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The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 9:54:54 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Thank you NihilousZero for the FABULOUS thread title.

The Fast Forward Effect is something that I usually get a lot of shit over. I tend to be the kind of person who moves from "Nice to Meet you" to "I wanna Meet your Parents" in conversation one. I am a Tornado when it comes to the relationship start-up. I meet, I like, I want, I act, I succeed or fail. However to set the record many of these Fast Forward Effect relationships don’t last….. Neither did the ones where I took my time and played coy and did the "feel out" phase. In fact to this day the only relationships that have left an impression on me were those that went from Stranger to Lover in 3.5. Where as the only one’s I am still active in are andi and caryn, with andi being the hub of my point of view as andi and I went from Strangers to Lovers to Parents to Marriage Partners in the first year and by that point our son was already a part of this world. With caryn, it is still to early to tell but I believe what she says when she says it and the emotions being projected are ones of sincerity.

I do however find it strange the amount of people who tend to speak out against this. In the Poly Thread I started called "Bagged us a Unicorn" I was very surprised how many people were being congratulatory as I expected more of the "You brought someone into your relationship and your home after HOW LONG?" I really expected to be defending myself.

If you are NOT a fan of the Fast Forward Effect, I am not so curious as to why you aren’t but rather what keeps you taking things slow?

If you are into the Fast Forward Effect I guess I most want to know what you perceive as being the purpose? I see it as cutting out a whole lot of uneasiness and just moving to the stick-work frame of what you will eventually get to anyway. I like the idea that this allows me to give things a Trial By Fire, because if we can’t make it through the getting to know you phase how in the hell are we going to get through the really hard shit?

Steel

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 9:57:52 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I look at it this way... I aint getting any younger, and I have long since left high school.. I have no qualms about seeing what I want and going for it... 

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 9:58:40 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I fast forward, sometimes its a good thing sometimes bad. I cant be doing with a long drawn out dating period and I dont do games very well if I like someone i tell them and it pretty much goes from there. i do not think that relationships need to be measured by longevity anyways I think they are measured by experience and lessons learned

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:02:24 AM   
LadyPact


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Status: offline 		This is one of those few occasions where I am not the better half of the pair to answer your question.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:03:53 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*warm fuzzies*

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:09:35 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		When the chemistry is there, the compatibility, the communication, it's natural to fast forward.

But to me, fast forward is "let's be serious about exploring this relationship" it's not, "I'm moving in tomorrow."



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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:11:54 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

If you are NOT a fan of the Fast Forward Effect, I am not so curious as to why you aren’t but rather what keeps you taking things slow?


Cynicism and lack of trust in the other person.
 
Of course, it's the issue of trust that makes me not a fan of the Fast Forward Effect in the first place.  Trust isn't something given, it's earned over time.  My cynicism tells me (rightly so far, I might add) that people are not inherently trustworthy so they must prove they will not violate my trust.  That's a slow process for me.  I can date and even sleep with someone without trust, but I can't have a serious relationship/marriage until they've earned it.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:12:05 AM   
allthatjaz


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Status: offline 		Steve approaches me for the first time and after a very brief introduction says 'Whats your favorite film'
I say '9 and a half weeks'
Steve says 'want to try 9 and a half weeks with me?'
I wink and say 'sure!'

We did it all wrong though because after nine and a half weeks I just couldn't walk away.
As far as getting on, well... we live together and work together and every day we wake up smiling at each other.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:14:38 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		*grins with cheesy pride at the title*

For me, the FFE (new acronym? ) reflects a certain passion I take into new relationship. I seek to create momentous occasions...work towards making 'magic' (odd for an existential nihilist, yes...I know). So, it makes for a roller-coaster ride very quickly.

Although I do like the gentle, casual dating aspect...when there is someone I really feel a chemistry with...I just want to sink my teeth into them (figuratively; well...literally as well, but I digress...). I want spend as much time as possible digging into everything about them and soaking it all in. I also am quick to delve into very personal and introspective talks sooner than later.

I just feel that there is often so much fluff and decoration to the entire courtship process and learning about someone that, because it's normally there and is normally dealt with, the presumption is that it must obviously "take time" to learn about someone profoundly. I try to cut through as much of that as possible.


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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 10:31:53 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...If you are into the Fast Forward Effect I guess I most want to know what you perceive as being the purpose?...
 
in being true to this slave's self---it doesn't waste another's valuable & precious time.
 
this slave submits...and without the presence of a dominant in her life...to all and sundry.
it has been her experience that most folks have MAJOR issues with that.  they find it dangerous, disgusting, weak, sick, pathetic, etc...they only believe it is healthy within certain constructs...not as a default state of being.
 
it is much better to know that submission such as this slave's makes someone's stomach turn right off the bat---because we aren't going to be compatible if they are expecting an otherwise dominant or vanilla individual to choose/be inspired/decide that another has proven themself worthy to submit to, after weeks or months of courting.  for that poor soul to find out that this slave is like that all the time, not just behind the bedroom door, at the dungeon, if she feels inspired, or whatever---well, that's something that is best to come out ASAP, rather than later.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 11:38:02 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		Fast forward stuff sound to me as soemthing that happens..but not is planned.
with some people you want to marry the same night..it happens...others keep distance..and you wait for them..

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 11:44:54 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Because some things just take time. A person can tell me anything, but for me to see them in operation takes its own time. Because you can't, or at least shouldn't, manufacture drama to see how someone really reacts in times of stress.

So it didn't matter that much to me that when I asked him about his anger - how often he gets angry, how he responds - he told me everything I needed to hear. I still couldn't believe him until a situation arose where most people would have been angry. He wasn't. He was a great deal more patient than he had described himself as being.

I needed a certain amount of shared history to have a good sense of how he reacts to things. Lip service doesn't work for me, I need the real thing.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 11:47:28 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know that I qualify as being into the 'Fast Forward Effect'. See, I like to meet people in -person- right away. I don't want to spend days, weeks, months, even -years- conversing on the phone and through emails before we even start talking about getting together. Nopers... I want to see a person, get a feel for them, and then, if it feels pretty good from the meeting, get right into whatever it was that drew us together, whether it be fetishy stuff, book/publishing stuff, dating stuff... I want to, basically, hold the relationship's feet to the fire... I figure that, at my level of intensity, if I don't throw things into the deep end early on, folks might get the (mistaken) impression that I'm a laid-back kinda person, and I'm not... I'm very pushy and very driven, and it seems to me that dragging one's ass at the beginning of a relationship gives a very skewed perspective of the person that I am -- you know... the one they're going to have to live with and deal with for however long.

On the other hand, once I get -into- a workable relationship with someone (including organizations), I slow right down, and the time from relationship start through relationship -progress-... well... that gets a lot slower, and I prefer to take things pretty slow and easy. I think that at least part of that comes from not really having any compelling interest in nailing down exclusive contracts, ringing wedding bells, or things of that nature. There's no real pressure to turn the relationship INTO anything, once we're there, and I'm good with just taking each day as it comes. I have some guidelines and milestones, but there's no really pressure to reach them.

Does this even make any sense?

Dame Calla


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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:03:07 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah


Thank you NihilousZero for the FABULOUS thread title.

The Fast Forward Effect is something that I usually get a lot of shit over. I tend to be the kind of person who moves from "Nice to Meet you" to "I wanna Meet your Parents" in conversation one. I am a Tornado when it comes to the relationship start-up. I meet, I like, I want, I act, I succeed or fail. However to set the record many of these Fast Forward Effect relationships don’t last….. Neither did the ones where I took my time and played coy and did the "feel out" phase. In fact to this day the only relationships that have left an impression on me were those that went from Stranger to Lover in 3.5. Where as the only one’s I am still active in are andi and caryn, with andi being the hub of my point of view as andi and I went from Strangers to Lovers to Parents to Marriage Partners in the first year and by that point our son was already a part of this world. With caryn, it is still to early to tell but I believe what she says when she says it and the emotions being projected are ones of sincerity.

I do however find it strange the amount of people who tend to speak out against this. In the Poly Thread I started called "Bagged us a Unicorn" I was very surprised how many people were being congratulatory as I expected more of the "You brought someone into your relationship and your home after HOW LONG?" I really expected to be defending myself.

If you are NOT a fan of the Fast Forward Effect, I am not so curious as to why you aren’t but rather what keeps you taking things slow?

If you are into the Fast Forward Effect I guess I most want to know what you perceive as being the purpose? I see it as cutting out a whole lot of uneasiness and just moving to the stick-work frame of what you will eventually get to anyway. I like the idea that this allows me to give things a Trial By Fire, because if we can’t make it through the getting to know you phase how in the hell are we going to get through the really hard shit?

Steel

I am most definitely of the fast forward crew. (The FFC).
Mainly because arousal is fast and so is chemistry and so are the non-verbal cues that signal mutuality.
And also because each day I survive this decade the days get shorter and time itself is fast forwarding.
Life is way too short.
Some of the differences for me between a vanilla relationship and a non-vanilla are that one many of the expectations of a vanilla relationship are not present (ie meeting the parents, getting a business project, a house project and or a baby project together). Secondly codes of conduct and roles can be assigned more quickly. Thirly expectations are more clearly defined in non-vanilla.
That being said a very intelligent and dare I say it absolutely fabulous dominant recently suggested to me that I create a relationship and friendship first and then added on the bdsm. Mind you he seem to have fast forwarded quicker than me. And there was i trying to be cautious.
I suppose also, although I don't advise this to anyone else, that there is added arousal for me in risk. The quicker the come on the quicker the greater the arousal. I have to watch that one though.
If ANYONE tells me it's time to slow down and take it easy well that simply makes me want to go faster. I'm a rebel of a slave. Go figure....


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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:04:16 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		my last relationship was very much fast forward.  he pushed me so hard so fast my feet gave up trying to find purchase. it was great, it was effective and as much as the little voice in my head kept saying 'slow down you move way too fast' i made very little attempt to slow him down and what attempts i did make had no impact on him.. lol.

but as someone has said, not everyone whose pushing to get there quick is absolutely genuine about their motives.

exSir was, it just didnt pan out but not because my submission to him came quickly, if anything that part is what cemented us because it just felt right from the begining and there didnt seem any reason to fight it.

i would say that it just depends on whether or not you land youreself someone you 'recognise' in that instant of meeting. 

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:09:43 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


i would say that it just depends on whether or not you land youreself someone you 'recognise' in that instant of meeting. 

lally I'm gonna keep checkin in on your progress girl
Prin x


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:19:08 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


i would say that it just depends on whether or not you land youreself someone you 'recognise' in that instant of meeting. 

lally I'm gonna keep checkin in on your progress girl
Prin x



ditto   xxxx

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:21:34 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

what keeps you taking things slow?



Same reason I sip wine instead of gulp it down.. I want to savor the experience.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:26:00 PM   
TakeuBeyond


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
i would say that it just depends on whether or not you land youreself someone you 'recognise' in that instant of meeting. 

We met about 12 years ago and the moment we laid eyes on each other....we knew we belonged together.
We recognized one another instantly.

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RE: The Fast Forward Effect. - 7/23/2009 12:33:25 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I met my hubby on the wednesday night the following night I moved in. Three weeks later we got a place together and we are making plans for our 25th anniversary next year.
it was JUST right
Lucy


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