RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (Full Version)

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KneelforAnne -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/24/2009 10:56:33 PM)

Oops! Double post! 



Ialdabaoth -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/25/2009 12:36:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne
And one's shoulders....  *smiles*


Well, the posture in general, really.

Which is kinda the problem - people have mentioned (and often mention) the idea that "if all you're getting is negative reactions, the problem is probably you".

To which my response is, "yeah, but that doesn't mean it's fair, or you can do anything about it."

People are cruel. We all know this. People will pick each other apart for any perceived differences. And once that feedback loop starts, and you start to question whether you deserve that kind of treatment... well, it shows. People can tell that you're used to being treated poorly, and they'll use the opportunity to dump whatever frustration or anger out on you that they can. And either you rise above it or you can't - and eventually, if you can't, you simply have nothing left to feel good about.

At which point, it could easily be argued, you do deserve how you've been treated.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/25/2009 3:50:23 AM)

The reason people say that if all you are getting is negative then it is probably you is because while yes people can be cruel not all are. I get the nasty messages just as everyone else does, but i also get lovely ones. If all I was getting was nasty ones then I would have to look at how I was presenting myself, personal responsibility seems so uncommon.



CaringandReal -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/25/2009 5:13:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
I get men describing in loving, gloating detail doing to me the things that cause me the most extreme feelings of horror and self-hatred.

Thanks for posting this.  Hopefully it gives twentyforseven some perspective on what it means to be a woman on a kink site.



I don't get the sense he's capable of listening. He seems here only to complain and villify and get validation for his own point of view, not to learn anything new. And while I can't quite put my finger on it, something about his story doesn't strike me as quite "right." Sometimes words have a smell, and the stench I whiff here is of sour grapes, perhaps. (shrug) Or I could be totally wrong. You can never really tell what actually happened from someone relating only one side of a story, even when that person generates a lot of natural sympathy.

I do wonder if she had just read an email like the kind I described before she came across this guy in her list. While I personally withdraw from opening all mail for a while after I get a bomb like that, I'm sure other people have different responses.

Bottom line for me is: we ALL get rude awful emails at times. Some of us, after the initial shock, just shrug it off, forget it, continue living our lives. Others run immediately to a forum to complain loudly about it and seek validation. I find the second type hard to respect, because the behavior strikes me as quite immature. Their posts inspire to wonder what they're _not_ saying, or what the other side of the story is. Sometimes I'll still try to offer a few thoughts, but it's hard for me personally to feel a lot of sympathy for the very obvious "Tell me I'm the GOOD ONE! Tell me s/he's the BAD ONE!" types of posts.



CaringandReal -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/25/2009 5:24:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

The reason people say that if all you are getting is negative then it is probably you is because while yes people can be cruel not all are. I get the nasty messages just as everyone else does, but i also get lovely ones. If all I was getting was nasty ones then I would have to look at how I was presenting myself, personal responsibility seems so uncommon.


I think what someone else said in this thread (or maybe it was another one?) is really true in these cases: we tend to remember the bad and easily forget or brush off the good. There's probably a sound chemical reason behind that.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/25/2009 11:15:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

The reason people say that if all you are getting is negative then it is probably you is because while yes people can be cruel not all are. I get the nasty messages just as everyone else does, but i also get lovely ones. If all I was getting was nasty ones then I would have to look at how I was presenting myself, personal responsibility seems so uncommon.


I think what someone else said in this thread (or maybe it was another one?) is really true in these cases: we tend to remember the bad and easily forget or brush off the good. There's probably a sound chemical reason behind that.


Well, yeah - bad events are more actionable. Pain is far more memorable than pleasure, because when you're in pain something is wrong, and something needs to be done about it. We motivate far more to avoid harm than we do to seek out benefit, because too much harm and you're dead.



twentyforseven -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 1:12:40 AM)

Well for me it was the first time that somebody would delete a message unread and at the same time deliver a full-blown judgment based on no knowledge at all, that in my opinion is not only mean but plain stupid.



DrkJourney -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 1:18:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

That can be really problematic sometimes. Imagine if this sort of response is all you're getting - if you get no positive feedback, and nothing but negative bitching, eventually it starts to wear on one's mental health.


If this is "all" you are getting them maybe it's time to check your approach...or if it's not that, maybe try finding people that actually have something inside instead of the barbie types (and I'm not just talking looks here)



DrkJourney -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 1:34:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twentyforseven

Hi,

four months ago I sent a short message to a user complementing the writing of her profile.


“If you like my profile and want to know more about me I am happy to hear from you. Your list of fetishes looks perfect to me. I like to ad that your profile displays emotional intelligence and makes more sense then most I have ever seen. XXOO”

I just now got the following answer:

“not interested in superficial bastards who picture surf.”

Please note she : “Deleted Unread”

Do any you have a policy how to deal with people who just insult others for no reason at all?




ooook, gonna give this one a shot...it's not meant to be mean so please don't jump on me.  ok how to put this:

First of all I hope there was some kind of greeting before you "invited" her to view your profile.  And I certainly hope you actually did read her profile.  The reason I say this is that I get emails saying things like that, then closing with how they would love to get to know me to see where this goes.  I know for a fact it's just a copy and paste because what they said in the email doesn't even remotely apply to what is in my profile.  I haven't had my profile (my profile I used when I was actually looking) up since March and the very first line is that I'm no longer looking, but still they send a message simular to the one that you said you wrote.

I don't think what you said was mean or anything, and I know you didn't mean it this way, but if you read it a certain way and you're in a certain type of mood that day...it might come off a little cocky.  Kind of like you deem her "worthy" to read your profile because she passed some kind of Domme test that you have.  I know I'm not saying this correctly, but should've just said "hello" and tell her how much you liked what she wrote and left it at that.  I'm sure she would've looked at your profile any way.

And my thing is, how did she respond to you if she didn't even open it?   Wouldn't she have to open it to reply?

bottom line is just like all the others have said....forget it and move on, don't let them own any more of your life than they already have



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 1:50:59 AM)

Twentyforseven, I checked your profile and you are obviously an intelligent, nice, sensitive man who is looking for someone other that a play partner. SHE should be so lucky to get a guy like you!!

CM is no different to any other place though. There are some treasures, some nutters, some nice, some not so nice, and everything in between. The person you emailed obviously isn't one of the higher calibre people, so all you can do is move on.

It's disappointing when giving someone a genuine compliment leads to unwarranted nastiness, but that's life. Not everyone is polite, or even average, about emails.

We all get nasty emails, often for no reason, but don't let this ruin your CM experience. Fingers crossed for you and good luck!![:)]



BitaTruble -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 2:54:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twentyforseven

Hi,

four months ago I sent a short message to a user complementing the writing of her profile.


You need to learn to let go. 4 months for an email to a stranger and you're posting about it?


quote:

“If you like my profile and want to know more about me I am happy to hear from you.


Why did you assume that she even read your profile?

quote:

Your list of fetishes looks perfect to me.


The first thing you mention is kink. Bad move. Right off the bat you've relagated her a shopping list. Couldn't even say 'hi' first?

Guys goes into a bar - sees a cute girl.

"Hey, do you want to get to know me? I like your tits."

See what I mean?

quote:

I like to ad that your profile displays emotional intelligence and makes more sense then most I have ever seen. XXOO”


Come-on line. You mention her profile, but absolutely nothing specific. You said she displays emotional intelligence. What made you say that? What drew you to it? You didn't tell her. You said it makes more sense than most you've seen? Why? What makes sense? Again, you didn't tell her. General BS that could have been said by anyone who didn't read her profile but liked her tits.. er.. fetishes .. And then followed up with XXOO?? Hugs and kisses? Really?




quote:

I just now got the following answer:


Wait, you sent the email 4 months ago and just now, as in today, got the response? You've just given hope to every guy out there who hasn't gotten a response after 10 seconds. That was a good thing.

quote:

“not interested in superficial bastards who picture surf.”


What's the problem? She's not interested and made an assumption about you .. sort of the same way you made an assumption it was okay to treat her like a fetish list and send her some x's and o's.

quote:

Please note she : “Deleted Unread”


Then how did she respond to you? She probably did a download and read it offline.

quote:

Do any you have a policy how to deal with people who just insult others for no reason at all?


She had a reason, you just didn't see it. You insulted her .. why did you do that? Look in the mirror.. the answers are almost always there.





twentyforseven -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 3:06:42 AM)

Hi Lady Sweet to me. Thanks for your kind words gorgeous. XX



twentyforseven -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 3:50:38 AM)

BitaTruble true to your name. One assumption does not disappear in inventing another 10. Life is complicated and if it isn’t you makes it.



BitaTruble -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 4:07:03 AM)

::shrugs:: I presented a scenario to you which is very plausible and quite possibly (most probably) accurate. I was just responding to the post that you put out there.

You don't know her mind, why she said what she said, why she wrote what she wrote so my scenario has just as much probability of being truth as anyone's. My instincts are excellent so I trust them and that's how I came to write the post that I did in response to your OP. If you just came on here seeking some validation, well, you got enough posters to do that for you. If you came looking for some alternatives as to why.. you got that, too. Take what you want and leave the rest .. or take it all and maybe learn a thing or two about some women and how we view some of you men. Truth doesn't hurt if you view it as an opportunity for growth.



sirsholly -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 4:14:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: twentyforseven

Hi,

four months ago I sent a short message to a user complementing the writing of her profile.


“If you like my profile and want to know more about me I am happy to hear from you. Your list of fetishes looks perfect to me. I like to ad that your profile displays emotional intelligence and makes more sense then most I have ever seen. XXOO”

I just now got the following answer:

“not interested in superficial bastards who picture surf.”

Please note she : “Deleted Unread”

Do any you have a policy how to deal with people who just insult others for no reason at all?




I would track her down and wrap her windshield wipers with fruit rollups.

Lookie, i personally find that immature and juvenile and...

*bellows at offspring*

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!Put those RollUps back right now!! Mommy has plans for them!!!!





RedMagic1 -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 5:49:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twentyforseven

BitaTruble true to your name. One assumption does not disappear in inventing another 10. Life is complicated and if it isn’t you makes it.

Bita's analysis of your email is correct.  You are unlikely to get anywhere with women on this site unless you sharpen up.



sirsholly -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 6:01:59 AM)

quote:

Life is complicated 
Not really. Retrospect demonstrates that we tend to blow a great deal out of proportion...



DarkSteven -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 6:32:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twentyforseven

BitaTruble true to your name. One assumption does not disappear in inventing another 10. Life is complicated and if it isn’t you makes it.


My God, fella, do you realize what you just did?!?!?!

Bita spent ten minutes writing you a careful analysis of your situation.  You wrote a disparaging response that isn't even entirely coherent.

She's been on the board over three years and has over 7000 posts.  It's a fair assumption that she's earned some respect here based on those two facts alone.  So when you post something rude to her, simply because you disagree with it, you're not earning any brownie points with anyone.

Your initial premise was that you are not getting treated with respect.  Then you treat other here with no respect.  Do you see the connection?

Treat others better,  They will treat you better.





LaTigresse -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 6:40:56 AM)

At least the rest of us know why he is not getting the responses he wants.



twentyforseven -> RE: people who just insult others for no reason at all (7/26/2009 2:38:21 PM)

Thanks to all of you for participating in this interesting and lively discussion.



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