your kisses, your caresses and holding you and never wanting to let you go.

Will we combine households in the future? Will my daughter love you? Will I make a good daddy for your children? We will see...isn't it exciting to think about the potential that is in the future?

It is enough for the present.

I love you my tammy.

Arturas

My Darling Art,
You know the fears in my heart. You know how scared i am of losing You, the One who for the first time in my life makes me shine. i never intended on making You worry about my posting this, i hope You know that. Only to get advice and assurance, maybe that neither of U/us will get hurt. Of course it is waaaay too soon, yet W/we both know that forever is what W/we want in a relationship and forever is something i cant give You yet. In away im struggling to figure out if im going to cause You lost time in Your needs and desires waiting on me, when there is a great possibility that there is a most wonderful submissive out there that can give You everything You need and desire today. (and yes protecting my own heart).
i love You

Oh tammy...stop and give your head a damn good shake as I can see you are playing the "what if" game with yourself and that is a road which only leads to driving yourself crazy with needless worry and anxiety! None of us have godlike powers to control what may or may not be, we humans do not have the ability to control events to make them perfect and conform to our idealized sense of the idea situation for a relationship. Life can be tough and it does throw bumps in our path yet if we want something bad enough then we will do what ever is necessary to reach our goal of happiness with a person that we believe is right for us.

I read what Arturas wrote, more specifically exactly what he said to you here and my instinct says that that he is not a man who would write for all to see something that he doesn't honestly feel in his heart. I am willing to bet that he has his own fears yet what is perfectly clear is he needs/wants and desire to have you in his life.

quote:

In the present we love each other and that is enough for the present. The future holds great promise when love and our combined will is involved. There is no certainty in life or love but Love does indeed have the potential to overcome all obstacles.

Read the above quote of his and try to see that he is willing to risk needing you and please have enough trust and faith in his judgement, as you dom and as the person whom cares for you an awful lot. The future is unknown yet it holds so many wonderful experiences and surprises and I would rather risk everything to take that risk than to look back in 10, 20 or 30 years and regret not taking that chance.

_____________________________

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

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Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 39

RE: Can it work????? - 7/23/2009 11:37:09 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

Your right Bear 1000%

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 40

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